thebookofbri

[thebookofbri]

| Stumbling Forward |

If you didn’t read my blog post about The Grips of Depression I encourage you to do so. It truly captures how I was feeling when I was at my lowest. As some of you may know, my parents are divorced. Their divorce finalized this summer. Even as I type the words “my parents are divorced” it brings me to tears. It literally rips me apart to know that my family won’t be the same anymore.

The brokenness didn’t really hit until the end of last spring for me. I was ending my final semester at Southern Conn. State & I was graduating with my masters degree. While everyone was congratulating me on my accomplishments & how proud they all were of me I felt like I failed. I felt as though I failed my family. What could I have done better as the first born child to keep my family in tact? How could I have supported my mom better ? What should I or could I have said to my dad when the truth began to unravel? I didn’t have the answers. And it killed me.

The arguing began getting louder in my home. I remember going to sleep to arguing & waking up to more arguing. It got so bad that I would hear the vicious arguments in my head. There were points in time where I thought it was happening in real time. But then I’d go downstairs & nothing would be going on….sometimes no one would even be home.

I stepped in a lot more than I wanted to. I used my own body to press up against the bedroom door to separate them. I had to lock myself and my mother in my bedroom at one point. The traumatic events were re-occurring. & I think the hardest thing for me during the time was not having anyone else present. Of course family and friends were always on stand by. But no one was actually in my home enduring the pain with me.

Consoling my mother and being strong for her was so difficult. But I did it. She would lay in my lap and cry. Sometimes I’d catch her crying in her room & I’d do whatever I could to bring her comfort.

So who was there for me? Well, I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t quite know how to ask for help. I got phone calls and texts from family and friends saying that they are here if I need to talk. During that time I didn’t have the words to articulate my pain. Things just kept happening & there was nothing that no one could do to help me. At least that’s what I thought.

So I began partying like a lunatic! I ran to New York City almost every weekend to escape my toxic home environment. And I surrounded myself with alcohol. What a perfect combination huh? Liquor & vibes! But the thing was I wasn’t going out to casually have a good time. I went out because I was running from something. & I was willing to drown out the noise of my life by drinking a little too much.

Once I graduated and began working I told myself that I needed to get it together…Ha! I wish it was that easy. I was so good at telling my clients about healthy coping techniques , self care, & all the other great tools I learned in school. Meanwhile I was a wreck. I was literally neglecting my needs and putting others before myself.

I realized I was depressed when I couldn’t get out of my bed. I literally woke up and began crying. & I couldn’t stop. My eyes began to swell from all of my tears and my heart sank. Just like experiencing the death of a loved one - I was grieving the loss of my family. I wasn’t eating well. I wasn’t sleeping well. I was tired ALL of the time. I was short fused. I didn’t care to keep in contact with my friends or family. I isolated myself and didn’t care. I was in such a bad place. As I approached the end of 2021 I remember getting diagnosed with Covid. I was literally home the last week of the year and brought in the new year at home in my living room. As I sat in the living room I was watching NYE church service online. (Where my church folks at?! IYKYK 😂😊)

Anyway , I remember watching service and asking God is this it? Because what exactly am I looking forward to in 2022. This year has been complete shit & it just got progressively worse. So what am I doing ?

So I sat in the living room , I laid there for days sick . & I reflected on my life. I told myself that this couldn’t be how my story ended. There is so much more to life that I have yet to see. So what did I do? I decided to enroll myself in therapy the following month. January 2022.

& I told myself that the 2022 year would be better. There is soooo much that I’m still working on. The journey to self discovery is continuous. I’ve failed and gotten back up. What I refuse to do is to give up on myself. Not again. & I’m so happy to say that I’m not where I use to be ❤️

I’m humbled by my experience. It has placed this responsibility to check in with myself continuously. Which is something that I wasn’t doing before.

The world is so busy: Ministry, Work, Social Circles, & all the other ways that we are involved. My experience has taught me that the world doesn’t silence itself for you. You must do that for yourself. Depression still tries sneaking up on me. I still get triggered by different things. Whether it’s a smell, a sound, a voice….but I remind myself of this saying I saw on Instagram: “You'll know you're healing when you stop pretending that you're not upset or hurting. Giving yourself more grace as you move through grief or disappointment will become easier and less intimidating - Alex Elle”.

It’s a process y’all. But I’m choosing to give Sabrina grace in the moments where she’s not okay. & reminding her that It’s okay not to be okay.

[thebookofbri]

The Man Who Came Down The Wishing Well

I’ll share with you all a quick story about a man who noticed how much I struggled with remaining in the present. He saw right through me . My combativeness, my defensive demeanor, my over thinking, my continuous doubt. He confronted parts of me that I hid so well from the world. Keeping it real though, that made me kinda uncomfortable at first. Like who tf are you sir?! You don’t even know meeee lol. 

