toboldlygohome

[toboldlygohome]

Hold Me Closer

Mark Watney X Reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Summary: You were looking forward to your month on Mars, but what happens when a month-long mission becomes indefinite? Will you and Mark make it back home, or were you doomed from the start?

Character(s): Mark Watney

Warning(s): Cursing, Depression, Anxiety, Mentions of possible death

-Sol 7-

Mark awoke with a pounding headache and a primal desire for water. There was a deep ache in his abdomen and in his pain-induced haze, he almost forgot that he was stranded on Mars... Almost.

"Fuck..." he muttered, staring at the bunk above him. After much hesitation and a personal pep talk, Watney rolled out of bed with a strained groan. The Hab was quiet, which made him uneasy... that and the fact that you weren't in bed where he was expecting you to be.

"Y/N?" he called out.

"In the kitchen!" was your muffled reply.

Mark hobbled to the dining area, still exhausted from his impromptu surgery the night before. He found you sitting at the table with a pen, some paper, and two boxes of mission rations.

"What are you doing up? You should be resting," he placed his hands on his hips.

"I am resting," you raised an eyebrow.

"No, you're working on..." he glanced at the paper, "something."

"Watney, I'm doing math, not running a marathon," you smirked.

"Did math get these crates onto the counter?" He sassed.

"Gravity is less on Mars."

"Doesn't mean it's non-existent."

You scoffed. "Anyway, I crunched the numbers for our little food shortage problem. They gave us 93 days' worth of food in case something happened with the MAV. We've been here for 6 days, so that's 93-6... which is 87. 87 days of food for each member of our 7-person crew, which is 609 total days. Divided between the two of us, that's about 304 days of food, each. And that's before rationing. I took inventory of all our meal options too," you absentmindedly handed him a stack of loose-leaf paper as you double-checked your work.

Mark flipped through the pamphlet and nodded, sitting down beside you. "Looks like we have some time to figure out how we're gonna get more food... Gotta admit... I regret saying your proposition of tripling our food supply was overkill," he gave you a half-smile.

"Thank god my proposal didn't fall on deaf ears. We would have had to make do with 175 days of food," you raised an eyebrow at him. "What was it you called me? A worrywart? A nervous Nellie?"

"I never said it was a bad thing, look at how it's coming in handy now~" he snickered and grabbed a packet from one of the boxes called 'egg,' "So, tiny dancer, what's next on your agenda for today?" he stood and waddled to the water reclaimer, clutching his side as he went.

"We need to run a full diagnostic on the Hab and all of its major components, make sure nothing was damaged in the storm. Then I want to do an EVA to check on the rovers and the solar arrays."

"You can run the diagnostics, I'll do the EVA," Mark said.

"Excuse me?" You turned back to look at him.

"I have a cut, you have broken bones. If you pop something out of place while exerting yourself, I don't have the medical expertise to play operation with you. I'll fuck it up and you'll end up with ribs on your elbow or something. At least with me, we can just stitch it back up," Watney shrugged nonchalantly as he poured some water into his packet to rehydrate the eggs.

"Fair point. I'll do the internal diagnostics while you run the EVA. Speaking of which, I took a look at our suits and figured out what happened," you said.

"Oh?" Mark stirred the water into his dog-food-esque breakfast.

"When you went down, your suit indicated a sudden loss of pressure, and then all your vitals flat-lined. Turns out the antenna for the coms dish punctured your bio-monitor. The MDV crushed mine, so all the readings would have shown that we were dead..." You sighed and covered your face with your hands. By now, their families thought they were dead. NASA wouldn't be looking for them. The communications array was destroyed in the storm... There would be no contacting Earth or the Hermes. You seemed to realize you were bringing the mood down because you perked up immediately.

"Anywho, our flight suits are unusable, but the EVA suits are fine. Good news is we have plenty of CO2 filters to go around and five extra EVA suits at our disposal," you smiled and slowly eased into a standing position. "You might want to heat up that egg, they taste even worse when they're cold."

"What if I like cold eggs?" Watney staggered over to the microwave, trying not to sound as pained as he felt.

"Then you're a weirdo~," You gave his bicep a supportive squeeze as you passed.

"And just where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"To get you some medicine. You need it," you winked before disappearing into the lab.

Mark smiled, shook his head, and tossed his eggs into the microwave. "Make sure you grab some for yourself while you're at it! Don't want my favorite astronaut becoming lethargic!"

"Who's the worrywart now?!" You called back. Mark rolled his eyes.

It was gonna be a long day full of tests and abdominal pain (for both of you), but he was ready for it. He could tackle anything Mars threw at him, as long as you were there with him for the touchdown.

~~~

-Sol 10-

Everything in the Hab was working perfectly and there appeared to be no tears in the canvas. Mark undertook the daunting task of digging out both rovers and sweeping off the solar panels. You wished you could have helped him out, but your ribs still had a lot of healing to do before you could even think of picking up a shovel.

Early on Sol 9, you managed to get Mark on board to help you into an EVA suit so you could inspect the communications array. You could put most of your clothes on by yourself, but the LCVG suit was more of a chore than a tank top and some sweats. You wish you could say you were entirely professional when he was helping you change, but this is Mark we're talking about here! He's pretty! And you're awkward! Luckily, he thought your flushed cheeks were due to the pain of having two broken bones.

Anyway, the coms array was not in good shape. A lot of finely tuned mechanisms were damaged beyond repair. There was a possibility you could rig something up that would work, but it would take time. The dish was intact, save for a few broken pieces, so you had Watney drag it back to the Hab. While food was more essential to your survival, it couldn't hurt to work on phoning home during your downtime.

Speaking of downtime, you decided to pick up on one of your actual projects from before everything went to shit! You had a background in performing arts and childcare. As such, you were chosen to create a series of educational videos geared toward kids. The goal was to get more engagement in NASA's Kids' Club. More students in STEM means the survival of the space program. Blah Blah Blah. The point is, you liked kids and you didn't mind goofing off in front of a camera a few hours a week. Before, it was because NASA asked you to, now it seemed like the best way to spend your time while you were healing. Besides, Mark had his mission logs. You weren't the only one seeking a sense of normalcy.

"So now you're all caught up!" you smiled into the camera. "I'm still excited to hear from all of you! I'm sure you have plenty of amazing questions for us here in Acidalia Planitia. I wish I could answer them, but until I get the telephone working, I'll just have to use my imagination. In the meantime, Mr. Watney and I have all sorts of fun projects in store-"

"Shit!" Mark announced from the bathroom. "That's it! Shit!"

You paused the recording and huffed. "What did you do to the toilet?!" you called back to him as he hurried to the desk you were working at.

"I got it! Poop is the answer!"

"Couldn't you have used 'poop' before? I was in the middle of-"

"Poop is gonna save us from starving!"

"How?" you laughed, then winced and clutched your side.

He frowned and started reaching for you. "Y/N, are you-"

"I'm fine, go ahead and finish your thought," you playfully swatted his hand away.

"Are you sure? I can-"

"I'm good, it's not any more broken than it was a second ago. Don't leave me in suspense. How is poop gonna save us from starving?" you settled back into your seat.

"Well you see, poop has bacteria. Plants need bacteria to grow! Poop is also full of nutrients that plants need to live. If I harvest my poop, I can turn Martian dirt into the perfect soil!"

"And just what are you gonna grow in this Watney poop soil?" you furrowed your brows. "We only brought grass and ferns with us."

Mark dug around in one of the storage bins and pulled out a sealed bag of potatoes.

You gasped and stood up, taking the potatoes into your hands. "Thank God for Thanksgiving! Watney, you're a genius!"

"You're just realizing that now?" he smirked.

"No, I'm just acknowledging it now~" you hummed.

"Are you telling me you've been willingly withholding compliments from me?!"

"Of course I have. You're egotistical enough as it is."

"I'm not ego-"

"Wait a minute, what if we get sick?" you asked.

"Sick? How would we get sick? Have you seen any viruses growing on Mars?" Mark teased.

"I meant from the poop, smartass."

"Ohhh pathogens... well... hm..." he sat down beside you.

"Yeah, hm..." you replied.

"Two heads really are better than one. I didn't think about that."

"You literally came up with it two minutes ago, you would have thought about it eventually," you smiled and lightly patted his shoulder. At least you were somewhat helpful. Your ribs made it near impossible to get anything done besides sit around and twiddle your thumbs.

"Mind if I think out loud for a minute?" he asked.

"Go ahead, I'm all ears."

"So, human feces works just fine as fertilizer. The only problem is that it can make us sick. That's because... people might have diseases that they can spread through their poop and subsequently... our food... But that's because a lot of people's poop is mixed together, but if it's just ours... You know what? I think we'll be fine! We all quarantined for two weeks before launch. Whatever pathogens we might have that managed to live through our trip are probably ones that we share" he gave you a thumbs up.

"Perfect! Now we just gotta figure out where to start our Garden of Eden!" you smiled. Watching Mark work through problems like this was incredible. How does he come up with this stuff?!

"I'm thinking we take apart the common area. That gives us 62 square meters of floor space for soil. We'll have to use some backup Hab canvas to keep the moisture away from the machines, but that won't be too much of a chore. That'll leave us with the lab and the bunks free of dirt for our use. We'll just have to skirt around the hobo greenhouse to use the water reclaimer or the microwave," he beamed.

Yep. It's official. Mark Watney is the sexiest man alive. Forget Brad Pitt! Screw Leonardo DiCaprio! The brain in this man!

Damn!

You strangled the thoughts away before they could reach your lips.

"This is actually gonna work! Looks like that green thumb of yours is finally gonna come in handy~ Mark Watney, more like Mark Botany!" you chuckled.

"Hell yeah, I'm a Botanist! Fear my botany powers!"

~~~

-Sol 15-

Mark had spent the past few days digging and mixing the crew's shit together in a bucket. He claimed the bacteria needed time to proliferate, that the terrible smell was a good sign.

Additionally, Watney forbade you from doing any unnecessary EVAs until your ribs had fully healed. While he got to have a whiff of that 'fresh Martian air' outside, you were stuck sitting in the stench. On the bright side, you got a wonderful view~

He was wearing that tight NASA tee-shirt... The blue one that was secretly your favorite. You were trying your best not to stare, but it's hard to keep your eyes off his strong arms and broad shoulders! I mean seriously! Brains, brawn, and an incredible sense of humor! Was there any desirable quality this man didn't possess?!

"Ow! Shit!" he cried, clutching his side as he slowly got down from the step ladder.

"Mark!" you hurried over and helped him down. "What happened? Are you okay?" you braced him with your shoulder.

"I don't know, I-" he looked down and saw the blood seeping through the fabric of his shirt.

Upon noticing the growing stain, you shot him a glare. "Seriously? I told you not to push too hard..."

"Didn't mean to," he grunted as you sat him down in the medical lab.

"Let me see it," you eased yourself beside him and slapped on a couple latex gloves. Once he raised his shirt, you were pleased to find he only popped two stitches. It could be worse. You shook your head and reached for the necessary medical supplies.

"Is it bad?" he breathed in through his nose.

"You only need two stitches redone, but I'm really gonna need to clean this well. You've been working with poop half the day, I don't want you to get gangrene or something," you sighed.

"Right, that wouldn't be good... I'm already full of shit as it is," he snickered. You didn't laugh, you just got to work cleaning. The disinfectant stung, but not as much as you snubbing his joke.

"Hey... you mad at me?" Mark shifted awkwardly.

"What do you mean?" you mumbled.

"You didn't laugh at my joke."

"Thought you said I wasn't allowed to laugh for six weeks."

"That hasn't stopped you so far..."

You exhaled again and looked up at him. "I'm not mad at you, Watney... I'm just... really tired of seeing you hurt like this. I'm mad at your stitches for ripping, I'm mad at my ribs for being broken, I'm mad at Mars for throwing that storm at us... I'm not mad at you, never you, Watts."

"Watts?" he smirked.

"What? It's short for Watney... I thought it was cute."

"Sounds like I'm a light bulb."

"No more pet names. Got it," you deadpanned.

"Noooo, I like it! Watts! Very cute!"

"Too bad, you ruined it."

"I did not ruin it- SSSSS!" he hissed. "A little warning next time!"

"Sorry, they say it hurts less if it's a surprise," you bit the inside of your cheek and dabbed the alcohol against the cut to clean any bacteria that might have come from the excrement Watney was playing in.

"Who the hell told you that?!"

"Beck."

"Yeah? Well, you can tell Beck that his theory is a load of horse shit," Mark huffed.

"I'll be sure to let him know once we make it back home," you gave him a smile that set his face aflame. 'That's better,' he thought.

Mark felt the needle enter his skin, but your hand on his stomach distracted him from the sting. You'd always had that effect on him. He could be writhing in agony on the floor, but it would all melt away in an instant at the slightest graze of your fingertips. There was a tenderness in your touch that sent him reeling; heart pounding, breath hitching. Everything you did, you did it with care. That included stitching up bumbling botanists.

"All done," you grinned. As soon as your hand was gone, the ache in his abdomen made its presence known.

"Thanks, Y/N. What would I do without you?" he lifted his stained shirt over his head and reached for his jacket hanging on the back of a nearby chair.

"Hopefully, you'd have enough self-preservation to stitch yourself up," you tried to focus on taking your gloves off instead of Mark's bare chest. It was a difficult challenge, but you managed to pull through. Barely.

"Let's be honest here, I'd probably just staple it closed," he smirked as he zipped up his jacket. Maybe it was just his imagination, but it looked like you were blushing... It was probably just the heat, right? The mysterious heat in the temperature-regulated Hab.

"That better be a joke, Watney."

Mark grinned wickedly and stood from his seat.

"That's a joke, right? You wouldn't actually staple yourself..." you furrowed your brows at him.

