toauw - Tumblr blog

toauw · 9 years ago

Text

A Man’s Perspective On Women’s Alone Time

Over the years I've heard at least a hundred girls say they love alone time. For the fucking longest, I simply couldn't figure out why the hell it was so valuable to them. I mean yea, everyone needs time to themselves, but these girls, these young women, CHERISH that shit. Me, being an extroverted socialite, I've always felt alone time was just down time in between more fun activities, but for them, it was the opposite. I'd ask what their day was like, and they'd be waiting, anticipating, COUNTING DOWN THE MINUTES until they could take their bra off and melt into the couch while they watch the latest episode of whatever the hell they were binge watching. It confused me. Yes bras are probably uncomfortable af, but aside from that small factor and the entertainment that TV offers, what's the huge joy in essentially doing nothing by yourself? I think I kind of figured it out one day, while talking to a friend of mine who was annoyed with a girl not answering his texts. Excuse me if I'm wrong as I explain myself. I'm not claiming to know everyone's individual reasons. Even so, according to the many lovely ladies of my life and the internet, men can never understand them. To be honest, as far as I'm concerned, women don't even understand women. You are all too complex. I'm trying my best here. The answer came to me when I became a Z list celebrity. By no means am I actually a celebrity at all and in the grand scheme of things I'm literally nobody to pay attention to yet, but Ive become somewhat of a minorly public figure. In addition to the multiple business oriented moves I was making daily, what happened as I gained popularity for seemingly nothing, was that I started to get bombarded with texts, messages, and notifications. Now I'm not talking about girls wanting to throw their G strings at me, but literally people I was in contact with for various reasons, expecting a response from me. You're probably wondering where I'm going with this. Bear with me. Personally I don't think I'm SUPER attractive, and when it comes to women I don't think I'm in high demand. Yes, I live a very social lifestyle, but it's technically something I ASKED for. Now take into account the fact that just about everyone seeking my attention is doing so via the internet or text. That means I can happily just log out and chill if I ever feel the need to. Some of the women reading probably already see where I'm headed with this, for everyone else, let me tie it all together. I'm a social 20-something male that formulated my life to be a certain way in the last 2 or so years, and I get overwhelmed with things I practically worked and asked for. For many women and girls, all that same attention isn't asked for, appreciated, and if they happen to be introverted, even wanted. Now in addition to that, let's add the aspect of day to day living. As long as they are even remotely attractive to someone and not yet enrolled in AARP, men and occasionally women are seeking their attention. The approaches range from full fledged sexual innuendos to the most polite well mannered responses, but the point is, it doesn't stop. At this time, anyone with female friends is aware of the daily onslaught of attention-seeking men of all ages, whether they look excellent, or are in their baggiest sweats. If you haven't heard about that, ask the first woman you can. (Just make sure you know her first.) As much as I like to avoid generalizations, plus being a man myself, I must admit that there are creepy and annoying men everywhere. Now what I'm about to say next isn't an excuse for the behavior, but an explanation for why this is even a "thing" in the first place. For as long as I've known, for as far as my memory can serve, men have had to be the initiators. Society has formed us that way, and there are very few exceptions where women pursue or show direct interest in a man. Unfortunately, I don't see that changing anytime soon. Knowing that this is the "natural" order of things, men have recognized that if they dont go out and "get it" , they'll likely be single and alone, until a miracle happens. Is this right, or just another one of those gender roles that men and women on both sides of the equation want broken? I don't know and I can't say. What I do know, is that this general concept of "men have to go after what they want" drives MUCH of this behavior. The multiple approaches vary widely, and they can be good, bad, and ugly. I won't say most men are genuinely trying to meet women with their crazy antics, but I can assure you that for some, thats all the "action" they get. It's pretty sad really. Their daily inter'Action' with the opposite sex consists of inadvertent annoyance and occasional overt sexual harassment. The funny but not so comical part about men "going out and getting it" is that the majority of the time their methods simply don't work. More often than not, from the catcalls to the silent stares, outrageous statements, and awkward silence when they walk by, its just not effective. I dont know how some guys have gotten so misaligned with the reality their strategies dont work that they continue to try them, time and time again. You'd think after posting on the block all year doing the same thing multiple times daily, and getting 0 to 2 numbers for the YEAR, they'd realize they need to re-evaluate their game plan. Maybe those two women that took the weird bait and played into their actions are what keep them going strong every day. Who knows. Maybe these men don't know any better, or wont listen to anyone who does. Who knows. I can tell you what I do know though. Anyone resorting to actions like that, ain't doing too well. The only thing that I've noticed has worked when it comes to approaching women in any public setting is actually speaking TO them. Regardless of if its meaningless conversation, or a genuine compliment with the intention of sparking something else, its infinitely better than screaming "AYO MA WITH THE LEGS!" across 4 lanes of Flatbush traffic. It wont always be successful, because just as they chose to speak to her, she has a right not to speak to them. When that happens, instead of going off about how she's a whole slew of words they'd never say in front of their mothers, the best thing they can do is politely take the L, move on with their day and simply leave her... ..Alone. Now that we know the ideal situation, lets talk about how shit goes left, and more reasons as to why many women want to be left alone. I promise you it isn't the guy who casually says "Good Morning!" that makes her want to retreat to the safe comfort of her house, even though I see how that could get annoying quickly. Its those guys that dont know how to take no for an answer, whether its actually NO, or any of the obvious gestures that show a woman isn't interested in them. They are the ones that make it hard to get through the day, or even worse, the night. No is one of the simplest words in the English language. Its one syllable, two letters long, and it even comes packaged the same way in Spanish. There isnt much to it, but for some reason, many catcallers and harassers dont get the idea that when a woman says no, even if said playfully, she means it. Of all the casual to extended term relationships Ive had with women, I always know that they mean No when they say it. Any playful resistance or teasing is done another way, and never comes in the form of an outright no. With that being said, it SHOULD be easy to understand when its a dub. Many men dont get that cue, and dont pack it up. They continue to pester, bother, and annoy until they can painstakingly extract a phone number from a girl after 560 seconds of back and forth. All of that for them to get home, wait the obligatory 24 hours, or if they're thirsty, 24 minutes, to call a number and have Juan from the Bronx pick up the phone, wondering why the hell they're calling at 2AM. Anyone can tell you that makes no sense. Anyone but them apparently. If a woman gives you an impossible time to get her number, shes probably, no, DEFINITELY only giving it to you to get rid of you. I cant stress this enough. There is playing hard to get, and theres NO. Playing can usually be recognized, but even if its a little hazy, don't be that guy that make something fun into something annoying or intimidating. Speaking of intimidating, we can talk about everything that happens after the sun goes down. Engaging random women in the daytime is one thing, but the game completely changes at night. For them, being annoyed by men transitions from simply being a hassle to a real life danger when it gets dark out. Even approaches that are acceptable and might even work during the day become a whole different thing after night falls. For anyone clueless enough to even wonder why, it comes down to one word. Rapists. Because of this reason, If I'm not in a largely public setting, thats well lit, I dont even bother interacting with random women at night. They're generally scared or worried, and have good reason to be. Niggas of all races are crazy, and do even crazier things. There have been countless stories told about women being followed home and having to practically run into establishments to avoid creeps. Me throwing up a half court shot at a woman that probably cant even see my facial features is the easiest way to get pepper sprayed aside from screaming "Fuck The Police" at a Black Lives Matter Rally. It simply isn't worth making her uncomfortable, and perpetuating the fears she already has, just to POSSIBLY get a number. Its just not worth it. LEAVE HER ALONE. If you see her the next day, you have a nice conversation piece ready for you to utilize. If you never see her again it wasn't meant to be. In most cases, if you don't feel like you'd want to be approached by a random man at night, you shouldn't approach either. I haven't even touched the concept of internet communications over social media and how that can be taxing and annoying too, but its also a factor. Not as scary, but just as serious. Strange sexual comments under pictures never work. Repeatedly contacting a woman via DM's or making yourself present all over her social media is also a dub. It's unattractive and annoying, and even as an average man I've seen how much of a turnoff it can be. When it comes to messaging women, and sliding into inboxes, whether they're feeling you or not, sometimes they'll just want to be left alone. Its not always you, and sometimes youll never know what it is, but pestering never plays out well. If the conversation isnt flowing or if you see things going downhill, leave it alone. Sometimes they'll leave you on seen, and youll just have to deal with that. After all, Niggas get left on seen everyday B. You'll be iight. Now that I've done all of this contemplation and heavy thinking paired with legit input from multiple women, its easy to see why women want to their alone time. There are a wide variety of factors that play into this in addition to what I've outlined here, and every woman varies so this isnt a definitive answer for all women. Some are really introverts and prefer to be to themselves, others don't. It's not because they like silence more than anything else in the world or because they cant handle multiple conversations at once. Its not because doing nothing is their favorite thing to do. I know what it is, and it can be pretty much be summed up in one sentence. Women love their "alone time" because as it stands they rarely ever get it.