Well turns out that he noticed a lot more than what I put out. & instead of walking away, instead of looking down my wishing well , he came down and joined me. He sat with me & has for a long time.

 I’ve been afraid to love considering everything that I’ve been through. Depression’s grip has made it so difficult for me also. 

This man has absolutely nothing to gain while being down here with me in this wishing well yall. Absolutely nothing. But yet, here he is, present in my pain. 

The Bible says that Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The love that I’ve experienced from this man has made me run time after time. My overthinking and self doubt would have me question why?! Why is this man here with me? Why isn’t he walking away? 

After God, this man has shown me that he is my love on earth. 

Oh no, here come the tears.

I thought for a long time that God forgot about me. It’s so hard keeping faith when experiencing trials and tribulations over and over again. 

But in the midst of all my mess, all my trials, & tribulations , God brought me this man. This special gift. 

🌻💕

[thebookofbri]

The Grips of Depression

When something grips, it holds tight. I didn’t realize that I was experiencing depression until about two months ago. For the past few months, I’ve been extremely exhausted, low in energy, unmotivated, and completely flustered. Initially, I blamed my vaccine.  I thought (for MONTHS) that maybe these symptoms were caused by my vaccination. But then about two months ago I was leaving therapy and I sat in my car and reflected, as I always do. As I sat in the car I began to question, why the hell am I so tired? Why do I keep feeling so slow? Why do I keep having these meltdowns? It was then I realized that I was depressed.

Depression can get really lonely. It almost feels like you’re in your own world - trapped in a space where no one can reach you. It’s kinda scary to be honest. One minute I feel like I’m okay, and the next minute I feel like my world is falling apart. It’s been difficult expressing my mental health to my friends. On one hand I feel like I don’t make sense and on the other hand I just can’t find the words.

It's also hard hearing “you’ll get through it, it’ll be okay, be strong, keep pushing through”. Those haven’t actually been encouraging words. In fact, they’ve just been added to this basket of false hope that I’ve felt for a long time. It’s easy to say “you’ll get through it girl” and go on and live your life. Meanwhile, I’m still in the valley.

Imagine a well, like a wishing well. Now, imagine being at the bottom of the well and people come up to the well. They wave. They say hello. They tell you to come up out of there. But they walk away. That’s what this has all felt like. And before anyone comes for me – let me just make it clear that I appreciate all of you who have made this journey somewhat bearable. However, I must say in the same breath that there are people who have also made this journey 10x harder.

I am aware that I’ve always been the extroverted – happy – go – lucky girl. My lack of exhibiting these attributes aren’t a reflection of my friendships. Instead, they play a vital role in my current emotional dysregulation. So many people have taken MY depression personally. Kinda weird if you ask me. PSA : I’m going through it - give me my space. I’m caught up in this very long stressful season. I literally feel like some days I’m below the lowest valley.

The grips of depression can be painful. My basket of false hope is full. Often times I find myself frozen – processing my life……I’ll be honest with you – I can’t quite make sense of it. And that’s very uncomfortable for me to admit and experience. When something grips, it holds you tight. The grips of depression just can’t seem to let me go.

Somehow I still manage to keep holding on. Somehow I can still see a future for myself. & although it feels like I’m drowning most days, I’m learning that the present - the here and now, has been keeping me grounded. My past will literally put me in the worst place and thinking too much into the future will give me crazy anxiety. But the present - the here and now, has been my oxygen mask.

I can’t take full credit for learning the importance of being in the present. But I’ll express that to you all in another piece.

Peace & Love Tribe 🌻💕

[thebookofbri]

Culture. Religion. Humanity.

I never thought I’d live to see the day when church would become my biggest trigger. I was what you would call your active church member. I went on a weekly basis, was heavily involved in ministry, and spent a great amount of time in preparing for church events. I sang on the worship team and would be included in the divine service here and there. I was active – many people referred to me as their daughter, their sister, their friend, even “future daughter-in-law” (for some haha).

Interestingly enough, I didn’t mind being engaged. There was a part of me that enjoyed participating in church because it meant that I was making a difference in the lives of many people.

But as I got older and became more involved in ministry, included in conversations, and more aware of my surroundings, things started to change. I learned that church protocol stood at such a high regard. I learned that church culture was more important – if not, neck and neck with biblical truth. I learned that humanity within the church had no mercy or grace.

For a very long time I knew that I was different. When I got baptized into the Seventh Day Adventist Church years ago it wasn’t because I believed in their doctrines. It was because I believed in God. I wanted to get closer in relationship with him and I knew that if I made this step, it would help me within my spiritual growth. Not too long after I got baptized – I second guessed my decision. Not because I no longer believed in God but because I knew that I was different than them.