He gave you a sassy shrug as he sauntered back to half-hung plastic on the wall.

"Watney, I swear-" your lecture is drowned out by Abba suddenly blaring over the speakers. You huffed and shook your head, smiling to yourself "That man..."

~~~

-Sol 22-

Mark sat alone in the lab, eyes dry and desperate for sleep. He had been checking and re-checking his equations over and over again... but no matter how he looked at it, they were screwed. 62 square meters of soil will only grow about 150 kilograms of potatoes... Even if he continuously planted right after harvest, they'd only have 90 extra days' worth of potatoes split between two astronauts. They started with 304 Sols of meals. If they rationed, they could get that number up to 400. Including the potatoes, that's 445 Sols worth of food in total... Ares 4 arrives on Sol 1412... That's about 1,000 days of food they don't have... Each.

He ran his hands through his scruffy blonde tufts. He had no idea what to do. He had been puzzling through it all night and he was on the verge of barfing from stress. The only solution that he could think of was to sacrifice himself... That would leave you with 890 days of food to yourself... Maybe more if you resorted to cannibalis-

He was startled by gentle hands on his shoulders.

"Hey..." your soft voice cut through his dark thoughts. He couldn't help but lean into the soothing touch. Your thumbs worked into his tense muscles, earning a sigh from the engineer.

"Hey..." he rasped.

"Couldn't sleep?" you asked, though the answer was obvious.

"Too many numbers running through my head..." He whispered. Mark reached back and rested a callused hand over yours, pausing its calming ministrations. Your hand felt nice in his. He wondered briefly how much better it would feel with your fingers entwined.

"Want to share with the class?" You rested your chin atop his head.

"62 square meters of soil will only get us 90 extra days of food... 45 days each..." He whispered again, like if he said it too loudly he would break the fragile hope they had been building over the past few weeks.

"Not ideal..." You whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck. He could feel your warm chest against his back. He breathed another sigh.

"No... It's not..." Watney said.

"But it's a start..." You said.

Mark closed his eyes, basking in the heat of your body against his... he could get used to this. "I don't know what to do..."

"Mmm..." You hummed into his hair. "Right now, you're going to sleep... And in the morning, you're going to keep working on that soil."

"But-"

"No." You squeezed him closer, your cheek resting on his head. "Sleep. Then soil... I'll do the math."

The cool, Hab air rushed into his back as you pulled away. He felt deflated at the loss of contact but turned to look at you with a wry smile. That smile stuttered when you ran your fingers through his hair, pushing the mess back from his forehead.

"You're exhausted... You can play Farmer Watney in the morning..." You reasoned.

Mark didn't argue. He just let you guide him toward the bunk. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he started to drift. In his faraway state, he could have sworn he felt something warm and soft against his forehead... He was too tired to question it. He let sleep take him.

"Goodnight, Watts..." You whispered into the silence of the Hab.

~~~

-Sol 26-

Farmer Watney made some great progress with the soil while you sat and crunched the numbers. For four days, you worked out every possible solution to make more farm space. The only extended break you took was to remove Mark's stitches on Sol 23. Unfortunately, your ribs still had a long way to go before you could help tend to the potato crops.

By the end of Sol 25, you had worked out that by utilizing the five unused bunks and the rovers' pop-up tents, you could bump up the available farmland from 62 square meters to 126 square meters. That left you with a water shortage. You'd need 250 liters of water to dampen all that soil.

Cut off one head, two more shall take its place.

On Sol 26, Mark was in a pissy mood as he made back-and-forth trips to and from the Hab. His mission: double their soil supply. It took ten minutes each time he depressurized and re-pressurized the airlock and he wasn't enthusiastic about burning 20 minutes of daylight per trip.

He had pushed himself to the limits, digging and boxing the Martian dirt to the point of exhaustion.

Then the storm came in.

Just when he thought he was done with EVAs for the day, he had to go BACK outside and dust off the solar panels. You put in your earbuds, hoping to dispel a little of the tension you were feeling. Of course, that was just wishful thinking. The music somehow made things both better and worse. Your brother had made the playlist for you. The man spent hours downloading and organizing them onto your mission tablet.

Listening to his playlist was like a comfort blanket. It made home feel a little less like a distant dream... But it hurt... because reality always came crashing in one way or another.

You put that chemistry brain of yours to work. You had tons of leftover hydrazine because Martinez is a badass. Mark would have to figure out just how much was still in the MDV, but you suspected it was a fair amount. Enough, perhaps, to turn into water.

You subconsciously ghosted your hand over your healing ribs. You and the MDV weren't exactly friends at the moment, but where else were you going to get Hydrogen? Certainly not the atmosphere, that was for sure... Mars' atmosphere was mostly Carbon Dioxide...

You struggled to your feet and hobbled over to the coms station. Your fellow astronaut was having a rough go of it, and you were about to ask him to do another tedious task... But the sooner you made the water, the better... You hesitated before calling Mark.

"Hey Watney, do you read me?" You asked warily.

There was static, then a huff that was a mixture of exhaustion and annoyance. "Yes?"

"While you're out there, do you think you can take a field trip to the MDV... see how much hydrazine Martinez left us?"

Another exhalation. "Might as well. I'm out here anyway." He muttered.

"Thanks..." was your quiet reply. You muted your end and groaned softly as you lowered yourself into the seat next to the comms array. There wasn't much you could work on until Mark checked on the Hydrazine... so you waited.

The silence in the Hab was deafening. Your mind wandered. You felt useless... You wanted to be out there sweeping the panels with him... helping him dig... helping him plant, but even walking from one chair to another was difficult.

It was miserable.

You waited a long time before receiving an answer.

"Y/N, do you read me?" Mark grunted.

"Loud and clear..." you said.

"We've got 292 liters of spare Hydrazine."

Thank you, Martinez.

/ / / / / / / / / /

Mark entered the airlock for what he prayed would be the last time that day. He waited the ten minutes for re-pressurization, then trudged into the Hab. His eyes landed on you, sat at the desk at an odd angle to keep your ribs from hurting. You didn't look up at him. You had your earbuds in.

He sighed, unlatched his helmet, and removed his bulky EVA suit. The thing was absolutely covered in dust, but there was no way he was cleaning up that mess today. Instead, he lumbered his way to his bunk and took a seat. His shoulders ached, his legs were tired, his ass was burning... he needed a nap, but somehow he felt too exhausted to sleep.

Mark glanced up when he heard you move. You bit the inside of your cheek as you slowly stood from your chair. He watched you school your face to appear unaffected, but you were obviously in pain.

He flopped back in his bunk, tossing an arm over his face. There, Watney let his mind wander. He wondered if you had taken medicine, wondered what you were listening to... He wondered if you'd play with his hair again if he asked nicely.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, but he was brought back to reality when he felt something warm being placed on his chest. He slid his arm down and saw a steaming packet of sweet and sour chicken.

"Full portion today..." You said gently. Mark's eyes trailed up to meet yours. You offered him a faint smile and squeezed his knee. His breath caught in his throat at the touch. "You've earned it..."

Your hand slipped away and he watched you turn toward your desk.

He hesitated, "Y/N?"

"Hm?"

'Please... play with my hair...' he thought.

"Thank you..." he said.

