I spend 99% of my time daydreaming so I thought I should write some of it down
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The Bridgertons: Dramatically running through muddy fields, romantically rolling on the ground, making emotional speeches in the rain
Their servants, whose job it is to clean and dry their clothes:


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Man and woman in a period piece: meet
The rest of the cast and me watching from my couch:

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I am back writing!
With a story that is about 20 odd years late!
However I recently received the Ballykissangel boxset as a gift and I have really enjoyed watching the show again after all the years.
I watched it when it first aired when back in the late 90s when I was in my late 0s, aged 6 to 9. It was a regular Sunday evening and school night fixture. After Songs of Praise and accompanied by cheese sarnies by the fire.
I vividly remember watching Series 3 and being heartbroken by this episode. So much so, it put a dampener on what was my birthday week!
The bittersweet ending has always stuck with me and made me wonder as to what might have happened in Series 4 if this episode had ended differently.
So I finally decided to run with it and see where my imagination takes these characters.
Hope you enjoy!
Getting Off the Fence - Authors Note (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/XqoIaVKsJcb What if the night of the Food Fare had taken a different turn? How will the residents deal with one of the biggest scandals to hit the town? A reworking of Ballykissangel S03E11: The Reckoning
#ballykissangel#drama#ensemble#family#ireland#irish#romance#television#tv#books#wattpad#amreading#writing#ballyk
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“Standing here in front of the Guildhall, looking out over these historic Walls, I see a peaceful city, a safe city, a hopeful city full of young people that should have a peaceful and prosperous future here, where their roots and their families are. That is what I see, today with you. And so I ask you, to build on the opportunity you have before you, to believe that the future can be better than the past, to work together, because you have so much more to gain by working together than by drifting apart. Have the patience to work for a just and lasting peace.”
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I can’t believe Derry Girls has just made me cry to Stay Another Day by East 17
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the proclaimers playing in the derry girls season finale is irish / scottish solidarity
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After The Prom
Erin and Michelle were walking to school on their own for once. Orla had left early to hit the sweet shop to stock up for the week and Claire hadn’t shown up yet. “Why are you acting weird Erin?”. “I’m not acting weird...no way….Jose!”. “You are you. You’re making Clare look like that little fat fella? What’s he called? Dead calm all the time? The wee statue fella?”. “Buddha?”. “Aye that’s him”. Erin rolled her eyes.
”Well maybe it's because you mum found out about the dresses and you know robbing her credit card”. “Oh that”. “Oh that! THAT is just fraud Michelle!”. “Wise up will ya”. “She could have rang the police!”. “My ma’s no rat. She doesn’t deal with them peelers”. “No you’re just grounded for a week”. “It will be grand calm down. She’ll forget about it by Wednesday”. “You definitely didn’t mention my name?”. “Cool the jets. John Paul did you a favour there. I was able to bring your one back”. He’d done her another favour. Letting her see what was right in front of her all along. They walked on in silence for a few minutes. Erin’s mind drifted back to the present and she started to panic. Michelle was never this quiet. Really? What the hell? Why wasn’t she speaking? Had James mentioned something?