My father comes from a Baptist family. He actually has an uncle who’s a Baptist Pastor. My mother comes from a family of a few different denominations. She grew up within the Pentecostal Church as well as the Adventist Church. At a young age I learned that both churches (Baptist and Adventists were different). For one, both church services were on different days of the week. Baptists didn’t observe the sabbath either. The Adventist church allowed women to dress in jeans outside of divine worship hours. Well technically you were allowed to wear what you wanted as long as you weren’t a part of the program. However, growing up and experiencing the Baptist church I learned at a young age that you don’t step foot into the church without a skirt on. Why? I still don’t know. Maybe their version of a form of reverence or something?

As time evolved, you’d think that so would people. Scratch that – you’d think that “church people” would evolve too. Now I get the whole “we aren’t supposed to conform to the ways of the world”. Trust me I get it – this world is corrupt af. However, life has happened to so many people. Divorce is real. People now have the ability to leave abusive spouses. Women are pursuing education and other amazing careers to make something of themselves. Young adults are exploring the world and trying to find themselves. Maybe not always on the right path but again – the world is changing. SO I guess my question is why hasn’t the church changed? Why isn’t the church getting behind these major real-life challenges/experiences of so many people?! Why aren’t they getting ahead of it?!

Truth is, there are churches, CHRISTIAN churches that are doing so. However (whispers) *our Haitian churches aren’t* If you didn’t know – I grew up within the Haitian version of Christianity. The culturally influenced, patriarchal, narrow minded Haitian church. And to be honest it wasn’t until I stepped foot in an American church that I realized how much culture influences how we practice Christianity.  You go to an American church, and it’s done within an hour and 30 minutes MAYBE less depending on where you go. My mom is attending a small group that is dedicated specifically for individuals (men and women) who are journeying through divorce. I just joined a small group that will be meeting on a weekly basis dedicated to God’s Promises. You know what the beauty is within all of these opportunities and invitations?!!!THEY ARE PRE-REQUISITE FREE! You don’t need to be a member of the church. You don’t need to be baptized. You don’t need to come in a skirt to participate. You just come and the only conversation you’ll have after service, after your meeting, etc. is “It was great to see you – hope we see you next time!” You won’t get a” why are you wearing this?”  “Are you baptized” “Well you have to sit out because you’re this” “and you can’t do that” and the list goes on and on and on.

What Would Jesus Do? Because last I checked – Jesus was a trailblazer. He wasn’t complacent. He didn’t discriminate. So why do we? What has Christianity become for so many of us?  There was so much that I had to unlearn from the Haitian Church (and not just from my Adventist church home). Haitian Christianity tainted so much for me. I’m relearning and exploring my walk with Christ again but unfortunately; I’m doing so outside the Haitian community. *shrugs* (sigh)…..

And as I’m relearning and exploring, I’m paying closer attention to the influence human beings have on Christianity. I believe that it’s fair to say that Christianity hasn’t always reflected God. A very close friend of mind shared with me how black people were oppressed and were brutally treated by white people (masters, supremacists, etc.) who called themselves Christians. Christians today are still using religion to oppress people in different ways. Lowey, church discrimination is a form of oppression. Making people feel like they don’t belong and ex-membering people based on “religious doctrines” but not considering real life issues and challenges – oppression, oppression, OPPRESSION. However, not a reflection of God. Not a reflection of Jesus Christ. AT ALL.

I am convinced that I’m exactly where I need to be. Maybe God wanted me to be here and maybe he wanted me to go through what I went through to get the courage to shake things up a bit. Hmm. The story continues because man do I have so much more to say!

[thebookofbri]

Silence | Compliance

Now before I dive deep into this let me make one thing clear, IF THE SHOE FITS WEAR THAT M****F*****! 

It’’s one thing to be completely ignorant of what’s going on around you. But it’s another thing when you have context. Since this summer my parents’ divorce has caused my brother and I so much stress. It has done nothing but add on a whirlwind of unexpected emotions. We’re doing okay though - doing what we can to support one another and going to individual therapy to work through some issues with our clinicians. 

But you know what’s one of our biggest challenges? Still having to deal with our father’s BS amidst trying to get past this. (sigh) Imagine getting a huge bloody cut, cleaning it, putting necessary ointments and bandages on and then getting the bandages ripped off then getting sliced and diced in the same wound. Painful huh? 

Now picture this - people around you see that you’re hurt and they see who’s causing the hurt but they all don’t run at once. Very few come forth with love and compassion while others watch......That’s what it feels like. That’s what it has felt like. 

Salt has been PACKED TF ON to the deep flesh wounds that have been caused. And only soooo many family members are realizing it. To the ones that realize but have added more salt to our wounds keep that same energy. 

To the ones who are choosing to do nothing but remain silent - keep that same energy. To the ones who are questioning my mother , my brother, and I based off of what this LUNATIC is saying - keep that same energy. 