You smiled. "You're welcome."

~~~

-Sol 29-

Watney's grumpy mood had lifted after a nice, long sleep. About thirteen hours. Thank God. It was unnerving seeing him so short-tempered. You couldn't blame him of course, the stress was getting to you as well. For three days you barely moved from the desk. Every waking moment was spent drawing up a detailed plan for how to make water using the O2 from the MAV platform and the Hydrazine from the MDV tank.

Mark was outside the Hab, working his engineering magic on the pop tents. You stayed inside with your earbuds in, listening to your playlist.

Or, more accurately... you were listening to one song on repeat.

Your brother's playlist was full of songs... Every genre, every era... Enough to scratch every possible itch, but you felt so heavy. Your focus was fragile. Easily shattered... So, you opted for one song at a time.

Yesterday, it was 'I'm Already There.' The day before that, it was 'Talking to the Moon.'

Today was a different song.

'So, how come things move on? How come cars don't slow, when it feels like the end of my world? When I should, but I can't let you go?'

You tapped the pen against your stack of papers. It was one of those fancy ones that NASA can't live without. The kind that was invented by Paul C. Fisher in 1965 after the Apollo 1 disaster.

'But when I'm cold, I'm cold. When I'm cold, cold.'

You stared at the picture taped to the white Hab canvas wall. It was a color copy you made in one of the many offices at the Kennedy Space Center. Mark was right. You definitely were a worrywart... a nervous nellie... You were about to put the original print in your crate before launch, but you didn't want to lose it. What if you forgot it on Mars? You'd never get it back... So, you taped it to a sheet of A4 and ran it through the copier. You left the original with your Mom...

'There's a light that you give me when I'm in shadow. There's a feelin' within me, an everglow.'

They all stood together. The first family photo they'd taken in years. All the smiling faces... You remembered how it felt that day. The warmth of the sun, the breeze coming off the water. The laughter.

You might never hear it again.

There were only a few ways to make the water you needed and all of them were dangerous. Even the least dangerous option could result in catastrophe. To make a long story short... Hindenburg.

Yep, if things didn't go as planned you might recreate your very own Apollo 1 right there in the Hab. The Martians would find a couple of deep-fried astronauts to serve in their backyard barbecue.

Unfortunately, chemistry is a very precise, tricky science. It doesn't really matter what you're doing, anything can be dangerous without the proper equipment... Even more unfortunately, the Hab is not at all equipped for this project. All the tools will need to be made with whatever was lying around... Even, even more unfortunately, Mark was going to be the one to execute your instructions.

It wasn't that you didn't trust Watney, far from it! The issue was that his strong suits were botany and engineering... not chemistry. That was your field of expertise.

You were one of two chemists assigned to Ares 3. Alex wasn't here and you were out of commission until your ribs finally decided to stop being broken. So, of course, that left Watney with EVEN MORE work to do all by himself while you sat around on your ass. Basically, Mark was Cinderella and you were the wicked stepmother.

Build a reaction chamber, Cinderella~

Burn the Hydrogen, Cinderella~

What you really had to do was make this manual dummy-proof. Mark Watney was anything but a dummy, but any miscommunication was unacceptable. Reminder: One wrong move = BANG! BOOM!... KABLAM!

Don't blow up the Hab, Cinderella~

The pressure was on to do this right... You looked up at the picture taped to the wall above the computer, looked at your family's smiling faces... Then your eyes darted to a picture just beside it... Mark and his parents at a Cubs game.

You tapped the pen. The song restarted.

'Oh, they say people come, say people go. This particular diamond is extra special.'

You peeled your eyes from the picture.

'And though you might be gone and the world may not know. Still, I see you, celestial...'

You stared at the page on your desk. Don't blow up the Hab, Cinderella...

'Like a lion you ran, goddess you rolled. Like an eagle you circled, in perfect purple.'

Stinging ribs. Tapping pen. Unchanging paper.

'So, how come things move on? How come cars don't slow, when it feels like the end of my world?'

Your eyes blur and your breath hitches.

'When I should, but I can't let you go?'

You buried your face in your hands and centered yourself. You're trained for this. You have a PhD in chemistry. Don't blow up the Hab, Cinderella. You co-wrote a book on the basics of chemistry... what's more basic than water? You are a NASA ASTRONAUT... If you couldn't do this, they wouldn't have picked you... they only pick the best... countless people were consulted when they chose you. The best and the brightest...

Come on...

Come on...

Work the problem...

Commander Lewis... That's what she would say. Work the problem. Forget Hindenburg. Forget Apollo 1.

You rubbed your eyes and took in a deep breath. You and Mark were in an impossible position. No human has experienced a situation like this since Lovell, Haise, and Swigert circled the moon back in 1970.

You and Watney were experiencing Apollo 13 2.0... Maybe that was a good thing... Those guys made it back home. Your eyes met Mark's in the picture. His eyes were crinkled at the corners, head thrown back in a laugh.

'This particular diamond is extra special...' The lyrics returned to your mind, unbidden.

You'd get him home... Even if it was the last thing you ever did.

....................

(Songs mentioned: I'm Already There, by Lonestar, Talking to the Moon, by Bruno Mars (haha), and Everglow, by Coldplay)

Taglist: @izzilovesyou, @jolovesfandoms, @btriz96, @101killer

If you would like to be added to my taglist, feel free to reach out!

Thank you for reading!

[toboldlygohome]

My Hero

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Summary: When a ground mission goes south, it's up to you to make sure the doctor makes it back safe and sound.

Character(s): Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Spock

Warning(s): Violence, Wounds, Cursing, Mild Suggestive Themes, McCoy Complaining

To say things weren't going well would be the understatement of the century. It was supposed to be an easy mission, but that's always how these stories start, huh?

The scanners indicated a series of underground caverns, ones that appeared artificial. Ruins that the archaeology department just couldn't go without exploring. Scanners also claimed there were no life forms within these caverns. The scanners were wrong.

You were the head of security aboard the USS Enterprise. As such, it was your duty to ensure the safety of the crew and perform a risk assessment. Chief Medical Officer McCoy joined you to run some scans, testing for biohazards that would put the ship at risk. Also accompanying you were two other security officers, two engineers to check the structural integrity of the tunnels, a biology officer, and an archaeology officer.

Once the entrance was found, your team discovered that the caverns were actually a sprawling ancient city built in a massive cave system. You also discovered that your communicators weren't working the deeper you traversed the city. If only that were the end of your worries. Two hours into the excursion, a loud echo of rubble falling came from the direction of the entrance. And if that wasn't enough, you were swiftly and brutally attacked by a sizable group of strangers who must have been using the city as a hideout.

In the pandemonium that followed, part of the ceiling came down and cut you off from the rest of the team. It was just you and Dr. McCoy, lost in a labyrinth of ancient ruins and unmapped caves. The doctor was a smart man, a man you greatly respected, a man you were proud to call a friend (for the most part). But he was the last person you would want to be trapped underground with. Complaints came to him as easily as breathing and with every wrong turn, his agitation only grew worse.

"I can't believe this, we just had to explore the underground city and for what? What could we possibly gain from coming down here?" Leonard grumbled.

"Knowledge about a lost civilization? Insight into what it takes for an intelligent species to naturally go extinct?" You suggested as you led him deeper into the city, careful to avoid any traps the armed strangers might have set for you.

"Who cares?! This place is a deathtrap, a goddamned asthma attack waiting to happen! We had no business sticking our nose where it didn't belong, and where did it get us?! I'll tell ya where! Trapped miles underground with an armada of murderous cave dwellers, with no way of contacting the ship!"

"Why don't you complain a little louder doctor, I can still hear myself think. And while you're at it, how about you go ahead and alert all our enemies to our exact location." You snapped, keeping your voice down despite the frustration.

Leonard huffed and looked away from you.

"Look..." You sighed, "I know this situation sucks, but losing our heads isn't going to get us out of here. I'm doing everything in my power to find our team and get back to the ship. I need you to have a little faith in me for once. Can you manage that?" You asked as calmly as possible.

"What the hell do you mean, for once?" Leonard frowned.

You hesitated, unsure if you really wanted to open that can of worms, but he had already worn down your patience. You gave in. "Come on Doctor, it's no secret you have zero trust in me as the Chief Security Officer."

"That's not-"

"There's no point in denying it now. I mean, all you ever do is criticize my work and admonish me for being reckless." You stated cooly, keeping your eyes fixed on the path before you.

"Well, what do you expect me to do when you come back from half your missions with cuts and bruises?" McCoy groused.

"I expect you to do your job and heal me, not tell me how to do mine. I'm a security officer, Injuries are par for the course I'm afraid."

"Doesn't mean you have to throw caution to the wind every chance you get. You volunteer for every single dangerous situation you can find and act surprised when it goes wrong! Seriously, it's like you and Jim have this intense, cosmic desire to play the goddamned hero and be a general pain in my ass. Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe seeing you like that bothers me?"

"You know what bothers me doctor?" You turned to look at him. "The fact that I have undergone rigorous self defense training in four kinds of martial arts, various forms of aerial combat, tech weapons, as well as training in tracking, risk assessment, reconnaissance, and mediation; yet, you still think so lowly of me as an officer that you think I'm the type of person who throws caution to the wind. I'm not careless, I don't take unnecessary risks. I want to live for a long time, but more than that, I want you and the crew to live for a long time. If that means I get bumped around every so often, that's fine by me. Of course I volunteer for all the missions. I'm the Chief Security Officer. If I wasn't the most qualified person for the job, I wouldn't be the CSO." An unreadable expression passed over Leonard's face as you spoke. "Now I'm going to do what I came down here for, and you're just going to have to be okay with that because I don't know what else I can say to get you to believe in me."

A muscle feathered in Leonard's jaw as you turned around and started walking again. The two of you had your fair share of lighthearted quarreling before, but you had never been so... angry at him.

You were right of course, danger was a part of your job and it wasn't fair of him to criticize you for being dedicated. The ship has known a lot less casualties since you arrived. In fact, your presence has made his job easier. But every time you returned to the ship battered and bleeding, Leonard grew more afraid that next time you wouldn't come back at all.

Bones had allowed his feelings for you to get in the way of his professionalism, and if your reaction was anything to go by, perhaps even your friendship as well.

You normally got along quite well. You'd share meals during breaks and join him after hours for a drink. Leonard always found it strange you never talked about your work with him, but he always chalked it up to you just needing a break from your job. Instead you both talked about your hobbies, plans for the future, memories from the past, pretty much anything and everything but your job. The only times you ever had disagreements were when you came back hurt after a mission. He always assumed you understood that his comments about your recklessness came from a place of care and concern. In retrospect, it was a stupid thing to assume.

Leonard needed to apologize, to clear up this terrible misunderstanding before your resentment grew into something unfixable.

"Y/N, I'm-"

"Shh-" You froze and held your hand up, signaling him to stop.

Leonard froze as well. Everything was quiet... too quiet. His eyes darted to you. Your hands inched toward your phaser like you were anticipating an attack he had yet to detect. You stayed that way for a few moments, eyes darting this way and that. Eventually, you relaxed your shoulders and turned back to Bones with a finger to your lips. Leonard nodded and you were both on your way again.

He had never seen you in action before. In all the time you had been on the ship together, he'd never had the pleasure of seeing first hand how you dealt with a crisis on foreign soil. He could see now how you had made such a difference. You were level-headed and confident. Even after your little spat, you were doing your job to keep him safe so diligently. Bones also noticed how quiet you were. If you weren't right in front of him, he might not have even known you were there. He watched as you expertly avoided shuffling your feet and kicking rocks. He made sure to step where you were stepping, or at least he tried to.

Leonard felt the ground give under his feet and he instantly knew he fucked up.

"God dam- AHHH!" Something snapped tight around his ankle and he hit the ground hard. Leonard felt the wind being abruptly pushed from his lungs and he couldn't decide what scared him more, the rope dragging him across the ground to god knows where, or the fact he couldn't catch his breath.

"Shit!" You gasped and pulled out your phaser. "Leonard, hold on!" You sprinted after him and shot at the rope, but it was hard to hit such a small target. Then you saw his destination. There was a massive ravine at the end of the chamber. No time for thinking.

You planted your feet firmly on the ground and aimed at the rope. You clenched your jaw hard and shot.

The beam flew.

Leonard watched the light sever the rope, just in time!

He came skidding to a stop right at the lip of the cliff.

Bones was lost in a daze of adrenaline, but luckily you had the presence of mind to drag him back.

"Doctor? Len, are you okay?" You crouched beside him and took his face in your hands.

"Just peachy! What the hell happened?!" Bones groaned and sat up, with your assistance of course.

"Looks like you activated a trap, doc." You frowned.

"How's my back?" He winced.

"You got some skid marks, but it looks like your uniform did a pretty good job protecting you. I think you'll live." You said gently. Leonard administered a hypospray to himself and you helped him up.

Looking down in the chasm, you shook your head and huffed. "Looks like we're gonna have to find another way down. Why don't you take a breather and I'll look around?"

"Breather my ass," Leonard grumbled, "You just want me out of the way so I don't step on any more goddamned traps."

"Hey, you said it. Not me," You joked.

"At least have the courtesy to deny it!" He scoffed.

You laughed and handed him your communicator, "Here, yours got all busted during your tumble. Keep trying to get in contact with the Enterprise and I'll be back before you know it. Just don't touch anything. Think you can handle that?"

"Just get out of here before I schedule all your vaccinations for tomorrow." He scowled and fiddled with the communicator.

You snickered and went on your way.

Leonard grumbled to himself as he tried to get a signal. Dammit, he was a doctor! Not an engineer! After ten minutes of nothing, he huffed and ran a hand over his face. It was no use, they were in too deep. Their only hope of rescue would be that the captain realized something was off and sent a team after them.

In the meantime, he was at least happy to have some alone time with you-

"I think I found a way down," you said, startling the doctor so badly he almost jumped out of his skin.

"Dammit Y/L/N," He stood and dusted off his rear end, "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"You say that like it's a difficult thing to accomplish," you smirked.

"You're hilarious. Why are we going down anyway, isn't that the opposite of what we want to do?" Leonard scowled.

"Down is the only direction left to go. It's not ideal, but it's all we have. I also heard talking coming from the bottom of that chasm. It's not in a language I understand, which means it's likely the cave dwellers. If they're hanging out down there, it probably means there's a path that loops back around. We'll have to keep quiet though, don't want them to know we're following."

Leonard's heart betrayed him and decided to start beating faster of its own accord. Sure, he found it really attractive when you showed off your intelligence. Of course he thought it was enticing when you spoke confidently, like the universe bowed to your whim. Did that mean he wanted to be spellbound by your endless charisma in such a dire situation? Hell, maybe he did. He wasn't even sure anymore...

"Sound good, doctor?"

He thought back to your... conversation about him having no faith in you. "Sounds great. Lead the way," he replied.

~~~

The path down was thin and arduous. The stairs could hardly be considered stairs anymore. It was more like a damp slide made of mineral buildup. Leonard was also beginning to realize he needed to do some more intense leg workouts. There was an exercise routine that all crew members were required to follow. But regardless of the shape he was in, his ass was burning! Time to up the incline on the treadmill.

You, however, were doing just fine. Not a single slip in the wet terrain. He could tell you were moving slower to keep Leonard from falling behind, which was only slightly embarrassing.

At the bottom of the ancient waterslide, there was a pool of questionable depth. Leonard cursed under his breath. The water was dark and so was everything else, even with their flashlights. They could walk right into a 400 foot drop and they wouldn't even know it. At least the waterfall flowing nearby would mostly drown out their screams.

You turned to Leonard and held your hand out to him. Thank god it was dark, you would have seen his face light up like the fourth of July! His blush only grew when you leaned in close to his ear. "Stay close. We're gonna take it slow," you whispered. He nodded and grasped your hand tight.

You waded into the freezing water and pulled McCoy along with you. Taking careful, controlled steps forward, you searched the floor for holes. The two of you moved at a snail's pace, but Leonard hardly cared. Better to be slow and steady than fast and... reckless.

You suddenly stopped, causing McCoy's chest to slam into your back. You flailed, teetering on some unseen edge. You tried to push him back, but Leonard's arms found your waist and pulled you into him.

"Dammit. Are you okay?"

"Peachy," you huffed. "Found a hole.''

"I figured," he slowly let go and tried to peer into the water. He saw nothing but darkness. Terrifying. God damned terrifying.

"How good are you at swimming?" you asked.

"Good when I can see where I'm going."

"Want to brave the waters, or go around?"

"I'd rather not have my pants and my shirt wet if I can help it."

"Go around it is."

Turns out the hole was huge. It took a long time to trace the perimeter, but eventually you ended up on the other side. You were both dripping and freezing, but at least you weren't drowning victims. Always look on the bright side.

Once you cleared the roar of the waterfall, it was back to silence. The alien voices were getting louder and louder with each step. Leonard wouldn't be surprised if they stumbled on a gaggle of them just around the corner. You kept your phaser in hand just in case. Leonard had his out as well... but he was a doctor, not a gunslinger.

The path slowly grew more steep, traveling upward like a real-life stairway to heaven. Huh... They had to go down... to go up... Leonard wondered why anyone would design a path this way. The corridor ended in a sharp turn, which you had the presence of mind to investigate before barreling in like you owned the place. There was an alcove with five unknown people of indiscernible origin. The one thing you were sure of was that they were not Human, Vulcan, Romulan, Ferengi, Klingon, or Andorian. In fact, these guys had four arms each, so you were able to rule out a great deal of species.

Normally, you would turn around and find a different route, but this was the only way forward. Leonard watched as you checked to ensure your phaser was on the stun setting. Nope, he did not like this one bit. What if you missed?! Were you really going to take on five people at once? He grabbed your arm and shook his head. You frowned and leaned into his ear once again. "There's no other way. I don't like it either... Stay back."

McCoy reluctantly did as you said. You outranked him. He didn't really have a choice. You stepped out from around the corner and shot off exactly five blasts. The doctor didn't see the beams make contact, but he did see the aftermath and... goddamn...

"Shit, darlin'," he placed his hands on his hips as he glanced over the room. "Remind me never to piss you off."

You holstered your phaser. "We should keep going... Could you give them a scan, doctor? Just to make sure I didn't... you know."

"Say no more, I'll have this done in a jiffy."

You snorted, "jiffy?"

"Don't even start."

"Adorable," you smiled and started collecting the weapons that had been haphazardly strewn on the floor.

McCoy nearly dropped his scanner.

'Come on man, get yourself together! You're a doctor for crying out loud! Act like one!'

Leonard shook his head of all thoughts regarding the implications of your one-word compliment. Instead, he focused on the readings of the scan. Oh, looks like these people are Kaviran. Kavirans are an endangered species of nomadic planet-hoppers. They're increasingly rare to find, no wonder he didn't know who they were at a glance. All five of them seemed to be in good health.

"I reckon they'll be just fine," Leonard stood and attempted to dust off his pants. It just smeared in like mud because the fabric was still damp.

"I reckon we better be on our way then," you smirked. While he was working, you hid the weapons... somewhere. Leonard was so caught up in the scans that he didn't see where you stashed them.

Leonard trailed behind you once again, but you had picked up the pace. He wasn't complaining per se, the sooner you got out of here, the better. The hard thing was realizing just how tired he was. What time was it? How long had they been down here? Surely Jim had noticed something was off by now!

McCoy cursed under his breath and pulled out your communicator he borrowed earlier... still no signal.

"Damn useless hunk of junk," the doctor grumbled.

"Still nothing?"

"Nothing. Seriously, what's the point in carrying these things around if they never work when you need them to?"

You nodded in agreement. "At least this might push Starfleet to do an overhaul of our coms technology. We needed one, like... yesterday," you chuckled.

"You can say that again... And while they're at it, they can update our ship's scanners. This place was supposed to be empty, remember?" McCoy raised an eyebrow.

"I'll be sure to put it in my report, along with a request for waterproof shoes," you grinned back at him.

"You know, I could go for a hot shower right about now," Leonard hummed.

"Head out of the clouds please, doctor."

"My head is currently as far from the clouds as it could possibly be. I'm 2,576 meters underground."

"Where'd you pull that number from?" you chuckled.

"My ass," he grumbled.

"That sounds very unsanitary, doc."

"Well, I would have pulled it out of my medical bag, but I lost it during the cave-in."

