thoughtsbegone

[thoughtsbegone]

Hey Little Me

This is just something that I wanted to type out on a boring Friday afternoon.

I was just chilling in my bed when I came across this video stating how they had to cut off their parents for disapproving of their sexuality. They were scared of coming out to their parents because they are super religious and are really anti-LGBTQ and I realized that I felt the same way before, years ago.

I remember coming out to a friend of mine when I was in 9th grade, they asked me if I'm planning to come out to my parents and I said no to them. I remember thinking that I would probably take this to my grave and not tell them anything about who I really am and just hide it even though a lot of people already knew about it because, heck, I'm not good at hiding stuff from people.

Fast forward to now. I can finally say that they are accepting, supportive, and loving towards me and my girlfriend. Yes! Can you believe that? My younger self would probably laugh at my face if I tell her that one day, Mama will be welcoming the woman who I will introduce to her. That they would be close to the point that they talk in chats but I have no clue what they are talking about.

It's so bizarre how a lot of things has changed since I found out that I'm gay. Who would've thought that I will be welcoming 2024 with a girl who I want to spend my whole life growing with, that my family would be welcoming and accepting of my girlfriend to the point that the first thing they ask me when I come home is, "where is your girlfriend?" or "when is your girlfriend going to visit again?"

Just like what that little tumblr post that I saw, "Life is so subtle to the point that you're walking through a door that you once prayed to be open." And I can say this with my whole heart, that I will be welcoming the new year with changes in my life that I have prayed for. With new and old people in my life who saw me grow into the person that I am today.

To the little me, believe me when I say that it gets better. There are times that it's bad, that you have to cut off people but trust me, it gets better.

[thoughtsbegone]

5 months to 1 month

How do I start this one? Ummm. Juna and I moved in on the same day our cute relationship, or should I say me courting her turns 3 months. It has now been 2 months and counting since we moved together with Nicole. Being with her everyday is..refreshing. I always look forward to coming back to the condo when I know she's going to be there waiting for me. Every after training or after classes hits so different than when I used to live in Laguna. Of course I still look forward to going home before because I can go and rest, play games, eat food, and talk to her. But, this time it's different. I can go and rest WITH HER, I play games WITH HER, I eat food WITH HER, and most importantly I can always talk to her about anything or just plainly annoy her hehe. One more thing that I love about living with Juna is that, I get to fall asleep with her. It feels so good having her arms wrapped around me and just the two of us sleeping. Not worried about the time or whether any of our parents are going to get mad because we're late or something. It's just us, cuddling and cracking jokes with one another. Also, she asked me to be her girlfriend on the 13th of this Month. YES! HAHAHAHA. She was the one who asked me to be her girlfriend instead of the other way around. She's a cheeky little beauty oh my god, I really thought that she only had a cute little surprise for me but then she asked the question. And who am I to say no to this beautiful girl that I can finally call mine hehe. I'm not gonna go into details about how she asked me or what we did because I treasure that memory so much and I want it to be between the two of us only. But take my word for this, she's just amazing. I find more reason to love her more each day, she helps me become a person who I never thought I could ever be and we're both still growing. I still have yet to talk to her just like how we used to talk before but I will, once our tasks are done and then I'll talk to her. She's currently in our room sleeping, I kind of want to jump in the bed with her and snuggle up to her but I have an exam in a few hours which I have to go and study for huhu. So if anyone is reading this thing, I would just like to say this. I love my girlfriend and I am very very thankful for her existence and how she makes me a better person each day. I love her a lot and I thank God that I met her in this lifetime.

[thoughtsbegone]

Smile

I hope I never stop smiling, laughing about stupid things, saying corny jokes, having fun with friends, and just overall enjoying the things around me. I hope I never stop looking at the good side of everything no matter how tired, how lost, and how beaten I am because of life. I hope I never look at little things that are done for me something stupid that I would rather not give it any type of attention. I hope I never change the way that I am but I do hope that I grow, I hope I change for the better and not for the worse. I hope I never stop loving that things that I do, even the stupidest things or the most random shit. I hope I never lose the sight of love in my heart, the love that I have for myself, the people around me, and for the person who I will be with forever. I hope I never lose hope.

[thoughtsbegone]

Fresh.

