the-stoner-wizard

[the-stoner-wizard]

we should abandon the current US government system and replace it with the ranking system in warrior cats don’t @ me

[the-stoner-wizard]

I watched SMILE and reacted on Twitter here you go:

8:14 PM: Relatively calm.

I’m bored so I’m gonna do a live reaction to the horror movie I’m watching.

1. Holy fuck that suicide scene was brutal, knew it was coming but fuck

2. Campy dialogue, good scares

3. I fucking hate Holly

4. I’d shit myself if I saw that

5. Cute cat, Joel sucks tho

8:16 PM: Focused on lore.

Laura Weaver is a interestingly in depth character with a whole ass police report bring typed up for her, explaining her trigger in all this. Its a cool detail that not many horror movies do they just say “Oh it happened, imagine it :3” no this DESCRIBES it. V nice.

8:34 PM: Oh we’re yelling now.

YOU FUCKING KNOW THE THING IS RELATED TO SMILES WHY ARE YOU GOING NEAR THE CRAZY MAN GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM IT YOU STUPID BITCH HOLY SHIT GO GO GO NOOOOOO

8:36 PM: Calmer but still scared.

I’m so confused and so beyond fucking terrified its not even funny

8:42 PM: Mostly thinking of solutions

In the case of this movie I think I’d kill myself out of sheer blind panic because this shit is so fucking intense

8:45 PM: I don’t why this is what was in my head

Who the fuck names a cat Mustache

8:48 PM: Yelling again, that scar was rough

FUCK YOU DIRECTOR WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT WAS THAT GOD FUCK JESUS I HAD MY HEADPHONES ALL THE WAY UP YOU SO OF A

8:59 PM: Yelling pt2 absolutely brutal scene, pinned the director out of fear and amazement

THE CAT SCENE. THE BIRTHDAY SCENE. IM UNCOMFORTABLE IM SCARED IM CONFUSED THE DIRECTOR IS A FUCKING GENIUS WHO DIRECTED THIS HOLD ON ParkerJFinn DUDE GREAT JOB THIS SHIT IS FUCKING TERRIFYING YOU ARE A DAMN GENIUS

9:10 PM: Again happy with how good it is

The lore is so limited yet beautifully detailed and executed, clearly theres a world behind this and yet, you only get a hint. Characters seem very real, very authentic, very genuine. This is such a great movie. A master craft of horror.

9:39 PM: Mixed opinions on a v good scene

That scene with the sister was brutal, but that scare was fuckin awesome

9:46 PM: This is a calmer section. Good lore

Again another great lore establishment, a natural car convo where a bunch of shit was revealed about the creature and some things that might be argued as a weakness, covered up and also a possible weakness, it was a great natural way to do a exposition dump.

9:49 PM: Pleased but this scene was super scary

The scene where she talks to a previous victim is so fucking well done. The absolute, complete panic, her anger, all of it is incredible, not to mention the following scene where she imagines killing her patient is mortifying

9:56 PM: I have fully appreciated how good this movie is and have no idea how horrifying it’s about to be

The execution of the scene where the therapist turns out to be Smiley (the monster) was so incredibly well done, absolutely spectacular job. I was horrified but also super impressed from a film making standpoint

10:20 PM: I have realized how horrifying it is. I am yelling again.

THAT LAST TWIST WITH THE HALLUCINATION OF JOEL IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE OH MY GOD THAT IS AGONIZING ALSO THE COOLEST MONSTER REVEAL FUCKING EVER????

10:21 PM: I am resigned to the ending

And oh fuck she’s possessed Joel is cooked

10:22 PM: I have reached the end of my torture. Great movie. Going to see the sequel with a friend.

Oh my fucking god that ending. The scene where the monster crawls into Rose. Her suicide. Joel’s face. He knows he’s cursed. I need this sequel now. What a ending. What a movie. 10/10. This was great. I am devastated. Jesus shit

[the-stoner-wizard]

Funniest Things Said in Court: A Collection

Q: How long did this post take to format?

A: Longer than it should’ve.

[the-stoner-wizard]

Thank you @tumblr for misunderstanding my searches and recommending me weirdly sexual fanart despite having never looked for it. Very cool.

[the-stoner-wizard]

Shortest boss fight ever.

[the-stoner-wizard]

Earlier today, in conversation I declared quite confidently that theres 28 Amendments to the US Constitution. That is false, as theres 27. The reason I said 28, is because in the movie franchise The Purge, there is 28, and I have those movies enough the following unabridged amendment is in the Constitution:

THE 28TH AMENDMENT TO THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION

The Conventions of the United States of America, having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction of abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government, will best ensure the beneficent ends of its institution.