"Oh yeah, I thought you were missing somethi- Wait... where did you get the hypo from?" you turned to look at him.

"Hypo?" he asked.

"When you got caught in the trap, you gave yourself a hypospray to help with the pain. Where did you get it from?" you asked incredulously.

"Sweetheart, a good doctor always keeps a backup in his pocket. Especially when you've been a field medic as long as I have," Leonard said.

"And how long is that?" you chuckled.

"Never ask a man his age," Leonard winked. His eyes were probably playing tricks on him... but he could have swore he saw you blush. You turned away before he could confirm his suspicions.

"I'll just look it up in your file later," you teased.

"Isn't that a breach of conduct?" the doctor huffed.

"I'll be evaluating a security risk."

"Security risk?"

"Absolutely. Can't have a dinosaur operating on the crew~"

"We're the same age, smart-ass."

"Damn, doctor. You look good for your age." You turned and winked back at him.

Now it was Leonard's turn to be flustered. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times like a fish out of water, unable to form a sentence that would make even a lick of sense. McCoy finally settled on rolling his eyes and turning his attention to the cave walls. You just laughed and faced forward again.

With how you were acting, Leonard could almost believe things were normal, that he was not hundreds of feet underground. He could almost believe he was back on the Enterprise, playing darts with you in the recreation room... He could almost believe everything was okay between you.

He had been feeling it since, have a little faith in me for once, fell from your lips. McCoy had been a doctor for years, he knew what bedside manner looked like. You were trying to keep him at ease, pretending everything was fine... but it wasn't. The jokes... the smiles... they were all just tools for de-escalation. He thought through what he had said earlier about you coming back with all the cuts and bruises. He meant what he said, it does bother him... But it wasn't what he wanted to say.

He wanted to tell you that he trusts you, that he always will. He wanted to say that... that you're the bravest person he's ever met. He wanted to take it all back. Instead of calling you reckless, he should have said that seeing you in pain hurts him more than any physical wound he'd ever had.

He should have said, I'm sorry...

He could do it now. Was now the right time? When is it appropriate to apologize? When was it not? God, Leonard was such a mess. Why was it so hard to just say sorry?! It wasn't his pride getting in the way! If it was, he wouldn't even be able to admit any wrongdoing! 'Just say it you bastard! Tell them! It's on the tip of your tongue!'

"Y/N?"

"Yes, doctor?"

He didn't have time to speak. A deep, aggressive tone echoed down the dripping cave halls. It sounded like... a war horn? You turned back to look in the direction you just came from with a grave expression.

"Len, you're gonna have to hold that thought."

~~~

He couldn't quite remember when he started running, but down the narrow passage he flew, stumbling occasionally over uneven terrain. The wind screamed in his ears. Leonard was sure he had never run so fast in his life. You were right behind him, letting him set the pace, never passing him by. He wasn't sure how long he had been going for, but his lungs burned and his legs shook with every stride. He could stand for hours during surgery, but running nonstop through a cave was a whole different ballgame for him.

Leonard could hear yelling and heavy footfalls, but was unsure of which direction they were coming from. Were they being followed, or were they running into a trap? He found his answer soon enough when he skidded to a halt in front of twenty Kavirans... twenty-one actually. Then, when he thought the situation couldn't get any worse, the five Kavirans you left behind in the tunnel came up from the rear. You were boxed in. Two against twenty-six.

You pulled McCoy behind you, phaser poised to shoot at a moment's notice. It wouldn't do him much good when the cave-dwellers decided to attack, but he appreciated the sentiment.

"Humans. Lower your weapons and you will be left unharmed." One of the Kavirans said in gurgly English.

"I will not lower my weapon until your colleagues all do the same." You said cooly.

"To make this stand would be foolish. Lower your weapon," the Kaviran you assumed was the leader reiterated.

"It is against policy to lower my weapon until I have ensured the safety of the crew in my care."

"You attacked our people in our own home. You are in no place to bargain."

"You attacked us unprovoked shortly after we arrived. If we had known this place was occupied, we would have left it alone. We were on a scientific excursion. There was no intent to do you any harm-"

"And yet, five of my people have been ambushed." The leader gestured with one of his four hands to the slightly disoriented aliens behind you.

"I have no desire to fight you. Let us pass and we will leave you in peace." You seemed to realize it at the same time Leonard did. Discussion was futile. They wanted to kill you while putting in the least amount of effort possible. If you had no weapon to fight back with, what threat could you possibly pose?

"Lower your weapon," the leader scowled.

Leonard watched your shoulders tense. You raised your chin and narrowed your eyes at the Kaviran. "Doctor?" you said.

"What is it, Y/L/N?" Leonard clenched his jaw.

"Duck."

It took him a whole three-fourths of a second to register what you were asking of him, then he hit the deck.

You Immediately opened fire, taking down six Kavirans in a matter of seconds. You missed the seventh when your wrist was seized by one of the alien's long sticks, which clamped around your arm like the jaw of a beast and flipped you onto your back. You wrenched the stick out of his hand and snapped the shin of the guy beside you.

A heavy boot just barely missed your head. You ripped the weapon from your arm and swiped it under the legs of the assailant, driving your elbow into his ribs when he hit the ground.

Someone is on you. It's a mess of limbs. Four arms to your two. Your fist rattles his jaw. Once. Twice. Again.

He's on his back, your legs straddling his stomach as you wail on him. Four hands are on your shoulders. You grab two by the wrist and twist them out with a disgusting crunch.

Something burns in your shoulder as you stand. Leonard is on the ground, clawing at an alien's eyes with one hand, reaching for his phaser with the other. You grab the Kaviran by her hair and rearrange her face with your fist.

You're blinded by a sharp pain in your temple and the sound of phaser blasts barely breaks through the ringing. Bracing yourself on a rock, you catch your breath, but only for a second. A dodge, you grab the alien's stick and clock him in the stomach, then lock him in a choke hold with it. His four arms out-maneuver yours and the weapon is pulled from your hands.

Two more guys join in. A scramble for power ensues. You endure a barrage of punches. These guys are relying on arms. You force one into the wall with your shoulder and catch another in the spine with your foot.

Heavy breathing.

Shots are ringing out. The caves are dark and the only light is from the phaser, the laser guns, and the abandoned flashlights being kicked around the cave floor in the chaos.

The rest is over and your forehead clashes with an alien skull. Your side rips open on a rock as you fall to the ground, but you don't stay down for long. You decide to go for a new tactic, less hitting, more kicking.

One of them goes for a punch, you block with your forearm and bring your knee to her side before planting a swift kick to the face. The caves echo the sound of grunts and groans, fists and feet hitting flesh, and gunfire. You don't know where your phaser is, but you could really use it right about now.

Your eyes are starting to swell and everyone is starting to tire. You're relieved to see Leonard taking cover behind a rock column. You take another down, then another. Leonard is under heavy fire. If you can get the gunmen off him, then he will be free to stun the others into submission.

You run for the first gunman and surprise him with three well placed kicks, the other fires on you and misses miserably. You reward him with a broken nose and a dirt nap.

Your attention is occupied by four Kavirans, who lunge at you all at once. You're overpowered by the strength of their doubled limbs. One is holding down your arms, two more have subdued your powerful legs, and the last is destroying your face. You manage to yank one arm free to land a few hits on your main attacker, but it doesn't last long. Four hands are crushing your neck and-

Silence.

They all slump to the floor.

You lay there, too tired to fight the dead weight of the alien on top of you.

It wasn't until Leonard appeared like an angel sent from the heavens, that you finally remembered how to breathe. He pushed the guy off you and cradled your bloody face in his hands.

"Y/N? Darlin', can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear, doc," your voice came out as a dry rasp.

McCoy pulled a hypo from his pocket. "That's really good sweetheart, can you tell me where the pain is?"

"Everywhere hurts. My legs are sore, but I can walk. My head and my ribs feel the worst. Something is definitely broken." you cleared your throat.

"I'm thinkin' you're right... any numbness?"

"Yeah, some down my right arm and near my ribs and chest." you gestured with your slightly-less-injured left arm.

"Nerve damage, nothing I can do about that until we're back on the ship," Bones hung his head and sighed in defeat. That was when you noticed a small stream of blood trickling down the side of his face. You reached up and tenderly tried to brush it away with your thumb, but you only managed to smear it.

"You're hurt... I'm sorry-" you started.

"I'm hurt?! You-" Leonard's voice betrayed him. Doctors were supposed to exude a sense of calm, but he just couldn't keep it in this time. "You're laying here in a pool of your own blood and you're worried about me?!"

"Has anyone ever told you that you have incredible bedside manner?" you winced and tried to sit up, but he pushed you back down.

"Don't. You. Even. Dare," he narrowed his eyes at you, pulled out his tri-corder, and snatched one of the rogue flashlights from the floor. The scan results made him want to rip his hair out. Your whole body was basically covered in one big bruise. Five broken ribs, a broken nose, several major lacerations, laser wounds, and a massive concussion. That wasn't even close to all of it, but one thing at a time.

He injected you with his last spare hypospray. Leonard really wished he had his goddamned kit right about now. The gashes in your side needed to be closed somehow. You were losing too much blood with the wound open like that. No auto-suture, no thread and needle, no bandages. There was only one option. Cauterization.

"Stay," Leonard ordered before grabbing a laser off of a fallen Kaviran and one of the metal sticks from the floor. The doctor blasted the end of the rod until it was red-hot and settled beside you again.

"That doesn't look fun," you pursed your lips.

"It won't be. It's going to hurt... a lot," Bones said.

"Great," you huffed and leaned back into the dirt.

"Lucky for you, Spock gave me some good practice with this method a few years ago. It'll be quick, I promise," he tried to reassure you.

"Yeah, yeah. Just get it over with, please."

"Deep breath in," Leonard whispered soothingly. You squeezed your eyes shut and did as he asked. He peeled back your red shirt and pressed the scorching metal to your skin before he could second guess himself. The sounds of agony you made were torture to his ears. The seconds felt like hours, but eventually the screams fell away to quiet shivers and pants.

McCoy used his sleeve to wipe away some of the blood on your abdomen. No new blood replaced it, meaning he successfully closed it! "All done, sweetheart. No more..." He tossed the rod away and held your face in his soft hands again.

"Well..." you caught your breath. "That wasn't so bad... I don't suppose you have any water in those magical pockets of yours?" you asked hopefully.

"I'm afraid not," McCoy's eyes softened when they fell on you.

"It's fine, maybe I can ring out my pants and drink the water from our little swim earlier..." you joked.

Leonard sighed and shook his head, "Darlin', you are a force to be reckoned with..." He brought the cuff of his uniform to your cheek and tenderly wiped away whatever blood he could. Your face was swelling around the Orbital and Zygomatic regions. He could see it in your eyes... you were in a lot of pain and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it. His med-kit was miles away, somewhere under several feet of debris.

"Where's my phaser?" you lifted your head, but he gently urged you back down.

"Easy there tiger, take a breather. I'll find it," McCoy groaned as he stood up. The hypo he used earlier for his back was starting to wear off. He must have been down here a lot longer than he realized.

The doctor scoured the floor for your phaser, but everything was so dark and his flashlight was getting low on power. After close to five minutes of searching, he swiped one of the enemy's lasers from the floor and brought it back to you. "Sorry, I know you aren't a fan of deadly weapons, but this is all we got."

You took a deep, shaky breath and forced yourself into a sitting position. "Let's hope I don't have to use it then..." you winced and placed the weapon in your holster. "We should get moving. These guys aren't gonna stay down for long."

Leonard nodded and brought your left arm around his shoulder, bracing your waist with his gentle hands. "Alright, up we go... Easy, easy. That was only a temporary fix back there..." he whispered. Slowly, Dr. McCoy eased you into a standing position. Almost immediately, your vision swam and your body sank against his.

"Oh..." you muttered, closing your eyes against the spinning room.

"Y/N? Talk to me. What are you feeling?"

"This is a bad concussion... the worst I've had. I feel like I'm sideways, standing on the wall instead of the floor."

"Okay, try taking a step for me."

You opened your eyes and took a step forward, but your upper body swayed to the side, attempting to account for the imaginary tilt. You probably would've fallen on your face if McCoy weren't there to catch you.

"Well, darlin' I gotta hand it to you. If you were any more off-center, you'd be the damned tower of Pisa"

"Leave me here... you need to go and find the others. I'll just slow you down."

"Out of the question. If the roles were switched, would you leave me behind?" McCoy raised his eyebrow disapprovingly.

"That's differen-"

"You and I both know that's a load of hooey. I'm not leaving you. End of story. Now sit here for a minute, while I figure something out."

You begrudgingly sat down on a rock, with Leonard's help of course, and watched as he paced for a few moments. You supposed he must have come up with something, because he stole a scarf from one of the aliens and started tying it around himself in various ways. You eventually decided to close your eyes. While you always enjoyed looking at the handsome doctor, your sense of vertigo was making it rather unbearable.

"Alright, I've got a plan, but it won't feel too good on your ribs."

"Great..." you mumbled, keeping your eyes shut.

"I'll try to be gentle-"

"I know Len... We're short on options and you're doing your best. It'll be okay... I trust you, " you offered him a smile. His heart did back-flips in his chest and it took everything in him not to tell you he loved you right then and there! Instead, he wrapped the scarf around you, hoping the extra support would make it easier to carry you long distance.

"Okay darlin', I'm gonna pick you up now... Is that okay?"

"I'm ready, go ahead," you said.

The moment your chest made contact with his back, you felt a wave of nausea-inducing pain all through your body. You pressed your face into his shoulder and tried not to make any noise. Leonard hoisted you up, hands clutching your thighs.

"How're you doing back there?" Leonard turned his head so you could hear him.

"Been better..." you managed. "Let's get moving doc, before I throw up on you or something."

"Wouldn't want that, would we?" he started walking away from the carnage at a brisk pace. His back was screaming at him, but he had no intention of putting you down. You winced at every sharp movement, so he tried to keep all shaking or bouncing to a minimum.

The path was tortuously uphill, with a few straightaways between that gave him some reprieve. Eventually, the cave walls gave way to carved buildings. The flashlight he had attached to his shirt was growing dimmer, so he was thankful for the more predictable pattern of the ancient roadways. All was quiet except for the shuffling of feet and running water. That was, until you spoke up.

"Hey Leonard?" you whispered. Your hot breath caused Bones to shiver.

"Yeah? What is it, do you need a break?" he asked

He felt you nod against his shoulder. You must be exhausted. Fatigue was common with concussions. He just needed to make sure you stayed awake until he could get you into a bio-bed.

"Just hold on a little bit longer, I think I hear a stream up ahead. Maybe we can get you that water you were asking for, huh?" he suggested.

You nodded again.

McCoy picked up the pace a little and started following the sound of the water. As luck would have it, they found what must have once been a beautiful fountain. Over the years, the water pouring from the ceiling ate away at whatever carving had been there. The fountain was now nothing more than a circular pool being fed by a small waterfall, but presentation matters not when you're as thirsty as a riverbed in a drought.

Leonard eased you onto the lip of the pool and leaned you back against a stone structure that probably used to be a retaining wall. He sat the scarf to the side and pulled out his tri-corder again. A quick scan informed him that the water was safe to drink. McCoy washed his mitts in the basin before cupping them under the waterfall. Once full, he brought them to your lips and urged you to drink.

He did this a few times until you seemed satisfied, only then did he allow himself a few sips. Bones stretched out his legs and cursed under his breath. His whole body felt like lead. He was sure you were enjoying the break too. That pressure on your chest must have been terrible, even with the medicine dulling the pain. Yet, you never complained. Not even once. He wished you would lean on him, let him give you some comfort. Instead, you were probably bracing for him to make some unsolicited comments about you and your work.

Leonard was pulled from his reverie when you tilted toward the water with the intent to cleanse yourself of the caked on blood. Your face contorted in discomfort and you pressed back against the wall. You took a moment to collect yourself and tried again, but McCoy stopped you with a soothing squeeze of the shoulder. "Let me do it..."

"Leonard, you don't-"

"You took down the quad-armed madmen, now it's my turn. You did your part... Let me do mine." He peered at you with those gorgeous hazel eyes and you were powerless to refuse. You nodded and leaned your head back against the rock.

He knelt in front of you and took your hands into his. Leonard's palms were soft and tender... the hands of a healer. Yours were bloody and busted and callused. You weren't sure it should be legal for you to touch someone like him. He didn't bend you toward the water. Instead, he got his hands wet and wiped away the stains using slow, circular motions. The cold water felt nice against the scrapes on your knuckles.

Bones was always gentle with you, even if he wasn't pleased with you. To be honest, it was one of the things you most looked forward to when you got back from a long mission. Amidst all the uncertainties in the universe, the one thing you could always count on was Leonard. You could count on a southern metaphor and a few well-placed medical jokes to keep you from falling apart at the seams. His smile, his voice, his touch... they were your anchor.

He should have left you behind. He probably would have made it to safety by now, but he was stubborn as a mule. No amount of arguing would shake him when his mind was made up. You couldn't decide whether you loved that about him or hated it.

You loved it, of course you did... You loved everything about him. No point in denying it now. You needed him safe, not here taking care of you.

"Leonard, I need you to do something for me..." you said.

"What is it, sweetheart?" he whispered in that drawl you loved so much.

"I need you to go and find the others," you murmured, peering at him through half-lidded eyes.

His hands ceased all movement and he looked at you with an ambivalent expression... the one he always wore when he was about to scold you. You sighed and braced for the impact.

"Are you out of your mind? I can't leave you here! It's not safe!" he furrowed his brows at you.

"That's exactly why I need you to go. I've put you in danger long enough. I'm not getting any better Leonard, I'm slowing you down."

"I'm not leaving," he glared at your hands as he washed them.

"Why do you always have to do this?" your voice shook.

Leonard froze.

"Why can't you just trust me? I'm trying to keep you safe! I've become a detriment to your survival. You have to leave me. Please. Just one time... I don't want to argue anymore... I just want you to live... I love you, dammit!" Tears carved a path through your bloodstained face.

Leonard's throat burned as he struggled not to cry. You meant it... He could see it in your eyes, hear it in the desperation in your voice. You were at your breaking point. The cool and confident Y/N was gone. He couldn't be a coward anymore. It was time to just come out and say it. But when he tried, all that came out was a remorseful croak. No. He had to show you.

Bones cradled the sides of your face in his hands and pressed his lips against yours. His body moved of its own accord, desperate to get closer. His breath hitched when your fingers snaked into his hair, your touch sent a wave of goosebumps down his arms. The kiss was clumsy, full of bumping foreheads and clashing noses in the dark. But despite the messiness of it all, he wanted nothing more than this moment to last forever.

The eagerness slowly melted into soft, slow kisses. Finally, Leonard pulled away, eyes swimming with regret. His thumbs brushed over your cheeks. His lips quivered on the edge of speaking.

"I can't leave you... I can't do it... I trust you... I don't think you're reckless, or foolhardy, or whatever else I've said through the years. You're a hero! My hero, and I think you're incredible at everything you do. You're the best damned CSO we've ever had on the Enterprise and I should have been tellin' you that all along," McCoy shook his head. "I'm sorry I led you to believe I thought you were anything less than perfect... I love you, Y/N... Don't ask me to leave you behind..." he pleaded.

McCoy's breath caught in his throat when you lightly grabbed his wrist. His eyes glinted off the ever-dimming flashlight, giving the illusion that stars were suspended within.

Your attention darted over to his hands... his impossibly soft hands. You allowed yourself the privilege of intertwining your fingers with his.

"Y/N?"

"Have I ever told you that you have beautiful hands?" You murmured tiredly.

"Can't say you have..." he whispered breathlessly.

"Well, you do... You've held my life in them so many times... You're my hero too..." you hummed and closed your eyes. You brushed your slightly-chapped lips over his knuckles, making Leonard melt to the core.

"Y/N..."

"It looks like we've reached an impasse... I love you too much to let you stay... You love me too much to leave..." You murmured against his fingers.

"Then I guess it's time we came up with a compromise..." Leonard whispered. You opened your mouth to respond, but an unexpected voice took you both by surprise.

"That is incorrect doctor, no compromise will be needed."

You had your laser out in a matter of seconds and Leonard had his flashlight aimed at the stranger. In the dim lighting, you could see that the person wasn't actually a stranger. It was Spock!

"What the- What- Spock?! How long have you been standing there?!" McCoy bellowed.

"Since you informed Commander Y/L/N that you love them," Spock raised an eyebrow and stepped closer.

"Dammit, Spock! Why didn't you say something?!"

"I felt it would be rude to interrupt-"

"Nevermind that. I need you to go get a stretcher and bring it here! Y/N is badly injured!" Instead of leaving like Bones expected, Spock pulled out his communicator. "Spock, that thing doesn't work down he-"

"Spock to field team. I need a stretcher at my location. I have left a trail for you to follow. Yes. Yes, I will inform them," the Vulcan closed his communicator and resumed his signature resting pose with his hands behind his back, "The medical team is on their way here with a stretcher and supplies."

"Now the communicator works!" Leonard threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Have you found the rest of the crew?" You asked, hope evident in your tired voice.

"Your team all made it out alive, Commander. Minimal injuries. They were placed under heavy surveillance, likely with the intention to sell our officers in an underground market. They managed to escape when a horn sounded. Several Kavirans left to investigate, leaving only two guards. Security officers Lewis and Elfan dispatched them quickly and led the others to safety. By the time they made it back to the entrance, rescue personnel had blasted their way in. They are resting in the medbay as we speak."

You released a sigh of relief and sagged against the stone. You could finally breathe easy knowing your team was alright. "Thank you, Spock."

"How far are we from the surface?" McCoy asked.

"2.414 kilometers," Spock replied.

"A mile and a half?! We were almost there?!"

"No doctor, you were going in the wrong direction. It is fortunate I found you when I did."

McCoy shot him a glare and returned his attention to you. "How are you feeling sweetheart? Do you need anything?"

"I need a nap..." you tried to smile.

"You can have one when we get back to the Enterprise. Think you can hold on a bit longer for me?"

"For you doc, I'd do anything," you winked.

Leonard blushed and smiled. "You're damn near ready to pass out and you're trying to make me weak in the knees~"

"You say that like it's a difficult thing to accomplish, doctor..." you whispered and shivered. The loss of blood had taken down your body temperature by a significant amount.

McCoy settled beside you on the floor, hissing as his scraped back made contact with the cool stone. You tucked yourself into his side and snickered.

"What?" he frowned.

"You smell terrible," you smirked back.

"Then why are you moving closer to me?"

"I'm hoping if I sit close to you, you'll kiss me again~" you joked.

Leonard didn't dare look at the Vulcan standing a few feet away. He didn't look at you either. He just sat there, practically steaming from the embarrassment.

"It was a joke, doctor," you teased.

Bones let out a sigh of relief.

"Jeez, don't sound too disappointed," You laughed and winced as a jolt ran through your ribs.

"you wanna kiss me that bad?" he asked.

"I've only been wanting to for like... a year," you shrugged.

He leaned close, his lips ghosted over your ear. "Don't worry darlin'. Once you're all healed up, you can have me all to yourself..." he drawled in a whisper.

Your face lit up like a wildfire. You were amazed at how quickly he had turned the tables on you...

At least you weren't cold anymore.