#Alone time #social #feminism #culture #commentary

2 notes · View notes

toauw · 9 years ago

Text

What Can I do? - Ft Music by OutSpaceous

My latest spoken word, Listen Here! https://soundcloud.com/brooklynoob/what-can-i-do Inequalities on the planet running rampant, we trample entire populations but have the nerve to call em savages, they all getting punished because capitalism manages to erase humanity, of the abused and the oppressor, they grimey, nothing more, everything lesser, savagery damagin inhabitants, that were livin by happenstance, and there aint no happy fans when they droppin bombs,like flex, worried about life and death, aint no fucking time for sex, dodging army serial killers, aint no fucking time for checks, holding on to lucky charms, hoping captains dont crunch they homes, they subject to sinninmen toastin they friends, napalm from high in the command chain, thousands of miles away, watching from screens like its a damn game, connection interrupted, its damn shame, they dont see what the fuck they doing. Killing innocent people, keeping em all from moving, they boxed in, refugees cant leave, walls closing in they cant breath, they knocking countries off the map, Coulda swore PPalestine was there before I took my nap, And I aint claiming woke, but if you open your eyes, you'll see this aint a joke. War is serious even if you aint in it, I wish this wasn't true, but aint no other way to spin it. WHAT CAN I DO?

0 notes

toauw · 9 years ago

Text

Leave Your Friends At Home, You’ll Come Back With More - Short

If you honestly ask me why I specifically went to Los Angeles, CA for my 24th birthday, I’ll give you the straight answer. It was the farthest place in the continental United States that I had any interest in visiting. A friend that worked for an airline told me they had access to discounted flights anywhere in the “lower 48”. With that discount, plus the fact that I had a friend who was willing to accommodate me for a few days, it became the cheapest option for a quick getaway. I didn't decide to go there for a concert, I had no special objectives, it wasn't a business trip, No. It was just far, and cheap. As I left my house on the morning of October 4th, I thought about the upcoming week and what kind of shenanigans I would get into. After all, did I mention I was pretty much going alone? I had one real friend in LA, and I hadn't seen her in years. In fact, I never spent time with her in real life before she left to hit the west coast. For this story, we’ll call her Mya. I was technically going to stay with a stranger I barely knew from highschool, that I only corresponded with online. In addition to that she had work on some of the days that I’d be there, and wouldn't be able to spend much time with me either way. I’d be by myself most of the time, and I didn't know how I’d feel about that. Her home, while nice, wasn't in the most accessible place, and it’d be a 40 minute drive to get anywhere particularly interesting. The first day consisted of me catching up on sleep, hanging out at the house, and looking for people to connect with while I was out there. The next day, she drove us into West Hollywood, where I started my first portion of this solo journey. Hollywood Boulevard with all the stars on the floor was 10 minutes away, and I figured that was a good place to start. I called the first of many Ubers, and coordinated my pickup. Within 15 minutes, I was wandering along Hollywood boulevard. This was the first place being by myself really hit me. I saw the street performers acting like famous Hollywood characters. As I walked past Maverick from Top Gun, and Captain Jack Sparrow, I noticed something. Typically, when you’re out with squad you tap your friends and point to that funny thing you see across the street, or maybe you mention a fancy car you think they’d be interested in. There was none of that. Whatever it was that I observed, unless it was worth me stopping to take a picture, only stuck with me. The first thing I noticed about that, is that things weren’t innately funny, but rather interesting. When there’s no one to bounce jokes off of, you tend not to laugh as much. Once I realized that, whenever something did make me audibly laugh, I appreciated it that much more. I met some friends I made on Instagram the first night, and we hung out at their apartment. Alcohol, music, and good times with new friends from across the country. No complaints. I went to breakfast with Mya where she told me about her plans to go hiking, something I’d never done before. There was a popular trail that everyone visited, but we decided to go to a farther more peaceful one that apparently ended with a waterfall. We went to pick up her ex boyfriend from the train station downtown, which took long enough, then headed towards the canyon. I knew her ex from the internet, but never met him before then. As we drove up north, we all got acquainted, and familiar. Hiking was rather strenuous, but nothing insane. Along the 3 mile walk through the valleys of Altadena, CA, I recognized how peaceful the effects of nature were, if you weren't scared of the little rustling of small animals in nearby bushes. Once you got over the irrational fear of being attacked by mountain lions and poisonous snakes, you could really settle in, take a deep breath, and appreciate how untouched it all was. Another thing I recognized while I was out there, was how little I was. While I spend hours and hours in Manhattan among buildings hundreds of stories high, it never occurred to me how little I was in the grand scheme of things. There's nothing specifically human sized in the wilderness. It was all very humbling. If I got lost out there, or tripped over a cliff, I was done for. It wasn't made for me, I was merely a visitor. A speck on this vast planet, trying to enjoy it and experience it while I had the time and energy. I won't say I particularly had fun hiking, but I appreciated it. The views, the discoveries, the challenge, the open space, and the fresh air. It’s something I think everyone should try at least once. When we got back home, we decided to go out and find a party. Mya and her ex decided on a party, and we got dressed up to go. It was a pajama party but you could show up in anything. I would’ve wore pajamas if I could, but I didn't have any, and I realized that it would limit me if I wanted to go elsewhere. When we got there, I immediately knew I wasn't going to enjoy myself. Everyone there was at least 30, and while I’m not opposed to partying with older people, it wasn't the scene I envisioned. I really just wanted to be around people my age, and do 24 year old stuff. No soul train lines, no line dancing, no cupid shuffle. I’m refused to resign to old age that easily. I will admit I had a noticeable attitude, because I paid $15 to get in anyway, but within 20 minutes of being there, I couldn't take it anymore. I started looking for other parties, and found something free not too far away. I told them I was leaving, and bounced on my own. Another lesson. At the point where I was too annoyed to stay there anymore, I recognized a lesson that I would keep coming across on my adventure. It's one lesson but there are two points. If you don't like something, only you can change it. You are in charge of your own happiness. These two lessons in conjunction helped me form the rest of my experiences while away. One without the other doesn't equate to much, they have to be used together. Once I left that party I immediately felt better about where my night was headed, and I ended up party hopping to two other fun spots, getting rather drunk along the way. Although in hindsight it could sound like a blast, at that time anything was better than doing the electric slide with middle aged people that weren't even in pajamas. It was day 3 out in Cali and One of my new friends invited me to a music festival the day before, and said he would meet me there at 3. I took the ride to the city with Mya around 2. I did the same this as the day before and wandered for a while, taking pictures of things I found cool, before checking the time and heading towards the festival. I got to the festival, and showed them my confirmation. I entered into a walled complex with graffiti all over, art everywhere, and vendors with tables wherever they could fit. There was a food stand in the back, and carnival style games on the sides. It was truly an amazing environment with the opportunity for fun everywhere. It was 3, and my connect was nowhere to be found. I figured I would walk around and try to look at the vendors while I waited for him and the squad to arrive. After walking around for 20 minutes, I naturally got bored, and turned to my phone, something I was trying to avoid. Still no word from my friends and it was 4. I tried to enjoy the musical acts for a bit, but I wasn't really feeling it that much, so I went to find somewhere to charge my phone. I hadn't plugged it in for most of the day and it was dying. After discovering I made it into the green room by accident and volunteering for about an hour, I got VIP passes. I checked my newly charged phone and it was 5. My friend still wasn't there. Around this time, my lesson from earlier had shown up again. I was there, not really enjoying myself, and only I could change my situation. I didn't even know if they were coming, but I couldn't rely on them to make it fun for myself. I decided to get more proactive, and start speaking to whoever I felt was interesting. Without the help of alcohol, I really had get out of my head, and make the moves on my own. It wasn't easy, and I quickly came to the conclusion that whoever said “Alcohol is liquid courage” wasn't lying. I felt like I could use it, but I was happy with the challenge of having to socialize without it. After speaking to people here and there, I found out I was way more comfortable communicating with strangers than I had ever thought I’d be. At first it was very hard to get over the initial hump of saying Hi, but I got used to it. As time dragged on, I enjoyed some performances, bounced in and out of the backstage area, and awaited word from my friend. They finally showed up at 8, 5 hours later than I was expecting them. By then I was already over the atmosphere, and I was only there because there were still performances left, and they had just showed up. We met up and I chastised them for being so damned late. They stranded me for 5 hours without any friends, which was initially a curse but turned into a little blessing. I discovered that I could spend a significant time alone, something I never really did, and make something of it. I had met a few artists in the most natural way possible, and talked to all the girls I thought were interesting enough to warrant the effort. They showed me, someone who’s always around people I know, that I could spend time by myself, and meet new people without it being a huge