Because I’ll tell you this- my mom didn’t raise passive aggressive human beings. She didn’t raise us to not speak up when things weren’t right. She didn’t raise us to stand back while watching the home of someone we love collapse. She didn’t raise us to be phoney, you know-  smile in your face but have so much to say behind your back. She didn’t raise us to play house - nah, my mom was never into showing face. 

But since that’s clearly your normal can’t blame ya huh? Well. I am. 

When someone is getting bullied we’re taught in school to speak up. So what makes this scenario ANY different?!!!

There’s a saying that says We either can stand for something or fall for anything. Many of you have chosen to fall for anything and that disappoints me. Guess now I learned why accountability was never his portion. 

[thebookofbri]

Perspective. Patience. Posture. Part One

“Dear Black Women, You deserve love that doesn’t require suffering first”.

Love has many definitions. it’s described as an intense feeling of deep affection. A great interest and pleasure in something. Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.

When I think about love I can’t help but think about God. The Bible tells us “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬.

Perspective. It’s important that we have perspective when it comes to love. You deserve love that doesn’t require suffering. However, you may be inviting suffering onto yourself if you don’t have perspective. Know the difference between toxic love and healthy love. We are all people with different mindsets. But it’s so important that we have a healthy perspective when it comes to love. What examples of love have you received over the years? What have your experiences of love looked like? Have you ever been in love? Think about that.

Love is patient & CHILEEEEEE if you haven’t heard it from anyone else don’t say I didn’t tell you so. Be patient. Good things come to those who wait. Unpopular opinion: I don’t believe in Love at First Sight. I believe that Love truly manifests over time. So take your time.

Posture. Ladies position yourselves. You are a queen. You are so deserving of love. You shouldn’t have to suffer at all for love. Hold your head high. Wear your crown with dignity.

It took quite awhile for me to get here. I’m still figuring it out. And as a matter of fact, I’ll tell you exactly how I made it through. But you’d have to join me in part two.

(See how I rhymed? But I’m not a rapper though lol.) Peace and Love 💓🤞🏾.

[thebookofbri]

Dear Dad: Her Unspoken Truth

When I was a little girl, you were my world. In my eyes, you could do no wrong. During my childhood you were my preferred parent, even though I loved mom very much. I wore the title of Daddy’s Girl with so much pride. I literally showed it off. For years I embraced the idea of always being your little girl. Your one and only daughter. In my eyes you could do no wrong. Your sense of humor, your skills around the kitchen, and waking up to your voice in the house constantly reminded me that everything would be okay.

I remember when you taught me how to drive. Boy, was I excited to get behind the wheel. There were also days when I would get frustrated – I didn’t like having to deal with your anxiety while also trying to focus on the road. But I get it now. Cutting people off on the highway and accidently driving over sidewalks wasn’t ideal.

Home for me was always in your arms. Home was secure, safe and sound because you were the captain of the ship. I remember coming to you with every little problem. From wanting you to kill a spider to talking to the auto mechanics when I would bring my car to get an oil change. Maybe you didn’t realize it then dad, but you were so important to me. Your presence was so essential on so many levels.

The more independent I became the more of a distance I felt from you. I never understood why that was. Granted, there have been things that I’ve been doing on my own. But although I can do some stuff on my own doesn’t and didn’t mean that I needed you any less dad.

There is a quote that says “A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men”. Growing up, you set a precedent. You always told me that men ought to be good in character. And although things are much different now, I’ll hold on to those very few words.

I hate that I now doubt the motives of men because of where you went wrong. I hate that I cannot innocently date men without considering the negative idea that they’ll do me wrong. I hate that I’m emotionally scarred because of your actions. I hate that I’ve lost my sense of peace within my own home because of you. I hate that I now have to survive within this new normal.

I hate that I am embarrassed, ashamed, and pitied. I hate that I am not comfortable to go back to my home church. I hate that people are calling me and texting me, overwhelming me with their sorrys and handouts. I know they mean well, but it has become just way too much.

I hate that this summer changed my entire life. And I hate that I can’t rewind time. I hate that I have meltdowns at random moments in the day. I hate that I can’t process any of this because it just doesn’t make sense.

I hate that I was a daddy’s girl. I hate that I couldn’t protect myself from this heartbreak. I hate that I can’t get past this. I’m really trying to but it’s just so hard. I hate that you didn’t consider me when you’ve decided to make these horrible decisions. I hated that you’ve allowed this to continue for so long.

The home that I once new is no longer the home that I stand in and I hate that too.

I hate that I don’t like being home anymore.

I hate that I can’t find the words to describe my deepest pain.

I hate that I can’t tap back into my genuine self.

Because of you I carry on so much and I hate that.