~~~

It took thirty minutes for the medical team to arrive with a stretcher and thirty more minutes to exit the cave. Almost as soon as the moonlight hit your face, you were beamed up onto the ship. You barely had a second to greet the Captain before you and Leonard were whisked away to the medbay. Due to the injuries McCoy sustained during his time underground, he was not permitted to operate on you. Dr. M'Benga took wonderful care of you and within the week, they allowed you to rest in your own room.

Leonard made regular house calls and sat by your side most nights after his shift. He was determined to help you make a swift recovery.

You watched him out of the corner of your eye, admiring the shadows his tousled brown hair was casting on his face. The doctor was trying not to doze off and failing miserably. It was a mesmerizing sight.

"You're staring, Darlin'," he murmured and peeked an eye open at you.

"Stop being so pretty and I'll stop staring," you shrugged. He rolled his eyes, but the blush gave him away. For his sake, you decided to change the subject. "You know, doctor... I never said thank you."

"Thank me? for what?" he asked.

"For saving my life..."

"You don't need to-"

"I do. It's not easy... your job, I mean. People like me, the fighters, get all the spotlight, but you put yourself on the line... carried me to safety. I saved your life once... You've saved mine... I don't even know how many times," your eyes softened. "Thank you for everything... "

Leonard stared at you for a moment before leaning in and kissing you softly. A sentry and a surgeon. The ultimate pair. After years of dancing around each other, you finally gave in.

Your doctor pulled away with a lazy grin and tucked your head under his chin. "There you go again, wooing me with your endless charisma."

"Says the man who's filled to the brim with southern charm."

"At least I don't use my charm as a means to get what I want."

"How else was I supposed to get your attention with you falling asleep over there?~"

"You could have asked nicely. Haven't you ever heard of the word, please?"

"Can't say that I have."

"Don't you worry darlin', you'll learn soon enough," he smirked against your temple.

You halfheartedly smacked McCoy's chest. "Slow down there, cowboy. My ribs are still broken," you sassed.

"Just giving you an incentive to heal quicker," he kissed your head and pulled you closer.

"Mhm..." you closed your eyes and listened to his steady heartbeat. A month ago, you could have only dreamed of holding him like this... of being held. Now he was here, tracing shapes on your shoulder with his delicate fingertips.

"Y/N?"

"Len?" you smiled, eyes still closed.

"I hope you know that I'd do it again... a billion times over," he said. You knew what he meant.

"Me too..." you hummed in agreement.

You'd take the beating again and again for him... and no matter how many beatings you took... you knew he'd be there waiting to make it better again. A vicious cycle.

"I love you," he whispered.

You wouldn't change it for the world.

"I love you too."

You had a lot of healing to do before you could fully embrace this exciting new development in your life, but for now, you were content.

Content, huh? Now that's the understatement of the century.

....................

Taglist: @shadowbriar

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Thank you for reading!

[toboldlygohome]

Hold Me Closer

Mark Watney X Reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Summary: You were looking forward to your month on Mars, but what happens when a month-long mission becomes indefinite? Will you and Mark make it back home, or were you doomed from the start?

Character(s): Mark Watney, Chris Beck, Melissa Lewis, Beth Johanssen, Alex Vogel, Rick Martinez

Warning(s): Cursing, Injuries

You stared out the window as you ate, watching the endless expanse of darkness spin around the ship. A week from now, you would be on Mars, conducting geological surveys and testing core samples. You were a chemist first and foremost, but you were also sort of a jack of all trades aboard the Hermes. You could fix things, run telemetry, conduct space walks, keep the plants alive, identify minerals, and of course you had a fair bit of medical training. It was because of your proficiency for all things scientific that you landed yourself a spot in Ares 3.

The excitement practically radiated off of you. You were so stoked, you couldn't even eat the food in front of you. So much to see, so many samples to run! You hoped there would be signs of past water in Acidalia Planitia!

"You know Y/L/N, the food is supposed to go into your mouth." Beck strolled in with his water bottle in hand. Evidently he was here for a refill.

"Thanks for the tip, doctor. I'll keep that in mind." You said before shoveling a spoonful of rehydrated ravioli into your maw.

"You looked lost in thought there, wanna share with the class?" He asked as the water reclaimer slowly filled his bottle.

