themeowzaiosamu

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Is bro lesbian?

Idk, am I?

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✦ OC INTRO ✦

Evelyn Key

she/her | age: 23 | protagonist vibes so potent they come with background music

Skills:

Lockpicking (no door shall stop her. metaphoric or otherwise.)

Navigation (knows where she’s going even if emotionally she’s spiraling)

Inspiring rebellion (people will follow her into chaos)

Weaponry & combat (fights dirty. fights smart. fights like it’s personal)

Personality:

Fiery. Confident. Holds grudges like they’re collector’s items. Morally aligned but illegally inclined. Has a strong sense of justice buried beneath five layers of sass, sarcasm, and poor coping mechanisms. Appears cocky but it’s a mask hiding that gnawing, echoing thought: “I’m not enough.” Like the best of us..

A main character of my upcoming book!!

[themeowzaiosamu]

✨ Intro post! ✨

Hello, hello!! I'm C.D and I'd like to welcome you to the chaos! This blog is 45% fandoms, 33% original characters, and 64% Existential Screaming™ (the math is fine. Don’t question it.)

I run purely on ✨overanalysis, lore, not enough water and unhinged storytelling✨

🖋️📜 She/her | 15+ I'm a minor soooo... yh | ENTP-T | local timezone goblin and by that, I mean sometimes I'm up at normal times, and sometimes I'm up at 4:00am. 🖋️📜

💫 Things I post about:

The story I'm writing, my characters, stuff like that

Random hyperfixations that rotate like a microwave plate. This can include (but is not limited to) PJO, Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint, CRK, drawings, and poetry.

Occasional yelling into the void. It's listening, I know it is...

📖 My current hyperfixation rotation chamber 📖

Kim Dokja (ORV): Patron saint of “I’m fine” as he's bleeding out, while at the same time, wringing out the Star Stream for money

Dazai Osamu (BSD): Basically "what if a suicidal genius had a punchable smirk" yet also weirdly relatable and painfully mischaracterized.

Shadow Milk Cookie / Pure Vanilla Cookie (CRK): Duality of “murder” and “please be kind to yourself”

My own OCs who live rent-free in my head and occasionally pay in angst.

🌈 How would I classify me? 🌈

I'm a Slytherin (Sometimes Ravenclaw tho)

Apollo child (yet everyone says I have Nico vibes so... Hades child..?)

ENTP-T or INTP-T, like I said before

Generally awesome sauce yet not at the same time

Therapy? Never heard of her.

🕯️ my writing/tagging/general vibe 🕯️

Sometimes I type like a Twitter raccoon, other times I channel Shakespeare mid-breakdown

expect ✨old english bits✨, ✨trauma jokes✨, ✨weirdly poetic breakdowns✨

#feral scribbles - for my normal writing (which ranges from “heehee silly” to “this hurts and I love it”)

#tagged trauma - for... well. you'll see.

#spilled thoughts - for 3:00am writing

#what am I saying?? = for rambling in the tags and posts like a feral raccoon

other facts you didn’t ask for:

I like my angst slow-burnt and existential because it's a vibe

occasionally I remember I’m funny and run with it

my coping mechanism is ✨narrative✨ because why not?

I joke about my trauma because if i don't, it'll joke about me and if it jokes about me, it's no longer fun.

If you're still here: you're either cool or cursed. Stay hydrated. Touch some grass. Reblog my nonsense if you dare.

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These reposts are concerning... Are y'all okay???

But anyway, MY ADDITION!!

When I was like... 8 or something (I don't remember) apparently, my friends avoided and ignored me for weeks (Months, apparently) because I was too weird for them and it got so bad my parents were traumatized too. Traumatized as in... they never forgot it, always worried about me making friends... yk, cool stuff like that. I don't remember it. It's been officially trauma blocked. I only rediscovered it recently because of something my parents brought up.

