theweaveratropos

[theweaveratropos]

why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead

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every day i am percieved™️

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Gravity: Hi-

Jungkook: Not today bitch!

Cr twt- INVENTkook

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BILLBOARD LITERALLY UPLOADED A SLOW MO VID OF BTS WALKING AND SAID “MOVE OUT OF THE WAY” look at bangtan’s impact

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Yoongi calling Jimin “Jimin-ah \ Jiminie” // requested by anonymous 

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looks like jimin is caught in a lie

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way too cute ♡

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BTS BEGINS FULL CONCERT [w/ ENGSUBS]

IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:

Please DO NOT re-upload any of the videos to anywhere like Youtube, Facebook, Dailymotion, etc.! Do not remove watermark unless you are making gifs or fanvids.

Gifs are allowed, but must credit and/or link. Fanvids are also allowed, but must credit and/or link as well. If you want to upload cuts to twitter/instagram, please credit @hellosarang

Along with English subbed versions, I’ve also decided to upload the RAW versions for those who want to gif or make edits. ^^

If you want to use the unsubbed videos for translating purposes, go ahead. But please let me know and credit the original video. ^^

Thank you everyone for your patience! Enjoy~

2015 BTS Live Trilogy Episode 1: BTS BEGINS (FULL CONCERT)

YT: SUBS | NO SUBS blocked worldwide D:

Google Drive: SUBS | NO SUBS(soon)

Memories of 2015 DVD MASTERLIST [still updating]

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Dug this out of my archives.  

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So I'm a method writer, probably. Maybe.

Or, the rambling post about my hypomania.

A lot of people ask me how I write.

I haven't written in a long time.  Life sort of gets in the way sometimes, and I have some responsibilities (self-imposed, no less) that I prioritize higher than writing.  I know.  Saying that feels a little like suicide, because I love writing very very much.  And because I made the decision to stray from it because I thought I could do other things to help the world.  A little idealistic.

These days, with everything that's been going on, I wonder if that was a smart choice.  My therapist encouraged my to keep writing, as did my psychiatrist, but honestly....there's just no time.  And it's not that writing is purely cathartic for me -- sometimes it can be the opposite.  The way I write, and the way I get in the mood and become my characters, sometimes it's hard to shake them off.  I can't always just turn it on and off, and sometimes producing a good chunk of writing means you're really immersed in your characters.  

We've all been there -- caught on such an awesome inspiration that we write for hours and hours, not sleeping maybe for a day or two because you don't wanna lose this wonderful idea and this wonderful emotion that you have to be able to peg into words.  But, has anyone really told you that -- to the scientific world -- this burst of creativity and endless energy means something else entirely?  I feel like, caught where I am -- between science and literature -- I understand the implications of both, and can't pick one or the other without being afraid of what that choice means.  

When I write, I breathe and I live in that world, and my entire mood depends on what's happening.  And I write angst.  And to write angst, you have to feel angst, and know it, and understand it.  And I have enough angst in my life to last an eternity, but bringing it up --willingly-- to write a believable piece should be unnecessary, right?  But in my head, when I write these scenes, I become those characters, and I feel what they feel -- their pain, their joy, their sacrifice is my own.  How do I let that go to embark on this other journey? I know it's not a mutually exclusive relationship -- being a doctor doesn't mean giving up writing.  

But, it's a moot argument when I don't even write anymore.  At least, not the way I used to.  I'm starting to understand my boundaries -- the point where my mind starts to hedge away a little too much, where the anxiety my characters feel becomes my own.  And maybe I should recognize it, and let it go, and move on.  It doesn't mean that I won't be able to write anymore, if I distance myself from it.  

But for me, it's more like I don't write because I know how strongly I react and immerse myself in those scenes.  I cannot, quite simply, shake them off.  And at the moment, inspiration scares me to the point of stupidity.  The excitement that I used to feel when inspiration hit is now the feeling I associate with mania.  Maybe it is the same thing.  Who knows, really.  But I'm still a little sad that it means I associate the release of writing with something a little more pathological.

In the past, if I wanted to write a sad scene, I'd play some sad songs, think about sad things, and then get to writing when I felt appropriately wretched.  These days, the thought of even triggering these kinds of feelings strikes me as entirely unhealthy.  What was I thinking all those years ago!!  

But even as unhealthy as all those days were, I wonder if my problems now have to do with the fact that I'm not writing. A sort of "who came first" scenario.  Am I not writing because I'm afraid of mania, or am I mildly manic because I'm not writing and have no outlet?  

Still, I'd like to write again.  And I'd like to really reconcile myself to the idea that picking medicine didn't have to mean giving up on writing.  And maybe, letting for of some of that resentment towards myself for making that choice.  Thoughts.

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Why yes, I am spending these days writing instead of studying :)

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Seriously.  OTP.  <3

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PTSD, the Hunger Games, and why I almost didn't finish reading Mockingjay (SPOILERS)

I finally finished Mockingjay this weekend, the delay being intentional.  Firstly (is that a word?  I'm uncomfortable using it), I didn't have time because of the unrealistic/peonic demands of medical school.  Secondly, I really really had a hard time reading on after Finnick dies.  Apologies for the spoilers.  

