theramblingsofalostmutt

[theramblingsofalostmutt]

been a bit inactive on this blog. Life has been a lot between being disabled, trying to find a job, and generally getting ready for the school year and finishing off current projects..

I've also been having a small identity crisis. Recently I started unconsciously viewing my body as that of a dogs in a sort of way. Of course I know it looks human, but since a dog occupies the body then the body is a dogs body. I don't know if that makes me holothere or transspecies or anything of that sort, but I've been experimenting with the labels to see if any feel fitting.

also went through the discovery of realizing that something I thought was a constel was a fictotype after all. So I guess that makes me fictionkin?

Identity is a mess. Existence doesn't make sense and labels are pointless.

doesn't change the fact I find comfort in them. I've always found comfort in meaningless things.

[theramblingsofalostmutt]

been very (pleasantly) overwhelmed by how many ppl have seen and interacted with some of my posts

never expected this little blog for me to get my thoughts out would ever get any interaction.. it's been very nice to experience and tysm ^^

[theramblingsofalostmutt]

I love trans women so much they're so amazing to me

I hated womanhood so much, it was a role I was supposed to fill but felt so wrong. It was like a shirt several sizes too small, it suffocated and almost killed me.

But watching trans women take something that was so miserable to me and be so truly happy? It's lovely, it's beautiful, and I love seeing it so much. <3

I love trans joy. To any trans women/transfemme reading this please don't let the state of the world break you. I love you so much you're so beautiful and so, so deserving of safety and love.

[theramblingsofalostmutt]

yes, and no

for me my alterhumanity has it's positives. It gives me a different world view. My therianthropy gives me a deep kinship with other dogs. Being constelic means my identity is ever changing, and that is freeing in a way.

But it is negative sometimes too. I'm trapped in this human body that doesn't reflect me. A body that can't even move like my theriotype should due to chronic pain. And my identity being fluid is lovely in a way, but at the same time I mourn when I lose a constel I was attached to. I wish those could be kintypes, but they just aren't.

but that being said, I can maybe point you towards some labels (although I can't guarantee you wouldn't have already tried them)?

Voidpunk is a subculture all about rejecting your humanity and embracing dehumanization, you don't have to be otherkin to consider yourself voidpunk. The only thing required is that you have felt dehumanized at some point.

Copingkin/link are two similar identities revolving around identifying as something as a coping mechanism. The main difference is that copingkin is involuntary, while copinglink is voluntary. The kin/linktype can really be anything, from a concept to an earthly animal to a place or an archetrope.

You could also just be otherkin. People talk about the positives a lot, but for a lot of people it's a lot of positives and negatives mixed. And for some people it's not positive at all. And that's all equally valid. ^^

but finally, you don't need to label yourself. You could just call yourself nonhuman/alterhuman, but you're not even required to do that. You are not ever required to label a part of your identity, that's up to you. And if you do want a label but can't find one, you're always welcome to coin a new one. That's equally as valid as using a term coined by someone else.

i have never ever posted in these tags but i have a question, i guess

for otherkin/nonhumans, do you ever see your nonhumanity as a negative thing?

i don't even have a kintype. i call myself a demon but that's not even accurate. i've tried on so many labels and none of them ever fit for long.

my nonhumanity stems from growing up autistic and never feeling like i fit in. it stems from physical health issues and never feeling like i was built correctly. like i have a human body but im nothing like a "normal human". kind of like a prototype of a human or someone's failed attempt at building a human being. nobody knows how to help me or take care of me because i'm just broken.

i don't feel good about being nonhuman. it's not a pleasant experience.

has anyone else ever felt this? could someone help me out or point me in the right direction?

[theramblingsofalostmutt]

as a chronically ill therian I'm sad that I can't do quads or run on all fours like I see others doing :(

it hurts my joints and causes me to get extremely dizzy and overheated :(

I just want to be able to run through the grass and howl and jump over things...and I can't :(

[theramblingsofalostmutt]

I wonder a bit how much of my alterhumanity is related to trauma.

Neither caused the other, my alterhumanity existed before any trauma. But sometimes I wonder.

I am a dog on a literal level. Always have been, always will be. That's not related to trauma.

But on a metaphorical level? I am a dog who sits in the corner with his head down. I don't bare my teeth because that makes me a bad dog, good dogs lay down and submit. If I am good for once, they'll love me.

I am a mutt that wanders the streets and clings to any kind hand he can find because he was left behind so many times he feels like this time will be different. And when they inevitably decide they don't want a sick, traumatized dog they leave me on the side of the street and I wait for them to come back. I'll lay down in the cold rain until I starve if that's what it takes.

I am a dog who is loyal to a fault. I will follow someone even if they lead me to my own grave. The same people who said they loved me also made me feel worthless, but isn't that what love is? Why would someone lie about loving me? Love for me has always meant being mistreated while I stare up at them with adoring eyes, because they still pet me on the head and call me a good dog.

[theramblingsofalostmutt]

Hey!

this is simply a place for me to ramble abt my experiences being queer/alterhuman/neurodivergent/etc

for reference, I am:

• A dog therian

• constelic

• transmasc

• autistic

• aroace

I'll also post labels I coin and flags I design here, so this blog can act as an archive of sorts. Although that won't be the main focus.

I have my asks open because I want to be a resource, feel free to send me any questions you may have! I'll answer to the best of my abilities, and if I can't I'll try to direct you to resources that may help <3