ordeal. Before that day, I never really spoke to random people in public without a reason. This time, I noticed that the reason doesn't have to be solid, but literally because I wanted to. Typically I have friends everywhere I go in NY, and not having that put me in somewhat of a compromising position. It pushed me out my comfort zone, and trust me. I’ve been VERY comfortable. What I learned is that the hardest part is starting. Once you get over the initial hump of saying hi, you’re in and you can let whatever social skills you have take over. After we left there and parted ways, I hit up a spot called The Reserve with two of the homies. I was impressed. Inside, there was a “Vault” that housed the entire party, with gold bricks under glass in the floor, and decor to match the theme all over. It was live in there. The Reserve had a large variety of beautiful women, people dancing, drinks flowing, and the music was right. My friends were also impressed, but before long I could tell that it wasn't really their scene. They, much like myself, were more the house party and get-together kind of guys. Loud music with no interpersonal interaction wasn't their thing. They decided to leave, and once again, I was alone. Looking at the time, it had just hit 1:15, and the club closed at 2. The two lessons from earlier came right back into my face, and hit me. I was in charge of my own fun, and if I didn't do anything, I wasn't going to have any. I needed to get a move on quick. I scoped the joint for interesting groups. I saw two ladies sitting down next to each other, and casually introduced myself. Long story short, I ended up at dinner with four 30 year olds from South Carolina, where the cheapest entree on the menu was about $30. It wasn't my idea of the most fun I could have, but it was an experience nonetheless. On my long trip home in the Uber, I realized that as much as I was attracted to two of the ladies at the table, I wasn't upset that it didn't turn into anything I’d run home to tell my boys. I was just pleased with the possibilities that arose once I stopped over-thinking about what I was doing, and started doing. Some of the greatest things you’ll ever experience, are hiding behind that moment of hesitation that leads to inaction. Now that I’ve recognized this, I’m much more willing to take immediate action when I see what I want. Whether that's talking to women in a club, speaking to someone important about an opportunity, or even just making decisions that I’d normally spend way too long on, I see that merely thinking about doing something does not get you anything. This doesn't mean I’m insanely impulsive, but I’m less inhibited by the fear of not getting the results I want. The last thing I wanted from my trip to Los Angeles was to come home wishing I did more. Another day down, I prepared for my last full day in Los Angeles. When I got up Mya was getting ready to leave for work, way earlier than I knew I’d ever be ready. I was on my own. It was fine by me, at first I felt weird about doing everything by myself, but I realized I had been alone for most of my journey. I decided to go to the beach because it was cheaper to get to than the observatory, and there would be more to do. I got dressed and called my cab to take on a day at the beach. When I got there, I immediately hopped out and made my way straight to the pier. Another thing I noticed about moving on your own, is that there are no delays in action. No drawn out decisions trying to figure out if you want to go right or left, eat at a place or not, it's whatever you decide, and it all happens at your own pace. As I walked through the pier, the countless meetups and shootouts I had engaged in at that very location flashed back to my memory, all courtesy of the Grand Theft Auto series. In reality, it was a beautiful place that deserved none of that extreme violence, and I couldn't be more pleased that I was there taking it all in. I couldn't see an angry soul, and there was a general happiness to be out in the sun by the ocean. I soaked it all in, and continued walking. I went far enough onto the pier to get a quality picture, and headed back to see what else there was to do. I heard Venice beach was not too far away, and considered heading over there to see what it was like. It was a mile or two down the coast, and I didn't feel like walking there. I rented a bike and headed towards Venice Beach. Considering I hadn't ridden a bike in over 2 years, I was shaky to begin, but quickly locked in my balance. Cruising down the beach on the bike path was amazing. Barely avoiding a couple accidents on the relatively narrow path, I finally made it to Venice beach. You could clearly see the difference in atmosphere, from Santa Monica, to Venice Beach. Venice was way more local, and where you saw classy tourist traps on and near the Santa Monica Pier, you saw colorful homes and quiet alleyways dedicated to parking. There was a community out there, and it showed in how everyone interacted. The skateboarders and bikers congratulated each other over landed tricks and the older rollerskaters did spins as they danced to the tune of 80’s classics, while laughter and shouts of approval filled the air. I love New York City with all my heart, but that right there was something you’d be hard pressed to find in the 5 boroughs. Venice beach was probably my favorite part of my vacation. I can almost say that I’m happy to have gone alone, because it left me no choice but to be present in the moment. I wasn't explicitly having fun, but I was legitimately happy. For a long time, I’d have a hard time distinguishing the two, but I’m glad that I’ve arrived at that conclusion. I looked at the time, and realized I had to make it back to the rental spot by 6:30. I lost track of how long it took to get there, and figured it’d be best if I rushed back, and rushed I did. Two minutes into riding, I recognized how much nicer it’d be if I put the GTA San Andreas soundtrack on, and did just that. The spotify playlist provided me the classic tunes that filtered through my ears years ago as I spent countless hours exploring the digital world of California. First I listened to “Welcome to the Jungle”, then “Some Kind of Wonderful”, and a few other classic tracks. My favorite song from the game, “Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd” came on without my input, and I enjoyed every single second of the 10 minute song. Riding along the beach to those songs while the sun set in the background was by far my favorite memory from the trip. Later that night I had arranged to go to an event called TrapXart, a sex themed art party. Amazing stuff. Everyone in there was well put together, the best of Los Angeles showed their face. I messaged an exhibitor I knew from Facebook and quickly found her upstairs. She was exhibiting so I felt weird about hovering with her for too long, considering she had a whole job to do. I didn't want to be annoying, so after a few short minutes of conversation, I parted ways, promising I’d circle back around later. I’d be there for a few hours, so I needed to find something to do. I went and got a drink to kickstart my social side, because I really didn't have it completely under control yet, and got to work. Before long I was using my instagram story as a crutch to meet any and everyone I was interested in. In all honesty it was too easy. Fake it till you make it I guess. As long as I didn't say something stupid in my intro, they’d definitely talk to me and engage in conversation. It didn't matter who it was, artists, exhibitors, models, or the general audience, I spoke to them all while observing the overtly sexual art around me. I met up with another woman I knew from Facebook and her cousin, and we all clicked rather well. We walked around, split up, reconvened, and stopped to talk about how ironic it was to meet someone who lived in New York, while on vacation in California. After checking out the art for about an hour or so, they pretty much got bored of the event, and I realized that although I showed up solo, I was having more fun than they were. No it wasn't gut wrenching laughter, but I wouldn't have minded continuing what I was doing, circulating and speaking to the random people I encountered. Once again, I learned that I could make my own fun, by simply deciding to take action towards the things I wanted to do. I didn't have to settle with a boring experience because the situation wasn't ideal, I had full freedom to make as much out of it as I could, within reasonable limits. It might seem like a minor realization, but I learned something important that I plan to take with me wherever I go. New York, Los Angeles, Ghana, Cambodia, it didn't matter. I could keep myself entertained and engaged in any setting I wanted to, as long as I was willing to step out of my comfort zone. I was enough for me. In New York I had only ever gone out by myself once, and that was one of the most eventful nights of the summer. For a long time I feared being alone, not in an existential sense, but in the sense that I felt company was necessary to enjoy myself or have any fun. Every interesting thing I had done that entire time, was a result of me pushing myself to get what I wanted, even if it was a little awkward at first. Most times I didn't get what I wanted, other times I got some of it, and some times I got something completely different than what I expected to get. The whole trip pushed me to do things I had normally thought were weird, and I didn't even intend for it to teach me as much as it did. One thing you’ve probably noticed this whole time is that I didn't mention anything spectacular. I didn't end up in any wild cocaine-fueled threesomes, didn't wake up on top of a casino, didn't get into any cop chases or turf battles, and I didn't even get to smoke because I just didn't find the right setting for it. It was all in all, a pretty regular vacation. Anyone could do the things I did, and as a matter of fact, I think everyone should. I know if I went with my boys, things would have been drastically different and way more fun, but I wouldn't have learned what I learned or experienced any of the odd situations that made me grow as a human being. Even though it wasn't the exact type of fun I had hoped for, it all ended up being valuable to me for entirely different reasons. With that being said, I encourage everyone to take a trip alone. Pick a reasonably safe place you're interested in, or in my case a place you can afford, set your money aside, and go. Maybe set it up so you can meet a friend or two while you're away, but don't make them the focus of your trip. Don't bring your entire entourage, don't go and stay with family that will expect you to stay by their side the whole time, and don't go with extremely high expectations of what will happen. Just go spend some time by yourself in a strange land. I’m sure you’ll learn something.