And then, to boot, the entire third book is page after page of a (quite well-researched) homage to PTSD.  Granted, I appreciate the venture, and I applaud Suzanne Collins for keeping it real -- really, who could survive any Hunger Game without debilitating, lingering psychological trauma -- but....but...I wanted Peeta to be PEETA.   Possibly forever.  And I'd get into the degeneration of Katniss' character into a whiny, insecure brat, but I think that'd buy me significant ire.

So for now, allow me to wallow in a discussion of PTSD, Katniss, and Peeta.

To be fair, the entirety of the Hunger Games trilogy lends itself to a complex discussion on psychology, both in reference to actual psychiatric illness, the pathophysiology of that illness (particularly in relation to environmental cues), and the dynamic of psychosocial stressors.  But I'm not an expert, and really, I'm only even broaching the subject because so much of Mockingjay was wrought with obvious elements of psychiatry.

What is PTSD exactly?  Our lovely friend wikipedia cites it as, "... is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event that results in psychological trauma.[1][2][3] This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one's own or someone else's physical, sexual, or psychological integrity,[1] overwhelming the individual's ability to cope." Furthermore, in what sounds like an exact description of Peeta in book three, "...symptoms of PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma(s) through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increasedarousal—such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hypervigilance."   

Which is why, having completed my psychiatric rotation earlier in the year, I was absolutely heartbroken to have my two favorite lovebirds very obviously in the throes of PTSD, with only morphling to turn to (a bad idea, really).  And, as an aside -- for all the lack of sex, was anyone else surprised by the obvious references to drug abuse?

Anyway, in truth, that was the reason why I couldn't enjoy Mockingjay.  Maybe it really was the added exposure to psychiatry -- I've seen these patients in real life, I've seen what their past and their fears do to them, and it's never a pretty thing.  You can never really go up to them and reassure them that one day they'll forget, that with enough therapy they won't have those nightmares anymore -- that sounds or images that remind them of their trauma won't send them spiralling back into vivid relapse years after they think they've healed.  

Truthfully, and I think any Mockingjay reader can intuit as much, part of the bittersweet truth of the Hunger Games is that these two strong, innocent characters will never get to be happy.  By the end of the series, we realize that two children have been robbed of their futures; and yes, they healed and forged their own lives, but the tragedy is not in their success and survival -- the tragedy is in the fact that they were damaged through no fault of their own.  The Hunger Games was not a punishment for anything they explicitly did (Quarter Quell enthusiasts, hold your fire), but rather a result of avarice and of a preoccupation with perverse voyeurism.  

How could I enjoy Mockingjay, really, when every panic attack that Peeta had was one that I'd seen echoed on a myriad of other faces in the psych ward and in the psych ED?  And maybe that was the point -- to forge an awareness in the reader that every action has its consequence, that every act of violence can cause a lasting and reverberating change in someone else.   

Throughout the progression of the Trilogy we see an incredible shift in Katniss' character -- from a headstrong, bold, albeit vulnerable girl into a damaged, frightened remnant of who she used to be.  The juxtaposition of her reality is astounding.  Yes, she survived.  Twice.  But even with her strength and grit and determination, she wasn't immune to the psychological traumas of the arena.  Obviously, vestiges of her character remain -- of her verve and sarcasm, and obviously her strength-- but Collins makes an effort to remind us that no one leaves a trauma unscathed: not the strong warrior, the sweet lover, or the bitter hardened drunk.  In fact, it is life and its traumas that shape and shift the way we cope.

In a way, the Hunger Games might be viewed as a success story.  Obviously, it's more than that -- an eloquent discussion on power, violence, innocence, etc.  But in the end, it's about humanity and their ability to fight on -- to live and resist death even when life becomes unbearable.  Sometimes we need to hide in closets.  Sometimes we have to run away because we can't deal with things at that moment in time.  But even in those darkest days, there is hope -- there is the dandelion that hints of spring and the promise of better days.  And the lesson is that although there is sadness in incomplete healing, there is hope in the possibility of life beyond the tragedy, too.  

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oh god, it's a nostalgic night.

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hahaha.  

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Surgery's Reckoning

First day of third year has me rotating through trauma surgery at a Trauma II hospital.  HURRAH.  My first patient was as interesting a case as ever (I'm not sure I can even talk about how BALLER everything was), but I'm SO TIRED.

Not as tired as I'll be tomorrow, when I wake at 4:40AM to start the day at 5:30.  Somehow, they decided we were competent enough to round on our patients before the residents even showed up.  

I'm not that confident in my own abilities, to be honest.  

Orientation was fun though, with the classic phrase by the attending:  "Surgical knots are important.  They're very useful!! You can use them on your patients -- or you know, to tie up significant others.  It's a win-win."  

BALLER.

All this talk is churning major gears for a Draco Hermione, though.  Draco is the arrogant surgeon and Hermione is the up-and-coming neurosurgery resident.  Haha, I called the storyline!!