“Where do ye get to on Saturday?”. Erin laughed. She was laughing too much. Why was she laughing?! The question wasn't even funny. “Saturday?”. “Saturday. After the prom? Where we got dunked in tomato juice for no fucking reason! We should have let Jenny Joyce get drenched. Jesus why are you being such a melt Erin?”. Shit what does she know! “I am not!”. “I just thought you might have got off with someone”. Shit shit shit. “But I smelt like a lasagne Michelle”. “Didn’t stop me”. “Jesus Michelle!”. “My dress was ruined didn’t mean my night wasn’t going to be”. “You really thought I’d gotten off someone?”. “ Yeah. I didn't see you leaving and Orla said you got in after her”. “Well she still can’t tell the time so...”. “But then I was like this is Erin. Gerry Adams would get off with the Queen quicker than Erin would get off with a fella”. “Thanks alot”. “I can’t believe Orla took your Grandda Joe to the Prom”. “I thought it was kind of sweet actually”. “Aye. He’s not bad looking for an aul fella”. “Oh my god Michelle!”. “I’m just saying...”. “Please don’t say it...”. “If I was like 10 years older..”. “Oh god..”. “I would”. “Jesus”. “I mean I would ri...”. “I get the picture Michelle I’m gonna boke”
“Where did you all get to!!!”. Claire had jumped up on them with Orla. Michelle and Erin jumped. “Jesus where did she come from?”. “Fuck knows!”. “I was the one who had to deal with everything! I was the one that had to explain to Jennie Joyce! I was the one who had to apologise to her! I was the one who had to stop Mae”. “She wrestled her to the ground” Orla had started to follow the conversation all the while chewing on the penny jellies she had just bought. “Seriously?”. “Aye. It was cracker”. “Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy that Claire”. “Michelle!”. “I enjoyed it!” added Orla. “It’s not funny you all ran off and left me!”. “You had wee James to help you..Knight in Shiteing Armour...you should have just blamed it on him!”. Erin blushed. “He ran off too! I was all on my own. And I was trying not to sweat on that stupid dress”. She opened her bag and handed the dress over. “Claire this is a mass of creases. You could have at least ironed it”. “You’re lucky you’re even getting it back at all Michelle!”. “Her ma knows” Erin wanted to keep the conversation focused on the dresses not what happened after. “Sweet suffering jesus!”. “Aye. But I kept your names out of it”. “Thank god” Claire blessed herself in relief. “For now!”. “Well when we get to school you’ll have to go and apologise to Jenny Joyce”. “I suppose so”. “No fucking way. If wasn’t for the wee Prom Queen I wouldn’t have had my dress ruined and I wouldn’t have missed out on the shift”. “You told me you got off with someone”. “Yeah only one out of the two. Doesn’t count”. “Well at least try. I think she thinks we were in on it with Mae”. “Good call there Claire, you can really pick them”. “I didn’t know she was deranged did I?”. “You should have just went with James...actually no. Still not that desperate to choose him over the psychobitch”. Erin wanted to defend him but couldn’t. She thought of him arriving at the door. The way he looked at her as she came down the stairs. Even in that Easter dress.
“Where is the little fuck wit anyway?”. Erin was back to reality. “What?”. “Where’s James?”. “I don’t know. How would I know? Jesus he’s your cousin Michelle, can you not keep track of him yourself!”. “Seriously, no need to cack yourself! That's Claire’s job. What the fuck is up with you?”. Erin panicked. The three of them staring were at her waiting for her to speak. Do they know? How could they know? They can’t. Michelle would have said something before now and given her a right slagging. “You didn't have one of them funny scones for breakfast by accident?”. “No!” “I had three!”. “They were just normal scones Orla”. “Maybe it was the raisins but I was buzzing”. “Just the Prom took a lot out of me that’s all”. “You getting stood up and all? Told you John Paul was a dick”.
They made it to school and headed straight to assembly where they found James. “Where the fuck were you?”. “I left early. I had an essay to finish in the library”. “I didn’t think you could get anymore fucking boring”. He gave Erin a quick smile before turning away. Was he avoiding her this morning? Finishing an essay? Erin was distracted by Sr Michael beginning assembly.
“I have been informed of the incident which occurred at the school formal over the weekend. Unfortunately I wasn’t there to witness it”. She smirked over at Jenny. “One student has already been suspended. And be rest assured we will find out if anyone else may have been involved. So could I see Erin Quinn, Claire Devlin, Michelle Mallon and the wee English fella in my office straight after this. Now for prayers and if any of you lot were involved you’re going to need some intervention from Our Lord! Our Father Who Art in Heaven...”.