0 notes

toauw · 9 years ago

Text

LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS AT HOME, YOU’LL COME BACK WITH MORE

I booked the flight about two months in advance, and waited patiently for my departure. I was slated to go away from October 4th to the 9th, so I could come back home and get situated for my birthday on Oct 12th. There was nothing spectacular about the dates I chose, I just wanted the end of the week, and the weekend. When it was finally time to leave, I found myself in a financial crunch due to a car accident I was in about three weeks before. My pockets were less healthy than I expected them to be, and when I came back I had a huge financial expense waiting for me. Something to the tune of $1,500. It wasn't looking good for me, but I already made the purchase, and I knew I would regret staying home instead of trying to make the best of what I had.

As I left my house on the morning of the 4th, I thought about the upcoming week and what kind of shenanigans I would get into. After all, did I mention I was pretty much going alone? I had one real friend in LA, and I hadn't seen her in years. In fact, I never spent time with her in real life before she left to hit the west coast. I was technically going to stay with a stranger I barely knew from highschool, that I only corresponded with online. In addition to that she had work on some of the days that I’d be there, and wouldn't be able to spend much time with me either way. I’d be by myself most of the time, and I didn't know how I’d feel about that. We arrived at the airport and I got out of the car, thanking my dad for the ride. I hadn't gone away in a while, and usually when I did, it was with another family member. I had no fear of traveling alone, but it was different. I walked into the airport, and got on the check-in line despite having checked in digitally on my phone. Amatuer move. After that line snaked to the front and I got my boarding passes, I headed over to TSA where there was a line developing, snaking around the corner. I got to the corner, realized that the line was way longer than expected…

...and promptly skipped everyone.

I felt terrible, but the devastation of waiting behind an extra 35 people broke my heart. Someone tried to tell me the line formed back “there” and pointed to the sad waiting souls, but I acted like I didn't hear them and moved on forward. Horrible, I know. I’m typically all about fairness and doing the right thing, but for some reason I didn't care. Feeling the hateful stares of all those fellow travellers on the back of my neck, I followed the course of the line and went through TSA. Delighted that nobody snitched, but still ashamed, I waited until I boarded the plane.

The flights there were uneventful, but easy. I listened to music and continued writing my second novel. 8 hours after taking off, I arrived in LAX at 12PM.

I contacted my friend, who I’ll refer to as Mya, and made my way towards her. She was rather far from where I exited, and I had to do a bit of walking on airport grounds. Off rip, when I exited the terminal, I was immediately alarmed by how much the real thing resembled San Andreas and GTA 5! Although real Los Angeles obviously came first, I was familiar with it entirely from playing Grand Theft Auto as a preteen and young adult. When I finally got to her, we hugged each other for the first time ever, and made a joke about how long it took me to get out. The ride home was even more surreal as I started seeing familiar landmarks and the iconic, beachy palm-tree-lined streets of LA. It was rather nerdy of me, but I felt like I knew where I was, as if it wasn't my first time being there!I had ran those streets for years, and it all matched up in my head. We talked about what kind of things I should do while I was there, and came to the conclusion that she would only be able to spend one or two days hanging out with me. Between work and prior obligations, she would be too busy to show me around. I’d be rolling solo. On the way home we had California’s famous In-N-Out, and that was elite for the price.

