theclassiccolleen

[theclassiccolleen]

It’s 1 am and I’m tired but I can’t seem to put myself to sleep.

I have so much thoughts; my past, my present, my future. Oh god, my future. How do I even explain how anxious and worried I get whenever I think about it? It’s weird to think about it while we’re literally surviving this pandemic. But here I am, worried about how my life is so delayed because of it.

When I was younger, I thought I would have been married by 25. I am currently 24, single (never had an official bf), part-timer, and most of all, unlicensed. But yeah, I think it’s pretty normal to marry later now. ANYWAY!!! One of my biggest worries is the board exam. Like… the more it gets postponed, the more I think and pressure myself that I should get my license in one go. Also, the list of examinees keep piling up so will it be harder to secure that license? I have no idea.

Still, I know I’ll be an engineer very very soon. After my first take, I will have that “Engr.” beside my name. I am claiming it!

[theclassiccolleen]

[theclassiccolleen]

1st entry for 2019

It’s weird how one year, 365 days, can make so much difference. 

First, I did not write a long entry about my 2018 so I did not have any “long message” sent to my friends. 

I don’t know how 2018 has changed me more compared to the other years. Maybe because it comes as I mature? I’m not really sure. As usual, 2018 has its downs but to be completely honest, this year is the year I’ve really learn to love myself. It’s hard to admit this but I used to rely on other people for my happiness. Talking to friends, it’s like a necessity for me already. But now, as I grow older, as my friends progress with their own lives, I’ve learned to only rely on myself. It was hard at first but I learned that the best way for me is to use a diary to be the outlet of all my emotions -- may it be happiness, sadness, or even anger. 

2018 was also the year that I’ve learned to completely leave some people behind. I used to claim to have left people that don’t deserve me but let them re-enter my life as soon as they start knocking on my door again. But this year, I am proud to say that when they came knocking, I shut the door; i directly told them that I am not considering them to be a part of my life like they used to be. Does that make any sense? I mean yeah sure, they are a part of my life but NOT AS MUCH or maybe NOT AS MUCH THAT I CAN FEEL IT? I don’t know. Sometimes I think, maybe I’m too harsh on people? But maybe I’ve had enough. I don’t want to experience all the pain anymore. 

It’s sad that this would be part of my 2019 entry but I have a certain friend that I want to cut ties with. I mean, NOT completely cut ties. Maybe not consider him/her as a close friend (or maybe best friend?) anymore. From the very start, I never felt that he/she treated me as his/her best friend. I don’t know what stopped me before from letting go but since I am learning to value myself more, I have decided to leave what we have (had) behind.

With that said, I am very thankful to the people who have indirectly helped me or made me realize how to love myself. The people who made me feel loved without me trying. The people who really cared when others didn’t -- my college constants. They’ve had so much impact on my life and it makes me cry just thinking about how my (or our college life) is almost coming to an end. Yes, I am also excited to face a new chapter of my life this 2019 but just thinking about not seeing the same faces, not talking to the same people, it makes me really lonely. I am very blessed to have constant friends in college and I am thankful it’s them.

Lastly, I am happy to have met someone who will always be there for me and always take care of me. A person who would always think of what’s best for me. A person who inspires me to become a better person. I am looking forward to spending more time with this person this 2019. 

Here’s to a brighter year filled with happiness, learnings, and self-improvement!

[theclassiccolleen]

I have realized that those who try to reach out to you when you’re at your lowest are either your true friends or the people who have been in the same situation as you are. I realized this when I saw a post from someone and she seems very down. I reached out to her, not because we were close (we’re friends but not that close) but because I knew how it felt to feel down and having to keep it to myself. I wanted her to know that someone is out there for her, even if she’s not close with that person (in her case, it’s me!) Idk but I was slightly touched when someone asked me if I was okay. She did not know that my Twitter was deactivated. She did not know i blocked my closest friends on Messenger. She did not know that I logged out of my Instagram and deleted the app. She just noticed that something was off. Tbh, I tried so hard to pretend that everything was great but my physical appearance did not want to cooperate, which made it noticeable for her. Anyway, I’m back on Instagram and Twitter. I’m pretty sure nobody noticed because why would they? Lol I shouldn’t feel important, right? I haven’t unblocked my closest friends on Messenger. I am 99% confident that nobody noticed I have blocked them as well. That is because nobody tried to reach out to me FIRST (in case they saw that they were blocked). I am still emotional as of the moment but I hope this goes by as soon as possible. I still have things to do for school!!! ——- Don’t forget to ask your friends if they are doing okay. Not only because you want to know how they are doing but for it to be a gentle reminder as well that they have someone to rely on when they need to.

