themaddynocon

[themaddynocon]

Don’t Know Much About History, Except That It Repeats Itself

You can’t compete with history. Why would you choose the unknown when there is something familiar that you know and love, and is still readily available to you? It’s much easier to rebuild off of a foundation that has already been set versus having to build from the ground up. I find myself here again. In this thought process, in this head space. Having to reassure myself that I am doing all the right things, but then asking myself why it feels like it’s not enough?

It’s a hollow feeling. Like a vacancy in my heart. You lived in my heart for just enough time to make it feel like now there is something missing in my day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, second to second. It’s a consistent feeling of hopefulness that one day you’ll return, but is also filled with vulnerability, like I am patiently waiting to find out who gets the “final rose”. 

I often wonder why you would want to go back to a love that loved you like a dotted line. A love that tested you, and failed you time and time again. A love that used you, abused it’s power over you, and in a lot of ways, manipulated you. A love that expected so much and never showed you appreciation back. A love that said it could do better, and then wasn’t completely faithful to you. A love that couldn’t communicate, but could easily retaliate. All this, over a love that loves you like an equal sign; Like a partner. One that sees every perspective. One that is filled with adoration, respect, and maturity. A love that doesn’t confront, but rather is filled with willingness to compromise. A love that is ready and able to be anything and everything you could ever want and need for you and your son. 

But I get it, I can’t compete with history. There was once upon a time where that love you shared was flawless; Untouchable. It was the centerfold of your world, and it was passionate; Everything you wanted. Though it caused you immeasurable pain and heartache, it also held your hand through some extremely difficult times. 

With all of that being said, I have accepted that fact that I am going to have to be fine when you decide to give that love another try. But at the end of the day, she will always love you like a dotted line. 

. 

[themaddynocon]

Dario the Bachelor

I’m sure you have a few questions: Who is Dario? Why was he the Bachelor? What does this have to do with you, Madison?

Let me explain.

So, I listen to a radio show based in San Diego, CA called “Rock 105.3”. Their international phone screener (Dario) has been single for a while, so they decided to host, “Dario the Bachelor” at the local Dave & Busters.

Now, how this works is ladies 21+ applied via their website to compete for his “love”. You had to write a little about yourself, why you would want to date Dario, and submit a picture. If you were one of the ladies selected (they chose 10 total), you would have to take a nerd test, compete in a game, and also answer a “Dario Scenario”. This is all intermixed with one on ones, rose ceremonies, and a fantasy suite for one lucky gal. Did I mention that this is all very public and in front of hundreds of people? (Besides the fantasy suite, hey-o!)

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Participating is a ballsy move! And, it was. It took a lot of convincing from friends and coworkers to actually sign up. I bet you’re also wondering, is Dario worth ALL that!? Guess you’ll have to keep reading to find that out (insert suspense here!)

Fast forward to a week or so after applying; It’s the night before. I get a call from the station that I was selected to be a part of the event. My first thoughts are “they must have run out of women and I was like the last one they called” and “holy crap, $#!+ just got real”. The only information I was given at this time was to “wear a cute cocktail dress”. Fun fact, I went and bought my dress that night!

I don’t know about you guys, but I have a tendency to overthink things. I can be spontaneous, but knowing details and having plans is my comfort zone. I like to know what I am walking into, and I basically walked into this blind. I had 24 hours to prepare, and had no clue how to prepare for any of it! 

Then in what felt like the blink of an eye, it was time to head over. I had gotten off work, did my hair (toss), checked my nails; How was I feeling? Feeling good as hell! But also, nervous as hell!

I ended up getting to the venue a little early. As soon as I walked in, I felt eyes on me. You know how you can just tell when people are staring at you? There were already a bunch of P1′s (what they call fans of the show) there scoping out the contestants. I quickly checked in and realized it was also still too early to enter the venue room, so I decided to hang out in the bathroom (I was told that’s where the other girls that had arrived early had gone too). 

I had no idea what to expect, but I knew that I wanted to make friends from the get-go. Let’s be honest; Bitches can be cray. I did not want to be on anyone’s bad side. Luckily, every girl that I talked to ended up being super sweet! I was relieved that it was nothing like the actually show, The Bachelor. All of the ladies that competed were awesome, and I even made a few new friends! 

