theunbearablelightnessofraging

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Deep thoughts on dating

I recently had to tell a gentleman after a few dates that it was "too much, too soon". This was a second message. We had a good first date. Probably a 6/10. Good enough to go out again. But our communication after the first date didn't sit right with me. He was texting me...a lot. But even more so, some of the language was a bit too romantic, and he was requesting that I send him (normal, not X-rated) photos, effectively on demand. When he asked me on a second date, I told him that I thought we might be looking for different things: I wanted to slow things down, and take the time to really get to know someone and see if it developed into something real...and I felt like he was looking for an "instant romance".

I've been dating for a long time and unlike many, 1) I don't hate it...I find meeting new people interesting even if it turns into nothing, and 2) At this point I do realize that instant attraction isn't all there is. I want a relationship built on a solid foundation of friendship. Not to say that anything and everything romantic is off the table early on, but if I feel that it's distracting from really getting to know who the person is at their core, it is a turnoff to me.

So he dialed it back briefly and we went two more dates, and the "too much, too soon" returned with a vengeance. And I had to tell him we couldn't pursue this anymore. Which was frustrating because I did enjoy spending time with him, we did have things in common, but he was truly making me uncomfortable. I wanted to yell "I just want to get to know you!!!" without all the pressure to respond to overly doting texts from someone I'd basically just met. But it was not to be.

Patience is a motherfucking virtue.

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This photo was the background on my laptop in the early 2010s. I loved it. I still love it. Back then I think it represented something to me about the kind of passionate WDGAF relationship I wanted. I wouldn't say that's the case anymore, I've matured (and I think they both have as well). But it still captures a sort of longing and desire that comes about, especially at vulnerable times, where something or someone can allow you to escape.

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I recently discovered Idles at Primavera Sound Barcelona. And I love this quote from Joe Talbot (vocals for Idles) from this interview with NME. This is how I felt when I saw them. Speaking of my recent (first) post about authenticity...it just felt authentic, and raw, and in his own words, electric.

IDLES - DANCER (Official Video) 2023

‘I want to make people dance, I want people to feel the love that I need in my life, I want to make people move, I want our music to be infectious again – and I want it to be infectious in a way that makes people feel, not think. I want to feel part of something electric again’

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A note on the self-worth of 20-somethings

I was looking at photos of myself from when I was in my mid-20s. And if I'd had the self esteem and sense of self worth that I have now, I would have been unstoppable.

Youth is wasted on the young.

(Though to be clear, I still look and feel plenty young and that is truly all that really matters)

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Credit to https://www.instagram.com/thecoolhunter_

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This shoot is perfection.

PJ Harvey for ID MAGAZINE Sep. 1996

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It's such a simple thing, but I find men who wear bracelets to be sexy.

David Bowie by Christian Simonpietri, Paris, 1977.

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Contrast is king.

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Core Value: Authenticity

My very first post here is both something that I've been thinking about lately, and something that's appropriate to set the intention for this page.

One of my very near and dear core values, above all else, is authenticity. I think it underlies a piece of what people, in general, are drawn to. And what is authenticity if not honesty?

I strive to live an honest life. Sometimes I think I'm honest to a fault, about myself and my experiences. I'm a bit of an "open book" as one might say. And I hope to use this as a place to express more of myself. Different facets. Freely. And connect with others on shared interests, thoughts, experiences, aesthetics, turn ons. I'm not sure what form they will take but that's kind of the point.

So for my yet-to-meet Tumblr friends who live authentic lives or strive to, hello. It's nice to meet you.