theemadhat

[theemadhat]

Stephen as Mickey Mouse (at North Amityville, New York)

[theemadhat]

at Amityville, New York

[theemadhat]

Ashley Homestore Carle Place.

[theemadhat]

After the most progressive and destructive century in history, it’s become cliche to say that we are living in extraordinary times. Despite the modern miracles that technology has provided, we are living through times of great stress…personally, nationally and even worldly.

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Stephen Madsen

How do we cope with our anxiety about the conditions around us, about personal problems, about the society our children will inherit? Most of us worry but don’t know what to do. How do we keep a sense of perspective?

Like many people, I live my life failing to understand inner peace is a choice. I am not sure what I think. Perhaps I don’t believe anyone could feel a lasting peace inside. I do know that my own feelings of peace are always transitory.

There are many ups and downs in my life, too many claims on my time and too many difficult situations to be dealt with. I think I actually believe inner peace could only be achieved by monks and saints, or anyone living a reclusive life who doesn’t have to deal with everyday struggles.

I am stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how peace can be mine when there is always something, some drama going on in my own life or the lives of those I love.

In fact, it seems to me that the whole world is filled with stuff, negative stuff mostly, which I read about on the internet, see on television, or hear from someone I knew.

It is the kind of stuff that pulls at your emotions—the breaking news story of a missing woman being found murdered, the tragedy of a child being killed by a hit and run driver, the numbers of homeless people tripling, and a devastating Tsunami killing thousands and paralyzing a country.

Then there were the stories closer to home—my friend’s husband being diagnosed with cancer and dying three months later, me being diagnosed with terminal diabetes and given 3 years to live, being accused of a crime I didn’t commit, being beaten with a hammer to near death, and saving a friend from attempted suicide. My emotions dip and peak along with how much control I feel I had over my own happiness. I literally feel like a puppet on a string, and as I ask myself over and over again,

“How can I feel a constant inner peace in my heart and life when my emotions see-saw up and down according to what is happening in and around me?”

The answers that bring lasting solutions are spiritual in nature and derive from the principles involved in exercising godly faith, what I call Ultimacy. But before we can reach Ultimacy, we need to know that He exists and is personally interested in us. As individuals, we need to think of Him as our Father. So the first step to having the peace of mind we yearn for is to establish that God cares for us in all circumstances and that He has a plan for our lives, both now and in the future.

But how can we know that God even exists?

If the apostle Paul were alive today, he might well answer the question as he did in one of his letters more than 1,900 years ago:

“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse” (Romans 1:20, New International Version).

According to Paul, we are without excuse if we don’t recognize God’s divine nature and His eternal power in the natural world.

From rugged panoramas to rainforests, the Earth fills us with awe. Its seemingly infinite variety is amazing to contemplate and even more difficult to explain in anything but flights of theory and imagination. Whales communicate by underwater sound, but how did they learn? Migrating birds fly thousands of miles and unerringly arrive at the same location year after year. How did they develop such precise guidance systems?

The apostle Paul said,

“The living God… made the heaven, the earth, the sea, and all things that are in them.”

The simple belief that God’s existence is evident from what we see in nature has all but disappeared in a world that so boldly proclaims humanity’s accomplishments. Yet that childlike trust is the starting point for a right relationship with our Father.

Looking back I know I believed that my emotions were important. After all, wasn’t being emotional an essential part of being alive? Emotions made me feel real and allowed me to extend empathy to everyone else.

But in the deepest part of myself, I do not feel good most of the time. I long to not be so emotional. I want to be released from all the conflict in my life—to not react to other people’s words and anger, to feel serenity in my heart.

It is an almost desperate need to alter or to stop the negative cycle of events which seemed to dominate my relationships and my life.

I believe it was that intention which kept on surfacing in my mind and in my heart that fueled my spiritual search and led me to discover a more peaceful way to live, despite the conflict in my life.

I once believed I had no control over what I was thinking, because I never considered the idea that thoughts can be changed. Then I started focusing on my thoughts and realized much of what I was thinking did not reflect the way I truly felt.

Just by paying attention to them, we see that many thoughts are primarily fear-based and judgmental.