[theclassiccolleen]

I tried to reach out. I swear, I did.

[theclassiccolleen]

“We lose friends to relationships not because they cease to make time for us. Not because their significant other replaces us. Not even because they cease to care about us, as much as it may seem that way at the time. We lose friends to relationships because they lose the fundamental thirst that drives us when we’re single – to be loved, accepted and cared for. It is what drives more of our actions than we care to admit. It’s what keeps us coming back to each other, keeps us going out on weekends, keeps us up at night decoding text messages and exclaiming “I’m just so done,” to one another over Skype. We share each other’s pain and motivation and confusion and for as long as it lasts, it is magical. It makes us feel normal and accepted and less alone in the big, confusing mess that is our twenties.”

[theclassiccolleen]

I’m a mess, I’m depressed, I’m alone and it’s all my fault.

 ---dear insecurity

[theclassiccolleen]

Okay, I have a lot of friends but whenever I need someone by my side, I have no one. I post on Twitter about being sad and not a single friend replies/messages me. I’m pathetic, I know, but I don’t want to message them because I feel like I’ll just annoy them. Idk but yeah. Let’s go @/self. You can do it. 👏🏻 Also, I just want to try not talking about my life so much. Like maybe shut up and just talk about the weather or acads or something. Idk, let’s see what will happen.

[theclassiccolleen]

Goodbye, 2017!

Note: Bold texts are for those lazy people that do not appreciate this from the heart message HAHAHAHA chz (pero slightly true).

You could be the person that I talk to every single day about the most random things.  

You could be the person I used to hang out with but somehow took different paths.

You could be the person that I exchange thousands of memes with but don’t really talk.

You could be the person I sent a wrong message to which resulted to us talking for x days straight.

You could be the person I only talk to when I rant about something.

You could be the person I only talk to because we reply to each other’s stories.

You could be the person from my past that re-entered my life.

You could be the person that opens my eyes to reality.

You could be the person that makes me smile with the simplest gestures.

You ARE a person that made an impact in my life this 2017 (or maybe years ago, God knows how long) and I am very grateful.  Whatever relationship we have (had), it does not matter.  I am still thankful.  

Truth be told, 2017 was not an easy year.  It is one of the hardest, if not THE hardest year of my life.  I was pushed to my limits (not in a good way) and your presence somehow made this year a little bearable. You have no idea how much it means to me just to think about how I have people like you in my life.  

Some of you, I have cut ties with. Maybe because I never apologized, I didn’t accept your apology, or maybe you never gave an apology. Whatever.  You still made me happy at some point; we enjoyed each other’s company.  You have filled my heart with happiness and the memories will always be there.  It took me years to realize this but having hate towards a person does not affect the person as much as it affects ME.  I have decided that I don’t want to have THIS hate in my heart anymore.  If I did you wrong, I am very sorry. (We could talk about it. Just hit me up.) If you have wronged me (you may or may not be aware that you treated me wrong), you don’t need to apologize anymore; I have forgiven you.  Let’s start with a clean slate this 2018?

I want each and every single one of you to know that I appreciate you; that people appreciate you, your character, your presence, everything.  People like you matter.  If you are feeling down, please talk to someone.  Talk to me.  I am more than willing to help a friend out.  Talk to Him.  I swear this helps A LOT.  

Some of you may think that this is corny, especially for a person like me who is not THAT showy in real life (some of you will even tease me, I know) but I just want to say that WALA AKONG PAKE KUNG CORNY. I want you know how much you matter.  I want you to realize your worth.  I want you to know that there’s so much more in life to look forward to.  

There’s this quote that says “Chase what makes you happy.” Posting this is my way of chasing you. Luh? Walang kwenta yung sinabi ko. What I’m trying to say is that you guys make me happy. Yieeeeeeeeeee. Yuck. Kadiri. K bye. Jk HAHAHAHA.  