Lights are now passing by my eyes clearly than I have ever seen before. It took me some time to fully realize this but I have now and, it's going to be a slow and rocky process. There may be times that I would look back and want the things that I had before but the things that will be offered in the future will be much more compared to what I had. It took me three years to finally realize my worth, so many people I have talked to, friends that I have lost along the way, connections that I have cut, and so much more. But all it took was one night, one thought, one emotion, and one person. I have done something that I have feared that I may do to someone, I have overstepped someone's boundaries. I know, it 's a small thing for other people but for me this one is big. I don't want to hurt anyone, be it as small as pinching them or as big as an emotional trauma. I never intended to hurt anyone and I don't think I'll be able to accept it as a thought that I have done it on someone, someone who I cherish and care for. Yes, I'm scared of doing it again and I will be taking it as a lesson to always, always check and to always ask for permission no matter how ridiculous it is, it will never hurt someone if you ask them if they are comfortable with something that you are doing with each other. I think that one scared me the most, the thought of hurting someone without me knowing scares me more than diving in the deep ocean and my phobia of the ocean is big. The thought of someone questioning and blaming themselves for what I did is something that my soul cannot fathom, that I myself cannot even accept even if it's small. I know this will sound ridiculous for other people but it is who I am, I have been scarred and traumatized by life that I don't want anyone experiencing that from me or from anyone for that matter. I know it's something that we cannot control, that we have no way of stopping but it may be something that we can prevent. It scares me that I have done something without me realizing it. Now, I'm taking all of it and leaving everything as well. I'm now walking towards the right direction and believe that this is the right direction. I have already told a friend of mine what's my plan and I'll elaborate everything, not like someone is going to be reading this after all.

Ever since I was a kid, I have always wanted to be an Architect and now that I am on my way to being one, I want to focus all my energy and thoughts into it. The sooner I graduate the better but I also want to enjoy what college has to offer to me. I want to focus on the team, being one with them and growing with them as a drummer as well as an individual. I want to focus my energy into healing, self improvement, and taking care of my physical and mental health. It's not too late to turn things around and to finally walk towards the right direction.

Ever since I stepped into college, I was thrown into a whirlwind of emotion. I went through two exes, many flings, hook ups, talking stages, and a lot of failed attempts at finding someone that I think would be suitable for me as a partner. While also juggling my schoolwork, my own mental health, the things that are going around me, and finding the motivation to keep on breathing. But as days, weeks, months, years has passed by I kept losing myself and kept on doing the same thing over and over again. Until I realized that, I am in the place where I have prayed for many years before but I continue to overlook it because I can't seem to be contented with the things that I have. Now that I am, I realize what I have and I'm excited as well as happy as to what life has to offer to me again. I'm an Architecture student from Mapua, one of the top schools in the country. I'm an Athlete in which I have always dreamed of being since I was in 6th grade. I have friends who support me and who always has my back no matter what happens. Also Nekol who has never left my side ever since she pestered me when we were in 11th grade. I am healthy, I have clothes that I love wearing, my favorite shoe collection, pets that I consider as my best friends, and a Family that supports me. This is what I wanted when I was a kid and more, I wanted to be able to study in Manila. I wanted friends who I can go to whenever I want to. I'm out and proud with myself, I'm taking care of everything and I have it all down to the T. My plan is to Graduate, become a License Architect, create my own company, have loads of money, and become a Pilot. And this plan makes me happy, this plan makes me feel contented. As you can see it's not a full on timeline but goals that I want to achieve in life. That is because I believe that I will be reaching all of those things despite what life throws at me, despite what will happen to me I will be reaching that dream of mine of being successful. You may be wondering, why is there no room for lovelife in your goals and dreams? I also asked myself that question. I don't know why I never included a Special Someone in that dream and goals of mine. I guess that's another question that we will find an answer to one of these days. But to answer and not so answer the question, I will be focusing everything on me right now and I think that was an overshadow that appeared when I built that plan of mine. Yes I want to marry someone but not right now, and I don't think that time will come just yet. Love seems to complicate things and life is already complicated, why complicate it more. Yes, it will be good to have someone by your side to check on you, to tell you they love you, to care for you, or feel them holding you in their arms but, I don't think I want that for now. I have myself and I can take care of myself. In this journey the lead is me, in this chapter the main character is me, and in this life the one I will be focusing on is Me. It's going to be one hell of a ride, but I'm ready for it. I'm so fucking ready for it.