And, because they come and go unchallenged, most of us struggle through life unconsciously accepting that we are our thoughts. We simply do not look at or challenge them as they appear and disappear. By accepting them, we give them permission to shape our beliefs about ourselves and our lives.

Once you start recognizing them, you can go about changing your thoughts. Through observing how your thoughts differ from the way you really feel, you can choose to place a different thought in your mind, which more accurately reflects the way you feel.

As soon as we start to think there is something not right, not the way it should be, or we become judgmental about a situation or a person—their words or behavior—we know we have moved away from accepting what is, by wanting to control what is outside of us.

There is a lot of negative energy and craziness in this world, but we can all learn to live with inner peace.

If your intention is strong and comes from the deepest part of you, it will happen. Outwardly, nothing changes; peace comes from making changes inside you.

It begins and continues through becoming more aware of who you really are, knowing you are loved, making changes in the way you think, practicing loving-kindness, and accepting what is.

As serenity and unconditional love fill your heart, you will accept that you cannot go back, and will not relinquish what you have now found, that peace that you seem to have been searching for your whole life.

Finally, you will come to this—deep inner peace inside you that endures, regardless of what challenges life brings.

TheeMadHatter

[theemadhat]

at Epcot - Walt Disney World

[theemadhat]

at Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World

[theemadhat]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Re-Sell Madness (@re_sell_madness)

Tower of Terror (at Twilight Zone Tower of Terror)

[theemadhat]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Re-Sell Madness (@re_sell_madness)

It's a small world (at "it's a small world")

[theemadhat]

I Try (Mar 2010)

- Poem to my wife after she said she was divorcing me

Sometimes I wonder why I’m still here And if I wasn’t…would anyone care?

I wonder why I try to keep on giving, Or if this life, is even worth living.

I wonder if I’ll ever be important, Or why my mind seems so lost and so distant

And as I’m lost inside of this thought, My heart and soul both shatter then rot.

In this life, I’ve come to find, There’s not one soul that can comfort mine.

And thanks to you, I now know That real true-love just isn’t so.

Yet, somewhere, deep within my heart, Is a spot that hasn’t been ripped apart.

And, there you are so perfectly clear, As I see your face, I shed my first “true-love” tear.

This tear was made, especially for you, A tear of love so pure and true.

Yet still…you’re not here, within my arms And nothing works, not even my charm.

So I try to go on; I try to smile I try to forget, but only for a while.

I try to sleep and dream something new, But it never fails…it’s all about you.

I try to move on, small steps each day. I try to chase away all the feelings that stay.

I try to laugh and avoid the word, “WHY,” But it ends just the same as I break down and cry.

I try to get involved in deep conversation. I try to ignore that overwhelming sensation.

I try to be open and to love again, But when the heart is in battle, only TRUE LOVE can win.

Everything I do, everywhere I go, Something recalls those memories, only I know.

It doesn’t matter WHAT; it doesn’t matter WHO, But something sets off those wonders of you.

I need the remedy for the pain of goodbye, I need to know how to do more …than just try.

-dedicated to Michelle Madsen

TheMadHatter

[theemadhat]

Being In The Moment (Feb 2010)

Mindfulness can be seen as the practice of “being in the moment” – but what does this actually mean? Does it mean that if we’re mindful we should never think about the past or the future, never try to plan or to reflect on our past experience?

Actually, being in the moment means being mindfully aware of what is going on right here and now, in our experience, and this includes any thinking we do about the past or future. Much of the time our experience does not have this quality of awareness or mindfulness. A lot of the time we are like robots, automatically living out habitual patterns of self-pity, anger, wish fulfillment, fear, etc. These habitual tendencies take us over and run our lives for us – without our being able to stand back and decide whether this is what we actually want to be doing. It can be a real shock when we start to realize just how habitual and automatic our lives are, and when we realize how much runaway thinking leads to states of suffering.

When we’re in this robotic state, we’re not mindfully aware of what’s going on. We may know on some level that we’re angry but we probably don’t realize most of the time that we have an option not to be angry. We fantasize without any discernment of whether what we’re thinking about is making us happy or unhappy. And in fact, a lot of the time when we are letting our habits dominate us we are not making ourselves or others happy – often quite the opposite.