Then, it was actually time for all the contestants to go on stage. Here’s where things got more interesting. They had us line up in a specific order (random side note, I noticed that I was set as the 7th lady in line, which is my lucky number!) and then we would walk up on stage, introduce ourselves to Dario, and then line up on the other side. Clearly I was not paying attention, because when it was my turn, I said my hello and quickly tried to clear the stage for the other girl to have her chance to say hello. I ran past my spot where I was supposed to line up and the host started yelling at me to come back! Naturally this became one of the running jokes of the night (pun intended). For those of you who know me personally, we all saw this coming. We all knew I was going to do something awkard and embarrassing; It’s just who I am. 

Then, the first event started. This was the “Nerd Test”. I am happy to report that I actually knew most of the answers to the questions he asked (they were pretty high-level nerd questions though). It’s funny how you can know the answer to something and then when you’re put on the spot in front of a crowd, everything you thought you knew goes out the window. He asked me what Spider-Man’s Aunt’s name is, and for the life of me I could not remember it at first. I ended up getting the answer right, but he chose another girl for the first one-on-one. They went off and we had our first break. 

During this first break was when I realized that not only did friends come, but a good grip of my family came too! I was NOT expecting this at all (More on this later). Then after a few minutes, it was time for the first rose ceremony. 

The girl who got the one on one was obviously safe, so he had to choose 6 more girls to keep, meaning 3 were sent home. I was chosen, and then we went right into the next part of the event: Ski Ball!

Ski Ball did not go so well for me, and I actually think that I might have done second worst of the entire group (LOL). One of the girls that was towards the back of the line ended up killing it though! It was super fun to cheer her on. She literally crushed everyone, and naturally, was given the second one on one. After that, he had to choose 3 other girls, and I somehow managed to make it to the next round (clearly not based on my ski ball skills lol).

Things got a little interesting during this next break though. A girl that recieved an invitation to be a contestant apparently didn’t see it until the event had already started, so she rushed over to the venue and asked if she could still compete. This is where my family comes back into the story. Throughout the evening, my dad had been yelling stuff like “You can do it” and other embarrassing things about me (luckily this was not all heard on stage lol). But, when Dario was asked if he should give this girl a chance, my dad kept yelling “She’s a person too” Let her in!” which I thought was hilarious. But! Dario quizzed her and she did not pass, so she was not allowed to join the contest.

After this, the 3 other remaining contestants and I were brought back to the stage for “Dario Scenarios”. This are situations that might arise if we were dating Dario; He wanted to know how we would handle them. I was up first, and he asked me about costumes for Halloween. More specifically, if I wanted to be a character from Star Wars and he wanted to be a character from the MCU, how would we compromise? Of course in the moment, I was like it really depends on which character from the MCU because I love both franchises. He said he would be Captain America, and I said I would be Lady Thor. Thinking about it after my turn, I would have asked him if he would considered dressing as Star Wars if I dressed as Slave Leia, but again, in the moment with hundreds of people watching, it can be hard to think on your toes. 

Well, apparently he liked my Lady Thor answer, becasuse I was whisked away to the Fantasy Suite! AKA a photo booth with chairs in it at the back of Dave & Busters.

So, I will not disclose what happened in the Fantasy Suite, but I will say that we got to know each other a little better, and that I did think that there was a connection! We were in there for about 10 minutes and then they came and grabbed us.

After the Fantasy Suite, Dario had to choose one other girl to keep, and then it was just a choice between that girl and myself. After he chose the other girl, he was given more time to process his final selection. 

Then, he came back to the stage, rose in hand. I was in the back of the room, so it took me a while to make my way back to the stage (awkwardly the other girl was already up there so they made another joke about me running away again lol). After a lot of talking, rambling, and jokes, he asked me if I would accept the final rose! 

Everyone (well, a lot of people) started cheering and chanting. Then, I realized they were chanting something... but what was it? Mesos? Pesos? I had to ask him, and they were chanting BESOS (mi español es malo jaja) So, after contemplating that for a second, we ended up kissing on stage in front of everyone (LOL). After that we took some pictures, and I was told to wait on the side of the room for him to come and talk to me. I thought this was awkward cause everyone was flooding the stage, but, the promotions team insisted I wait there. 