[thoughtsbegone]

Drowning

Filled with nothing but feeling everything Every breath I take It feels like I'm choking What is this? Maybe this is where my fear of deep water stems from But right now, I'm not in the ocean I'm lying in my bed Facing the ceiling But I'm still drowning Drowning in my thoughts? Drowning in my feelings? Drowning with work? At this point, no one knows It makes me sick in the head and even my stomach I can't even eat properly Even if I want to

[thoughtsbegone]

Invisible

What if we all just disappeared, Similar to bubbles in the air Where it will just pop, and it will never be seen Ever again What if we just went invisible Where no one can see us Interact with us And hear what we say We can certainly go off the grid But that's it Someone will still be able to know where you are Who you're with Or where you were last seen What I want is to disappear. Go to a place where everybody fears A new country A new city A new place Where no one recognizes me I want to blend in To just be me in the background No connections No relations Just me and my emotions I know what you're thinking. "Won't you feel sad?" I think I will be But not the whole time I get my peace, I get my downs I only have myself to take care of And not trust me with anyone Soulmates are everywhere Be it as a friend, a family, or a lover Soulmates are meant to interact with each other But what if I don't want a soulmate in this world Because I only want me to be with me Confusing, I know, but you'll get it eventually As someone who observes, she sees But never talks about it conveniently Shards are there, left by people who came Thousands of pieces lying on the ground Some are big, some are small Some pieces have names and stories to tell What if we're all invisible? What if we already are? What if we're all in our heads thinking that we have people to interact with From time to time.

[thoughtsbegone]

Things that have happened since we parted ways

It has been two? Three months? Since we have last spoken. As usual, it ended in a heated argument. You blocked me out of nowhere which still angers me sometimes because I don't get it, but now I'm just "meh" towards the whole situation. A lot has happened since then, and I can finally say I have moved on.

I've decided to cut my hair shorter than before, and I love it. I'm more confident now, I received a lot of compliments from other people, especially my friends and Ligaya, who always says that I look pogi whenever she sees the chance. I also say that I'm pogi out of nowhere, and I get really happy because of it, I can say that I'm more confident in myself now that I love how I look. I started going to the gym and working out more, plainly because we need it for training and such but it also boosts my whole energy. I'm more positive towards the world and how I face things, my mindset has changed a lot and, I don't know. I'm more carefree now, happier than before. Classes still drain the heck out of me, but I'm more eager to work on it than bury it under the ground. I found lots of things fun now, who knew that I would get better at Valorant hahaha. I'm playing Genshin less but I think that's because I get to play with friends on Valo more than I do with Genshin. I'm spending less time with Angel, Karen, and Jess that's because we're all busy with different things in life. Karen is now living with Abi at Sta. Cruz, meanwhile Angel, and Jess are busy with their meetings at school. I remember how you said you're jealous of Ligaya, out of all the people! Haha! But I'm thankful for her, she doesn't know it but she saved me more than once. She helped me in more things than she thinks she did. And also Nekol, who we now call Doktora, if it wasn't for the two of them, I wouldn't know where I would be right now. I don't think I'll be writing this or even join drumcorps. Because of those two people, I met other souls who are genuine, caring and supportive. Pops, Wawi, Katrina, Belle, Patrick! All of them managed to impact my life in ways I could never have imagined before.

I'm still working on my relationship with my parents, these days it was more rocky than before. We fought more but that was because I'm trying to tell them more than I did in the past and opening up with the issues that I see with us as a family. I'm more vocal now, I speak up about what I feel, if I can't talk to other people I try to write as much as possible. It helps, believe it or not, it really does and it makes me happy when I read it again.

