theblindleadingtheblindinc

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

My mom said that today in church her pastor said in the sermon that Jesus told us to help the poor, and taking money away from public schools to give to charter schools only widens the gap between the rich and the poor.  She then added that Jesus spoke against adultery and lust and would not have approved of bragging about sexually assaulting women.  According to my mom, people got up and walked out.

The pastor also started the sermon by noting that she’d heard of another minister who read the entirety of the Sermon on the Mount at the pulpit, to be told by the so-called Christian parishioners after the service that it was offensive and they didn’t agree.

The Sermon on the Mount is straight up the words of Jesus.

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

when I say I wanna have sex I don’t mean I wanna get fucked and cum I mean I wanna makeout with someone for half an hour on my couch with grabby hands all over my body and our teeth clashing because we get so into it that we can’t stop kissing, I mean slow desperate, needy grinding on each other before we take it to the bed, bumping our heads, giggling as we take our clothes off, trying to adjust and get into the right position, I mean having someone on top of me and looking up at them to see that blissful little grin on their face before they scrunch it up a lil and moan because it feels sooooo good and I mean making each other cum so good we end up all out of breath, a sweaty, happy mess, fingers still intertwined, my legs still around their waist, making out again, that’s what I want and it would be kinda cool if I could have it now

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

There was a little girl in church, about 5, and her parents obviously let her get dressed herself that day because she came waddling in with the puffiest coat on in the summer in North Carolina. She comes and sits in the pew in front of us. 15 minutes into mass she turns around and hands my husand an orange. Her parents are mortified.

“Savannah not again!” They sold! (Again kills me)

They appologize and she turns back around. A few moments later she goes to hand me an orange but her parents grab it from her before she can.

Savannah is determined. She reaches her tiny fists into her puffy coat and pulls out two more ornages. She begins to distribute them. Her parents are now beat red and in shock.

This small child proceeds to laugh a laugh I can only call manical (in a Catholic church) unzip the inner line of her coat and releases what had to have been 20-30 of those little kid oranges into the pews.

WE EAT Savannah yells cackeling

The priest can no longer contain his glee

The entire church is dying with laughter

She felt like Jesus on the moutian with the baskets of fish that day I’m sure.

Children are amazing.

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

Hopeless, head over heels in the moment

I never thought that I’d get hit by this love bug again

a biker keith and football quarterback lance on a diner date that started as a sketch and went too far

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

if u ever meet someone who makes ur life flow easier and makes u laugh a lot keep them, that’s all u need

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

there’s a guy in one of my classes who i am secretly battling for dominance over by wearing awful hipster outfits. i dont know if he is thinking the same thing but regardless i am intent on winning

i thought i won today when i walked into class wearing my awful pop art t-shirt of 1995 figure skating champions, mom jeans, and 1980 moscow olympics-theme denim jacket but then he had to walk in wearing a donald duck jacket with matching donald duck socks like what a fucking power move

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

concept: woman makes deal with demon to have it’s child in exchange for eternal life or some shit

woman then makes deal with witch and offers her first born for like, riches or something

woman dumps demon baby on witch, absconds with her winnings and leaves witch and demon fighting for custody

half demon baby grows up learning magic and visiting hell on weekends and every second christmas

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

Date a girl. Date several girls. Have such a complex web of relationships with girls that it forms an eldritch symbol and summons an elder god. Then date her too.

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

“Trick friends into thinking you have your shit together”

Singlehandedly my favorite life hack compilation, below I’ve included my favorites. Read the whole compilation: http://imgur.com/gallery/5991n

1. Put a bunch of shit in jars

You know when you buy rice, pasta, or grains, they come in perfectly good plastic packaging? Well throw them out, pour the contents into big jars, and put them on display. Voila! Oppan cottage-style.

2. Put a hardcover book on your piece of shit bedside table with a bookmark in it.

You were never going to read Crime and Punishment, but you may as well make it look like you did. If you really want to seal the deal, put a pair of glasses that you haven’t worn since high school on top. They’re back in style now, anyway.

3. Get the biggest bowl in your house and fill it with some fucking lemons.

“Better get this out of the way,” you can say just before you sit down for dinner to make sure everyone has seen it, and then never mention it again. Everyone will assume you have jars of homemade lemon curd in your pantry. But I know the truth.

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

Wow A model with education, thoughts & ideas=terrible brand ambassador. It’s sad that Loreal was willing to use her - until she used her brain.

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

I’m all for fantasy stories where supernatural characters protect their human friends, but does anyone else want some stories where the humans are the ones who are looking after their supernatural friends?

A human girl exchanging her silver engagement ring for a cheaper one after she realises why her werewolf friend has been refusing to high five her.

A group of humans throwing coats over their vampire friend because he forgot it was the Summer solstice and was caught out by the sunrise. Those same friends coming to visit him when he wakes up in the late afternoon, bringing him blood from the butcher’s and putting up with his whining about the nights getting longer.

A human hearing that someone stole their selkie friends pelt and coming over to her new “husband"s house immediately and threatening to punch his lights out unless he tells them where it is.

Humans petitioning the counsel to build a wooden climbing frame in the local playground because the old one has iron parts and their fairy friend’s kids can’t use it without burning themselves.

I’ll post more if I can come up with any.

[theblindleadingtheblindinc]

mood