After this, he met my friends, some of my family, and then I met his siblings. We ended up hanging out for a few hours after the event, playing games, getting to know each other, etc. We ended up winning enough tickets to be able to both take home a commemorative shot glass. All in all, I thought it had gone really well! 

A lot of people are asking me what happens from here, and the honest answer is I am really not sure. I think the ball is in his court now!

It is surprising to say, but I had the best time. My family and friends are still raving about how much fun that night was! Even if nothing ever comes of it, I am grateful for the opportunity to do something out of my usual; Something that made me step out of my comfort zone. I put myself out there, and it worked out for me. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take! This is such a good reminder to shoot your shot! Life is too short!

Here are a couple pictures from the event:

[themaddynocon]

You like it, but should you put a ring on it?

It’s engraved in our hearts and in our minds from a young age that marriage is expected. It’s expected that you will meet someone you will want to spend the rest of your live with. It’s expected that there is this clock timing your relationship and if you wait too long, it’s too late. What is too long? What is too late? I have friends that got married after a year of knowing their current spouse. For me personally, that seems like the blink of an eye and not enough time to truly know someone. I know they say that when you know, you know, but, do you really? Divorce rates have never been higher than they are now. We are so quick to fall in love that we tend to fall out of it just as fast. We are so quick to call it what we want it to be rather than what it really is. We are a generation of instant gratification and becoming bored very easily, and it shows. I’ve been thinking about why marriage is important to me. What is it about marriage that I need? Is it because it’s been engraved into my head? Is it because I have something to prove since all I’ve seen are failed marriages? Is it the commitment and the security that this person has chosen me, and will always choose me? Yes. To all of it. It has been engraved in my head, I want that kind of love with someone, and I want to be chosen everyday, just as I would choose them everyday. I wouldn’t take this decision lightly, and no one should. It’s a legal binding contact that ties you to a person forever (unless of course you get divorced) It’s honestly a daunting thought, even for someone who is very committed, faithful, and loyal; It’s intimidating! But, maybe that’s just it. Maybe with the right person, it wouldn’t be daunting. It wouldn’t be intimidating. But maybe it’s also the pressure we put onto ourselves and the one that we love to fit into this impossible box. In retrospect, even though there are always these unrealistic expectations, there are also the ones that are very real and important when it comes to a decision like this. What are your values? What are your non negotiable(s)? What makes you happy and how can that person contribute to that? It’s a lot. Love is a lot. Finding that kind of love is a tough. And sometimes when you think you found it you realize that you don’t actually see eye to eye with that person (my current situation). No matter what happens, I am determined to find that love. Find that commitment and that security. Maybe take a second to think about what is important to you. If you like it would you want to put a ring on it? Cause for some people the answer is no.

[themaddynocon]

The Lost Girl

When did I lose myself?

I don’t think anyone can ever really tell they’re losing themselves until they’re completely gone. Until the heart is trying to work on empty.

And most of the time we can’t remember who we were before we got lost.

Who am I?

Who were you to take me down a road less traveled that I thought was an adventure but was really a misfortune.

A road that I saw as enticing but now I am paying the price for.

But I didn’t try to save myself at all costs, I tried to save you. I tried to save you from yourself and lost myself in the process.

I’ve been walking down this road beside you, but feel like I am alone.

Alone with my thoughts, alone with my feelings, along with asking myself how I got here, because I was blindsided by you. So I couldn’t see anything for what it was.

Along our walk I’ve stopped and burried the things you’ve said to me. I tried to hide the things that cut into me deep. I try to forget, but every time I turn around, I see mounds filled with words and phrases that remind me that I’m not enough for you.

What is enough for you?

Is she enough for you?

Maybe she is enough for you.

Maybe you are enough for her.

Maybe I need to be enough for myself.

Perhaps I need to find a new road to travel so I can find myself again.

[themaddynocon]

What costs thousands of dollars, but is only worth one?

Your degree. That piece of paper. Me being me, an analyzer, I have put a lot of thought into this topic. We pay so much money for a piece of paper. We put so much of our time into the piece of paper. This is not against anyone who has their degree and is working for it, this is just my train of thought.

I started off "on track” in society’s eyes. I received two athletic scholarships to a well known university. I was a Biology major working towards my Pre Dental Bachelors degree. Then life happened. I got injured, I lost my scholarship, and I had to move home to have surgery.