This is out of the blue but, I met this girl HAHAHAHA. I know my friends are gonna laugh when they see this but I did meet this girl out of nowhere on Omegle. She's 2 years younger than me but she acts like she's the same age as me. I kinda like her, she's a genuine soul who should be protected and cared for but she has this tough shell that's sometimes hard to crack and read but she peels it off piece by piece as time goes by. She's really fun to be with and I enjoy teasing the hell out of her, we have this banter relationship and I just enjoy it. I saw her for the first time last month and I had a blast spending time with her, I think we grew closer because of that but I'm happy that she gained more friends through me, a stranger she met on Omegle just to play valo with. She knows I like her but I just joke around with her because she likes someone else and I respect her, I don't push whatever I feel towards her even though my friends hear enough of me going "I miss ******" or "I like ******" HAHAHAHA. Yes I'm censoring shit because who knows who will read this. But if my friends are the ones who are reading this, you all know who I'm talking about because I taLK ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME. Added thought to that is, I'm more open to loving someone now. I went back to the yellow app, I know you know this because you swiped on me. Sorry but I didn't swipe right on you because when I said I no longer want any connections, I meant that. But I am more open on letting people in my life now, example is the one above, but I'm more cautious and I choose those who I give myself to. Right now I'm not entertaining anyone because I genuinely like this person and I like their company but yeah, if time goes by and whatever feelings that I have for this person goes away, I might try again. I no longer entertain the idea of having too many people to talk to, I guess I got tired of doing it a lot back then and would just like to focus on one person now. I stopped smoking cigs now, I remember we always smoke a stick or two when we see each other and now I don't. I switched to disposable vapes and I enjoy it a lot. I may have missed a thing or two here and there but these are the things that my brain brought up. That sums up the things that happened when we stopped talking. I hope you're better now and is a lot happier than before if you are with someone, then good for you. If not, then that's still good, I hope everything goes well in your life. I know your graduation is coming up, and I just want to apologize that I won't be able to fulfill the promise that I said to you back then that I would attend your graduation, but I will send you flowers when the time comes, and I hope you'll appreciate them once you receive them. I'm still thinking about going and giving you the flower personally, but I don't think that will bring anything between the two of us. I will try my best to send you the flowers that I have mentioned, and I just want to say that still, after everything that has happened between the two of us. I'm proud of the woman that you have become.

[thoughtsbegone]

Remember when you used to tell me that you hope someone would come along and treat you better? Yeah, I was there taking everything in. It hurt you know? I was fucking heartbroken whenever you would open that topic up because in my head I was doing the worst thing to you the whole time we were in a relationship to hope that someone better would come along even though we were still together. That you wanted someone who you could go tell nanay about whenever you want to and not think about what she would say.

Remember when you would always say, "ako na naman masamang tao?" whenever we would fight? Yeah, I was there blaming myself for everything that it became second nature to me to doubt all the things that I did to you and to myself because I don't want to paint you as the bad guy. I would rather blame myself for all the bad things that have happened between us just for you to not take anything. Remember when I would get jealous of this one girl from your store? Yeah, I was there when I would catch her getting a glimpse of you. I even saw in your messages how you wanted to visit her in their home without me knowing anything and you would probably not tell me anything about it and just brush it off. You would get mad at me when I would bring the topic up but I was just hurt and unsure of the things that were between the two of you because I notice things, I know things, and I know energy. She would wait outside of your home for hours waiting for you to come out and see her, who knows what happens when you're at your store and you're not updating me.

Remember when I would paint you those flowers every night? I still do, and the digital paintings are still here. Do you know it takes me 2-3 hours to find the right flower and paint those flowers digitally? They all did, all 34 of those flowers, I spent every single night painting to send it to you every morning because I wanted you to wake up and see it. In the end, you never liked them enough to appreciate them.

Remember when you told me to stop giving and doing things for you that don't give you any benefit? Like the paintings, the bucky mask that I bought you. You don't want them because according to you, "they're useless and won't serve any benefit to me, it will just be stuck in my room doing nothing." But did you also remember when you wanted that mask? When you loved Bucky so much that you even wanted his "metal arm", I surprised you with that mask because I knew how much you loved his character, and in the end for you to tell me that you don't like it and to stop giving you things similar to that.

Remember when I made that mistake a year ago? I still do and I'm still suffering from it. I'm not blaming you, I'm blaming myself for doing that. I did everything to make up for that mistake, every day for a whole year, I did everything to be able to gain you back, to win you back. You wanted this, I gave you this. You wanted that, I gave you that. You wanted me here, I'll go even though I have no money in my pocket. You needed my help for this, I would do it in a heartbeat and would leave what I was doing to help you even though I am clueless.

and lastly, remember Valentine's day? I still do and I will forever be terrified of that day. I prepared a lot of things for us to enjoy that night, I was planning on watching movies with you because that was our pastime. I was going to send you some food so that even though we're far from each other we would be eating the same food and would somehow feel closer together.

