theidntheego

[theidntheego]

The cuddles in the morning on the bed with the 4 of us. Love.

[theidntheego]

And I would rmb how touched I was when you reached out to mee in the mid of night after I had woken up intermittently to feed the girls, alternately. The touch had made me really comforted. I was drained and when I told you I’m too tired to do the next feed, you said you’d do it without hesitation.

Today we went to the zoo as a family of 4. The hands were full but so is the heart. JE reaching out to JY randomly, touching her hair and just asking for her even though you were tired yourself. JY all sweaty but still happy being carried in the carrier almost the entire time, at my own preference. Love these two little girls and my endearing husband.

Fingers crossed for papa’s eye op and health, the bro’s life moving on, the not so little C and little Z. And my mama for being patient and for her own health.

[theidntheego]

My first time driving you, JE.

No bao bao, no whining, no naughty friend. 

And you kept to it.

You smiled at me when I looked back to glance at you. It was as if you were saying Jia you mama.

And we can’t find the car after the party. You kissed me on the stairs when I carried you. You walking with me in circles. But said it’s okay, we can get a taxi back. And we can call papa.

That’s core memory for sure.

And little jy mm, mama loves you so. You lying next to me is bliss. And I will always hold on to this. Love your beautiful good natured smile. How you would smile in front of the mirror and your lovely hair being so classic.

My two beautiful girls.

Bunny and beanie girls.

[theidntheego]

Little baby Sonia JY you’ve taught me how smiles can really make someone’s day.

And big girl Jia En, you’ve taught me how sweetness can really win someone’s heart.

And darling your patience towards JE is endearing.

And C, FNITWWW, it is a difficult time for you and you’ve shown me how grown up you are in your thinking at just 15 years old.

Love you all so v much.

[theidntheego]

These moments, of holding you in my arms, your little body close to mine, the sweet baby scent and your little fingers holding close to your face. As your breathing gradually slows and quietens as you drift into sleep. The occasional grunts and the deep breaths, the occasional startles. These moments, they are so so precious.

You seem to have a preference for me to put you to sleep at night. Crying really loudly if it was someone else, immediately quietening when I carry you close.

Me making mental notes to devour these moments, these precious moments.

Jia Yi you are so loved. And mama is so so lucky to have you and JE. The both of you make me so very very happy.

And I’m so grateful. So so grateful for this little family.

[theidntheego]

Be useful, be kind.

Think - what can you do?

We are all a speck of dust in this universe, choose kindness.

Remember the last time you felt bad for saying hurtful and mean things.

Abundance doesn’t mind you take things for granted, save.

On procrastination, mindless scrolling:

Remember the last time you said to yourself, I should have just done that when I had the time instead of idling. And how it fel

Get things done- so you can rest later, sleep is luxury. You don’t know what might crop up. And how that would make you feel.

The consequences of putting it on hold, what might happen

Time waits for no man, get it done when you can.

[theidntheego]

Will always love you baby darling girl, bunzy bunny and little JY bunzy beanie. Papa too of cos

[theidntheego]

When are we happiest? The book prompted.

I rmb telling kw that the day at the bird paradise could well be the happiest day that I’ve remembered. It was the first time we had Baby JY, Jia en out together.

And the day when I went for a meal with Claris and parents. Or when I just sat and chatted with mum.

These moments have been my happiest.

[theidntheego]

How you did not nap and at 6ish pm got really cranky and cried to go out, but I was pumping milk and could not carry you. I then turned to have my back against you to remove the pumps. You shrieked a shrill MAMAAAA that shook me.

After I removed you asked for mama mama bao bao and that was when I knew I was your comfort place and you needed me. And bao bao I did and we went for a walk around the neighborhood, at first with me carrying you and just talking about how we used to do this too when you were really little.

Little Sonia JY, your smiles have been so sweet and engaging. Always reminding me that a smile really brightens someone’s day. You could sleep through your sister’s loud cries and love to be carried with your tummy against my/nai nai’s chest. Love you little baby. Your little grunts you having your arms overhead and just being yourself. Papa who is usually unfazed would be stressed with your gradual incremental increase in crying volume if you don’t get your milk. And that’s really you ask for only. You are a charm and hugging you close makes me feel so so so lucky. Our weekdays together during this ML now are really what I really cherish.