Here I am 3 years later. I had to take time off of school due to the surgery and the recovery time. Here I am, In community college working towards my degree in communication. I work full time and go to school. I have to do that in order to pay off my surgery bills, afford rent, etc. A lot of my friends have graduated or are graduating this year. I’m so incredibly proud of their accomplishments, but I’m gonna be honest. One thing I’ve found is that they learned so many school skills, but not life skills. So back to this piece of paper that runs our society and defines someone’s success. Why? Take someone who went to school four years and has never worked a day in their life. Now look at someone who isn’t done with school or never could afford it, but has years of experience working in that field or a similar field. Who would you choose? Why would you choose them?

I’ve been very fortunate to have landed the jobs that I have. It wasn’t easy to get where I am without my degree, but I have worked extremely hard for everything that I have in my life right now. Which begs the question, do I need that piece of paper? Because I don’t want the debt that it causes.

But if I say that people will JUDGE me. Because in order to be successful, I HAVE to finish my schooling and dig myself another debt hole that I just dug myself out of for the most part. One year at Cal Poly cost me $23,000 in loans, NOT including my scholarships.

I want to know who decided that working hard at this age is defined by your schooling and not your life experiences and/or actual work experiences? I don’t want anyone who has their degree to take what I am trying to say out of context. You worked extremely hard for that piece of paper and you should be beyond proud. But, think of someone like me who just cannot afford that piece of paper, but works extremely hard everyday to be successful and to be seen as successful.

So what costs thousands of dollars, but Is only worth one? A piece of paper the DEFINES your life. It shouldn’t be able to make or break you in the job world the way that it does.

Anybody have a dollar? What about thousands of dollars? I apparently need to get this piece of paper.

[themaddynocon]

“He’s Charming and Endearing and I’m.. Comfortable”

Taylor Swift said it best. He’s charming, he’s endearing, but why am I feeling so damn comfortable?!

Being comfortable can be a good thing. You want to feel comfortable in a relationship. It’s when comfortable and complacent meet in that awkward middle ground that tends to shake things up a bit, or should I say not shake things up at all.

Love has all kinds of stages with in itself. It’s so complex that I will as well as Taylor Swift “Spend my whole life trying to put it into words.” I know I am in love, and I know he is in love with me... but why do I feel like this?

It’s a mix of anger, sadness, happiness, and tension. I feel like I am wanting more from him, but I’m not exactly sure what I’m wanting more of. Maybe that honeymoon stage of the relationship is slowly turning into the stage where it doesn’t just take a spark to light the fire. Maybe I need a blow torch and a month old Christmas tree to get it going again? Either way, I love him, and I’m happy, but at the same time I’m not. 

I think that in relationships you tend to bring in the outside factors that shouldn’t effect the relationship, but just naturally do. We are all human. We all do it. I could confidently say that the things that could be bothering me the most are not even necessarily him. They are things that he gets grouped into. It really all just becomes a slippery slope. You will continue down that road until you say something. Work is rough, school is hard, finding a second to take a step back and breathe and appreciate the moment is near impossible. We all go through it.

 I feel like our lives have become monotonous and lack spontaneity. We go about our day going to the same places and coming home to the same faces; which I love most about my day. But then we are too tired to ask each other how we feel, too tired to actually listen not just hear what each of us has to say. We are too tired to work out, too tired to show each other how much we actually care. It is reaching the point where I’m tired of being too tired. 

I can say with out a doubt that Shane is my best friend. He is someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. These things happen; These feelings of confusion, sadness mixed with happiness and a dash of anger. Any relationship that claims it is “perfect” is only fooling itself. I think it is important to be able to be honest with ourselves when we are feeling “comfortable” or “complacent”. I am so thankful for Shane and for the fact that we can talk about things like this. I do not have to hide behind this blog and act like I am feeling okay when I’m not. 

I write this for those men and women out there that might be in this funk along with me; YOU’RE NOT ALONE! You’ll get through it if you work through it. In the mean time, show that person that you are willing to do whatever it takes to rekindle the romance that maybe fell through the cracks a little bit. Relationships are never going to always be rainbows and butterflies, they are also consisted of hurricanes and lady bug poop. Just do what’s going to make you feel better, and your relationship in turn will be made better too. 