You wanted to talk, I was confused and scared at the same time because what did I do again? I didn't do anything and I sure as hell made sure that you were at the top of my list. Turns out, I was wrong. That night you wanted someone better when I was at my lowest, right at the moment I hit rock bottom. That night was when you started dreaming of someone better who would come and sweep you off of your feet while I was at my lowest thinking of ways to pull myself off the ground.

Now, we're here. Right when I was in the middle of getting my shit together, you came running back and wanting to be friends as if things weren't wrong between us. I'm at the happiest point of my life again, where I'm excited about life and I'm always looking forward to things that I do be it as simple as waking up or as big as going to a University game. What did you do after all that? You blocked me and decided that you would much rather do that instead of talking.

Remember when I used to love you a lot? Yeah, I used to.

But now I don't.

Remember those times because I sure as hell won't.

You asked me, how come I never fixed myself when we were together. Because I couldn't see myself and I couldn't see what was wrong when I was too invested and focused on you and your wants so that I would still receive the love from you which in the end completely ruined me to pieces. I wanted your love so badly I became a servant to a person who would only give me tough love when all I wanted was understanding, patience, and trust that I can fix myself. I never wished for you to hold me, I never asked for you to collect the pieces of me that were falling apart, all I asked for was time and patience, understanding, and love. Those were all the things that I was hoping would come from you.

In the end, you wanted someone better, you wanted someone who would take you out on dates, who would give you flowers because you deserve them, who would treat you like the princess that you wanted to be. Like how you always wanted to be treated.

In the end, all the secret dates that we had at your school. When we would eat at taco bell, tokyo tokyo, or marugame. When we watched spider-man at Fairview. When I went and spent two days helping at your store because you needed extra helpers. The times we went to Quiapo and we got to attend the mass. The online dates that I planned and set up. All the little notes that I left on your account. Our planned movie dates. All the times I would visit you at your house and interact with nanay just for her to at least accept me, the moments that I spent joking around with Toti and Payat.

All those things and I never wished for anything in return, just for love and understanding.

But you wished for someone better, and in the end, you told me that I was the better person? That you would always compare the better one to your the one?

And what did I tell you? I would never do that to my person, and I would never compare the "better one" and "the one" because I know that they'll be the same. I told you that I hope that someone would come into my life and would stay forever and I would never hope for anything else in the world because I know that I will love them with my whole being.

You had me at one point and you hoped for someone better, now that I'm out of your life you're telling me that I'm that someone better?

I hope you realized that sooner than later because now I know my worth. I know that when you love someone you should always appreciate the things that they do and give be it as small as seeing you for 30 mins and traveling for a whole 2 hours. It will always be the small things and not the big ones, those are just a bonus.

I will now be fixing myself, again. I'm picking up where I left off and I will love like I have never before. With someone who will appreciate all my digitally drawn flowers.

[thoughtsbegone]

Ending

This may be a chapter in my life, but it is the story of us. This is the end and I will now say goodbye. Through the ups and downs, and final breath. We have closed this book and then we'll start again. Albeit separately, our stories will be told. To the generation that will unfold.

Take care of yourself, you. Be kind to the one who is with you.

[thoughtsbegone]

Was I wrong?

Was I wrong when I told you the truth? The truth that I realized when we separated nearly two months ago. The truth that I noticed when I was no longer drowning in everything.

Was I wrong to tell you that I hated the person that you loved? That 6 months before we broke up I was in deep shit because I didn't know how else I could climb up.

Was I wrong to finally accept that I didn't like who I became when all I wanted was to build something with you?

I never blamed you, never did. It was myself who I see something wrong.

Every time I see that photo of ours, I saw the person that I hate. The person who was weak but she just wanted to be strong for the both of you, for the relationship.

She didn't know what to do, she never knew what to say. She just knows that she's drowning every day.

You had her, you had her from the very start. She never once left you, not even when she was drowning and suffocating.

Because she knew that even when she was drowning, she saw light in you. She saw that somehow, someone is out there loving her.

She tried her best to swim. She tried her best to float.

But everything weighed her down like an anchor on a boat.

She had to let you know, even if it's painful. She had to let you go, even when it was painful.

Because just like what you talked about, you deserve to grow. She does too so she had to let you go.

Now that I ponder about it, maybe I am wrong.

I am wrong for hating feeling weak, that's still me but I was learning.