“Stay calm. She has nothing on us girls” Michelle was topping her lip gloss in preparation. “Yeah we can just explain it calmly and carefully that Mae was behind everything. It will be fine”. Claire was pacing the hall. “Aye” Erin was only half listening and was more interested in get a sly look at James and trying to work out what he was thinking. Sr Michael opened her office door. “You lot can come in now”. “It was all Mae’s fault...”. James followed them all in and hadn’t even got through the door before Claire had started. “I didn’t know she was unhinged. How could I Sister? Psychopaths are good at hiding the fact that they’re psychos we knew nothing until James noticed the buckets and said “She’s doing a Carrie” but I’d never seen Carrie! So I didn’t...”. “Let me stop you there Claire...You’ve never seen Carrie?”. “No Sister”. “Great film. I love the mother in it. Go on”. “Well we were trying to stop her pulling the buckets, Mae I mean and save Jenny but she wouldn’t stop and Jenny didn’t understand. She thought we were trying to ruin her moment but we weren’t I swear and so it’s just one big misunderstanding except for Mae. She’s pure evil and she’s giving the Chinese community in Donegal a really bad name”. “Anyone else who pauses for breath when they speak want to add anything?”. “No Sister. I think Claire hit everything to be honest” said Erin. The others nodded in confirmation. “Ok. I’ve spoken to Mae’s old head teacher and she confirmed she had been previously expelled for bullying. For once I believe you”. “Really?”. They all looked at each other. It must have been a good weekend for Sr Michael. They didn’t know she was still happy from the ceasefire and the thoughts of Jenny getting her comeuppance. An incident like this was a long time coming for Jenny Joyce. “So it seems you may be off the hook ladies. This time. However I’ve set up a meeting with Jenny Joyce this afternoon so you can apologise for ruining her “big moment”. Her words not mine obviously”. “For fu….” Erin elbowed Michelle. “..ecking great idea Sister”. “Thank you Michelle. Off you all go now! Hurry up!”.
“Right so Claire’s gone shopping with her ma. Orla’s off at stepacise, or dancercise or whatever the fuck she does and James’s gone off to work on that project. Told me to give you this by the way”. “History book?”. “Aye said it was for some project or other. I don’t know. I’ll have to start paying attention in that class. In every class to be honest. So that just leaves me and you”. “Actually Michelle I have a lot of homework to do”. “Since when were you such a dry shite!”. “I’m sorry Michelle. Maybe tomorrow aye?”. Erin thought for a minute. “I thought you were grounded?”. “Fuck!!”. Michelle stormed off in the direction of home shouting bye as she ran. Erin flicked through the book Michelle had given her as she walked home. Why had he given her this? Why hadn’t he give it to her himself? She knew they did have a history project. Well one essay but in didn’t require the hours he had apparently being spending in the library. She was convinced he was avoiding her. Then she saw it. A small note folded between two pages. “Meet you at the gate at the old walls??”. He meant the City Walls. 4.30pm?”.
“Where are you going at this hour?”. “Out”. “Out where?”. “Just out on a dander mammy”. “One your own?”. “Why not? Can a woman not go for a walk on her own?”. “Not you Erin. Do you not have homework to be doing?”. “This is for my homework. History project. On the walls”. “Do you ever do a history project that’s not about the walls?”. “Mammy everything is about the walls. They are spectacular”. “Ok don’t leave it too late. And I want you home before it gets dark!”.
Erin wrapped her denim jacket around her and headed for City Walls that ran around the city. He was already there when she got there. “Hey”. “Hi. You got my note then. I wasn’t sure you’d turn up”. “You’re lucky Michelle didn’t have a read of that book”. “Michelle, read? I think she’s allergic”. They started walking to nowhere in particular. “Do you like reading? Like for fun? Not for school” Erin asked. She wanted to keep the conversation going and not let things get awkward. “Yeah, haven’t had much time lately”. “Me neither. I’d love to be able to do that”. “Read?”. “No I mean write a novel or a play”. “Why don’t you?”. “Haha. Yeah!”. “You’re clever and funny. You could. You should try. I’d read it”. “I meant to thank you again for Saturday”. “Erin you don’t have to thank me...”. “But you didn’t have to...you missed your thing...and you didn’t have to walk me home or...kiss me goodnight...you didn’t...”. “I wanted to...”. “Kiss me or walk me home?”. “Both”. “You can again if you want to...I understand if don’t want to...”. “Kiss you or walk you home?”. “Both”.