[themaddynocon]

Falling in Love with your Co-Worker:

It’s the one thing that most companies don’t tolerate. The difficult part is that we don’t plan for things like this. The worst part is that in the end, they usually have to make a choice. That’s where I am at right now. I never expected to fall in love with a place that was so foreign to me. Never in a million years did I think that I, Madison, would work at a gun range. On top of that, I was not looking to date or looking for love. I really can’t say I’ve ever actually looked for love; I’ve always been pretty independent. But of course, my third day on the job this man (not a boy) walks in with his gorgeous blue eyes and quirky smile and shakes my hand. That was the moment I knew. Did I try to fight it? Yes. I fought my heart so hard. I would lay awake at night telling myself how stupid I was for wanting to be with someone I worked with. I thought about him non stop. I was excited to go to work to learn about guns, accessories, etc. because walking through that door and seeing that face everyday was what kept me going; and it keeps me going to this day. I understand companies do not support internal dating because of the repercussions. Some people get jealous, some people call “favorites”, etc. I say that as long as you keep it professional at work it should be fine. Most people would say we keep it very professional. Fast forward to now. I love this man, I live with this man, and I work with this man. I have seen him everyday since I started with this company. He has become my rock, my best friend, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. But it looks like I might have to trade in my job, my other world. I don’t have a degree yet. I worked really hard to get to the position I am in (Membership and Event Coordinating). There are times where I want to rip my hair out, and times that I sit back and smile happily after a huge event is successful. I challenge myself everyday I step foot into that building because I know I am young, inexperienced, etc. I love that feeling of growing. I love not knowing everything (or at least admitting it) and learning something new everyday. I love to walk to the counter from my desk and talk to members and customers about how amazing my work place is. I go to school with free range passes and business cards to promote my company. I come in on my off days to help out and see my coworkers who have become a second family to me. My work has become a second home to me. Yet, here I am. Laying in bed awake at 4:00 in the morning because I fell in love with someone that I work with. Because you can’t love someone and work with them. Because you can’t be productive. Because you can’t keep two hardworking people that love each other and have them work in the same place; It’s (Im)possible. He told me on Valentine’s Day. Of all days. We were out for pizza. It definitely put me in a mood. I admire him for his honesty, but it doesn’t mean that it didn’t sting. Our manager left in December, so we have been searching for someone to take that spot. We have had numerous applicants, and even one guy get hired on. Soon after he was fired. Nothing has worked out so far. My boyfriend got promoted to assistant manager. I know what you’re thinking, not really anyone to assist if there is no manager. We can him the “interim manager” for now. He really wants to be the manager. He has worked so hard and gives his all into this job. Some days he will work double shifts, he will come into shop before school, etc. He deserves it. He is the most driven and hard working person I have ever met. So I’m eating my delicious gluten free (it’s an allergy) pizza as I’m listening to him explain our situation. “I was told I dug myself a hole” and “Would our relationship be okay if you (that being me) didn’t work here anymore”, etc. Needless to say I put a smile on and reassured him that it would be okay. He stressed that it was just a conversation and that it might not even happen. Might is a mighty word. It leaves too much question, it’s daunting. I don’t think we realize how much we love our job until it’s on the line. That goes with everything. The things that we stress and complain about the most are generally the things we are the most passionate about. If he wants an honest answer, yes, our relationship will be okay. But it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. A lot. We can’t help who we fall in love with. I don’t regret taking a chance on him just as I took a chance working in a new industry. I wish it didn’t come down to this, but I guess that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. I will end with this: To all you business owners out there that feel like you have to make this decision, why do you HAVE to make it?

[themaddynocon]

Hook Ups: The Good, The Bad, and the What was I Thinking!?:

We have all been there before; whether it be at a party, at a bar, or just being bored. A guy/girl walks up that is at least mildly attractive, he/or she talks to you and you become curiously interested emotionally/physically, and then the rest is history. You wake up the next morning either satisfied or quite guilty for what you did last night. You just hooked up. Hook up doesn't always mean sex; it's just physically being somebody's somebody for a short period of time. So at this point, as I stated previously, you feel one of those two things. If you are generally the satisfied one; then you must either by a man/lady slayer or just just don't give a fuck about fucking. If you are someone like me who tends to feel more guilty doing something you probably shouldn't have, you may wanna keep reading. It's time for hook up advice: These are the questions you have to ask yourself before you get freaky in the sheets. 1.) Is he/she the village bicycle? Because if he/she is, are you 100 percent sure you want that touching you? I mean, the guy could look like Zac Efron and Ryan Reynolds combined but if he sleeps with tons of different women all the time Lord knows what he could have. And yes, I mean herpes, etc. but if that's a risk you're willing to take, by all means have at it. 2.) Do you know this person?/ Does this person know your friends? See for me, I'd much rather know who I'm hooking up with. Some people are opposite. Some people don't want the person to know them at all so they don't have to worry about making it awkward. Or the other point I was making is does this person maybe not know you, but your friends? And will he/she talk to people about it. You gotta be careful with who you hook up with. I have a guy friend who hooked up with girls and went around calling the things they'd left his "trophies". Yeah. You may wanna consider who you hook up with remember that. 3.) Why am I wanting to hook up?/ Is this going to make me feel guilty or better? I was in a recent situation where a guy wanted to hook up with me. I'll be honest with you guys, I'm still a virgin. But hooking up basically means (as I stated before) physically being with someone for a short amount of time. Is he hot? YES. But why am I wanting to hook up with him, and is it going to make me feel guilty. The why would be because he is mysteriously hot and funny. But I know myself; and that it would make me feel better during the time but for the rest of it I would feel guilty. I think to hook up with someone, you need to be 100 percent sure its what you wanna do and try to ask these questions. On the flip side if you are intoxicated and can't make the judgement call, first off you shouldn't be putting yourself in that situation anyways. Secondly ALWAYS have a friend that has a clear and sober mind to help you. That's when hooking up really gets dangerous. If you are gonna hook up, ask yourself 4.) AM I BEING SAFE ABOUT IT? And I don't just mean the condom and that stuff, I mean literally. When, where, how, why, etc. People are unpredictable now a days. And that can be dangerous. So with that being said, do as you will, have people over to the pants party, but make sure it's ones you are sure about and it's invite only.

[themaddynocon]

The Opinions of Others: Fuck 'Em.

It's amazing how often we tend to criticize each other. From the clothes we wear, how we did our hair last Tuesday, to questions like why I decided to finish the chocolate ice cream straight from the tub. It's as if every life choice we make we get an audience who doesn't always applaud; but boos as well. I've always been pretty naturally thin. I ran cross country and track in high school (for a little in college as well) and played sports all my life. Needless to say I would get judged for being skinny. They'd call me "bones", "craters" (because it was as if I was so flat chested that they went in), gumby (the skinny green character from that really old show), etc. Pretty much any name you could think of that related to the word skinny in a harsh way, I got called it. Even some of my coaches would make assumptions about me and ask my teammates if I was anorexic. I couldn't believe it. I feel like a lot of people don't realize that thinner built people get just as many comments as larger built people do. Shit even the people who are considered "normal size" get remarks. It's really sad to live in a society that judges you so harshly on your appearance. As I stated before I was very thin growing up and by the end of high school weighed about 118lbs. Then I went to college haha and that changed. Even though I ran for the first quarter of college freshman year; that freshman 15 is a real thing. Not necessarily because of the food (though it had a lot to do with it) but the stress of a new place, being away from home, etcetera. I suffered an injury that forced me to stop running. I really couldn't exercise at all. Needless to say I gained about 20 pounds that year. And I didn't hear the end of it. Here is where my issue is. I was a naturally thing girl, weighing 118 and was healthy. End of that year I was a little more curvy weighing 136 and still healthy; just not as fit because I physically couldn't be. The amount of people that call me fat that year, or make a comment about my weight was insane. Since when is weighing 136 pounds fat? And since when is it okay to judge me for something that at the time I couldn't control. I couldn't run, It hurt to walk, and yet people thought they could tell me those things and have it be justified. It was as if I had to apologize for not being that thin little girl I was when I entered college. Let me tell you right now, FUCK THAT. We've really got to change something here. I will be honest when I say I work out now that I can just about everyday to make sure I am fit. But what I realized is that I am not doing it for the opinions of others or due to those opinions, I am doing it because it makes ME feel better. It makes ME feel healthy. Society is so stupid. And Media is so one sided. Where does it stop? I have a couple friends who lost a TON of weight by starving themselves and throwing up. Their problem is they are unhealthy and trying to reach the unrealistic goal of having the "perfect body". They're not helping themselves. They're listening to those opinions of others. It would have been different if they had lost weight by being healthy and did it for their benefit. Rather than to get the next cute guy or rush and get thin for swim suit season. Which leads me to ask why can't it be okay with society for women and men to be both beautiful and handsome whether thicker or thinner? What is so wrong with that? Since when was there this standard that someone has to meet to be beautiful or handsome? It's honestly disgusting how judgmental we all are of each other. My advice to you is to try to love yourself how you are; even when it's hard to. I will admit I still have a hard time with this because those things said to me really hurt. But I know that I am how I am and I own it now. And you should "own it" too. It's better to believe in yourself rather than believe in the words of others. It's so important to be able to look in the mirror whether you're a size 2 or a size 14 and see that you are handsome, you are beautiful, and you are stunning. I know now that I was not fat. And I know now that I was not too skinny. I was me. And I will always be me. And as long as I am happy in my own skin, I dare people to form opinions. Because I'm not gonna rule my life based on the petty thoughts of others. And neither should you.