I am wrong in so many ways because I was weaker than I anticipated.

I was wrong for not accepting what turned out to be.

Was I wrong for telling you? No. Because no matter how painful the truth is.

You still deserved to know.

[thoughtsbegone]

I've always wondered why I cannot sleep even when it's late.

Is it my broken body clock?

The silence that the night brings?

Fast internet?

Playing with friends?

And then I realized, no. That's not the reason

My body clock isn't broken, I can still manage to fall asleep if I want to

The night no longer brings silence, only loud thoughts

I have fast internet all the time because I'm the only one at home

I play with my friends the whole day, or when they want to

So why?

Sunrises

I know, it's stupid right? But no, that's not it

It's not just the sun rising in the horizon. It's more than that

She loves sunrises, that's one thing that I'll never forget.

Everyday I wait and wait for that sunrise to show up, because ever since the sunset came, it never rose up again

Everyday I wait for it, either listening to songs or just scrolling through social media

Everyday I wait for that sunrise to show again

But it will never rise again, and I have accepted that

I've accepted the fact that that sunrise will rise once more but for another person

That sunrise will show her flaws and perfection to the eyes of another

And me? I'll just bask in the beauty that the moon has brought

I'll still love that sunrise no matter what happens

I'll love it even if we're in separate worlds now

And to that sunrise, thank you for showing me how beautiful the light is even for just a short while

The rotation may have ended but the memories will be there

Continue on bringing warmth to everyone, sunrise

Until then

[thoughtsbegone]

Be gentle

Be gentle, with all things fragile

That porcelain tea cup is as fragile as that heart

So why did you took care of the other one and remained silent when the other shattered?

That tea cup was replaceable, there are many kinds of it in this world

But that heart? That heart is one of a kind. One of its kind

You kept quiet when you saw that heart bleeding on the floor

Shattered to its core

And you're watching her pick up the pieces, getting cuts all over

Why didn't you pick it up like the way that you did with that tea cup?

Why didn't you say sorry to the heart when you did with that tea cup?

Both are shattered and both are your fault

Saying sorry won't bring both back

But one thing is more painful than the other

The heart is in pain all over

[thoughtsbegone]

I write, why? People tell me that I'm way too talkative sometimes, or that I tell a lot of things at once. They say that it's too much or that I should slow down.

I thought about what they said, so that's why I write.

There are a lot of things that are contained in this noggin of mine. Thoughts about anything and everything is right here.

People also tell me that I have a loud voice, like a booming one. You see, I don't talk much, I really don't. I can go for a whole week not talking nor opening my mouth. But when I'm comfortable with someone, I'll be me. People often look over that.

A talkative person with a loud voice? That's me. So I tried to contain it, with writing.

Writing is an escape, my writings may not be the best but it tells how I feel. What I'm feeling.

People don't appreciate when I'm talking

People don't see my writings

Hopefully, one day. Someone will appreciate both.

[thoughtsbegone]

Peaceful

Quiet and peaceful are two different things

You can have quiet time, but that does not mean that you're at peace

And you can feel at peace even when there are noises around

But sometimes, quiet can also be peaceful

A quiet sunday morning with the warm sun lightly touching your face

A quiet house with nothing but the sound of your feet walking

That's what peace is for me

Peace is when my heart is calm and quiet

Just with its steady heart beat

Peace is when my head isn't fighting nor risisting

Just staying quiet

Quiet is peaceful to me

Right now, I'm at peace

And it''s very much quiet

No rampaging thoughts

No confusing feelings

Just me, my heart, and my brain

Collectively enjoying

Peace and quiet

[thoughtsbegone]

Is it too much if I ask God if I can see my future? Just a glimpse of it to know if I'm going to be happy or not

[thoughtsbegone]

It seems you're okay without me :)

[thoughtsbegone]

Love

Love, such a silly word

Who would've thought to invent it

And associate it with a feeling

Love, oh Love

Do we have a clue what it is?

Do we know how it feels?

Or are we just as lost as the one who invented it

Love, in love

There are no rights and wrongs

Only do's and don'ts

Don't forget about yourself

Do love them with your heart

Don't forget to breathe now and then

Do treat them like they're the stars

How are we supposed to become one if we're not the one?

Do we treat love like happiness?

Or should we associate it with sadness?

Love, oh Love

It's such a silly feeling