“What the fuck is up with Erin?” Michelle was leaving school with Claire. “What do you mean?”. “Well where is she?”. “Doing her history project?”. “Every afternoon for the past week? And at the weekend? I know she’s loves them fucking walls but not that fucking much. Either she’s got a fella or she’s planning on marrying them like that one that married the wall...”. “The Berlin Wall??”. “Oh aye”. “Where’s James and Orla?”. “Orla? Who the fuck knows? And James is doing my head in as well”. “Why what’s he doing?”. “He’s fucking happy….like all the time. It was bad enough when he was just annoying. What the fuck does he have to be happy about? He’s a youngfella with an English accent living in Derry”. “I haven’t seen him lately...You don’t think him and Erin are…??”. “Riding?”. “No..not like that...like seeing each other?”. “You’re fucking funny Claire. She’s a rare duck but not that fucking rare”. “We could ask her? Maybe there’s something wrong? We could stake out the library”. “That sounds like a barrel of laughs Claire”.
“I’m just going to head the library...”.
“I’m gonna go to the library...”.
“Actually no I’m just head home”
“Wait I’ll make my way home with you...”.
They had said both in unison. Erin put her head down and started walking towards home. Orla followed her oblivious to the awkwardness. Michelle and Claire were still staring at James who reddened and followed after Erin. “What the fuck is going on?” Michelle whispered to Claire.
They ended up following Erin home. She stopped them at the front door. “Actually I think my mammy’s doing dinner and she might not want you all under her feet”. They went to leave the garden and head home with Orla behind them. “Orla I didn’t mean you..”. Erin jumped as Mary opened the door. “What are ye wains doing standing on the doorstep in the cold? Come in and have some tea. Actually Michelle I have that big bowl for your mam”. They all headed inside. “No really it’s grand Mary. My ma’s forgotten about it and all”. “Aye if you’re sure love”. It was worth another try she thought.
“How are yas getting on with that history project girls? Our Erin seems to be in that library day and night”. “Grand. Piss of piss really Mary”. “Fine actually thanks Mrs Quinn” said Orla grabbing biscuit from the table. “What history project” asked Orla. “You all seem very laid back about it? Erin?”. “Mammy do you want me to dish up the sprouts?”. She tried to change the subject. “Why are you spending so much time on the project?”. “I’m just struggling to find the words that’s all”. She could feel herself going purple. “Struggling to find the words? You Erin?”. “Yes Mammy”. Mary eyed her disbelievingly. She was up to something alright.
The gang tucked in the tea and reminisced about the prom. “You looked well the other night Joe”. “Why thank you Michelle. It was a great night. It was an honour to spend it with my wee granddaughter”. “Do you work out Joe?”. “I walk up the hill to church of a thursday so I do”. “It was a terrible what happened to Jenny Joyce wasn’t” Erin tried to steer the conversation away from her grandad. “Oh aye. It was terrible what happened to you Erin. Did you hear from that boy in the end?”. Erin stared at her peas. “No aunt Sarah”. “Forget him Erin. He’s not worth your time”. Grandda Joe stood up from the table and put a hand on her shoulder. “It was good of your James there to take you? Your mother was telling me. Good on you son”. He left them and went to watch the television. “James went with you? Were you going to tell us or what like?”. “Did you not cop on Michelle when we arrived together?”. “I just thought he’d bumped in to you on the way home from the creepy plunger convention”. “It’s Doctor Who..” James corrected her under his breath. “Well now you know”. Erin jumped up to start on the dishes so she could hide her face from the other others. She knew Michelle would jump to conclusions but Claire and Orla hadn’t said anything. She didn’t want them saying anything. Michelle turned to James: “You’re a sly wee fucker aren’t you?”. The dinner wound down and the gang made to leave. Not before Mary tried to sneak the big bowl in to Michelle’s bag. “Mary honestly it’s yours now”.