RESOLVED by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, two thirds of both Houses concurring, that the following Article be ratified as the 28th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, to be valid to all intends and purposes, as part of the said Constitution.

SECTION 1: The Annual Purge shall begin each year on the designated Purge Night, officially starting at 7 PM and ending at sunrise of the following day, at 7 AM.

SECTION 2: During the time of The Purge, any and all crime, up to and including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and hospital aid will be unavailable until The Purge concludes.

SECTION 3: The following weapons cannot be used during The Purge: weapons of mass destruction, fragment-producing explosives higher than a hazard class HC/D 1.4, and viral contagion projectiles.

SECTION 4: Government officials of ranking 5 and higher have been granted immunity from The Purge and shall not be harmed.

SECTION 5: Non-compliance with any of the aforementioned rules will result in death by hanging.

Now, when I said there was 28, I obviously didn’t think the above text was real, honestly I had no clue what I thought it was. Anyways thats my weird story.

[the-stoner-wizard]

Don’t blame 99, he had trauma so now he’s going to give everyone else trauma, obviously

(Across the Spider-Verse spoiler)

[the-stoner-wizard]

Note: This was all done in survival over like ~2 years.

New Endstone: My Minecraft Base

This is a tour of my Minecraft world. Starting strong, my main house

Next up, my main storage system, which has upside down barrels as the floor!

Next up is the jewel of the world, Endstone Mountain, that I terraformed and designed myself

Next up, is my wool/bee farms. The bee farm is getting a redesign soon.

Next on the list, Nether Wart and auto smelter areas.

Next up, the enchanting room, also getting redone soon.

Next up is my sugarcane farm and my wool villager square.

Next up, are my crop farms and villagers.

And lastly, the last couple villagers and my animal barn.

[the-stoner-wizard]

New Endstone: My Minecraft Base

This is a tour of my Minecraft world. Starting strong, my main house

Next up, my main storage system, which has upside down barrels as the floor!

Next up is the jewel of the world, Endstone Mountain, that I terraformed and designed myself

Next up, is my wool/bee farms. The bee farm is getting a redesign soon.

Next on the list, Nether Wart and auto smelter areas.

Next up, the enchanting room, also getting redone soon.

Next up is my sugarcane farm and my wool villager square.

Next up, are my crop farms and villagers.

And lastly, the last couple villagers and my animal barn.

[the-stoner-wizard]

I just remembered this blog exists

On today’s episode of I Post What I Want, jokes about Trump’s conviction, a collection:

More will be added in reblogs as I see them

[the-stoner-wizard]

This is like the different types of time travel (linked) except hilariously unhinged

I don’t know if anyone has ever done this before but, here ya go… The Different Types of Fanfiction! 

I probably left a few out, but these are the most common, compared to their base fiction’s canon plot. Enjoy! XD

[the-stoner-wizard]

I use a preferred name. My name, Ash, was not given at birth, I chose it at 15. And for the record, it fits very well, I’ve used it for all of high school, everyone in my life knows me as this name. Well my history teacher today realized “Oh, Ash there reading his lil book uses a preferred name!” He promptly asked me about it, I said I’m nonbinary, he said “Well whats your REAL name” so I said check the system. He did, and now refuses to use my preferred name. What the fuck dude.

[the-stoner-wizard]

I love high school because of my first period this morning. It started out with me deciding I’m simply not going for.. a number of reasons. So I went to my fav skip spot, and decided to hang out, when

This was noticed. A kid’s clothes. The kid was not in the bathroom. Where he was, I do not know. What I do know is that the security guards were quite interested in those clothes, and kept coming in trying to figure out what was going on, and by coincidence, I was also there, skipping. So they kept trying to get me to come out, I said no, and they didn’t do anything, so I moved to a different bathroom, and the bastards followed me. Well now I’m stressed and confused. So I began reading Dune

My back pack was behind me and nobody saw it

Thats the story. I made it. It was stressful.

[the-stoner-wizard]

I am aware of the age of this post, but I still love it. The user here, one hog kong, posted for a additional 2 YEARS, and never changed the profile picture. He *kept it*. And I think thats fucking great.

Really confused as to how my logo changed to kermit the frog. Unless im starting to have hallucinations from lack of sleep. Still. mindfucked.