As for a trauma I do remember... probably the fact that my parents made me think that my self-destructive tendencies were my own fault and I used to try so hard to pretend I was a normal, neurotypical person that I nearly forgot how to properly express my emotions and connect with others... So... fun. Yippeee!

I brought mint Aero chocolate from down under!

@thatadhdkid16, @illegal-albie, @theslug21 you guys can join if u want + anyone who is interested/wants to join! I wish you all healing 🫡😌

I have no idea if someone has already done this on tumblr but..

TRAUMA CANDY SALAD 😀

*clears throat* My name is Leelee and last year this kid in my class grabbed my behind and said he got tickets to gyattown. aNyWaYs I brought the bowl ><

@axisssss @teenagechildtyphoon @aroacegrimreaper @how2beanerd @cabin13winion @cherryblossomflowers444 @pinkxpxnda @epik-bylerfan + anybody who is interested / wants to join

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Clicking on the image = SURPRISING WORDS OF WISDOM

theyre chill

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Adorkable TOT

Sage of Truth from Town Square used his cat as a pointer during a lecture to get students' attention

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Took me some days, but it is finally finished!

Happy 16th Birthday, Gingerbrave! 🥳🎂🎉

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If I am ever killed

If I am ever to embrace the coldness of death

Let the after be gentle and sweet.

Let the after be full of green pastures

Let me forget my pain and suffering.

If I am ever killed, let me find what I yearn.

If I am ever killed, let me laugh and talk without fear.

Let the peace and finality be endless bliss.

If I am ever killed... let me never wish for more.

Even if the blood that is stained reeks of my own.

Even if the severed veins drip with pain of my own doing.

Do not hate me for ending it soon.

I hurt.

I hurt to be free.

And if I am killed, then just let me be.

[themeowzaiosamu]

Ingeborg Bachmann, from "Eyes to Wonder" in Three Paths to the Lake

This just gave me inspiration for a poem :D

There is something bleeding to death inside me

But I don't know what it is

Perhaps it is my inner child

Or my will to live.

But maybe it's something deeper than that

Maybe it's my very soul

Ripped apart by shards of glass

That people say make us whole.

Those shards are emotion, of that I'm sure.

A drain I cannot plug up.

I need to surface; to emerge and breathe

But the feeling of drowning

Is tantalizing.

Down in the deep, dark sea.

It hurts, this pain.

I wish to be free.

Not of this world

But of me.

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Shadow Milk? Nah. Father Milk. ... Wait-

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I mean... the symbolism goes crazy

sometimes i wonder what if they completely followed through with jesus lore for pv

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THIS IS SO COOLLLLLLLLLLL

toh x omori

combining my 2 favorite fandoms because why not

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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE???????????????

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Dollfaced | by Jamma (@Jambound on X)

Death is a reprieve. Shadow Milk will not be granted it again.

[Major spoilers and tears and coping below ]

Haha three brush strokes to the right, amirite guys? WRONG IT'S TWO TO THE LEFT *SOBS AND SCREECHES IN PURE AGONY* Oouhhhh my shaylas,,, my delusional happy ending,,, my sanity deteriorating while making this silly comic,,,

Saw some really cool fanart on twt and though jamma wrote an Awakened PV and Fount oneshot AU– WHAT DID I JUST READ INSTEAD 😭???? I got lured guys,,, lured I tell you,,, and me thinking I was prepared for the angst after reading the tags but jamma does not play with those things and OUWGH—

Started feeling the sad stuff on Smilks part, chocked on our diva queen Golden Cheese's decision on BSpice and started tearing at Mystics.

"MyStiC flOur cOoKie Had aLwAys enjoYed sunSets"— YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE MYSTIC FLOUR ENJOYS???? Turning cookies into flour. This line turned ME into flour AUOGHSBEJK-

Sugar's part just made it sadder and Silent was blissfully protected from the horrors by not being released yet and therefore not having enough lore to sob about. They may not be spared next time.