Erin and Orla said goodbye on the doorstep. “What’s it will mothers and bowls?” pondered Michelle. “Aye. It’s scary. Will we get like that do you think?” Erin would take a conversation about bowls at that point in time. “Claire defo will”. “I like a good bowl better than anyone but I’ll never be like that”. “Forget it Claire. We all turn into in to our parents”. They said their goodbyes and her and Orla headed inside. She sneaked a look at her mam and dad before going upstairs. They were laughing and joking as Mary filled him in on all the gossip from work. They could be sort of cute together when they weren’t under the eye of her, Joe or Sarah. Most of the time it made her want to boke but she thought to herself if she ended up like them she’d be lucky. She headed upstairs wishing she had have been able to see James off on her own.
The awkwardness had gone on for another week. James would disappear straight after school and Erin would walk home and find a way to sneak off back to the library. Michelle had given in to staking out the library after her suspicions had been raised by Joe telling them James had taken Erin to the prom. Why had neither of them told her? If it was just nothing they would have said. She was sitting with Claire and Orla in the quiet side of the library hiding their faces behind books. Occasionally spying from behind them to see if Erin had entered the library. “Orla...”. Michelle took the book from her and put it the right side up. “I was enjoying that!”. “What the fuck do you have on your face?”. She had two stripes of brown face paint on each cheek. She looked like a cat with whiskers. “Camouflage Michelle”. “I know this is Derry and all but we’re only in the library”. “Shhhh. Here she is!”. The slid down in their chairs until she walked past.
“Come on girls!”. Claire led the way. They followed Erin to the back of the library. They could hear talking so they hid behind a bookshelf. “Either she’s talking to herself or someone’s with her”. “Not shit Sherlock. Come on Claire!”. Michelle went to jump out from behind the bookshelf. “We can’t just approach her”. “It’s the library Claire. A public place. Not the jungle. Come on!”.
“Come in James live a little!”. Erin hopped up on the desk behind her. “But someone could catch us!”. “No one comes back here James. It’s all the books about your lot’s history”. She fluttered her eyelashes. She knew he would hold out much longer after that. “Okay but quickly. Be our luck if today was the day Jenny Joyce wanted to research Cromwell”. “She wouldn’t need to. She’s Cromwell reincarnated”. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her. He pushed her hair behind her ear. It had surprised her. How much she liked him. The wee English fella. Michelle’s annoying wee cousin. He was kind, funny, she could actually talk to him about stuff life, family, history, poetry, anything. He was also kind of cute. Especially with that new haircut. And he was a good kisser. She finally got why Katya had gone straight for him. It had confused her at the time but now she had joined the dots. Really she hadn’t been annoyed at Katya. Well maybe a wee bit but she had been jealous. Not in a romantic way at the time but as a friend. He had been spending all his time with her. Now...she wanted him to herself. As a boyfriend? James...her boyfriend? He leaned in to kiss her. Yes definitely her boyfriend.
“What the ACTUAL FUCK!!”. Nearly everyone in the library rushed over at the sound of Michelle yelling. Erin pushed James away. So hard he ended up knocking over a bookshelf. The clatter of the books alerted anyone else who wasn’t aware of the drama unfolding. “What are you two fucking doing? Are you actually necking James?”.
“No, he kissed me! He took me to the Prom and I think he got the wrong impression”. “Erin!”. “I’m sorry James I know this is hard for you….Maybe things are different in England...”. “But you said you liked me...”. Erin could hear the sadness in his voice but she just couldn’t face the others knowing. It was too embarrassing. Especially being caught like that. She’d never live it down. Half the school seemed to be in the library. She had wanted to break it to the gang gently after a good while then the school would follow. “James don’t be such a dick just because a girl walks in to the prom with ya it doesn’t mean she wants your tongue down her throat”. “I didn’t do that...she asked me to...I wouldn’t...I...Erin?!”. He pleaded with her but she couldn’t look at him. She just froze. He didn’t even say anything else. He pushed his way through the crowd that had gathered and left the library. “I’m so sorry. I’m gonna kill him Erin”. “I’m sorry too” she whispered to herself.