I hate that I feel the need to be strong in the face of those who care most.

I hate that you hurt mom the way you did.

I hate that I still love you dad.

[thebookofbri]

Life After Graduate School

I’ve literally been in school for the past twenty years. It’s all I’ve known , and to be completely honest with you, that kind of scares me. Yes , I’ve went through internships and got the experience of volunteering for non-profits and other organizations. But to be in the outside world with not a single syllabus or black board assignment in sight is a bit nerve wracking. 

Being a student has been a huge part of my identity. I’ve gone from semester to semester for the past seven years. I decided to go to graduate school right after undergrad. Would not recommend, I repeat would not recommend! Take a break if you can! I decided to jump right into it. Why? I don’t even know lol. 

But anyway like I was saying, being a student has been a huge part of my identity. Outside of papers, studying for  exams, and all the projects and presentations due at 11:59pm I kinda don’t know what to expect here in the outside world. Thank God for internships, but even those were just a moment in time. I was still doing homework and being a student. 

But now, to be done with graduate school and to be an official alumna of my university is just surreal. Like I literally cannot believe it. Sabrina was always the student. She was always working on a paper or doing a project or something. But that chapter has closed.

It’s honestly nerve wracking to let that version of myself go. I’ve known this version of myself for so long. And now she’s gone. So now what? Who the heck am I ? Well, I can’t quite answer that lol. What I do know is this, I’m becoming. And just like a caterpillar that transitions to the life of a butterfly, so will I. 

I have all faith in knowing that the investment that I’ve made into my education will pay off. I believe that I am well equipped for the many opportunities that I’ve been given. I have even more faith that my experiences in the work force will help me continue to grow and be all that God has called me to be. 🌻

[thebookofbri]

The Dilemma of the Christian Girl in the Dating World

Whew Chile……here we go again. Back to square one. Single. Within this season of singleness, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect back on my past relationships. Now I know what you’re already thinking , “She’s about to throw some man under the bus, huh?” And the short answer is no. Instead, I’m going to share with you all where I’ve fallen short in hopes that it gives you some support and wisdom on what NOT to do when you are out there in the dating world.

As a young Christian woman who is navigating both the life of spirituality and the world I’ve found myself at a crossroad multiple times. Full disclaimer, I love going outsideeeeeeee (slang for having a good time, i.e. parties, night-life, etc.) And let’s be real you enjoy outside too! Christians shame you for being outside (we’ll talk about that some other time) and preach to you the negative implications that come with that. But to be real, attending social gatherings with my friends have kept me sane. During graduate school (The MOST stressful time in my life to say the least) I would make sure to take breaks and have fun. Checking out of my studies once in awhile kept me going. But anyway, I say all that to say that the dating scene was even more difficult when in both of these environments.

How the heck am I supposed to find a God fearing man that also likes having fun? Church folk would say, “well make sure he goes to church and loves the Lord”. But in my head I’m saying “Well there are men in church that ain’t shit (excuse my language), mistreating and cheating on their wives, yet playing pretend in front of everybody else”. Other people would say, “Well going to church isn’t everything, there are more people who are outside of church that do more good in the world than people inside the church”. And although that may be true, I don’t quite side with that either. If the church community isn’t a part of your identity than what good is it to raise children with one parent inside the church and one parent outside the church? (Being equally yoked isn’t a part of this blog either lol but we’ll talk about that some other time - I promise). 

 “Well you can surely teach him and  bring him to the Lord” some may say. “Oh Sabrina, you’re thinking too far ahead, it’s not that deep just see where it goes”, others may say.

But I ask you reader, where do you think that leads other than the path to confusion? And boom – that’s exactly where it would lead me when dating - confusion. Now let me make myself crystal clear by saying that I wasn’t dating atheists. As a matter of fact, I’ve dated Christian men who just happened to have roots in the church but somehow have left their traditional religious practices. Many (except for one) of my boyfriends would practice their beliefs in their own ways (IF THAT - because some of them didn’t even pray regularly but that’s not the point of this blog).  I kid you not, although I realized the differences in my dating relationships and felt like we weren’t on the same page , half way into our relationship, I would stay and try to make it work. Why? Because there was always a huge part of me that didn’t want to let go of the potential husband that they could’ve become. Now I already know what you’re thinking, “Sabrina are you crazy?” YES HEFFA! I AM! Who doesn’t want a financially stable, educated, well groomed, polite, (list goes on) MAN?! Oh I’ll wait!.....And somehow I was good at choosing great men YET they allllll (except for one lol because I don’t know if he’s going to read this) did not honor Christianity in the way that I did. But did that make them bad men? Hmm... truth is , I don’t know. 