Being in the moment is just another way of saying that we are aware of what is going on in our experience, that we are not just being angry (or whatever) but are aware that we are angry and are aware that we can choose to be otherwise. Of course a lot of the time when we are not being in the moment, we are literally thinking about the past or present. We might be dwelling on the past – brooding about some past hurt. Or we may be fantasizing about a future in which we have won the lottery and are living out our lives in some imagined paradise, or daydreaming about being with the perfect partner.

Often these fantasized pasts and futures are not even real possibilities, but simply fantasies of how things might be or of how we would have liked them to have been. And as with all unmindful activity, we have no awareness that this fantasizing is pointless. All that it does is reinforce unhelpful emotional tendencies that can never truly enrich our lives. So what’s the point? Tell me your thoughts.

To be continued….

TheeMadHatter

[theemadhat]

To That Moment

We want to believe This world is understandable. That life is fair. That things make sense. We want to believe That if we're careful enough, Work hard enough, We and those we love Will be safe from anything bad. It is one of the biggest questions We wrestle with - Why things sometimes aren't fair. But even though we don't have The perfect answer to why things happen, We do have our faith. It's just a simple kind of faith. That somehow, someday, The suffering will end, Good will be rewarded, Love will endure, The pain we have will be forgotten, Light will scatter the darkness, And our lives can & will move on. Here's to our faith. Here's to that moment. TheeMadHatter

[theemadhat]

What It Means To Be A HERO (Oct 2013)

Throughout history there have been many individuals with certain admirable qualities which portray true character. During the course of our lives, we have heard of these individuals in myths, legends, stories, and in fiction and non-fiction books. People have admired them in movies and comic books as icons that were no more than an average figure; they were seen as role models who stood out in society as people who made a difference. Certainly, we have all heard of at least one, for they are simply referred to as “Hero’s.” But what makes an individual a hero? What are the qualities or characteristics that make a hero? Many things have been taken into account, and there have been many definitions of what it truly means to be a real hero. Webster’s dictionary defines a hero as: “(1) a mythological or legendary figure, often of the divine descent, endowed with great strength or ability; (2) an illustrious warrior; (3) a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities; (4) one that shows great courage.” This, in a sense, directly puts into perspective what we look for in a hero; for example, the first two resemble characteristics of hero's from legends, myths, and stories that have a more supernatural and godlike quality to them. For example, the story of the mighty Hercules, son of the Greek God Zeus, falls into this category, as he was of divine descent and had incredible strength and abilities far beyond that of the average individual. The last two apply to a more down-to-earth human just as the hero's we hear about in the news or everyday people who will show these characteristics; for example, cops, firefighters, and doctors. Most people will agree with this definition as the basic concept of a hero, but some, of course, will have a broader or more specific view on the individual. Another view of a hero can be found in an extended definition. As previously mentioned, heroes can be found throughout history, many of whom have made a difference in people’s lives. They were the ones who forever made an impact while changing the course of time with their revolutionary thinking and courage to stand up for what was right, as well as what they believed in, without regard for the consequences. For example, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. made an impact in the African-American community in the United States by standing up for African-American’s rights with non-violent protests and movements while sharing with the world his vision of a dream, which has been memorialized in his famous speech, “I Have a Dream” which says, “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Even though Dr. King was shot and killed on April 4, 1968 in Memphis, Tennessee, his dream of racial coexistence between whites and blacks lived on and, with the years, would come true. Lastly, there is the one definition that is regarded as the highest form of truth as to what it means to be a hero, the military’s definition. The criteria that the military uses to identify a person as a hero is simple: it is summed up by the most prestigious military award till this day, the Medal of Honor. This is given to the bravest of all soldiers. According to the military, this man is described as: “To conspicuously display themselves with gallantry and intrepidity at the risks of their lives above and beyond the call of duty.” Many can claim the title of hero, but thanks to the military and its use of this prestigious exclusive medal, it keeps the word “hero” from being commonplace or misconstrued. In reality, however, many think that if one joins the military, then he is automatically a hero in their eyes. This is because people who join the military are those who sacrifice years of their lives to serve honorably for a cause they believe in, knowing there is a possibility they will not return home. Some do it to defend the country from different forms of terrorism, other to protect the people whom they love, and others join because they believe it is simply the right thing to do. Either way, many of these characteristics are well known characteristics that define a true hero. There are many definitions and views on what a hero should be, from mythical figures with supernatural powers, to average crime-stopping cops and firefighters, to revolutionists with a righteous cause that forever changes history, and finally to war hero's. So with all this said one things stands true with all the definitions though. People who volunteer their time, sacrifice their lives for others, expect no compensation, and do it out of a sense of duty and selflessness, without regard for the possible consequences or repercussions are, by every standard, defined as a hero. They commit themselves to the highest ideals. But I ask this, do they only embrace that identity when they wear their letters and logos, or when we meet with campus faculty and staff, or when they apply for awards? Or do they always have the potential within them to aspire higher, and act on they values? Every religion states that mankind should live a selfless life in service to others and devote their life to better mankind and strive to better themselves in the word of their father. So I ask this, if mankind followed this single request, wouldn’t we all be hero’s? The choice is yours, and you make it every single day, in public and in private. BE A HERO!! TheeMadHatter