Okay. To REALLY end this post, let me share these bible verses:

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore comfort one another, and build up each one the other, even as you also do.  

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, And through the rivers, they will not flow over you.  And when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, And the flame will not consume you.

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and take courage; do not be afraid or dismayed.  For Jehovah your God is with you wherever you go.

If you want to open up something (e.g. my behavior you dislike) or maybe ask something personal, please don’t hesitate! I’d like to hear from you too so … you could message me here or message me wherever you want to. Again, thank you for being a part of my 2017.  Happy New Year! Here’s to a brighter year ahead of us! I hope you have a fruitful 2018. Take care always.  God bless.  I love you all (not in a weird, romantic way. Eew).  

[theclassiccolleen]

There are days where you’ll miss everything he did.

There are days where you’ll hate everything he did.

There are days where you’ll miss how he treated you.

There are days where you’ll hate how he treated you.

There are days where you’ll miss how he made you feel.

There are days where you’ll hate how he made you feel.

There are days where you’ll miss him.

There are days where you’ll hate him.

But after all these days, 

there will be days where you’ll smile because memories of him won’t affect you anymore.

[theclassiccolleen]

Hello!!!!!! I started folloiwing you because of Kdrama but i also read all your pwrsonal entries LOL. How did you know about your hormonal imbalance shizzz? And also it's so good to know that you are filipina too. And that your name is Danielle. Because i was curious for a loooong time LOL

Hi! I'm not sure but I think I went through a certain process to know if I have PCOS? I don't know but I do remember that I had some blood tests and went to an OB Gyne clinic. That's where the doctor told me I had hormonal imbalance. I hope this helps?? Hahaha. Anyway, yay! I'm actually Chinay but still...yay. If you have more questions, you could go off anon and shoot me a direct message (if that's what you call the new message feature that's not an 'ask me anything' thing). 😊

[theclassiccolleen]

As I was flipping over my notes, I saw this yellow paper that I wrote on because I was angry (that was the only outlet I had that time – October 18, 2017).  I re-read what I had written and it made me cry (HAHAHA) but for something written while someone was down, IT. MADE. SO. MUCH. SENSE.  That’s why I’m putting it here.  

Never EVER let anyone hurt you.  The first time they hurt you, learn to forgive them.  When they do it again, learn to let them go.  You always deserve the best or if not, you deserve to be treated right.  Let go of people who don’t know your worth.  You will feel sad.  Sometimes, you’ll even regret letting them go but in the end, you’ll survive.  Life goes on; with or without them.  You’ll find better people, eventually (or you’ll realize the best people are already right beside you).  But ‘til that day comes, you enjoy life.  You try to know yourself better; you start loving yourself; you start appreciating the small things in life.  

People come and go, that’s life; but don’t forget who stood by your side.  NEVER forget those who stood by your side.  NEVER take them for granted.  NEVER forget to thank them because they deserve it, especially when you’re an emotional wreck.  You are never alone because of them.  Don’t forget who gave you those people, though.  It was Him.  ALWAYS be thankful to Him.  Without Him, you are nothing; you have nothing.

Just be patient.  Just be understanding.  Just give your trust.  Everything has been planned already.  You’re on a rollercoaster ride but it’ll eventually end.  Try to enjoy the ride until you reach that end, it may even be your very own happy ending.  

@self

Do you remember why you (I? we? Whatever.) wrote this?  It’s because you were mad at a friend.  Are you still friends with that person? I’m not sure HAHAHAHA.  

[theclassiccolleen]