[themaddynocon]

Addiction: How to Cope When You Lack Hope

There are a lot of things in life that really make me question why people decide to do the things they do. This one in particular continues to simply astound me; the start of an addiction. Why do people get addicted? Will they ever not be addicted? How can we help those that are addicted? It can be really disheartening when someone you know and love becomes addicted to something; whether it be gambling, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc. throughout my young life I have had to deal with numerous family members (mom, brother, etc.) who suffer from addiction issues. First things first I will briefly tell my story. My mother left when I was 8; and she had married an emotionally and physically abusive man. It was terrifying to say the least. They got a divorce eventually after they ran away together; but while they were raising my brother and I they got into drugs, alcoholism, etc. Since then she has been in and out of my life; struggling with addiction here and there. She has made many mistakes; from being in jail three times (she was an identity thief) to rehab for a Meth addiction. That brother I mentioned above is the one that sadly fell into addiction himself. It's sad because he saw how it affected our mother and us and yet he still decided to dabble where he shouldn't. Luckily it was not (is not) as intense as our mothers, but still he struggles with recovering. There are numerous was to cope; But these are the four main thoughts I keep in mind when dealing with those in my life who struggle with addiction: 1.) Accepting It: This doesn't mean that you just watch them as they spiral downward. This simply means that you accept that this person is dealing with an addiction and that there isn't always anything you do that will make them stop. (Not to say that you can't help though). Addictions are called addictions for a reason. Definitely try to check up/ help them by acting as a support system; but also accept that this is something that is going to take time. 2.) Pray about it; or confide in others about it. Or Both. Even though you are not the one dealing with the addiction it can still stress you out knowing that someone you care about is harming themselves. It's amazing what prayer can do; and what having faith can achieve. For me, I have always prayed about my mom; that she would realize that what she was doing was wrong. She has been clean for a while now. Also what helps is talking about it to people who you trust. This eases some anxiety. I'm talking about the natural anxiety that happens just thinking about it. The constant thoughts; the "what ifs" of the situation. Those thoughts are normal though. Sometimes it's beneficial to get those fears out of our head so you can start to feel a sense of relief. 3.) Staying Positive: As I said before it can really help to confide in friends; but sometimes you just need to dig deep and stay positive. This is really hard. It can be easy to assume the worst of the situation, but it's very important to (as I said) to accept it, to be able to face it, to talk/ pray about it, and to have the heart to see the bright side. That light at the end of the tunnel. 4.) Be forgiving: Addictions rule your life. It's vital that you forgive the person(s) that have affected your life through addiction. This doesn't mean you necessarily forget; but you will never feel closure unless you forgive the mistakes the person dealing with addiction may have made while struggling to get better. For me, I did end up forgiving my mother for what she did. I talk to her every now and then to make sure she is still drug free and doing well. I went to visit my brother a couple weeks ago to see how he was doing. I have forgiven him for what he did and for ignoring me while trying to overcome his addiction. I still believe he is struggling with it but doesn't want anyone to know. But I've accepted it, I've talked to others/ prayed about it, I'm staying positive, and I've forgiven him. And will always forgive him for the mistakes he makes: he is only human.