 So here we are once again, in the season of singleness. And as I stated previously, I’ve had the opportunity to really reflect on my past relationships and have taken away a few key points that I hope will serve you in your journey:

Number one – Take everything a step at a time. Be where your feet are. ENJOY every second and every moment of getting to know someone. Move at your own pace, do not listen to others in what they believe you should be doing. Honor your own time clock and just be!  By doing so, you’ll give yourself the opportunity to see what needs to be seen. Whether it be positive or negative. If I took everything a step at a time I probably wouldn’t have sabotaged many great moments that I could’ve had in my past relationships.

Number Two – Do not be afraid to invest your time in what interests you. If you find that this someone makes you happy and gives you this sense of peace KEEP GOING! Don’t think you need to withhold how you truly feel. Honor your feelings. Even if your feelings go against what you’ve been told. It’s okay to re-learn or to explore new things! Yes I said it! The Christian girl! Explore yall!!!! Curiosity isn’t the root of evil. It’s okay to try new things. Now if you are HESITANT to try than maybe something greater in you ( I call that the Holy Spirit) is trying to tell you something). At that point relax yaself and don’t do it lol. But don’t hold yourself back. 

Number Three – Final point because now I’m talking too much lol. If someone (or even something) doesn’t serve you anymore, it’s okay to walk away. Don’t be like me and try to hold everything together in hopes that you won’t let the person down. Nine times out of ten, they’ll realize that your feelings are no longer the same. They’ll notice a change. Whether they honor your thoughts  and feelings towards them or not is NOT your issue to fix. As my sisters say, “Do you”! Potential and reality are two different things! 

Singleness is hard. Especially when you’re someone like me who truly yearns to be in love and to grow in love. But singleness gets easier when you transfer those thoughts towards someone else to you. Grow in love with YOU! Take yourself on a date, start your own blog, go on your own baecation, do all that couple stuff – those sip and paints, and dance classes, on your own! Experience you for yourself and trust me, not only will you learn to love yourself but you’ll attract others to that love.

It's been a long time coming but I can say proudly, here in my backyard, with my water and lemon, all alone, that I’ve mastered that self love and I am so proud of me. Life’s journey isn’t always easy. We’ll forever go through things in life. But when you honor yourself and who you are, it makes the journey a little bit easier. 

[thebookofbri]

Things I Wish I Told My West Indian Parents - The Collective

Dear Kings and Queens , I come to you all with a warm heart of gratitude. I applaud your courage, your strength, and your voice! Thank you for trusting me enough to share these very sensitive thoughts and experiences that you have all held close to your heart. May these pieces serve as a R E L E A S E . May they BIND UP the negative impacts that they’ve caused and may they LOOSEN the beautiful souls that you all are evolving into.

Whether you are a viewer outside of the west Indian community, a west Indian parent, child(ren) of west indian parents, or a supportive friend, I ask you to open up your hearts and minds to these shared stories and experiences below:

“I wish I told my west Indian parents that disciplining your children doesn’t always have to mean putting your hands on us – A conversation here and there would’ve been enough. ”

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“ I wish I told my west Indian parents that  I was a bisexual”

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“I Wish I told my west Indian parents that I think I would’ve been into church wayyyyyyyyyyyyy more if not so forceful. Like I wish they would just talk to us as humans. Not as a thing. Don’t get me wrong I’m into church and love God. I’d give my life to stand up for him. But growing up I would’ve been this way if not so forceful”.

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“Communication especially about the uncomfortable topics like sex! Life isn’t just about education and working!

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“Growing up I was never truly allowed to express myself emotionally if physically. Like if I ever thought my parents were wrong and I dared to speak up about it no matter how respectful I was about it, I would get shut down disrespectfully as if I was in the wrong the whole time. It hurt me because I didn’t really know how to and it affected my school, work, and even personal/romantic relationships. I was also put under extremely high standards, this put a lot of pressure on me from and every young age. It was hard for me to learn how to let go, it was hard for me to learn it’s okay to not be perfect, it was hard for me to accept failure and truly I still struggle with it which also makes it hard for me to open up about things I’ve failed in or not being able to make those around me happy as I feel they should be”.

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Things I Wish I Told My West Indian Mom - When you tell your daughter “little girls should be seen and not heard” You’re teaching her to be submissive and passive. You’re teaching her that she has no voice and it’s not her place to speak on things she’s passionate of. You’re teaching her to sit by and watch men screw up everything consistently. Unfortunately, you’re teaching her that her voice doesn’t matter which is ruinous to her development because her voice is one of the most powerful tools in her belt.

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1. I wish I didn’t have to figure out that you loved me or that you were proud of me, I wish you would have just told me. For years, I worked to earn what should have been given to me as a birthright and in your inability to express this to me, I struggled to find it in myself and so sought it in the world. I didn’t find it there either.