[theemadhat]

What's The Meaning To Life (Oct 2014)

What is the meaning of my life? Why am I here? What is the purpose of my existence? In order to figure out the answers for these philosophical questions, we ask ourselves even more complicated ones: What is the meaning of death? What if I am not here anymore?  What is the purpose of my non-existence? According to people smarter than me, the search for meaning is innate.  In practice this means that everyone tends to filter input, organize information and experience, and ask questions according to what they are interested in and care about, and at a deep level there is a hunger for meaningfulness and purpose. The brain not only wants to make sense of what it learns, but also wants to know that learning has purpose and value. Moreover, our brains are programmed to search for meaning through patterning.  For instance, some people perceive faces in clouds or see the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich. Likewise, conspiracy theorists tend to identify patterns and believe those patterns have a great significance. The experience of seeing meaningful patterns or connections in random or meaningless data is called Apophenia.  It is the perception of patterns and connections where none exist. Because our brains are not as simple as we think they are and because we are all “pattern seeking primates” who tend to search for meaning of all aspects of our lives, we keep searching for the meaning of life. But let’s face the truth. Life has no meaning. However, each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer. I think we should stop asking ourselves existential questions. In order to escape the brain’s complexity, let’s start asking ourselves these simple questions instead: What meaning do I give to my life? What is the purpose of my life? What is most important to me in my life? What are my deepest values and beliefs? Adding purpose and values is the only way to live a meaningful life. The first part of the Answer to the Question of the ‘Meaning of Life’ is about the way to truly Live. And that is to love and be loved by the people in your life with all your heart, and to seek to live in the Now – to strive to be present with them, and remember this mission and purpose through the struggles and the joy, and to share together the amazing journey of life. The second part is to see Life as more than your own life and your own time. To see that throughout time, humanity has shared a vision of ‘peace on earth’. And though it is an impossible dream, only a life lived in service to humanity – in honor of this shared goal – can help to validate the struggles of the 93 billion people who have lived and died, the 7 billion dreams of those alive today, and the hope of humanity to come. The third is to find a balance between the two – between living your individual life to the fullest, while striving to help humanity evolve to a higher consciousness of compassion, meaning and purpose. With that said, there are only four questions to ask when in search for the meaning of like. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: LOVE. I have learned that you can go anywhere you want to go and do anything you want to do and buy all the things that you want to buy and meet all the people that you want to meet and learn all the things that you desire to learn and if you do all these things but are not madly in love: you have still not begun to live. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. TheeMadHatter

[theemadhat]

It's Not About Me (Feb 2016)