"Just thinking about Mars," you shrugged.

"Ah, for a second there I thought you were thinking about your botanist," Chris smirked.

You stared daggers into his back. "My botanist?"

Beck grinned at you over his shoulder. "Well who else would you be thinking about? You've got such a wistful look in your eyes, I thought for sure your mind was on him."

"You really need to stop with the teasing Beck. It's a small ship, it'll get back to him eventually," you grumbled.

"Look, I just call it like I see it."

"Well, you're seeing wrong."

"You've been more and more distracted lately, there's no way it's only because of Mars," Beck chuckled. Dammit. You hated when he was right. You did like Mark, but let's be honest here. Who wouldn't like Mark? He was funny, smart, and he looked way too good in his grey flight suit. Completely unfair.

"God, you can be so annoying," you laughed.

"Only because I'm right."

"Mark and I are just friends, that's all we're ever going to be. Even if we didn't work together, and for the government no less, there's no way he'd ever go for the likes of me."

"What makes you say that?" Beck tilted his head curiously.

"Have you seen him?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Dude, he's like the second most attractive person on this ship!"

"Second?!"

"Objectively speaking, Johanssen is the first. Her posters sold out like hot cakes!"

"I know Johanssen is first! I meant, how is he second? What about me?"

You raised an eyebrow at him. "Who's the one who got the super sexy Under Armor ad again?"

"... Y/N? How many times have you watched that ad?" Beck laughed.

"Shut up."

"It must have been a lot for it to be this fresh in your mind."

"Don't you have a computer nerd to go flirt with?"

"Don't you have a botanist to ogle?"

You groaned and pushed your food away, but Beck scooted it right back. "Fine, fine. No more teasing for today," he laughed. "Just make sure you finish your food, it's important that you eat well."

"What if I'm not hungry?" you asked.

"Eat anyway, doctor's orders," Beck sassed as he left the dining area with his water.

You snickered and poked at your ravioli. If only you could just follow your heart like Beck. He was set on Beth and nobody was going to keep him from her. You just hoped he'd wait until after the mission to make it official for the sake of his career.

Of course you wanted to date Mark. Beck wasn't wrong on that front, but relationships are strictly prohibited among crew-mates. Maybe if you didn't work together, you might have worked up the courage. Probably not, but it would have at least been an option.

You slowly ate the rest of your cold meal and tried to think about anything else. Anything but the plant-loving engineer who had a choke-hold on your heart.

~~~

Mark groaned and climbed out of his bunk. It had to be at least two in the morning... at least according to the Kennedy Space Center. Jeez, he was starving. Luckily their food reserves came with snacks for just such an occasion! He exited his quarters and looked toward the room beside his. The door was open, which was quite a surprise. You were normally asleep by now, and Martinez was keeping an eye on the telemetry tonight. What were you doing awake?

Watney made his way to the dining area and took a look at all of his options. Hmmmm... trail mix it is. He grabbed a bag and took the ladder to the zero g portion of the ship. Everything was quiet except for the hum of the ship and Rick clicking his pen in the cockpit. He decided not to bother the pilot and instead went in search of his favorite crew-mate.

He found you floating in the cupola with your earbuds in. You watched as Mars inched ever closer, calling you to its surface. Mark couldn't resist the urge. He grinned mischievously and grabbed your ankle, causing you to yelp in surprise.

Mark laughed as you smacked him on the shoulder half-heartedly, "Mark! you scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry, sorry!" he floated up and settled beside you. "I saw an opportunity and I had to take it."

"Jerk," you laughed and returned your focus to the lonely red planet.

"What are you doing up?" Mark asked.

"I could ask you the same question."

"I was hungry," he caught a floating peanut in his mouth and looked at you as he ate. "And you?"

"I couldn't sleep. I'm too excited," you admitted with a smile. "Ever since I was little, I wanted to go to Mars... I can't believe it's actually happening."

Mark smiled gently and watched as your eyes sparkled with adventure. That was one of the things he loved most about you. He loved seeing you light up when you learn something new or complete something for the first time. And for the few instances you failed, he loved watching you gear up to try it again. Nothing could shake you when you had your mind set on something. (He wished you had your mind set on him...)

This was a lifelong dream of yours, something you'd thought about, planned for, and fought tooth and nail to achieve. Now here you were, watching all of the pieces fall into place. Mark felt so lucky he got to be on this mission with you, that he'd get to see every moment of excitement, every vivid dream become a reality.

"What are you listening to?" he grabbed your earbud and stuck it in his ear. He grinned.

Hold me closer, tiny dancer. Count the headlights on the highway. Lay me down in sheets of linen, you had a busy day today.

You scooted closer to Mark so he could listen with you, he wrapped an arm around your shoulder to keep you steady. Oh what Watney would give to stay with you like this. Floating softly, slowly, taking in the view. He offered you his bag of trail mix with a cheeky smile. You laughed lightly and grabbed a bite. Fuck. He loved your laugh. He would listen to it on repeat if he could.

"Hold me closer tiny dancer," He mumbled along with the song as the chorus kicked back up.

"Count the headlights on the highway," you whispered back.

~~~

Finally.

Mars was so close, you could almost touch it! And here in a few hours, you would be~

You suited up for your ride in the MDV and helped Martinez and Johanssen with the pre-flight checks. Mark and Beck were loading the descent vehicle with everyone's personal items and Vogel was making sure all of the Hermes experiments were on autopilot. Commander Lewis oversaw the whole operation and kept in contact with Mission Control about the progress being made.

Once all the checks had been made and all the cargo had been loaded, everyone piled into the MDV and prepared for descent.

You took a deep breath as you checked the on-board navigation. You were really going to make it! You were going to walk on Mars! You checked, double checked, even triple checked your numbers before giving Lewis a thumbs up.

"We are go for separation," she told Martinez.

"At your command," Martinez said, poised to initiate the separation.

"Launch," Lewis said.

Your heart rate increased as the MDV shuttered out of the docking port. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my GOD!

"Approaching ten meters from Hermes," Johanssen said.

"Engine power readings are nominal. Ship internal pressure is stable." You said, unable to keep the excited quiver from your voice. The cabin was quiet for a few minutes. The tension could be cut with a knife. It wasn't a bad kind of tension. It was exciting, like teetering at the top of the world's tallest roller coaster.

"Approaching two kilometers from Hermes. Go for engine start up," Beth said.

"Martinez, go for engine burn," Lewis said.

You squeezed the arms of your seat and closed your eyes. This was the hardest part for you. You'd worked in the International Space Station before and reentry was your downfall. What was worse about entering Mars was that there was no water to break your fall if you crashed.

You felt a gentle pressure on your hand and looked up to find Mark already watching you with a smile on his face. He squeezed your hand as the MDV inched closer and closer to Mars.

"Hanging in there?" he chuckled.

"By a thread," you joked.

"You got this, tiny dancer," Mark winked.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes. You both listened as Lewis and Martinez went back and forth calling out each action they performed. Mars completely filled the window.

You held onto Mark a little tighter.

~~~

The actual mission started off promising enough. The landing was good, setting up the Hab was a breeze, and life support was running at maximum efficiency. Unfortunately, life seemed to have this obsession with throwing you curve balls.

You scowled as you watched the screen while the storm outside raged on like an angry god.

"Jesus, we're gonna end up in Oz," Watney said. "What's the abort speed?"

"Technically one fifty kph. Any more than that and the MAV's in danger of tipping." Martinez said.

"Any predictions on the storm track?" Lewis asked.

"This is the edge of it. It's gonna get worse before it gets better," Johanssen replied.

"All right, prep for abort. We'll go to the MAV and hope for the best. If the wind gets too high, we'll launch."

If only that were the end of your misfortune. You literally had the audacity to think: 'How could this get any worse?' You got your answer when Mark was struck by a piece of flying debris. His vitals were offline, his suit depressurized on impact. He was likely dead, but still you were searching for him. The only trouble with that was you couldn't see two feet in front of you. The dust was thick and the wind was threatening your stability.

"WATNEY!" You called out, hoping the urgency in your voice would stir your friend from his incapacitation. "Watney, please respond."

"Y/L/N, I need you to get back to the MAV," Lewis ordered.

"But he could still be-"

"This isn't up for discussion. MAV. Now."

"I'm not leaving him behind. I know if it were any of us, he wouldn't give up. Not when there's still hope we could be alive."

"He's dead Y/L/N. W-we need to go, please," Beck pleaded.

You closed your eyes and forced down a cry. You didn't want it to be true, but Beck was right. Of course he was right. You were in denial... Still, you couldn't do it. If he was dead, you needed to see it for yourself. What if the numbers were wrong? What if-

You were struck with a sudden, blinding pain.

"Y/N!!" Lewis cried.

That was the last thing you heard before everything went dark.

~~~

Mark awoke with a gasp to the sound of beeping in his helmet.

"Oxygen level critical." A robotic voice said, causing him to pant heavily. His abdomen really fucking hurt. It took all his willpower to sit up. When he looked down, he found the source of his pain. The antenna for the com dish had turned him into a human shish kabob! He let out a cry as he tried to keep the antenna steady. Every movement sent a shock through his tired body.

Watney paused when he heard static in his helmet.

"Wa---y... W---ey c--- -n. Watney, If yo--- the-- please respond!"

"Y-Y/N?" Mark winced.

"Watney! Oh my god!" You sounded on the verge of tears. "I thought you were dead! I've been trying to call you for hours!" You sniffed and leveled your voice as much as you could. He could tell you were still coming down from your emotions. "What's your status?"

He groaned and pressed his head against the sand bank. "I've been impaled. Small puncture. Feel like shit," he said through heavy panting.

"Can you make it back to the Hab?" You asked.

"Yeah, I'll make it. I don't think it's deep enough to kill me." He stood up and immediately screamed.

"Mark! Are you okay? What happened?!"

"Antenna is still attached to the dish," he said through gritted teeth. He made quick work of the wire and struggled to his feet. "W-where are you? What's your status?"

"I'm trapped under the MDV. It plowed through me when I was looking for you. I'm not sure you can get me out in your condition."

Mark looked around and found the partially-mangled MDV a short distance away. Watney clutched his side and hobbled over, fearing the worst. He choked when he saw you. You were being crushed from the waist down by a fucking space ship. "O-oh my-"

"It's not as bad as it looks. I landed in some really soft sand. I managed to dig myself out from underneath, but I hit something solid and now I'm literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. The sand shifted under the MDV and now my chest hurts, but I can still feel my legs," you sighed and closed your eyes. "You need to get back to the Hab, Mark-"

"I'm not going to leave you." He grunted as he stepped closer. "If I lift this thing, can you pull yourself out?"

"Mark that's-"

"Can you?"

You grimaced and nodded, "Yes."

Mark nodded back and racked his adrenaline fueled brain for an idea of how to get you out. Still panting, he grabbed a metal bar from the ground and shoved it under the MDV. "On three," he said.

"One."

"Two."

Three."

He shoved the bar down and the ship eased up just enough for you to drag yourself out. You screamed as a searing, blinding pain ripped through your ribs. Mark felt his stomach drop at the sound.

He reached for you, but you pushed yourself into an unsteady standing position. "Fuck," you bit out and stumbled forward. "M-Mark" You inspected his wound. "Come on, we have to get this treated right now." You wrapped a supportive arm around his back and helped him shuffle back to the Hab.

His panting and gasps had only grown more pained as he stepped into the empty habitation. What little adrenaline he had left was wearing off. You rushed out of your suit as quickly as possible and helped Mark undress.

"Do you want to pull it out, or do you want me to do it?" you asked with as much calm as you could muster.

"I'll do it," he bit out. After a series of short, shallow breaths, he ripped the antenna out with a gut wrenching scream. You didn't have time to feel distraught as you shoved down his suit. He placed his hand on the wound. "There's something in it," he managed.

"Sit down," you ushered him to a chair and slid on some gloves. You made quick work in cutting away his shirt, administered a series of injections for pain and infection, and grabbed the retractor and forceps. "I'm sorry Mark, there isn't time to wait for the medicine," You didn't hesitate to insert the retractor and open the wound. He tossed his head back and blew out a long, shaky sigh. You bit the inside of your cheek and grabbed the object with the forceps. Carefully, you pulled it out and sat it in a dish. Mark groaned deeply. He was so pale and sweaty. You wanted to reach out and hold him, but you had a job to finish.

With the hard part done, you were able to relax and clean him up. The stitches were the final step. By then, the medicine was kicking in and Mark's strangled cries slowly turned into steady breathing. You leaned back in your chair and relished in the sound before standing up. You felt around your ribs for a moment and huffed before grabbing Mark some juice.

"Thank you..." He said, taking the bottle with shaking hands.

"You're welcome," you sighed and carded your fingers through his damp hair.

"Are you okay?" He rasped.

"I'm fine, just a couple broken ribs on the right side. I'll live." You gave him a tight smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I just ran a marathon," he chuckled, then winced.

"We should get you to bed-"

"Not yet," He shifted awkwardly in his seat. "There's an elephant in the room..."

"Ah," you sighed and sat down across from him, pushing away the pain in your ribs.

"What are we gonna do?" Mark murmured.

"Our odds aren't the best, but we'll make it work," you reassured him though you weren't sure it was the truth.

He closed his eyes and blew out a sigh. "You should be safe on the Hermes..." He swallowed. There were many stupid nights he wished you and him were the only two people in the world. Now he was beginning to realize how selfish that was. You were trapped on Mars because of him. If he hadn't have stopped to suggest the stupid rover plan, none of this would have happened.

"You should be too," you pressed a hand to his knee, sending a trail of goosebumps up his leg. Even now, you had him entranced with a single touch. "We should both be on our way home right now, instead we're here. But we're trained for this... We'll make it back, we're just gonna be fashionably late is all," you gave his knee a squeeze and pulled back.