I’m the dick. I should have said something but on no for the first time in my life I had to keep my gob shut. She waited by the wall at the usual time and place that evening but he didn’t show. She hadn’t expected him to. She had just hoped he would. So she could explain and apologise. She couldn’t go to his house for fear of meeting Michelle. She would barely get a chance to say hello to him in school let alone properly talk to him about what had happened. She walked home feeling the winter cold for the first time in two weeks missing her hand being in his and how he would put them in his jacket pocket to keep them warm.
“Could you give James this back and say thanks?”. “You shouldn’t be thanking him after he stuck his tongue down your throat”. “It was just a misunderstanding Michelle, just leave it”. “I don’t know how he can show his face around here”. “It’s school he has to go. It’s against the law for him not to!”. “Ok Claire. Kavanagh QC there”. “Where is he?” Erin asked. She wanted to try and speak with him. She doubted they would get a moment alone during school. Everyone and anyone would be watching them after what transpired in the library. “Left for school before I even got up. You’re grand Erin. He won’t be launching himself at you when I’m around. That’s the English for you they think they can just take what they want”. “James isn’t like that Michelle. I think he genuinely misunderstood”. Erin reddened. Claire was defending him and she couldn’t. She was a coward. She looked at Claire. She had faced the ridicule of her friends, family and her school when she had decided to come out as being a lesbian. She couldn’t even tell her friends that she liked a boy.
When they got to school they headed to assembly. Erin tried to discreetly scan the hall for James. Where was he? He didn’t really know anyone else. “Don’t worry Erin! He’s moved on”. Erin turned to see where Michelle was pointing. He was standing with Charlene Kavanagh. She was laughing at something he said. Obviously she had heard about what happened in the library or if she did she hadn’t believed it.
They crossed passed with him in the hallway on the way to their first class. They were all in the same maths class so he couldn’t avoid her without mitching off. “Having fun with Charlene you creepy fuck?”. “Yes. Turns out she’s in to Doctor Who”. “We’ll have to tell her to wear one of them beekeeper things to you off her then”. James just looked at Erin before scoffing and walking down the back of the class and sitting beside Charlene.
“I don’t want to talk to you right now”. Erin ran to catch up with him. He had been the first out the school gate. Obviously trying to get home without seeing her. “Please...I..I want to apologise”. “Apologise? You humiliated me Erin”. “I’m so sorry”. “I’ve been slagged every day since I got here and I’ve put up with it. I’m the new kid. The wee English fella. Going to the girls’ school. Even people now thinking I’m a creep. Saying things behind my back. I’ve taken it but I can’t take it from you Erin”. “I didn’t mean it. I just didn’t want to tell them like that”. “That you’re with someone or that you’re with me?”. “We could go on as we were”. “Erin I never wanted or expected you to tell everyone but I can’t deal with with you being... ashamed of me...”. “I’m not...Please I miss you and...”. “I can't be with you when you're like this. I’m sorry. I like you when you're being yourself. You’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever met but not when you’re trying to fit in with the others”. She watched him walk down the street and make his way home.
She had to think of a way to apologize. To show everyone she liked him. Most importantly to show him. Her dad came in to her room. “You alright love?”. He could tell something was up with her. She had seemed upset since she had gotten home from school. “Kinda”. “Do you want to talk about it?”. “Not really. Sorry”. “No bother. You know where to find me if you change your mind”. “Hiding in the attic from mammy?”. “No cleaning out the attic...You can help me if you want. It mind take your mind off it”.