The world is opening up and I begin to see there is a bigger picture around me and. Far bigger than the toys that once were set in front of you, directly within reach. I'm walking, learning and wondering. The other day we were going through another episode of the "why-this-and-that" saga and my answers were getting very close to the "just-because line" when one of my friends said: “Dude, just accept that some stuff just happens.” Isn’t that easier said than done! When you first receive a diagnosis of a chronic/terminal illness, so many questions race through your mind. Among them, "why me?" And the doctor’s answer is often, “We don’t know.” If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you’ll know that I’m not the person who believes that anyone is suffering because God is trying to teach them a lesson or punish them. I believe we end up sick due to the fact that we live in an imperfect, fallen world and we have bodies that begin to deteriorate from the moment we take our first breath. But even with that belief I often wonder, "Why?" Am I the only one that’s ever felt this way, or have some of you asked the same question? Why do I spend sleepless nights in pain? Why do three of my meds have to cause weight gain? Why do I have to take so many shots a day? Why do I have to take so many medications? Well, a few months ago I read a great book by Max Lucado titled, It’s Not About Me. This little book allowed me to think with a whole new perspective. Why not me? After all, there are millions, if not billions, around the world that suffer from some sort of chronic illness, pain, or disease. So how can I say I’m any different than all of them and should be excluded from the sick list? I began to ask the why questions again, but from a different perspective. Why am I blessed to still have a loving mother and incredible kids when I know so many who have stood at the grave-sites of their loved ones? Why am I sheltered and warm when others are homeless, live in mud huts or under tarps? Understand what I am saying? Looking at your personal situation from a positive perspective. This is NOT an easy transition to make. To dwell on the negative side of things is far easier than to search for a positive. Life with chronic/terminal illness is constantly slapping us in the face with the negative. Yes, far easier to sit here and blame the world for your condition. Even the apostle Paul asked God three times to remove his “thorn in the flesh”. The bible doesn’t exactly tell us what that thorn was but I can imagine it was something as troubling as a chronic illness. I don’t think the discussion ended in the way Paul would have planned if he was in control. But he (God) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. - 2 Cor. 12:9 The fact is, staying in the negative will add to your symptoms and you’ll never find the answer you want anyway. The only answer we really want is, “Oh, my mistake. Here ya go! Illness free!” However, making the transition to a more positive, grateful mindset can allow healing, even if only in your heart. It can open the room for joy and peace. Most importantly, it will allow God to use your illness for good. Maybe by encouraging others or just being an example of His love, joy. Nick Vujicic (a man born without limbs) once said… "It’s more powerful to see a man with no arms and no legs smiling than it is to see a miracle. Most will never know the story behind the miracle, but they can see the ever-present attitude of joy and peace." I find that to be so true! Another book by Sara Frankl titled, Choose Joy, is another excellent example of someone who chose joy over questioning and bitterness. The story is touching, sad, inspiring and, most of all, relatable. To summarize, it's a story of a woman who was completely housebound, suffering in pain and dealing with added illnesses brought on as a result of treating primary illnesses. but rather than succumbing to anger, bitterness, and spite, she chose to trust God, love deeply, and choose joy, even in the face of death. If she can do it, we can too. One of my favorite quotes from Sara’s book is; "I’m okay with not knowing why this is happening to me because I know He knows why. It’s not about me; it’s about what He can do with me. My job is simply to pay attention and enjoy the rainbows." In conclusion I say, “Look to this day! For it is life, the very life of life.” Ask yourself, "How do we make each day well lived?" For whatever time remains for you on Earth I can only promise you that there will inevitably be a lot of changes and ask you to make positive transitions. Look both back and forward and talk about the choices you've made, how you live in the world, what your are proud of and what you might like to change. Know that the time you have isn't about you...it never was. Make the best of what the world has to offer, for we only have one opportunity to make a difference. Just A Thought!! TheeMadHatter

[theemadhat]