Her home, while nice, wasn't in the most accessible place, and it’d be a 40 minute drive to get anywhere particularly interesting. The first day consisted of me catching up on sleep, hanging out at the house, and looking for people to connect with while I was out there. I met her roommate, and we all got pretty well acquainted. We made a store run and prepped for the rest of the week.

I mentioned looking for people to connect with, something that’d be important if I was going to enjoy myself in the slightest. I didn't want to be a plain old tourist for 4 days, that’d be boring as hell. I prepped before I headed out there, and asked my facebook friends if they had any connects for me, and a few of them came through. I had about 2 solid people to meet up with, and I was scoping for more. I immediately remembered that a good friend of mine had recently visited LA and seemed to have a great time. I contacted him, then hit instagram and looked through my feed for any familiar faces that lived in LA. Being that he was a photographer, he would have tagged his models, so I checked his page and lo and behold, there were about 6 people I could reach out to. Yea, it was a little weird, because I was a stranger asking to hang out, only using a small connection through my friend to validate my personality as a whole. They could all potentially look at the messages, and leave me on seen. If that happened, I’d end up a tourist doing tourist crap for the whole weekend, alone at that. Luckily three of them responded, and we talked about meeting up later that week. With three new numbers from instagram, and two friends from facebook to meet, I felt comfortable about not being by myself. Communicating One of the girls and I made plans to meet the next day, and I let Mya know what I had planned to do.

I spent a part of our 45 min trip to West Hollywood talking to Mya about how she should be a more aggressive driver. I kept getting tired of people boxing her out of traffic when she needed to change lanes, and her getting the short end of the stick. She was a competent driver, just not as assertive as her real life personality was. Something I noticed about Los Angeles driving culture that I thought was funny, was how much they respect pedestrians, and generally don't take gaps in traffic to get where they’re going. Funny enough it seemed like everyone picked a lane, and stayed in it. Aside from the obvious speeders, everyone was pretty much cruising. The driving style of those around me felt timid and nervous in comparison to the wild streets of Manhattan.

When we arrived, she parked in a fancy parking lot overlooking a large part of the city. I was impressed by how spread out everything was. It was my first real taste of how large the city really was, something I’d come to learn in the next few days. I walked her to work and parted ways without going in. Standing on Sunset Boulevard, somewhere I was familiar with in theory, I started walking. Amazed at how much it all really looked like GTA again, I quickly decided to search for something to do. Like an idiot I wore jeans, not respecting the LA weather forecast. I was overheating already, and I hadn't been outside for 20 minutes. I walked to some shade, and decided to find somewhere interesting to go. Hollywood Boulevard with all the stars on the floor was 10 minutes away, and I figured that was as good a place as any to start my journey. I called the first of many Ubers, and coordinated my pickup. Within 15 minutes, I was wandering along Hollywood boulevard. This was the first place being by myself really hit me. I saw the street performers acting like famous Hollywood characters. As I walked past Maverick from Top Gun, and Captain Jack Sparrow, I noticed something. Typically, when you’re out with squad you tap your friends and point to that funny thing you see across the street, or maybe you mention a fancy car you think they’d be interested in. There was none of that. Whatever it was that I observed, unless it was worth me stopping to take a picture, only stuck with me. The first thing I noticed about that, is that things weren’t innately funny, but rather interesting. When there’s no one to bounce jokes off of, you tend not to laugh as much. One I realized that, whenever something did make me audibly laugh, I appreciated it that much more. Walking along the boulevard, I stopped to get some cheap alcohol, and put it in a slushie I bought.

I figured it might make everything more enjoyable, and open up my personality. I finished that rather quickly, as I tend to do with all alcohol, and continued about my business. One of the girls that I was in contact with finally got back to me, and we coordinated to hang out. She was at her friend’s house, in Koreatown. I headed over in a lyft line, and waited for her to get back to me. After waiting 10 minutes for her to check her instagram, she finally got back to me and told me the room number to get in. When I made my way upstairs, I entered a typical college roommate scene. In the midst of a studio scattered with clothes, and shoes, were two pretty young women, one with colorful hair and the other with longer straight blonde tresses. They were both very nice, and apologized for the room being in disarray. I reassured them that my room was probably worse, if not just as bad. We’re all young creatives, nothing to be ashamed about. We naturally went into conversation about the differences between LA and NY, and what we thought about both. I hadn’t had much time to really experience the city, but from what I saw it was definitely a major change of pace. Looking at LA’s huge open spaces, visibly rich and wealthy lifestyle, and beachy” always-summer” vibe, as compared to New York’s harsh, condensed, edgy toughness, it was easy to point out the differences. As the conversation continued, I started to see the similarities in us, despite the 2,500 miles that separated our homes. Young black creatives, trying to make their names in cities that didn't yet care about them. Around this time, two more house guests came in, and I introduced myself to them as well. As they got settled in and continued conversation with us, I noticed the level of friendship this group shared. Despite being from different backgrounds and neighborhoods, they seemed like a small family. It was fun to watch the dynamics between them as an outsider, just taking it all in. From jokes about flat butts, to one pointing out how pretty the other was, it was all positive. I may have been tired, and not the most active participant in their conversation, but I genuinely enjoyed my time with them. The group decided listening to music on a phone wasn't enough, and chose to get a bluetooth speaker from a nearby store. We all got up together, and walked a few blocks to the spot where they bought a $25 bluetooth speaker. When we got back, they turned it up and the fun really began. They started drinking, and playing music I’ve never heard before, most likely from underground west coast rappers. Another friend I had been told to contact on instagram came in the room, and we introduced ourselves. One of his first statements when he came in the room was about the new bluetooth speaker, and how “that shit don't slap”. I was weak. It was somewhat refreshing to hear how they supported their local artists, something I think NY struggles with, but that's another topic for another day. As the night continued and the drinks they shared with me started kicking in, and I was getting tired. Somehow I dozed off like the old man I am, and I woke up to see everyone getting settled in. At that moment it dawned on me. Not only were they great friends that hung out together, more than the original two of them lived together. I recognized a familiar situation that I didn't see reflected in their happiness. They weren’t living the LA dream by any means, but they were happy, and they were making it work with that they had at the time. Everyone in that room was a positive, fun, creative soul, working together to keep it together. Based on the brotherhood, sisterhood, scrappiness and happiness I saw in that room, I know all of them will be out of there and on their own feet in no time. I woke up to a phone call from my friend, who said she was outside waiting for me to go home. I said my goodbyes, and told them I’d see them again.

I fell asleep on the drive home, and woke up at the complex, ready start preparing for my next day.

The next morning we decided to get breakfast at a local spot called Beep’s, which I’m only mentioning to say that it was one of the best breakfast deals I’ve ever encountered. Pancakes, French Toast, Sausages, bacon, regular toast, AND Home fries for $8.99. Amazing.