[theidntheego]

Me: are you comfortable? Mama doesn’t want you to be uncomfortable.

I was touching your wet sleeves that didn’t dry up with the hair dryer as you were about to sleep.

JE: mama, I’m comfortable. If I’m not comfortable I will tell you.

My heart. You are growing up.

Core memories: me going up the super high playground with you. Me exclaiming that I had not done up playgrounds with you a long long time. And with those bright eyes (even though you missed your nap and dozed off in the car) you looked at me and said “our first time climbing the this today”. You said this so earnestly, my heart.

And baby sister JY, so easily contented. When I heard your stomach didn’t seem comfortable I realised how fortunate we are to have you be just contented with your milk. Your chubby cheeks and dark black hair. You’re so so cute. So so loved.

I had the best best weekend at the bird paradise /and just spending time at home with the 3 of you. I really really did and am so ever thankful.

[theidntheego]

Happy and thankful beyond measure.

First time bringing the two girls out for an outing to the Bird Paradise. Had a lovely time at the penguins, having ice cream at the bird show, just having lunch, JE at the playground while I cared for JY.

Came back though no nap but JE was still thankfully not cranky.

Wanted to help with bathing JY in the evening and it was a joy seeing her stand on the stool helping her baby sister wash her hair, helping her lift up her legs for me to put the diaper and yelling her wear her pants.

I am so so thankful and of cos, couldn’t have done this with the best team partner in life. Thankful.

[theidntheego]

Baby JY

So Mama had some “feelings” at about 9.10pm in on a Friday evening, 17th. You were planned be induced on Monday, the 20th.

Mama was in the bed and had some difficulty turning. JE was on the floor playing with her toys with Papa. I had looked at the clock then and told Papa my tummy feels something. Not sure if it was to be called a contraction but just felt a twitch which then went away, but persisted. Was still holding JE in my arms and putting her to sleep. She went to bed and did we but was discussing with Papa. Not wanting to disrupt any of his schedule or make a big deal out of things, I decided to wait it out. Papa gave a time line, at about midnight we would go I continued to feel whatever that I was feeling. He slept for a while and I tried to but couldn’t.

Got things ready and told him at 12 ish that I think I might need to go as I felt a stronger sensation. Was worried jf we were to wait till the next day the traffic would be too heavy for us to reach in time.

[theidntheego]

Penning down the things that JE say that crack us up:

Mama (who has been nagging non stop): I’m so angry!

JE: mama, breathe in, breathe out… (like what I told her if she is angry)

——

Papa did some pooping action on JE’s head

JE: nooo i’m not a toilet bowl

🤣

[theidntheego]

The days are long ad the years are short.

To remember the journey and to be a better self.

[theidntheego]

And you were born a week ago. Sweet baby darling, so so loved by your big sister, mama and papa. Popo too.

Core memory with JE sitting on the mat at 9 plus eating seaweed with my hand around her.

Core memory of JE putting a bib around Mei Mei, kissing her when she cried and putting her Lego on her, putting her face next to her.

Hoping you two become the best of friends, confidants of each other.

Aside from that, reminder to self that papa already has much stress at home and that my hormonal rage at comments by fil should take that into consideration. Darling I love you. Very much.

[theidntheego]

Brought you down to yy nn room at 12.30am. Hugged you real tight and kissed your teary face.

Told you I had to go to the hospital to give birth. You said I want mama brush my teeth, I want to sleep. I held your little hand heard your wails anf hug you tight again. I want mama and at that moment I almost teared. You rushing to the door and me hugging you once more.

Gave you the furry pencil case and told you to look at it when you miss me.

You were ok in the morning and I’m thankful for it.

Been having contractions almost every 5 min since we came in at 1.45am but dilations is still 2cm at 9pm. Helps.

Baby S, keep safe, love you.

[theidntheego]

Thankful at so many levels.