Finding Peace

After the most progressive and destructive century in history, it's become cliche to say that we are living in extraordinary times. Despite the modern miracles that technology has provided, we are living through times of great stress...personally, nationally and even worldly. "Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” ~Stephen Madsen How do we cope with our anxiety about the conditions around us, about personal problems, about the society our children will inherit? Most of us worry but don't know what to do. How do we keep a sense of perspective? Like many people, I live my life failing to understand inner peace is a choice. I am not sure what I think. Perhaps I don't believe anyone could feel a lasting peace inside. I do know that my own feelings of peace are always transitory. There are many ups and downs in my life, too many claims on my time and too many difficult situations to be dealt with. I think I actually believe inner peace could only be achieved by monks and saints, or anyone living a reclusive life who doesn’t have to deal with everyday struggles. I am stuck in a world of confusion, wondering how peace can be mine when there is always something, some drama going on in my own life or the lives of those I love. In fact, it seems to me that the whole world is filled with stuff, negative stuff mostly, which I read about on the internet, see on television, or hear from someone I knew. It is the kind of stuff that pulls at your emotions—the breaking news story of a missing woman being found murdered, the tragedy of a child being killed by a hit and run driver, the numbers of homeless people tripling, and a devastating Tsunami killing thousands and paralyzing a country. Then there were the stories closer to home—my friend’s husband being diagnosed with cancer and dying three months later, me being diagnosed with terminal diabetes and given 3 years to live, being accused of a crime I didn't commit, being beaten with a hammer to near death, and saving a friend from attempted suicide. My emotions dip and peak along with how much control I feel I had over my own happiness. I literally feel like a puppet on a string, and as I ask myself over and over again, “How can I feel a constant inner peace in my heart and life when my emotions see-saw up and down according to what is happening in and around me?” The answers that bring lasting solutions are spiritual in nature and derive from the principles involved in exercising godly faith, what I call Ultimacy. But before we can reach Ultimacy, we need to know that He exists and is personally interested in us. As individuals, we need to think of Him as our Father. So the first step to having the peace of mind we yearn for is to establish that God cares for us in all circumstances and that He has a plan for our lives, both now and in the future. But how can we know that God even exists? If the apostle Paul were alive today, he might well answer the question as he did in one of his letters more than 1,900 years ago: “For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse” (Romans 1:20, New International Version). According to Paul, we are without excuse if we don't recognize God's divine nature and His eternal power in the natural world. From rugged panoramas to rainforests, the Earth fills us with awe. Its seemingly infinite variety is amazing to contemplate and even more difficult to explain in anything but flights of theory and imagination. Whales communicate by underwater sound, but how did they learn? Migrating birds fly thousands of miles and unerringly arrive at the same location year after year. How did they develop such precise guidance systems? The apostle Paul said, “The living God... made the heaven, the earth, the sea, and all things that are in them.” The simple belief that God's existence is evident from what we see in nature has all but disappeared in a world that so boldly proclaims humanity's accomplishments. Yet that childlike trust is the starting point for a right relationship with our Father. Looking back I know I believed that my emotions were important. After all, wasn’t being emotional an essential part of being alive? Emotions made me feel real and allowed me to extend empathy to everyone else. But in the deepest part of myself, I do not feel good most of the time. I long to not be so emotional. I want to be released from all the conflict in my life—to not react to other people’s words and anger, to feel serenity in my heart. It is an almost desperate need to alter or to stop the negative cycle of events which seemed to dominate my relationships and my life. I believe it was that intention which kept on surfacing in my mind and in my heart that fueled my spiritual search and led me to discover a more peaceful way to live, despite the conflict in my life. I once believed I had no control over what I was thinking, because I never considered the idea that thoughts can be changed. Then I started focusing on my thoughts and realized much of what I was thinking did not reflect the way I truly felt. Just by paying attention to them, we see that many thoughts are primarily fear-based and judgmental. And, because they come and go unchallenged, most of us struggle through life unconsciously accepting that we are our thoughts. We simply do not look at or challenge them as they appear and disappear. By accepting them, we give them permission to shape our beliefs about ourselves and our lives. Once you start recognizing them, you can go about changing your thoughts. Through observing how your thoughts differ from the way you really feel, you can choose to place a different thought in your mind, which more accurately reflects the way you feel. As soon as we start to think there is something not right, not the way it should be, or we become judgmental about a situation or a person—their words or behavior—we know we have moved away from accepting what is, by wanting to control what is outside of us. There is a lot of negative energy and craziness in this world, but we can all learn to live with inner peace. If your intention is strong and comes from the deepest part of you, it will happen. Outwardly, nothing changes; peace comes from making changes inside you. It begins and continues through becoming more aware of who you really are, knowing you are loved, making changes in the way you think, practicing loving-kindness, and accepting what is. As serenity and unconditional love fill your heart, you will accept that you cannot go back, and will not relinquish what you have now found, that peace that you seem to have been searching for your whole life. Finally, you will come to this—deep inner peace inside you that endures, regardless of what challenges life brings. TheeMadHatter

[theemadhat]

