thethoughtinside

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Typical

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Are you feeling bad? Send me an ask or a message, i will listen to you and i will try to help you :)

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Countdown

Since I am left alone in this world after everyone I trusted and promised not to leave has left, I am writing my sorrows here. 

I am in complete shock of what has been happening in my life for almost 2 years now. The only guy I fell in love with, the one who knew all about me, the one who touched my soul, the one who I planted deep down inside of me, have left. 

I know I am hard to keep up with, I know I am not perfect, but no one is, I have admired him for his imperfections before his perfections. 

I sit and stare at the ceiling before I sleep. Our promises come to mind. He made me promise him countless times not to leave him, he was more afraid than I was for this to end, for us to end. But then he was the one who dropped it all, without fighting and made it all go. 

I have a lot to tell him before I leave, but I know that he doesn't wanna hear more venting. After all, what happened, I tried to fight, I tried to hard to keep up with the words I have given him, the promises I have made, I wanted us to happen. Us was all I wished for. But one hand does not count. Talking to him now, the new him, makes me realize that he changed, maybe he changed out of pain, maybe he changed because it was the only way for him to move on with his life, but he lost himself in the process. I close my eyes and pray that only his filter to keep himself safe, but then again what I see confuses me. 

Yesterday, I remembered the time we fought about if we want a girl or a boy first. I wanted a boy to be just like him, but he wanted a baby girl to be the second me. I remembered our dream home, our honeymoon location, the way we planned our days will be, who will cook, who will work, who will do laundry and who will have the left side of the bed. 

But all of those are just things I am holding on to. Things he passed, forgot and moved on. 

I was out when a random group of girls on the table beside me started talking about a girl that is a close friend to them. Her name, and where she studies rang a bell. Its a girl in his university. His name along with one of his social media accounts was mentioned in the conversation. They said things that scratched my soul. My heart ached but I couldn't say a word to anyone. He simply left me and stopped being mine.  

I keep holding my phone each day wanting to text him, I want to cry my ass off. I want to hold his hand and run away. The way we planned it before.

My days are counting down, and soon enough, all my thoughts, memories and the things that I never spoke out, are going to be buried. 

And that is a promise I gave. 

Life is with him, death is without him.  

-unkown 

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I liked you before I had even had a chance to brush my hand against yours. I was attracted to your soul before I had a chance to even kiss your lips. I fell for your mind before I knew your body. So don’t ever think for a second that this is shallow, this is anything but.

(via forget-the-maps)

@inhalethecountryair

(via texasinmyrearviewmirror)

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Do you lie

you do 

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One day we got tired, tired of chasing, of caring, of worrying… Not because we didn’t want more, but because the person didn’t value our efforts.

Daniel C. L.  (via convertions)

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Him and nothing more. 

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What if the deeper you know your own brokenness, the deeper you can experience your own belovedness?

Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way (via kindlykarlirose)

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