I have never felt this off, or this demotivated ever in my life. It's sad that I am putting this here since I feel like if I tell people, they'll just find it (or me) annoying. To be honest, I don't even know why I feel this way. I am aware that I have hormonal imbalance, which explains why I feel depressed at the most random times. But you know what doesn't help my situation? My tendency to overthink. I don't know why but I can't help but overthink situations. The past weeks had been good, I could even say it was GREAT. But this week, there's this feeling inside me that I just don't understand. I am pretty sure some of my friends have noticed it. From being extra cheerful to being really quiet in a snap, it's weird. Even I am weirded out. I am very lucky, I think it is better to say that I am very blessed, to have such good support system. Don't get me wrong, I really have good support system but I felt the need to post it here instead of messaging them is entirely because of my own thoughts. They have never made me feel that they are annoyed by me. IT IS ENTIRELY MY OWN THOUGHTS. I have no idea if they'll open this post but I'll still carry on and say what I want to say to them. To my college best friends, I am very very very thankful. No words can express how thankful I am. You guys listen to me all the time and tell me when I'm wrong or when I'm right. You slap me with the truth, even though you know it'll hurt me. I think I appreciate that the most. Thank you for tolerating me, please don't get tired of me 💖 Hahaha. To my high school best friends, we don't see each other quite often but I'm glad we're still updated (not so updated, but still) with each other's lives. You always know what to say to make me feel better and always know what's the best for me. I have never felt completely alone because I know that you guys will always be there for me. To that guy, you already know how thankful I am for you (since I sent you a long-ass birthday message). I hope we get the time to talk soon. To my Thursday night friends, we don't talk about this kind of problems that much (or at all) but I am glad that when you share His words, it somehow strengthens me and my spirit. I almost cry every week when we're at the peak of our meeting (pretty sure you don't notice this). It is all because I get touched by His words through all of you. I hope that I don't go MIA this term and the following terms (please pray for me lol). Please send me a message if you've read this. Let's laugh at this post together. Joke. HAHAHA. On a more serious note, I'd love to know who actually read this. I am ending this post in a very unusual way. I don't usually say this a lot but... I LOVE YOU ALL. MAHAL KO KAYO. I will always be here for you too. -Danielle

[theclassiccolleen]

Life update (cheret)!!!

I wanted to remember what I did so I am gonna put it here. 

Last night, I decided to deactivate some of my social media accounts. I mean, I really wanted to try it.  I did it before but I failed after a few minutes (YES, MINUTES but it’s because I needed it for school).  

As I was watching a buzzfeed video wherein they didn’t have access to the internet for 90 hours (if I remember it right), I remembered what I wanted to do before and it was perfect timing!!!! Because...

I am going through something (awow so arte)

I’m on vacation

Okay, so I noticed that I have been using Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat the most.  So I decided to deactivate my Facebook and my Twitter then logged out my Snapchat.  FYI: I uninstalled these apps on my phone. I kept Instagram because it’ll be impossible if I deactivated it all but to be fair, I used Instagram the least among the 4 social media sites I mentioned earlier.

Realizations:

I spent most of my time on those social media sites. I kept on unlocking my phone to supposedly check on those but ha ha. Not a single friend texted me about what I did, or about anything to be honest, which is ayt.  No problemo, amigos.

I am more productive without it. Well, not exactly A LOT more productive.  I still access Youtube and I love watching vlogs so... BUT I was able to exercise, which felt great. 

Overall, it was satisfying, is satisfying.  

For how long will I keep it deactivated? Hopefully, at least until Friday morning (I deactivated Monday evening).  

Okay, I cheated.  I re-installed Snapchat (at least it lasted for 35 hours lol) but I am still planning (hoping) to keep Facebook and Twitter deactivated until Friday. 

I forgot to update what happened. :( But here it goes

I survived having no Twitter and no Facebook until Friday.  I actually activated my Twitter around lunch time and my Facebook later that NIGHT. 

Final thoughts:

I am happy with the outcome of what I did.  As I’ve said, I was more productive, even more than my last update since I was able to do house chores and even read a book.  I was able to know myself more (wow deep thoughts jk) because of this.  My friends missed me! The feeling is so satisfying lol.  

[theclassiccolleen]

A little reminder for myself

Note: This is edited every time I feel the need to.

NEVER assume. Ask if you can, sit still if you cannot.

If a person truly cares, he/she will contact you first. 

Never EVER go through old conversations with the person that caused your hurting.

Do not lose your pride in the process (did I say it right? Idek but you’ll get it.)

[theclassiccolleen]

Park Seo Joon wallpapers | Reblog/like this post if you’ll use it.

[theclassiccolleen]

Another set of Park HyungSik wallpapers!  Feel free to use ‘em but please reblog/like this post if you’ll use/save it.

Also, my blog has a new page wherein every kdrama related post will be seen there yaaaaay! Don’t hesitate to message me if you have any comments, suggestions or requests (or you just want to fan girl with me keke).