Being An Outsider

Recently, I was mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed and my attention was stopped on something posted by a friend's daughter. It was an image filled with hateful words, and at the top there were instructions to “re-post” if you had ever been called one of those names. I was surprised that my friend's daughter had posted this, and even more surprised that she commented on it by saying, “I have been called almost every one of these names.” Understandably, my first reaction was heartbreak that this girl I had watched grow into such a bright and positive young lady was in the midst of being ridiculed at school. And inevitably, my own memories of being continuously teased and treated as an outcast as a child were brought to mind. Soon after my initial commiseration, I had an epiphany of gratitude for the experiences I had suffered so early on in my life. During those innocent years there was no way I could have understood how much I was gaining by being different. It was impossible for me to comprehend that I was already ahead of the curve because I was so focused on why I didn’t fit in with most of my peers. Now that I have the clarity of hindsight, I realize that as painful as some of my childhood experiences were at the time, there are some benefits to be reaped in my life today as a result of being an outcast. Here is a list that is just a sampling of the things that come naturally to those who have spent some amount of time in their lives feeling like outsiders. As a disclaimer, it needs to be clarified that this list in no way excuses bullying of any kind. I felt inspired to create this list to give guidance to those who have been bullied, not to pardon the bullies themselves. These qualities remind us “outcasts” that, not only are we not alone, but we are very powerful because of what we’ve been through. By reclaiming that power, we can continue towards a future that’s free from small-minded bullying. 1) We Are Kind. Because we’ve seen the damage that can be done in the face of careless, impulsive cruelty, we take extra care to protect others from it. We are mindful and sensitive towards others in a way that might manifest as pure magnetism at times. We are strong in our kindness, because we know that even an ounce of it will outshine almost any act of brutality. 2) We Learn Perspective Very Quickly. As someone who has been placed outside of society more frequently than not, I have a better chance at clearly seeing what is happening on the inside of it. We’re the special outlier in the equation that is not fooled by the chaos of being clumped in the middle with everyone else. We can see how unnecessary the drama is because we are not wrapped up in it. (And if we do feel ourselves being sucked in by drama’s gravitational pull, we have a much easier time realizing it.) We’ve learned that who we are is not dependent on what is happening in the world around us. By being an outcast, we get the power to understand what is real and what is not. 3) We Understand And See The Truth Through All The Lies. People who have spent their entire lives basking in the approval of others do not have the wisdom or the strength to realize that they don’t need it. If we ever feel lonely or critical of ourselves, remember that there are millions of people in the world that cannot even realize what their truth is because they are so blinded by an identity that is attached to someone else’s stories and rules. We, on the other hand, have been lucky enough to fight dragons on our own. With that history of strength training, we not only accept that not everyone will approve of us, we expect it. We don’t need anyone’s approval to know who we are. 4) We Form Deeper, More Intimate Connections In Our Relationships. Personally, I don���t know if I’ll ever be one of those people with a seemingly explosive and expansive social life. I’ve never been one to get bombarded with dozens of social invitations nor do I have thousands of Facebook friends. But when it comes to relationships the name of the game will always be quality over quantity, and we outcasts know that! Though we may not have many relationships, the ones we do have with family and friends are so much more meaningful and juicier because we’ve found people that truly resonate with our quintessence. And we simply don’t have patience for the status quo and superficiality in our social lives. We’d much rather go adventuring into some dark wilderness with our fellow-outcast-best-friend's than make an appearance at an overrated networking event any day—and believe me, that’s a good thing. 5) We Secretly (Or Not So Secretly) Inspire Others. By doing nothing more than being ourselves, we give the world a lot of hope. Everyone loves a good hero, and by following our truths, we are unconsciously giving others permission to do the same. One of the best things we can do for ourselves and others is to lead by example. And even though we may feel that no one notices at times, people certainly do pay attention when a bright, brave soul strikes out on their own despite the criticism they might receive for being different. The tough skin and soft heart we’ve developed do not just serve us, they are a model of strength for others to aspire to. Now go out into the world with confidence that there’s a reason our hearts speaks to us so loudly! It is reminding us that the outcasts are the most important reflections of society. Without even realizing it, we have been the catalyst for growth among our peers. We’re steering the ship, where does your passion tell you to go? Just a thought.... TheMadHatter

[theemadhat]

Can You Really Change?