As we ate, Mya told me about her plans to go hiking, something I’d never done before. There was a popular trail that everyone visited, but we decided to go to a farther more peaceful one that apparently ended with a waterfall. We went to pick up her ex boyfriend from the train station downtown, which took long enough, then headed towards the canyon. I knew her ex from the internet, but never met him before then. As we drove up north, we all got acquainted, and familiar. Hiking was rather strenuous, but nothing insane. Along the 3 mile walk through the valleys of Altadena, CA, I recognized how peaceful the effects of nature were, if you weren't scared of the little rustling of small animals in nearby bushes. Once you got over the irrational fear of being attacked by mountain lions and poisonous snakes, you could really settle in, take a deep breath, and appreciate how untouched it all was. Another thing I recognized while I was out there, was how little I was. While I spend hours and hours in Manhattan among buildings hundreds of stories high, it never occurred to me how little I was in the grand scheme of things. There's nothing specifically human sized in the wilderness. It was all very humbling. If I got lost out there, or tripped over a cliff, I was done for. It wasn't made for me, I was merely a visitor. A speck on this vast planet, trying to enjoy it and experience it while I had the time and energy.

I won't say I particularly had fun hiking, but I appreciated it. The views, the discoveries, The challenge, the open space, and the fresh air. It’s something I think everyone should try at least once.

When we got back home, we decided to go out and find a party. Mya and her ex decided on a party, and we got dressed up to go. It was a pajama party but you could show up in anything. I would’ve wore pajamas if I could, but I didn't have any, and I realized that it would limit me if I wanted to go elsewhere. When we got there, I immediately knew I wasn't going to enjoy myself. Everyone there was at least 30, and while I’m not opposed to partying with older people, it wasn't the scene I envisioned. I really just wanted to be around people my age, and do 24 year old stuff. No soul train lines, no line dancing, no cupid shuffle. I’m refused to resign to old age that easily. I will admit I had a noticeable attitude, because I paid $15 to get in anyway, but within 20 minutes of being there, I couldn't take it anymore. I started looking for other parties, and found something free not too far away. I told them I was leaving, and bounced on my own. Another lesson. At the point where I was too annoyed to stay there anymore, I recognized a lesson that I would keep coming across on my adventure. It's one lesson but there are two points.

If you don't like something, only you can change it.

You are in charge of your own happiness.

These two lessons in conjunction helped me form the rest of my experiences while away. One without the other doesn't equate to much, they have to be used together.

When I arrived at the next spot, I went in, only to find a completely different club experience than I had found on the flyer. They were playing a mix of electronic dance music, and pop in a rather small venue. The party I had anticipated was advertising Hip Hop, Dancehall, and other associated genres. I was confused and a little annoyed. I just spend $14 on top of the $15 I spent at the other one, to find out I was at the wrong place. I didn't understand how, because the address was right, and the date was correct. I sat down, and contemplated what I’d do. I went outside, because I didn't know what else to do, and asked someone if anything else was going on tonight. Nobody in the immediate vicinity knew of anything, so I decided to go back inside. While opening the door to go in, about 3 beautiful women I hadn't seen inside the first time came out. They didn't go in behind me, and I didn't see them before. There had to be more to the party somewhere. I went in determined to find what I came for, and found a somewhat hidden hallway in the back of the venue. When I rounded the corner, there it was. Glorious black people, 15 feet down through the hallway, I heard a classic Jay-Z hit, and felt right at home.

I got comfortable and bought a drink which I promptly finished. I think the bartender noticed how fast I finished it, because within two minutes she put up another and said it was on the house! I gave her the last $3 I had in my pocket and thanked her. I walked away smiling and finished that one quickly too. With two drinks in my system, I got into the groove of the party, and started enjoying myself a bit more. Looking around, I saw a lady I was interested in, and gathered the courage to make my move. I can't even say I remember what I said to her, but I quickly found out they weren't the magic words. As soon as the immediate conversation died, her friend came and took her away. I was so happy with myself for even doing that, that it didn't matter what the outcome was. I was cool with the calm L. Getting back to enjoying the party and my environment, I saw that it was slowly dying out, and decided to see how Mya and Ex were doing. They had asked me how my party was, and I explained that it was dying, but I’d look for something else to do. I went outside and asked if anyone knew of any after-parties, because it seemed like all the lowkey spots closed at 2. I approached a mixed group with a black and hispanic girl, and asked if they knew about any house parties that still might be going on. Luckily, one of the girls knew of something, and told me an address, and someone to contact at the house when I got there.

I told Mya to link me and head there, and she did.

When we got there, I was supposed to find Angel, a tall Mexican guy with blonde hair. I figured shouldn't be hard to find, so I walked up and paid my dues. They gave me two drink tickets with my entry, so I was pleased with that. Mya and Ex chose to sit outside in the car until I figured out if it was worth staying, so I was alone again. Once I walked in, there were a couple college girls in weird clothes dancing, and a guy making drinks. Nothing too hot. I immediately went to the guy with the drinks and cashed in my ticket. I was going to get what I paid for, whether I needed it or not. I went to the backyard and saw a warm weather house party type scene. A fire pit, a couple benches, and a canopy with people sitting under it.

I found a seat, and listened to what was going on. One guy with long hair was recounting conspiracy theories, and a girl was braiding his hair as he spoke. It was all very funny to see similar scenes from my NY summer nightlife played out in a completely different setting. Before long I remembered that Mya and her Ex were outside, still waiting on me!

I got up, cashed in my second drink ticket, and left the spot with two cups. I was poured up well, and experienced an LA house party, a check off my list. Mya drove us home, and I caught some alcohol induced Z’s.

Another day down, ready for the next.

One of my new friends invited me to a music festival the day before, and said he would meet me there at 3. I took the ride to the city with Mya around 2. I did the same this as the day before and wandered for a while, taking pictures of things I found cool, before checking the time and heading towards the festival.

I got to the festival, and showed them my confirmation. I entered into a walled complex with graffiti all over, art everywhere, and vendors with tables wherever they could fit. There was a food stand in the back, and carnival style games on the sides. It was truly an amazing environment with the opportunity for fun everywhere.

It was 3, and my connect was nowhere to be found. I figured I would walk around and try to look at the vendors while I waited for him and the squad to arrive. While perusing through their wares, I found this asian guy with a dope clothing line, and decided to buy a shirt. We decided on $15, and I got my only souvenir for the entire trip. After walking around for another 20 minutes, I naturally got bored, and turned to my phone, something I was trying to avoid. Still no word from my friends, and it was 4. I tried to enjoy the acts for a bit, but I wasn't really feeling it that much, so I went to find somewhere to charge my phone. I hadn't plugged it in for most of the day and it was dying.

I found a room with strobe lights near the back of the complex, and sat down next to a power strip. There were 3 or 4 girls sitting around it, and I introduced myself to them, because I was in very close vicinity. There was no way not to say something. They all lived in LA, and one of them was working with an artist there I had never heard of. Sooner or later they left, and I was alone again. It dawned on me that I wasn't actually supposed to be back there, but no one had stopped me. There was a lapse in security, and I was backstage in the green room! Not recognizing anyone on the flyer for the event, I wasn't super hype to be there, but it was kind of cool knowing I wasn't supposed to be there. A few minutes after I realized, a guy in all black started laying out a big banner, and putting brackets up to hang it from. He wasn't struggling, but he was moving a bit slowly, and could use some help. I asked if he wanted assistance, and he happily agreed. I got down and started helping him with zip ties, and best figuring out how to hang the banner most appropriately. A small frantic lady came through, and checked out our work.