"Can I see it?" he asked.

"See what?"

"Your ribs."

You opened your mouth to disagree, but decided a second pair of eyes on it might be for the best. You slowly lifted your shirt. Mark paled again as his eyes fell on your ruined abdomen. The whole thing was covered in splotches of purple and blue. Your back wasn't much better and he was sure your chest had received similar treatment.

His fingers ghosted over the bruises. "Shit," he whispered.

"It'll buff out," you lowered the hem of your shirt.

Watney closed his eyes and wished that this was all a nightmare, but upon opening them again, all he saw was you. You looked exhausted. No, exhausted was an understatement. There wasn't a word in the English dictionary that could describe your expression. You were devastated and trying to hide it. And why wouldn't you be? You had an endless supply of family and friends expecting you home. He only really had his parents to worry about. You had your parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, all your university and work friends... It should have been him and only him. You didn't deserve to be trapped here, least of all with the lowest ranking crew-mate on Ares 3.

"So, we're in a Hab designed to last 31 days..." You thought out loud. He could tell by that look on your face that you were puzzling through something.

"If the oxygenator breaks down, we're gonna suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks, we die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, we'll explode. And if none of that happens, we starve to death." Watney said, giving in to the hopelessness of it all.

"If the oxygenator breaks, we have the spare. It's built to last 5 days for seven people. With only two of us, that will be... 30 days. More than enough time to fix the oxygenator." You thought out loud.

Ah, now he saw what you were up to. "If the water reclaimer breaks, we build a piss distillery while we fix it..." Mark corrected his earlier statement.

"We'll do bi-weekly checks on the Hab canvas to look for tears." You leaned back. "But you're right. Food is our biggest problem. We're gonna be a couple of hungry, hungry astronauts in a few months."

Mark laughed and shook his head. "Looks like we're gonna have to science the shit out of this..." He looked at you and was pleased to find you smiling back at him. "But that sounds like tomorrow-Watney's problem."

"For sure," you snickered. "There is no way I'm doing all that math tonight."

His heart fluttered as he watched the grin spread over your lips. Your enticingly soft looking lips... What is wrong with you Watney? Stop thinking about that! JEEZ... Creep... Anyway, just a moment ago, Mark was ready to give up. Now he had a little more hope that everything would turn out fine. Today fucking sucked, but tomorrow was a new day. Things are only hopeless when you give in to fear, and it was clear you had no intention of giving in.

"Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"You should run for President when we make it back."

"What?" You laughed and clutched at the spot above your broken ribs.

"I'm just sayin' I'd vote for you," he shrugged in a playful manner.

You sighed, "what am I gonna do with you, Watney?"

"Make me your Vice President?"

You raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'll settle for Secretary of Agriculture."

"How about the Secretary of Homeland Security?" You smirked.

"But that's the bottom of the line of succession," Mark grunted as he sat up.

"Exactly," you laughed before groaning and cradling your side again.

"Alright, that's enough for today," he pushed himself into a standing position. "No more laughing for... how long does it usually take for broken ribs to heal?"

"Like, six weeks."

"I knew that," he smiled and helped you stand up. "No more laughing for six weeks."

"What you're asking for is impossible," you winced. "You always make me laugh. It's why you're my best friend."

"I'm your best friend?" Mark asked, unable to hide his surprise at the admission. He hesitantly wrapped his arm around your back, worried about making the pain worse in his attempt to help you.

You huffed and leaned into him, "don't let it go to your head, Watney."

"Too late," Mark smiled and led you slowly to your bunk. It wasn't easy for either of you to maneuver with your injuries, but eventually you managed to get settled.

"Comfy?" Watney asked.

"That's a relative term," your eyes softened at him, causing the botanist to go all weak in the knees. What a mess he had gotten himself into... "Are you sure you don't need help getting into bed?"

"You took good care of me Y/L/N, It doesn't hurt so much anymore thanks to you... Maybe if the President thing doesn't work out, you could be a doctor," He leaned his bare shoulder against the ladder.

Your eyes trailed down his chest to the bandages keeping the stitches from view. Your eyes started to burn, but you pushed it down and looked up to the bunk above you. "And take Beck's job? As if~"

Mark could almost believe things were normal. That they weren't all alone in a desolate wasteland. You were an anchor. He wasn't sure what he'd do if you weren't here. Would he have the strength to try? This would have broken most normal people... was he one of them? Or was he like you? Brave, selfless, and full of resolve to keep going. His chest hurt. You had gone looking for him... and now you were here. It was his turn to be your anchor.

You felt his eyes on you, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet them. You felt pathetic. Once again, Watney had to pick you up when you were down. For as long as you'd known him, Mark had been your helping hand. He had a sixth sense about these things. The moment things go wrong, he's there to dig you out of the rubble. You closed your eyes and remembered being in orbit. You remembered how he covered your hand with his and made everything okay again. You couldn't keep relying on him like this. It was your turn to be his helping hand.

"Somebody's sleepy~" Mark cut through the silence.

"It's been a day," you sighed and dragged your eyes to meet his.

"A sol," he corrected.

"Smartass," you fought the urge to chuckle. "Go to bed, before I get up and make you..."

"Don't need to tell me twice," He raised his hands in defeat. Mark moved to leave, but paused and grabbed your hand. "Hey Y/N?"

"Y-yeah?"

He gave your hand the gentlest of squeezes, "you're my best friend too..."

You glowed as the smile reached your eyes.

"Don't let it go to your head," he winked.

"Too late."

You held onto Mark a little tighter.

....................

Taglist: @jolovesfandoms

If you would like to be added to my taglist, feel free to reach out!

Thank you for reading!

[toboldlygohome]

"I'm Right Here"

Mark Watney X Reader

Summary: You are awakened by a terrible nightmare. Luckily, Mark is there to bring you back down to Earth.

Character(s): Mark Watney

Warning(s): nightmares, mentions of death, reader isn't taking care of themself.

A/N: This is a special request from @jolovesfandoms. I hope you enjoy!

You couldn't remember the last time you had a good night's sleep. It all started when Mark left for Mars. It was nearly impossible to get any rest without him beside you. The bed was cold, and your heart was heavy with the knowledge that you wouldn't be seeing him for over a year.

When he left for quarantine, he kissed you hard and told you he'd be back before you knew it. He promised he'd be safe and you believed him.

Then the unthinkable happened...

Mark Watney died.

You wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep. You were plagued with nightmares. Ones where you were so close, yet so far from saving him. These terrible visions tormented not only your sleep, but every waking moment of your life. You just couldn't seem to quit crying. You'd sob and scream until your throat was raw and you could do little more than whimper.

When you learned he was alive, you were ecstatic at first. Then reality set in. He was all alone and there was nothing you could do to save him. You could only sit there, wait, and hope for the best.

You'd have to wait for over four years.

You watched the news and counted down the hours. He'd either make it home like he promised, or you'd have to relive his death all over again. The nightmares somehow got worse. You often woke up in tears. The dreams all seemed so real. It was always the same type of dream: you got a phone-call from Venkat Kapoor, who informed you that there had been some terrible accident. You always stood there and listened while he told you in terrible detail how the love of your life met his untimely end. The Hab ripped open while he was asleep, he was crushed by debris in a storm, he starved to death, the MAV exploded...

You thought they would go away when he came home. You hoped seeing Mark safe and alive would stifle the crippling anxiety that had been growing inside of you from the moment he left.

But it didn't.

It had been two months since he came back home and your nightmares had gone nowhere. During the day everything was perfect. He had been given an extended paid leave from work and you both intended to use it well. You went out for hikes, indulged in the greasiest food, and avoided disco like the plague. You couldn't be happier to have him back home!

At night however, you reverted back to those same lingering fears. You were afraid you'd wake up and find it was all just a dream. He was still on Mars, fighting to stay alive. Or that he had been dead all along...

Tonight was no different. You were in the kitchen, laboring to finish your cup ramen. You needed to eat, but the food tasted like mud in your mouth. Your stomach was churning and your eyes burned as you swallowed another bite. The television was tuned in to the news, where CNN was talking about the latest updates on the "Watney situation" as they often called it. Apparently satellite images showed the rover had tipped. No one knew if the Martian was still alive.

You watched the screen unblinkingly, chewing slowly. You jumped as the phone started ringing. The sound echoed through the house, filling you with dread. Every call was like this, they were all the same... But you couldn't keep your hand from reaching for it. You grasped the phone unsteadily and brought it to your ear.

"Is this Y/N Y/L/N?" Venkat Kapoor asked.

"Yes..." you said, eyes already welling with tears.

"I... I have some unfortunate news."

You listened, blurry gaze still fixed on the television in front of you.

"There's been an accident. Mark Watney is dead... I'm sorr-"

You hung up the phone and covered your eyes with your hands. Your head pounded painfully and your throat tightened.

No.

No.

No, it's not true. He's not dead. He promised he'd come home.

The phone started ringing again.

You didn't answer. You didn't want to hear it. They thought he was dead before and they were wrong. How could he be dead? He had so much life still left in him. He had so many plans for the future, he wouldn't leave those unfinished!

You sank to the floor, struggling to take a breath. Your legs couldn't support your weight. It was like gravity had multiplied by 5.

The headline flashed onto the screen.

Mark Watney: Dead in a Rover Accident.

You sobbed and shook your head, "No, please... No, you can't be gone! It's not true! Y-you... Please no...."

"Y/N," you heard your name like a whisper. An echo.

You wiped the tears from your eyes and searched for the voice. He said he'd come home. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you! His parents and his friends all needed him! He's coming home! No more funerals, no more memorials!

"Baby... Baby it's okay..." His voice came from nowhere. So close, yet so far away.

"M-Mark Please!" you cried.

"Wake up baby! Please wake up!"

The phone rang again.

You threw it against the wall and screamed. Just as the screen shattered, your eyes shot open. Mark's worried face filled your vision. His gentle blue eyes scanned over you frantically and his strong hands gripped your shoulders.

"Y/N? Honey? Are you with me?" He asked in a breathless voice.

"M-Mark?" you choked out.

"That's right, I'm right here." He whispered, pulling you into his chest. "I'm right here..."

"Y-you... y-you were..." You tried to speak, but your couldn't form a sentence.

"It's okay baby, it was just a bad dream. It's over now." He murmured against your temple.

You buried your face in his chest and cried. You couldn't keep it in anymore. You'd been without him for over two years. Two years of nightmare after nightmare. Sleepless night after sleepless night. You wanted to be strong for him, to be his shoulder to lean on when he woke up still thinking he was on Mars. He needed you right now and here you were, being so selfish. 'You think you have it bad Y/N? Try walking a mile in his shoes. He was all alone on a whole planet and here you are crying like a baby!' You berated yourself in your head.

"I-I'm sorry," you pulled back and wiped your eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Don't apologize for this, it's not your fault." Mark grabbed your face and brushed away the tears that just kept flowing. He softly kissed your forehead and pulled you in for another tight hug. "Everything's okay now... just breathe."

You took a deep breath. He smelled just like... trees. Trees and grass and a little hint of mint. You sighed and clung to his shirt for dear life.

"Good... Good, just like that." Mark whispered, pressing his cheek to your head. You were getting his shirt wet, but he didn't seem to mind. He just whispered sweet things in your ear and rubbed soothing circles into your back. Once you calmed down a little, he spoke again. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"W-what?" you asked.

"I think it would help if we talked about it... please," he looked at you with those precious blue eyes and you were completely at his mercy. Mark was the smartest person you had ever met, nothing got past him.

"I... I don't want you to worry about me Mark. It's just a silly nightmare! What you went through-"

"No. Sweetheart, listen to me very carefully. I love you, we're a team. That means we support each other through good times, and in bad. You've done a damn good job of supporting me Y/N... now it's my turn to do the same. I don't want you to think you can't come to me when you're having a hard time." He swallowed hard. "Please talk to me, I've been worried about you. Lean on me, please..." Mark cupped your cheek.

Your eyes welled up again and you released a shaky breath. "Y-you keep dying... Over and over and over again," You said shakily. Mark's lip quivered. "Every night it's a repeat of the same thing. I was watching the news when they called me. When they told me you were..." You couldn't look him in the eye. "We had a funeral for you, I watched them bury an empty casket... Then months later they call again and tell me you're alive and all that mourning we went through could just be... tossed aside. Every day since I've been so... scared I'll get another call and you'll be dead all over again-" You covered your eyes and tried to keep from crying again, but it was all in vain.

"I couldn't do anything to help you, I could only sit here and watch!" You sobbed, "You were millions of miles away and they'd call me with every little update, and every call was just-" you choked and wiped at the never ending stream of tears, "I never wanted to answer because... what if my nightmares were real this time? What if all of this is some cruel dream? What if I wake up and you never made it home?"

"Look at me..." Mark pleaded lovingly.

You turned your puffy eyes back to his.

"I'm so sorry you've been going through this alone... I can't even begin to imagine how..." he sniffled, his own eyes welling. "God, if our roles were switched I don't know how I would do it..." He closed his eyes and gathered himself. You had been so strong, taking care of his family in his absence. He was lonely on Mars without you, but at least he knew you were safe. He had you, his parents, his friends, and a multitude of therapists and psychologists to talk to about his problems. You had been keeping yours close to your chest. Out of sight out of mind.

He wished he had asked sooner. Mark noticed something was off the moment he saw you when he got off the ship. You looked thinner, more tired, and you came up with endless excuses to stay up late. You never wanted to sleep. It took a lot of coaxing to get you in bed. Dammit, why didn't he say anything?!

You needed him. Mark would be damned before he let you slip through the cracks.

Mark gently grabbed your hands and pulled them close to his chest. "I'm right here... I'm not going anywhere. Those calls aren't going to come. This isn't a dream..." He brought your hands to his lips. "I missed you so much Y/N... I was gone for a long, long time, but I made it back and I'm staying."