2. The provisions you provided me, the house, the lights, the food, and the clothes; they were always appreciated but there was nothing I valued more and rarely received like your physical presence. You worked ceaselessly to provide and I will never forsake or undermine that sacrifice but you missed what mattered that most; the person I grew into. That person was more than a profession. That person was more than the education. That person was more than the expectations and I wish you had gotten to know her, because I struggled to find her, heal her, and forge her, to become her, and more likely than not; you’ve never had the pleasure of meeting her.

3. I wish your love language wasn’t physical discipline. In place of constructive affirmations or words of affections, your preferred course of action created more gaps in the love story you poorly narrated over the course of my life. It made resenting you second nature and resenting the world; first.

4. I wish I could carry the weight of dashed dreams, the ones you called expectations, as easily as I could shoulder the weight of the hurtful rhetoric that had become commonplace between us. Know that in spite of that, I tried and still try to live up to them, if only to give you the joy that seemed to escape you so often. If only to shrink the cost of your sacrifice.

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I Wish They Told Me That Silence is Not A Strength ! Since I was a little girl I’ve watched my mom bend over backwards for people whose sole intentions were to take advantage of her. Through and through, I always hear her say when people wrong you, just turn the other cheek. Now, don’t get me wrong it also says that in the Bible, but in the Haitian culture we tend to use The WORD out of context quite a lot. She was never truly happy, but never dared to speak up. Of course, I learned from her, after all, she was my mother ! THIS silence has broken me times and times again. Even when I was wronged in many ways imaginable, by family who was supposed to love me and care for me. Eventually, I came to the realization that if everything bad that happens to me I stay silent, then how can I help the next person who went through that situation or something? One of the main events in my life that lead to this realization was when a family member tried to abuse me sexually.

In that moment I told myself “ I can do two things scream so everyone in the house will come running, and he will stop or stay silent like I was taught” I went with option two.... I SCREAMED like my life depended on it. When asked why I was screaming, I explained that he ( my cousin) tried to touch me inappropriately. I was met with so much disappointment. My uncle asked me “ how could you even say that ? Are you trying to bring shame to my family ?”They told me to never repeat the occurrence of that event. It was killing me, so I decided to tell my dad . I was living with this family after my mom passed away, because it was too painful to stay in the house that mom and I shared almost all of my life. I told my dad all that happened, he was furious, and decided that I had to come back home.

My dad was the only person who believed me before I even uttered a word. I then moved to the United States, and told myself that this so called family was practically dead to me. The trauma was slowly killing me. At the age of 17, I decided to begin my own healing process, and started telling everyone who will listen, and I started to feel better because I could finally speak! I was free from the bondage of silence, It felt like I was almost completely in control of my voice again.

Finally, I decided to make the final process of my healing forgiveness. I forgave them, but I promised myself that I will never let anyone hurt by keeping my truth hidden, no matter how ugly it may be. I am now the mother of a beautiful littler girl, and I can never imagine her being in my position, but scared to speak up against injustices, unfair treatment, and things that make her uncomfortable.

Silence in our culture allow evil to repeat itself. Our culture is so good at sweeping things under the rug that it will eventually destroy our nation. However, I will continue to teach my daughter to always use her voice!!. I will teach her to be the voice of reason for her generation. I want her to know that I have her back no matter what, and I will choose to believe her story every single time. SILENCE is not a strength!

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I Wish my West Indian Parents Told Me that vulnerability does not equate weakness.

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I wish my west Indian parents told me that they loved me.

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“As an adult I struggle to have real genuine romantic relationships and friendships because I struggle with being emotionally intelligent and available to the ones I care about. I wish my parents taught me how to love – their example as a married couple seemed dull and lifeless. Their relationships with me and my siblings reflected that very same thing.”

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“As a young woman I wish my west Indian mother told me that being single after college and wanting to do my own thing is okay. I wish she told me that It didn’t and still doesn’t take a male figure to complete me”.

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“I wish my parents didn’t compare me to other people’s kids – all it did was embarrass me and make me feel like I wasn’t good enough”.

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“I wish my west Indian father would actually spend time with me – I know he has to work but his absence has impacted my life so much”.

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“I wish my west Indian parents knew that I am trying my best and that mental health is real. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression and it’s not an excuse to do nothing - I just need help”.

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Thank you for your support and thank you for taking the time to read the experiences of others. .

I ask that you reflect on what you’ve read.

Has this raised any awareness for you?

Are there similarities or parallels that you can make from these stories in your own life?

If you are West Indian – what will you do differently as a parent? As a friend? As a daughter or son?

Any conversations you think you’d start?

Peace & Love Tribe 🌻❤️

[thebookofbri]

Dating While Being an Empath

Google says that empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another's position. 

In other words it’s like someone telling you a sad story about their life and how a particular situation made them feel. You in turn would put yourself in that same situation - understanding the cause of those feelings. Or maybe, being able to relate to those feelings yourself because you’ve been in that same situation. 