Our lives begin by figuring out the world and how we relate to it. As a young child you were soon asked what you wanted to be when you grew up. Before you were even remotely finished with reacting to the world around you, adults wanted you to pick a career, pick a side, and start choosing your goals in life.

As adults we often hit an invisible interior wall. Difficulties arise, and along the way we learn how to figure out strategies for coping with life’s challenges. In the hard times, we go back to the “square one” question of asking ourselves who we want to be. We wonder if we can refresh the screen of our surroundings, or reboot the operating system of our mind.

Every person, around the world has hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Whether you grew up eating with a golden spoon or a wooden spoon, once you began forming your own personality and figuring out the world, you began collecting experiences and personal ways of interacting with others.

Our ancestors were hardwired to be social and to know how to survive, or else we wouldn’t be living here, in a society. To a greater or lesser degree, each of us is our own social experiment. If we’re lucky enough to live free from the type of restrictive social constraints found in some parts of the world, we can change who we are with less social resistance. In Western societies we have the most relative freedom, and we live in a world of larger social spheres, wider possibilities, and shifting perspectives. Many of our daily social interactions are of our own choosing.

Changing your life in any significant way is difficult. You can’t do it overnight, unless you are very lucky. Do you want to get healthier, start a company, become a movie star, form a band, invent the next useful and fun product, or become the person you always felt like you were meant to be? Prepare to stick with not one, but multiple processes.

In our overly self-aware postmodern world, we are sometimes forced to think like a chess master, always seeing our potential careers, relationships, and social situations several steps ahead. We live in a society that celebrates big, splashy victories, while always reminding us of the perils of too much success. Extreme success can remove you from your community and family, just as much as extreme poverty and failure. We’ve been given the message that if you fly too high, you’ll lose contact with your roots, and wither away. On the other side of the coin people do reinvent their lives, often in surprising ways. They may even shock themselves and everyone they know. To get to a place of tangible personal reinvention, there is value in stopping and asking questions, looking inside yourself, and getting back in touch with a way of seeing and being that you lost touch with somewhere along the line. You know if you’re able to get yourself back on track, you can leave a stagnant, choice-less version of your life, and connect again with what used to keep you engaged in life.

So, how do you change?

It’s a process that begins with being aware. This may seem obvious, but it’s not. If you’re used to blaming everyone else for your problems, then you’re not aware. If you’re living your life in a daze, blaming bad luck, then you’re in denial. How are you ever going to change anything if you don’t own up to how your thinking and behavior help create the predicament you’re in?

Self-awareness without judgment, similar to an anthropologist observing behavior in an attempt to understand it, is the first step. Yet, you can be fully aware of your bad habits and still not change. What’s missing?

A no-nonsense commitment to change is what’s missing. Casual commitment won’t do. Going on a diet for a week doesn’t hack it. Add exercise to the mix for two weeks, it still doesn’t hack it. What’s a no-nonsense commitment to change? In your quiet moment of truth, when you’re alone and not under pressure by anything or anyone, you, your ‘executive’ self in harmony with your ‘emotional’ self, make a solemn pledge to change.

No more excuses. No more magical thinking. No more self-sabotage. You know it won’t be easy, but so what? You’re committed to the goal.

You acknowledge the need for self-discipline, perseverance, and hard work. You know why you want to change. You know who you want to be. You know that your actions need to adhere to your beliefs. You know it makes no sense claiming you want to change but then doing nothing about it. You’re tired of disappointing yourself. You’re fed up with feeling frustrated. You welcome change. You’re ready to go. You get off your butt. And you get off your excuse-making ‘but.’

Adopting new ways rarely comes comfortably at first. You may feel a lot of resistance to change. But if you think about change as an opportunity to grow, not as an unwanted burden, amazing things can happen.

I like Muhammad Ali’s take on it when he said

“A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.”

So, whether you are years younger than fifty or years older than fifty, I hope you make the change you want. Don’t let rigidity or fear stifle your growth. Don’t get down on yourself by believing that just because everything hasn’t changed, nothing has changed.

Even moderate change can reap meaningful benefits. And here’s the best news of all. Change that moves in a positive direction will not only expand your confidence, it can enrich your relationships, enhance your career, and empower your well-being. Just a Thought!!!

TheMadHatter