thoughtsfromparkerave

[thoughtsfromparkerave]

They say "Don't be something that you're not."

So why can't I be happy?

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Nerve - The Story So Far [photo creds: nevershallisink]

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Mayday Parade - Oh Well, Oh Well

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i love how kendrick lamar was like i fucking hate this one dude and the rest of the industry was like fuck man we do too give this guy 5 grammys

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Jesse Lacey performing "aloC-acoC" (aka Coca-Cola/Brothers/Untitled 03) at a private show in LA.

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Jesse Lacey performing a private show in LA

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My first ever attempt at a comic bc it truly felt like the most powerful way to depict this. Additional commentary under the cut

First of all- this is not an invitation to take any sort of action about my safety without my consent. To do so would completely miss the point of the art I’ve just put my heart and soul into. If you’re concerned about me, check on me directly. This is truly just me wanting to be heard. Anyway

I named the comic this because when the GPS robot voice says “starting route to home,” I am overwhelmed with emotion. I’m rarely at my literal home theses days, and I don’t know what to expect from a future home. I feel like I’m constantly, and somehow never, “starting route to home.”

The bridge at the beginning connects my current two homes; my hometown and college campus. I keep hearing that they’re going to close the bridge for construction for several years, meaning I’ll have to take a scarier way home. (And yes, I deal with some difficult thoughts about the bridge. Yes I’m safe)

The parking garage is downtown where I’m planning to move soon. The swirly ramp lights up at night. I almost included a frame of a picture I took in the garage elevator, of a sign saying that the roof was closed for construction. I felt it was a bit too on the nose, as I purposely avoid seeing the roof.

The red car pictured throughout is mine, its name is Winston. I bought it used after a severe crash totaled my first car two months after I started driving independently. Winston has had a dent on the front since before I got it, and I always wonder what happened. That dent is the reason I could afford the car

The picture of my deceased friend Josh is displayed in my car as a reminder to drive with him in mind. He died in a car crash at 19

I got the “be safe” tattoo on the 11 year anniversary of meeting him

The screenshot of a song is really the song I believe I almost died to. I don’t remember what part of the song was playing during the crash, but I remember the end of the song blaring from my car as I escaped the wreckage.

The State Champs concert panel is my favorite panel in the comic. It’s the one I had to take breaks from drawing bc it hit hard. Driving myself to concerts is what wanting to live rly looks like to me

The timestamps in the GPS route panel are Josh’s birth and death dates. The route I drew is from my school to Baltimore. This is a route I drive for concerts + I’ve entertained the idea of living there someday. I almost drew the route between the North Carolina towns Josh and I lived in as children, but that felt too certain; I know where we lived. I don’t know where I’m going to be in a few years

My mom, best friend, and partner tend to be the first few people I text after a long drive. I try to do this quickly bc I know what it feels like to never get the “home safe” text. The timestamps on the messages are their birthdays. The additional messages are meant to convey that I have many more loved ones, *and* that I can’t keep up with my life

The Bratz keychain is one of the newest additions to a lifelong collection of Bratz items. Also pictured in this panel is my first tattoo, also for Josh.

The color scheme I used throughout is Josh’s favorite, and I always notice it at traffic lights.

Regarding the “ice on the road” panel: This is a metaphor pls for the love of god does anyone hear me. It’s also quite literal in regards to driving tho. Get off my ass

The warning lights I chose to highlight are ones that seemed closest to how I feel mentally in winter

I wrote the words to this comic in a parking lot on the way back from Dan and Phil in November. That drive felt exactly like what the comic describes, and the ideas developed so clearly that I had to create something about it immediately. I didn’t get to draw it until January but have re-read it every day

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*Equip Sunglasses* — Hot Mulligan

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Your Graduation — Modern Baseball

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A Part of Me — Neck Deep

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i was born weird and i will die fucking weird

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Tears Over Beers - Modern Baseball

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i think i bother everyone

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my mind is going to the dark place again

afraid to see the things when i look within