She followed him up the ladder. He helped her in to the attic. Erin had a look through the heaps of stuff. Some family keepsakes, some junk and some items from her childhood. Some of it distracted her for a minute but her mind soon wandered back to James. She wondered where he was and what he was up to. If he was with Charlene. Watching Doctor Who. Ring! Gerry stepped forward with a guitar and placed it around Erin’s neck. She gave it a strum. It was out of tune but sounded ok. “Where did this come from?”. “That’s mine! From before you were born. I used to play to your mother when we were courting”. “Courting?” Erin laughed. “Going out. Dating. I used to play that trying to impress her. I’d write her little songs”. “Did she like them? Were they any good?”. “Well she married me didn’t she?”. An idea formed in Erin’s head. She picked up the guitar “How long does it take you learn how to play the guitar da?”.
“Today’s morning song will be performed by..Jen...Erin Quinn...interesting”. Erin made her way on to the stage struggling with the guitar. “Jesus, what the fuck is she doing?”. “Can she even play the guitar?” asked Claire. Erin struggled to get the notes right for the first chord. “I guess not”. “Hold on. Give me a sec. I can get this”. She tried to remember the chords her father had taught her. When she did remember them it took ages to get from one to another. “Fuck me. Even the Jesus on the cross up there is laughing”. She pointed to the statue of the crucifixion above the stage.
The crowd began to titter. “In fairness I tried. I practiced all weekend and the guitar is not easy to learn I can tell ya. I’m sorry. This isn’t me” Erin put down the guitar. “...this is”. Erin stood before the microphone and started singing. At first he voice was cautious and faltering but she grew in to the song and sounded quite good.
“I know I felt like this before.
But now I'm feeling it even more
Because it came from you
Then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be...”
She hoped he understood. They had listened to the song before on her walkman before. Erin climbed down off the stage walked towards the gang. “Seriously what the fuck is she doing?”. Michelle slouched down in her chair pretending not to know her. “She’s coming towards us” Claire was intrigued. She stopped in front of James. “I'm sorry I shouldn't have lied and let them make fun of you and I'm sorry...that's not me”. She grabbed him by his blazer and kissed him. The other students giggled, cheered and Jenny Joyce fainted.
“What the actual FU...”. “Thank you Michelle. Well after that little performance I have no option but to insist you two are kept separate at all times. We can’t be having anymore carry on like this”. “Come on Sr it's not like we have no self control it's not like we're animals”. “You've never seen you two kiss obviously” Michelle mimed vomiting. “Does that mean I have to move out of the house Erin?” “She only meant me and James, Orla”. “My office now the pair of you”. He brushed her hand before they both followed Sr Michael.
“Did Jenny Joyce give you a good steever in the head the other night and you have concussion or something?”. “No Michelle”. “Then what is it?”. “Did you join a cult?”. “No!” . “Did he bring you to that creepy convention and someone plungered ya?”. “No, I just like him Michelle”. “James?”. “The wee, English, annoying, prick of a cousin of mine?”. “Yes”. “Curly hair?”. “Yes!”. “I just can’t get my head around it”. “Me neither!”. “Claire! I thought you’d at least be on my side”. “Am I...it’s just it’s James...and you”. “I think you make a cracking couple”. “Thank you Orla”. “See Orla thinks this is alright it’s definitely fucked up”. “Michelle I like him. He’s not like David Donnelly or John Paul”. “John Paul was a ride. A dick but a ride”. “And he gets me. He likes me for me”.
“Poor James, he’ll have no one to hang out with”. “Cool it Claire, look. Jenny Joyce has already taken him under her wing. Poor Bitch. Sorry Erin. He has a bit of a fan club”. “Fan club?”. Erin laughed. “I’m not messing. Some of the girls are mad for him after you declared your love for him. I heard Jenny Joyce fainted with the romance of it all”.
Jenny saw them looking over and made her away across the room. James grimaced and waved over. “Erin rest assured we’ll well look after him”. James was surrounded by a group of girls fawning around him. Jealousy rose up in Erin. “Back off Jenny” she uttered through gritted teeth. She must have really sounded angry as Jenny quickly scuttled off and dispersed the group that had formed around James.