She looked at him, then looked at me, and asked me who I was. I told her I was just sitting down and decided to help out, and her face lit up. She shook my hand, and said, “idk who you are but I’m going to take care of you. I’m busy but give me some time. She left with her little entourage, shouting instructions to people, and answering questions. Me and the real worker took about 10 - 15 minutes to do it, and stood it up. It was lopsided, and not centered. Off to the side by around 5 feet, we had to do it again. After taking another 20 minutes cutting it down and doing it again, she came back and told me I would get a backstage pass with VIP access to everything and the option to take as many dabs as I wanted.

I got the VIP pass but didn't put it on my neck. I didn't want any unnecessary questions I couldn't answer coming my way, although looking back at it, that could have helped me socialize.

It was 5 and my friend still wasn't there. Around this time, my lesson from earlier had shown up again. I was there, not really enjoying myself, and only I could change my situation. I didn't even know if they were coming, but I couldn't rely on them to make it fun for myself. I decided to get more proactive, and start speaking to whoever I felt was interesting. Without the help of alcohol, I really had get out of my head, and make the moves on my own. It wasn't easy, and I quickly came to the conclusion that whoever said “Alcohol is liquid courage” wasn't lying. I felt like I could use it, but I was happy with the challenge of having to socialize without it. After speaking to people here and there, I found out I was way more comfortable communicating with strangers than I had ever thought I’d be. At first it was very hard to get over the initial hump of saying Hi, but I got used to it.

As time dragged on, I enjoyed some performances, bounced in and out of the backstage area, and awaited word from my friend. They finally showed up at 8, 5 hours later than I was expecting them. By then I was already over the atmosphere, and I was only there because there still performances left, and they just showed up.

We met up and I chastised them for being so damned late. They stranded me for 5 hours without any friends, which was initially a curse but turned into a little blessing. I discovered that I could spend a significant time alone, something I never really did, and make something of it. I had met a few artists in the most natural way possible, and talked to all the girls I thought were interesting enough to warrant the effort. They showed me, someone who’s always around people I know, that I could spend time by myself, and meet new people without it being a huge ordeal. Before that day, I never really spoke to random people in public without a reason. This time, I noticed that the reason doesn't have to be solid, but literally because I wanted to. Typically I have friends everywhere I go in NY, and not having that put me in somewhat of a compromising position. It pushed me out my comfort zone, and trust me. I’ve been VERY comfortable. What I learned is that the hardest part is starting. Once you get over the initial hump of saying hi, you’re in and you can let whatever social skills you have take over. Talking to people you're interested in dating is more complicated, but once again, that's another topic.

With my friends finally there and the main performers up, I started having fun and enjoying the music. It was really nice, there was a tribute for a local rapper, slain in unnecessary violence, and you could definitely feel the solidarity and respect for him in the room. I didn't live there, but I felt the sense of community.

They decided to leave after a while, but they had nowhere to go and I wanted to charge my phone. I went back to the green room and found a working outlet, next to some more cool people. The more I spoke to people around me, the more I realized that it was only as weird as you made it. With adequate charge, I left and met up with a friend from facebook that told me he was Dj’ing at a downtown bar, playing 00’s R&B and Hip Hop. I hopped in another uber there, and went downstairs in a notably empty upscale place. I greeted my internet friend, and spoke to him for a few minutes before my friend from the last party told me he was coming to meet me.

In the meantime, I continued talking to my DJ friend, and the friends he brought out. Around the time my friend showed up, I started speaking to some lady at the bar, who was clearly older, but had a nice shape. Apparently it was her birthday, and she was out trying to enjoy it. I mentioned that my birthday was next week, and it was all good. We were vibing, talking about something funny, when she asked me how old I was turning. I immediately knew I had to lie and throw my age up a notch, just in case she wasn't down for such a big difference. She was turning 32, and 8 years is a big gap. I knew I couldn't sell that I was 27 regardless of the beard, so I told her 26. Before I could finish saying that and whatever my next joke, she said “It was nice to meet you, goodnight” and walked away. I wasn't funny anymore. No Milf action for me. Luckily my friend was right there and we could laugh about it. We chose to head to another club nearby that he knew was lit, all the time, every Saturday. The club, called the Reserve was probably the nicest nightclub I’d ever been in. I’m not a big spender when it comes to nightlife, so I avoid all the high roller spots in NY. Looking at the people on line, I thought it was going to be crazy expensive, but apparently this spot was only $10. A huge difference compared to the night before where I spent $15 to party with old geezers. I was impressed. Inside, there was a “Vault” that housed the entire party, with gold bricks under glass in the floor, and decor to match the theme all over. It was live in there.

A large variety of beautiful women, people dancing, drinks flowing, and the music was right. My friends were also impressed, but before long I could tell that it wasn't really their scene. They, much like myself, were more the house party and get-together kind of guys. Loud music with no interpersonal interaction wasn't their thing. It also didn't help that one had a girlfriend. I bought one drink, then found out there was a two drink card limit. I was there to stay. I downed my drink in like 3 minutes, and got into the swing of things. I got my second drink, and loosened up some more. For a while they tried to keep up, but me having two drinks to their none, plus the fact they didn't even really care to be there, added up to me being the only one trying to enjoy myself. They decided to leave, and once again, I was alone. Looking at the time, it had just hit 1:15, and the club closed at 2. The two lessons came right back into my face, and hit me. I was in charge of my own fun, and if I didn't do anything, I wasn't going to have any. I needed to get a move on quick. I scoped the joint for interesting groups, and saw two ladies sitting down next to each other, and casually introduced myself. Long story short, I ended up at dinner with four 30 year olds from South Carolina, where the cheapest entree on the menu was about $30. I sure as hell didn't want to spend that much on dinner, but I did owe myself a fancy meal, so I sprung for the cheapest thing I’d eat. After a long conversation over food in which I was reminded that my expletive peppered vernacular was not the norm, we parted ways, exchanged some information and headed home. It wasn't my idea of the most fun I could have, but it was an experience nonetheless. On my long trip home in the Uber, I realized that as much as I was attracted to two of the ladies at the table, I wasn't upset that it didn't turn into anything I’d run home to tell my boys. I was just pleased with the possibilities that arose once I stopped over-thinking about what I was doing, and started doing. Some of the greatest things you’ll ever experience, are hiding behind that moment of hesitation that leads to inaction.

Now that I’ve recognized this, I’m much more willing to take immediate action when I see what I want. Whether that's talking to women in a club, speaking to someone important about an opportunity, or even just making decisions that I’d normally spend way too long on, I see that merely thinking about doing something does not get you anything. This doesn't mean I’m insanely impulsive, but I’m less inhibited by the fear of not getting the results I want. The last thing I wanted from my trip to Los Angeles was to come home wishing I did more.

Another day down, I prepared for my last full day in Los Angeles.

