thelilyjohnson-blog-blog

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

Paul...

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

Oh, yeah..I am. But that was a while ago.

I hate the dentist.

Me, date him? Oh god no. But you are his ex girlfriend, aren’t you?

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

Wait, are you referring to me as his ex girlfriend or did you date him?

I hate the dentist.

No, no. It’s just a weird topic. Especially when you’re discussing it with his ex girlfriend.

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

Sorry if bringing him up bothers you or something.

I hate the dentist.

Yup.

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

Oh..okay.

I hate the dentist.

To be honest… I don’t know. Our relationship is… Well, it’s a little bizarre.

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

Then don’t.

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

What's between you and Paul? I don't need details, I'm just..curious.

I hate the dentist.

Sure thing, ask away.

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

Okay..then can I ask you something? As a friend?

I hate the dentist.

Consider me one of your only friends then, Lily.

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

I mean..I don't want this Paul. I don't want to stop being near you. I don't want to say goodbye. I give up. I don't care about the bad shit that's happened between us in the past Paul...I just can't say goodbye to you, not for real...please don't make me do that..

What? 

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

I'm sure I could prove that wrong. It is nice to know you have a friend. But recently most of my friends have been leaving me. So I guess you'd be one of my only friend if  you did just decide we are friends.

I hate the dentist.

I don’t think you could drag me down if you tried. So… I suppose you have a friend in me. Even though that’s rather ‘Toy Story’ of me to say, I still felt like it needed to be said. Everyone needs a friend, you know? Or at least, it’s always nice to know that you have a friend, even if you don’t want one. I’ve often found it rather… rather soothing.

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

Is this...I mean...No. Paul. I don't want this.

I don’t know. I guess. Though I thought… No yeah. Whatever. 

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

So that's it then. No more. If all we do is cause problems for each other...

I didn’t know we were ever something. 

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

...So where does this leave us?

Fucking fine. You want to know why Lily? 

Because it’s instinct. Yep, I don’t know how to act around you anymore. It get’s me so mad that I’m still so weak in your presence. If I pretend I hate you, then you actually hate me. Then I don’t have to worry about any of this bullshit any more and it’s easier. 

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

How else am I supposed to be Paul? I can't take it any more. I don't know how I put up with it for so much, how I put up with your routine of stupid compliments one moment and then being a jerk the next. Have you ever actually considered how you make other people feel? How you make me feel? Explain to me why it's not that simple. Explain to me how I should be like. Because right now I don't see any other options. 

N-No. Don’t be like that. It’s not meant to be that simple. Not when it’s us. Not when I lo- Not when it’s us. 

[thelilyjohnson-blog-blog]

Whatever, Paul. You know what. I don't even know why I tried. I'm an idiot-the biggest idiot around actually-for thinking that you've changed-I just...ugh. I don't even know what to say to you any more. Not that I ever did. My brain stops working when things concern you, did you know that? You probably didn't. Seeing as for a long time my minds been stuck on you while your's has been stuck on whatever slut you've decided to spend the night with. There, Paul, I've admitted it. Are you happy? I'm guessing you are, since you've finally got to your goal of having me reach rock bottom. I now realize that you've most likely never cared about me. Something that I know I shouldn't care about. But like I've said before you have that effect on me. Thank you for this, it's all thanks to you I know how shitty the world can be.

Yup. So my imagination runs away with me sometimes. Doesn’t everyones? You have no business in what I do with other people that aren’t you. Besides. If I recall you were the one running after me this time. Not the other way around.