“Jesus Erin, you’re actually jealous of Jenny Joyce!”. “I’m not jealous I just sick at the cheek coming over here telling us she’s looking after him. We’ve been doing that for 2 years”. “No you’re jealous Erin”.
“I sort of miss him I've no one to take the piss out of”. “You take the piss out of us all the time Michelle!” Claire looked to the heaves”. “Aye. But it's not the same. He just takes it”.
“Hi Mrs Quinn”. “Come in love”. Mary brought James through to the kitchen. “Mr Quinn, Mrs McCool”. “Hi there love”. “Sir”. He couldn’t remember Granddad Joe’s surname. “Is Michelle not with ya?”. “Or Claire?”. “Or Orla?”. “No, I’m on my own. Is Erin in?”. “Yeah, she’s upstairs”. “May I go see her please?”. “Sure love. You know where to go. Are Michelle and Claire on their way or…?”. “No just me”. He turned and went up the stairs.
He wasn’t?. Erin and him weren’t? Mary’s mind was racing. “Mary you’re not letting him go up there on his own are you?” Gerry stood up and went to listen at the bottom of the stairs. “Why not?”. He returned to the kitchen after not being able to hear anything. “He’s a teenage boy”. “I thought he was gay?” Mary was more saying it to herself than the others. “Aye, you got a problem with the gays Gerry? Why are you so prejudiced?”. “I’m not. I’m just not comfortable with my daughter being up there alone with a teenage lad”. “I don’t think he’s gay Mary because Orla was telling me that Erin kissed him during assembly. I think it’s quite sweet actually” Aunt Sarah returned to painting her nails. “Here you waste of space. You should be ashamed of yourself letting your young daughter get up to god knows what upstairs with that wee English gobshite!”. “You just said he was gay!”. “Well you should have made sure before you flung your wee daughter at him”. “Calm down! I' ll go check”.
Mary climbed the stairs to the landing and put her ear to Erin’s bedroom door. “Ok one more please then I promise I will give your space hospital thing a go”. “It's not even set in a hospital!”. “Well I'll never know unless you finish this one”. “Ok then we’ll watch Doctor Who”. “Ok”. Mary snuck the door open a inch so she could see. They were sat on the bed. James had a book in his hand and Erin had her head on his shoulder. “Emma was almost ready to sink under the agitation of this moment. The dread of being awakened from the happiest dream, was perhaps the most prominent feeling. "I cannot make speeches, Emma," he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing. "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am”.
“Why are you laughing?”. “Because you can do the voices” “That's just my voice”. “I know just we can't. We can't. Sound funny if Emma was almost ready to have a cack attack wouldn’t!”. Mary smiled and gently closed the door and left them to it.
#derry girls#erin x james#erin/james#jerin#derry girls s2#erin quinn#james maguire#michelle mallon#claire devlin#orla mccool#aunt sarah#mary quinn#gerry quinn#grandda joe#sr michael#sister michael
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Everyone, especially Michelle, @ James constantly:

Everyone, especially Michelle, when James’s Mother shows up to try to use him and take him away:

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Season 3 better give us:
Clare a badarse opinionated gf that she can protest the dup with
James/Erin kiss and general cute fancying of each other
An episode focused on Orla and Aunt Sarah (cos they’re always in the background I want more!!)
Michelle finding someone she actually fancies and doesn’t treat as disposable
One with the adults as kids. Bonus points if sister Michael is just a punk or something ridiculous (ever since the s1 finale I’ve always had my money on her being gay and everyone knows they just pretend she’s ‘technically’ celibate as a nun)
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Can Ma Mary just adopt James away from Cathy. Just use the spatula on her Mary.
Also in a Mother in law way
James x Erin all the way
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“I think I’ve just developed Stockholm Syndrome” “That doesn’t even make sense, you’ve never been to Switzerland” jesus fucking christ this show
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