When I got up Mya was getting ready to leave for work, way earlier than I knew I’d ever be ready. I was on my own. I hung around the house for a while, deliberating whether I should go to the observatory, or head out to the Santa Monica Pier. I met a lady in an Uber the day before and asked if she wanted to come to the beach with me, but she claimed she didn't feel good, and wasn't going to be able to make it. It was fine by me, at first I felt weird about doing everything by myself, but I realized I had been alone for most of my journey. I decided to go to the beach because it was cheaper to get to, and there would definitely be much more to do. I got dressed and called my cab to take on a day at the beach. When I got there, I immediately hopped out and made my way straight to the pier. Another thing I noticed about moving on your own, is that there are no delays in action. No drawn out decisions trying to figure out if you want to go right or left, eat at a place or not, it's whatever you decide, and it all happens at your own pace. I walked through a group of relatively young black men, who were still older than myself, and they tried to press me. I ignored them, kept it pushing, and shook my head at the fact that it happened. Disappointed that some things never seem to change wherever you are, I moved forward towards the beach. As I walked through the pier, the countless meetups and shootouts I had engaged in at that very location flashed back to my memory, all courtesy of the Grand Theft Auto series. In reality, it was a beautiful place that deserved none of that extreme violence, and I couldn't be more pleased that I was there taking it all in. I couldn't see an angry soul, and there was a general happiness to be out in the sun by the ocean. I soaked it all in, and continued walking. I went far enough onto the pier to get a quality picture, and headed back to see what else there was to do.

I heard Venice beach was not too far away, and considered heading over there to see what it was like. It was a mile or two down the coast, and I didn't feel like walking there. I checked out the first bike rental company, and they said they closed at 5:30. It was already 5. He suggested another spot a small distance away, and I set off determined to ride down the beach. I rented a bike and headed towards Venice Beach. Considering I hadn't ridden a bike in over 2 years, I was shaky to begin, but quickly locked in my balance. Cruising down the beach on the bike path was amazing. Barely avoiding a couple accidents on the relatively narrow path, I finally made it to Venice beach. You could clearly see the difference in atmosphere, from Santa Monica, to Venice Beach. Venice was way more local, and where you saw classy tourist traps on and near the Santa Monica Pier, you saw colorful homes and quiet alleyways dedicated to parking. There was a community out there, and it showed in how everyone interacted. The skateboarders and bikers congratulated each other over landed tricks and the older rollerskaters did spins as they danced to the tune of 80’s classics, while laughter and shouts of approval filled the air. I love New York City with all my heart, but that right there was something you’d be hard pressed to find in the 5 boroughs. Venice beach was probably my favorite part of my vacation. I can almost say that I’m happy to have gone alone, because it left me no choice but to be present in the moment. I wasn't explicitly having fun, but I was legitimately happy. For a long time, I’d have a hard time distinguishing the two, but I’m glad that I’ve arrived at that conclusion.

I searched up a nearby taco spot, because that's what I was feeling, and went. It took a few minutes, and I scarfed them down as if I hadn't eaten all year.

Luckily after I finished, my white shirt was still icy. Not a stain in sight. I looked at the time, and realized I had to make it back to the rental spot by 6:30. I lost track of how long it took to get there, and figured it’d be best if I rushed back, and rushed I did. Two minutes into riding, I recognized how much nicer it’d be if I put the GTA San Andreas soundtrack on, and did just that. The spotify playlist provided me the classic tunes that filtered through my ears years ago as I spent countless hours exploring the digital world of California. First I listened to “Welcome to the Jungle”, then “Some Kind of Wonderful”, and a few other classic tracks. My favorite song from the game, “Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd” came on without my input, and I enjoyed every single second of the 10 minute song.

Riding along the beach to those songs while the sun set in the background was by far my favorite memory from the trip.

I returned the bike pleased with my experience, and headed to find somewhere I could charge my phone. I asked a guy for directions to the nearest starbucks, and moved. I found an Apple store along the way, and settled there instead. Classic Soho shenanigans. I waited there on facetime with a fellow writer until it was time to head out to the TrapXart event that night, where I’d be meeting a friend.

The strip mall reminded me of a local street mall in downtown Brooklyn, but there were no vehicles allowed. It was all oddly reminiscent of those places that everyone goes when the cruises let out on Caribbean Islands. Street performers, Live music, bars, and plenty of stores.

Eventually I left and made my way to TrapXart, where I found a line of attractive young black people and joined it. Inside, I was immediately overwhelmed. There was sex themed art everywhere, and the venue itself was amazing. In addition to that, there was a HUGE selection attractive people inside that building. Everyone in there was well put together, the best of Los Angeles showed their face. I messaged an exhibitor I knew from Facebook and quickly found her upstairs. She was exhibiting so I felt weird about hovering with her for too long, considering she had a whole job to do.

I didn't want to be annoying, so after a few short minutes of conversation, I parted ways, promising I’d circle back around later. I’d be there for a few hours, so I needed to find something to do. I went and got a drink to start my social side, because I really didn't have it completely under control yet, and got to work. Before long I was using my instagram story as a crutch to meet any and everyone I was interested in. In all honesty it was too easy. As long as I didn't say something stupid in my intro, they’d definitely talk to me and engage in conversation. It didn't matter who it was, artists, exhibitors, models, or the general audience, I spoke to them all while observing the overtly sexual art around me. I met up with another woman I knew from Facebook and her cousin, and we all clicked rather well. We walked around, split up, reconvened, and stopped to talk about how ironic it was to meet someone who lived in New York, while on vacation in California.

They pretty much got bored of the event, and I realized that although I showed up solo, I was having more fun than they were. No it wasn't gut wrenching laughter, but I wouldn't have minded continuing what I was doing, circulating and speaking to the random people I encountered. Once again, I learned that I could make my own fun, by simply deciding to take action towards the things I wanted to do. I didn't have to settle with a boring experience because the situation wasn't ideal, I had full freedom to make as much out of it as I could, within reasonable limits. It might seem like a minor realization, but I learned something important that I plan to take with me wherever I go. New York, Los Angeles, Ghana, Cambodia, it didn't matter. I could keep myself entertained and engaged in any setting I wanted to, as long as I was willing to step out of my comfort zone. I was enough for me. In New York I had only ever gone out by myself once, and that was one of the most eventful nights of the summer. For a long time I feared being alone, not in an existential sense, but in the sense that I felt company was necessary to enjoy myself or have any fun. Every interesting thing I had done that entire time, was a result of me pushing myself to get what I wanted, even if it was a little awkward at first. Most times I didn't get what I wanted, other times I got some of it, and some times I got something completely different than what I expected to get. The whole trip pushed me to do things I had normally thought were weird. I didn't even intend for it to teach me as much as it did.

One thing you’ve probably noticed this whole time is that I didn't do anything spectacular. I didn't end up in any wild cocaine-fueled threesomes, didn't wake up on top of a casino, didn't get into any cop chases or turf battles, and I didn't even get to smoke because I just didn't find the right setting for it. It was all in all, a pretty regular vacation. Anyone could do the things I did, and as a matter of fact, I think everyone should. I know if I went with my boys, things would have been drastically different and way more fun, but I wouldn't have learned what I learned or experienced any of the odd situations that made me grow as a human being. Even though it wasn't the exact type of fun I had hoped for, it all ended up being valuable to me for entirely different reasons. With that being said, I encourage everyone to take a trip alone. Pick a reasonably safe place you're interested in, or in my case a place you can afford, set your money aside, and go. Maybe set it up so you can meet a friend or two while you're away, but don't make them the focus of your trip. Don't bring your entire entourage, don't go and stay with family that will expect you to stay by their side the whole time, and don't go with extremely high expectations of what will happen.

<strong> Just go spend some time by yourself in a strange land.

I’m sure you’ll learn something. </STRONG>

2 notes · View notes