By my powerful delusional rays and for the betterment of my sanity, I'm here to tell you guys that none of that actually happened and Smilky just had a not so silly nightmare, forgot about it afterwards and got up with his usual crazy happies and joys and went to the ivory pagoda with Nilla (whom he has a healthy relationship with) where all the ancients and beasts (whom are also friendsies with each other) were having a family picnic, including the minions and where BSpice got some therapy for his destructive depressies and Mystic flour could control the sun so she could enjoy 2717369948720 billion sunsets with Haetae and Sugar is concious and actually happy and also Silent is present and happy and also everyone's happy 🥰🤗🥰.

Okay crashout and delusions aside, I hope you guys liked this little comic thing I made from the tears I felt too greatly ^^ I'll be off to share my sorrows on the dark birdie app now

[And another note!! The gorgeous little poem I used above is by Althea Davis ]

[themeowzaiosamu]

blackout poem of No Longer Human

transcript:

White part:

I never knew what hunger was;

I had no notion of hunger.

I was never actually aware.

What it felt like to be hungry,

I had no idea.

Mealtime at home, it occurred to me

Meals might be a ritual.

A ritual requiring everyone to gather,

whether they felt like it or not.

And chew in silence as they prayed

To household gods.

“Eat or die” sounded like an unpleasant bit of intimidation.

That superstition brought me constant anxiety.

People work because they have to feed themselves.

Or they die.

Nothing was so obscure to me, so threatening, as those words

I have no idea why humans

Do the things they do.

My concept of happiness was utterly…

Different from everyone else.

That made me toss night after night,

nearly out of my mind.

Have I ever known happiness?

I have always, always felt that

I was going through the torments of hell.

Those who called me fortunate

Were infinitely better.

I don’t get it.

“Practical” suffering might be

The most hellish of them all.

I really can’t say-

How do sufferers manage

To carry on without killing themselves,

or going mad?

Can their suffering be genuine?

Is that it? That would make life easy.

Maybe all humans are like that.

Maybe that’s how they’re supposed to be.

I don’t know.

Maybe they sleep soundly and wake up refreshed.

What dreams do they dream?

What do they think about? Money?

Surely not only that.

I’d be better off dead

There’s no way out now.

I fall apart every single time and pile on,

Shame after shame.

I’ll just go on committing one sin after another.

Living is the source of sin.

Coloured part:

By this, I obviously don’t mean simply that I grew of life.

I mean that, even if I was hungry, childhood was definitely kind of carried out,

Specified, in a dimply lit room.

Take their places, rows, and sit with faces downturned.

To my ears,

but even now,

I can’t help thinking of it as such.

And fear for a living,

Starkly, as the one in my futon.

People, have been.

For by putting food in one’s stomach.

To blow my ten woes right out.

Water, but then.

Interested, the struggle

To live, and never give in

To doubt, then at night,

In the morning, as they walk down the street.

No matter what I do, who am I to dream?

Of a leafy waterfall,

My suffering will only expand

And intensify, I want.

[themeowzaiosamu]

Blackout poem I did with this - thanks for the permission btw, reclist

hi its me again asking for help fixing typos/grammar/anything that doesnt make sense

you know, they tell you: when you don’t now what to write, write about not knowing what to write

but what do you do when there’s too much of it? how do i write it into submission? into more managable, shorter sentences, so words spell words and not script a scene

maybe i’m dramatic because nothing’s small enough to fit my body. have you ever thought about it like that? ever had your guts inflate until you’re puking them out?

you should thank me for dramatizing words. this way the only inconvinience is turning the page. what a bummer to clean blood off my bedroom floor. your hands weren’t meant to– blah blah blah

at least we’d have something to talk about

i do feel a little insane at times; so i write it down and hand it out because i’ve forgotten what it’s like to laugh outside of folie a deux 

and we do laugh, don’t we?