You’re probably thinking “Awwww, empaths sound like amazing people”. Well, if you haven’t heard it yet, we most definitely are. HOWEVER being an empath can also cause a great deal of heartache and pain if you’re not careful. 

Dating oh dating, what an awesome time in our lives, right?!?!?! Well it ought to be an awesome time in life - the movies make it look like so much fun. Freedom to explore, adventure, and create amazing memories. But you see, when you’re dating while being an empath you may find yourself pouring a lot more of your energy into others. You may find yourself always trying to be understanding of someone else and trying to minimize their problems. 

And then BOOM - you end up taking on the problems of others and carrying them on your back because you want said person to be happy. NEWSFLASH!!!! You are a person who has their own problems too, and that’s not to say that you can’t care for or help others. But, you shouldn’t take on the baggage that other people bring to your doorstep. 

I remember dating this guy (here I go disclosing information lol, don’t judge me - it’ll happen a lot in this blog - now back to my point). I remember dating this guy and he was so handsome, I mean like F-I-N-E as hell okaaaay?! The more I got to know em, the more I realized how much I liked him. To make a super long story short (because I could go on forever) homeboy did not have a car. (Sigh) Now listen, I wasn’t quick to just dub him - I mean after all he was a great guy. He told me his life story and how he had a tough upbringing. Me being the empath I am , I soaked it all up like a sponge and I thought to myself “well, he’s a nice guy, give him a shot”. And so we spent more time together. 

But here goes the turning point of the major point I'm trying to make here. Since homeboy didn’t have a car, I ended up driving us around. Which was fine at first - until I had to pick him up AND drive to his friend’s house to pick his friend up AND THEN drive to this recreational center to drop them off to play ball. Now ask me about the gas money I was given to make these multiple stops?! You guessed right - not a THANG was given to me. 

I’ve never been one to ask others for anything. To this day, I still struggle to ask people for help. But while sitting in the parking lot of the recreational center I had to question whether I was being used, whether my empathy has caused me to over exert myself, and in the end, whether I was even happy doing all of this. And to be honest y'all.... no. I felt completely used, I felt like I did over extend myself for this person, and I wasn’t happy doing it. 

It’s one thing to do things out of the kindness of your heart. But those lines can get a little blurry when you’re an empath. I felt so bad that he didn’t have a car, and how could I say no to such a genuine request?! Who doesn’t want to hang out with friends?......but wait a minute, that wasn’t for me to figure out on HIS behalf. At the time I didn’t even take a moment to reflect on this. I just up and went and ended up driving around his town. (Oh - Mind you, we did not live in the same town y'all - he lives TOWNS away from me. I drove to his town and did all of this back and forth *rolls my eyes and shakes my head at my damn self*)

 I urge all of my empaths to do what I should’ve did then: SET BOUNDARIES! By doing so you protect yourself and set a standard that others who care about you will honor. Being an empath will only be draining if you let it. Don’t pour out all that you have to give. You still got to make sure that you have enough left for yourself. Make yourself a priority every time. That way, you can show up as your best self. Always. 

How do you practice setting boundaries in your dating life? Friendships? Relationships? Please feel free to comment below or send me a direct message via IG at _sabrinamonet. 

Peace & Love Tribe 🌻❤️

[thebookofbri]

Chapter 2021

Happy New Year and welcome to the book of Bri! You know what’s wild? I told myself that I wanted to start over this year and how I wanted to start on a perfect note! But, that didn’t go quite as planned, I ended up messing up the minute the clock struck 12am. (Sigh). But then I realized, *wait a sec.* I can get back up and try again. 

Why do we forget that we have the opportunity to try again? We forget that we can literally start all over. I’m currently reading this book right now called Relationship Goals by Michael Todd. He’s a pastor out in Tulsa, Oklahoma. In the first chapter of the book he highlights the importance of progression and not perfection. 

No offense y'all - but it seems to me like we often jump into the new year on this perfection bit. We get super excited to start over or eliminate what was and jump into doing things “the right way” as we like to call it. But what happens when we get it all wrong? What happens when we wake up and we end up making a mistake the 4th day into the year or the 5th day, or the next month, or the next four months? 

Although I do not pride myself in making mistakes (because trust me I don’t). I’m starting to embrace them and while embracing my mistakes I’m also growing and evolving and reminding myself that I am human. 

So if you’re like me - whether you fcked up too soon (literally lol the year just started) or, if you’re reading this post later throughout the year and you fck up. Know that it’s okay. We often hear the generic phrase “get up and try again” or “it’s okay, we all make mistakes”. But I am going to hold on to Michael Todd’s quote of “Progression and not perfection”. Happy New Year and again welcome to my blog!