"Forever?" you asked softly.

"Till the end of time... I'm right here... you're stuck with me sweetheart," he smirked. You chuckled softly and pressed your forehead to his.

"Is that supposed to be a threat Watney?" You whispered.

"Not so much a threat as it is a promise," he grinned. "I haven't broken one yet, have I?"

"No... no you haven't," you heaved a sigh.

"That's right..." he leaned in and gently kissed your lips. "Now I need you to promise me something."

"What's that?"

"That you'll talk to me... It's not good for you to keep all of this in. Ever since I got back, you've been my greatest form of support. You listen when I need to talk, you help me through every nightmare, you don't baby me like my parents, you've been so patient... I want to be that for you too. Promise me..." Mark pleaded.

"I-" You stammered.

"Please baby..."

Dammit, who were you to say no when he gave you the puppy eyes? "I promise..." You looked down at your hands.

"Thank you," Mark grinned and leaned down so you had to look at him again. "Do you want to try and go back to sleep?"

You grimaced at the thought.

"Got it, no sleep... How about I just hold you then?" he asked hopefully.

You nodded sheepishly before you were suddenly pulled into his strong arms. Mark laid back slowly and cradled you against his side, making sure your head was in that comfy crook between his shoulder and his chest. His legs weaved themselves between yours.

"Mmm," he hummed and slipped a callused hand under your shirt, where he lovingly traced his fingertips up and down your side.

You smiled and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"I love you, Mark," you said.

"I love you too, Y/N," he replied with a kiss to the top of your head. "So much..."

You breathed him in and exhaled slowly. You could feel the fear slowly melting away. It would take some time for it to disappear completely, maybe it never would. But for the first time, you were sure you weren't dreaming. Mark was real. Mark was alive, he was right here.

And he wasn't going anywhere.

[toboldlygohome]

"Please..."

Mark Watney X Reader

Summary: Nothing could have prepared you for the pain of losing your boyfriend on Sol 6. But you were even less prepared to find out that he didn't die. You left him there. Alone.

Character(s): Mark Watney, Beth Johanssen, Chris Beck, Melissa Lewis, Alex Vogel, Rick Martinez.

Warning(s): Descriptions of grief, Mentions of death, Cursing (lots of it), Mildly sexual themes (nothing explicit), Mentions of malnourishment.

A/N: I absolutely adore The Martian, but I've noticed a criminally low amount of fan content for it, so I decided to make some! I've decided to follow more closely to the book plot rather than the movie (Just because I like the dialogue more and it's more scientifically accurate). However, there will be a couple scenes from the movie sprinkled in just because I thought they were fun. I hope you enjoy!

It was the morning of Sol 6 and you were up early to make some coffee before your EVA mission. The past few days on Mars had been busy, but far more rewarding than you could have ever imagined. You were one of the geologists in the Ares 3 crew, along with Commander Lewis of course. Mars, to you, was a playground of science. A giant sphere of discovery you couldn't wait to explore.

Today's EVA was to gather samples from near the hab. You had seen plenty of rocks on the way in that you needed to overturn almost as much as you needed oxygen to breathe.

You sensed a hand on the small of your back and felt goosebumps trail up your spine. "Morning Y/L/N. Anything to report?" A playful voice proclaimed.

"Other than bland coffee and terrible sleep, nothing of interest~" You turned back and smiled at your boyfriend. He brushed his thumb over a patch of exposed skin on your lower back before pulling his hand away.

"Hey, at least you don't have to sleep under Martinez, bastard was tossing and turning all night." He smirked as he made his own cup. "I'm barely getting by, the only thing keeping me grounded is this bland ass coffee."

You snickered and rolled your eyes. "Poor baby," You teased.

You and Mark Watney had been together for almost three years, in secret of course. NASA isn't exactly fond of sending couples into space where they might throw caution to the wind and procreate in transit. You were professionals, this mission was something you both had been looking forward to since it was announced. But that wouldn't stop the Space Administration from removing you both from Ares 3.

Nobody knew you were together. Not NASA, not your families, not even the crew knew of your relationship. As far as anyone was concerned, you were just great friends (inseparable in fact). You went out for dinners, went on morning jogs together, spent late nights gaming and going over the mission handbook. Everyone knew you confided in one another and worked incredibly as a team. But nobody would have guessed that instead of playing Yahtzee together on your evenings off, Mark was slowly and deliciously making you breathless with his lips, melting you with his touch.

Once the mission actually started, it was much harder than anticipated to cut out the physical affection. There were cameras everywhere on the ship and absolutely no way to hide from them. The only place for privacy was the bathrooms, but you had a rather close call that involved Mark dragging you there under the guise of helping him with his laptop (which obviously earned an eyebrow raise from Johanssen,) only for him to kiss you with the desperation of a man dying of thirst. You were nearly caught by Beck and you both decided not to risk it again. Luckily, you and Watney were a couple of problem solvers.

Instead of kisses, you resorted to touching. A hand on the back, an arm on the shoulder, a nudge of the elbow. Casual touch became your replacement for intimacy.

Mark pulled a smug smile and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "You know what Y/N, I am a poor baby. But I can think of something that would make me feel better..." He whispered close to your ear. You flushed and playfully shoved him back.

"In your dreams Watney." You scoffed but your hand lingered on his stomach, earning a cheeky grin from the botanist.

"How'd you know?" He laughed, glancing down at your lips briefly. You knew what he was thinking: that it had been awhile and maybe he could risk just a little peck. Mark was a reckless one, that's for sure.

"Guys, quit flirting so loudly. I was trying to get a few minutes extra sleep before Lewis pulls out the bugle," Beck strolled in and grabbed a ration packet.

"Flirting? With him?" You asked incredulously, jabbing your thumb toward Mark.

"And vice versa," Beck shrugged.

"You must be seeing things, maybe we should call a doctor?" Watney sassily took a sip of his drink.

"Hilarious," Beck replied. Chris had been fighting for you and Mark to get together for about as long as you've known him (which is a decent number of years, in case you were wondering.) Little did he know you had already jumped that fence. You felt bad for keeping it from him, but you were sure he'd understand given his thing with Johanssen.

"Oh good, you guys are already up." Lewis sighed "hey, can one of you wake up Martinez? He's not listening to a single word I say."

You gave Watney a sidelong glance. He groaned and downed the rest of his terrible space coffee. "Yeah sure, I can go get the bastard. I'll give him a piece of my mind while I'm at it." Mark stomped off to the bunks and Lewis followed him. You casually sat beside Beck, who gave you a knowing smile.

"You know Chris, it would probably happen on its own if you didn't push it so much." You mumbled against the rim of your cup in an attempt to hide a smile.

"It's obvious he likes you too. Practically written all over his face," Beck said. "Honestly though, you two don't even realize when you're flirting. It's kind of incredible."

You huffed, "Now's not the best time for all that, you know."

"I know, I know. Just, keep it on the table okay?"

"Whatever you say Dr. Beck," You snickered. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an EVA to prep for."

Chris rolled his eyes and poked at the food on his plate, "you're excused."

~~~

"Alright team, stay in sight of each other. Let's make NASA proud today." Lewis announced.

"How's it looking over there Watney?" Martinez asked.

"Well, you'll be happy to hear that in grid section 14/28, the particles are predominantly coarse. But in 29 they're uh... much finer. That should be ideal for chem analysis."

"Oh wow! did everyone hear that? Mark just discovered dirt! Should we alert the media?" Martinez teased. Mark glanced up at you, but you couldn't see his face behind the helmet.

"Hey, you better watch it fly boy. I'm working this grid too!" You laughed.

"Sorry, what are you doing today Martinez? Making sure the MAV is still upright?" You could hear the smirk in Mark's voice.

"Well, I'd like you to know that visual inspection of the equipment is imperative to mission success," Rick preached. "I'd also like to report that the MAV is still upright."

You and Mark giggled as you worked on the grid. "Watney, you're keeping your channel open, which leads to Martinez responding, which leads to all of us listening, which leads to me being annoyed," Lewis scolded halfheartedly.

"Roger that, Martinez the captain would like you to please uh," Mark looked at you for approval and continued. "Shut your smart mouth."

Rick cackled and you playfully nudged Mark on the shoulder.

"We'd prefer you use a different adjective to describe Martinez's mouth." Beck said from inside the Hab, resulting in even more laughter from the rest of the crew.

"Did Beck just insult me?!"

"Dr. Beck and yes!"

"I'm happy to turn the radios off from here commander. Just say the word." Johanssen suggested.

"Johanssen, constant communication is the hallmark-" Watney started.

"Shut him off" Melissa gave the order.

"No-" Johanssen cut him off. Mark tossed his little hammer in the dirt and looked back at the captain like she had just kicked a kitten. You patted the shoulder of his suit and urged him to get back to work.

"I'm sorry for my countrymen, Vogel." Lewis said.

"Accepted," Vogel shrugged and glanced up at the sky. "The storm... It's closer than Houston reported."

"We've got time," Lewis said. "Focus on the task at hand. This EVA's all about chemical analysis. Vogel, you're the chemist so you're in charge of what we dig up."

"Ja, Please dig thirty centimeters and get soil samples. At least one hundred grams each. Very important is thirty centimeters down." Vogel clarified, eyes back on his work.

"Will do, stay within a hundred meters of the Hab," Lewis said.

You worked in peace and quiet for a few minutes. You measured the grid while Mark hammered the grid labels. You could hardly wait to take samples. Mark was right, it was perfect for chem analysis. Unfortunately, your work was short-lived because Johanssen had some bad news.

"Commander, you should come inside. You're gonna want to see this."

"What is it?" Lewis asked.

"Houston has upgraded the storm to 'severe.' It's going to be here in fifteen minutes." Johanssen said.

You perked your head up to get a look at the sky. Already it was getting darker.

"Martinez, how's it looking?" Asked commander Lewis.

"Not good." He said.

After a moment of contemplation, Lewis made her decision. "Back to base."

~~~

The Hab shook and the sound of wind and debris outside only exacerbated the tension within. Lewis commanded everyone to put on their flight suits and you congregated around the screen, wondering if this was the end of your mission.

"Sustained winds over one hundred kilometers per hour now. Gusting to one twenty-five," Johanssen frowned.

"Jesus, we're gonna end up in Oz," Watney said. "What's the abort speed?"

"One fifty kilometers per hour, anymore than that and the MAV's in danger of tipping." Martinez placed his hands on his hips.

"Any predictions on the storm track?" Lewis asked.

"This is the edge of it... It's gonna get worse before it gets better." Johanssen delivered the bad news with confidence. Silence fell over the group and you grabbed Mark's hand. You wished you could feel the warmth, but the gloves on the flight suit acted as a barrier. Watney met your sorrowful eyes. You'd have to end the mission before it even started. He let go of your hand and pressed you into his side. It was over. 25 sols early. You leaned your head against his shoulder and willed the grief to subside.

"Alright, prep for abort. We'll go to the MAV and hope for the best. If the wind gets too high, we launch." Lewis grabbed her helmet.

~~~

Outside the Hab, the wind was disastrous. Mark was nearly swept off his feet by the force of the gusts. He slammed into you, but you managed to keep him on his feet.

"Shit! Thanks." Watney regained his balance.

"Visibility is almost zero. If you get lost, hone in on my suit's telemetry! The wind's gonna be rougher away from the Hab, so be ready!" Lewis warned.

The Ares crew stumbled toward the MAV with ever increasing uncertainty. You had to lean into the wind to avoid being thrown backward. Mark wasn't doing much better. It didn't help that his mind wasn't on getting to the MAV safely, it was on how to keep it upright. Watney was smart, too smart for his own good.

"Hey," Watney panted. "Maybe we could shore up the MAV. Make tipping less likely."

"How?" Lewis Huffed.

"We could use cables from the solar farm as guylines. The rovers could be anchors. The trick would be getting the line around the-"

You choked on your scream as Mark was struck by a massive piece of wreckage, sending him off into the disorienting mist of dust and wind.

"MARK!" You screamed and tried to stumble after him, but you could barely see an inch in front of your helmet.

"What happened?" Lewis said.

"Something hit him!" Johanssen said shakily.

"Watney report..." Lewis said. You listened hard and prayed he'd answer. "Watney, report!" Nothing.

"He's offline, I don't know where he is." Johanssen reported as calmly as she could. You bit back a whimper as you shuffled forward.

"Commander, before we lost telemetry, his decompression alarm went off!" Beck said.

"Shit! Y/L/N, where did you last see him?" Lewis asked.

"H-he was right in front of me and then he was gone," you managed. "He flew off due west" You pointed.

"Okay, Martinez, get to the MAV and prep for launch. Everyone else, home in on Johanssen."

"Dr. Beck, how long can a person survive decompression?" Vogel asked.

"Less than a minute." Beck looked back at you. You could hear the pain in his voice. No. Mark couldn't be... He was just beside you a moment ago.

"Commander, the MAV's got a seven degree tilt. It'll tip at 12.3."

"Copy that."

He's alive, he can't be dead!

"Johanssen, Watney's bio-monitor sent something before going offline. My computer just says 'Bad Packet,'" Beck said.

"Give me a sec," Johanssen said.

"Commander, message from Houston. We're officially scrubbed. The storm's definitely too rough."

"Copy."

"Beck, I have the raw packet!" Johanssen said, "It's plaintext: BP 0, PR 0, TP 36.2. That's as far as I got."

Beck sighed and shook his head. "Blood pressure zero, pulse rate zero, temperature normal..."

Your chest tightened and your eyes burned. "Temperature normal?" You asked hopefully.

"It takes a while for the-" Beck swallowed. "It takes awhile to cool."

"Commander, tilting at 10.5 degrees now, with gusts pushing it to 11." Martinez reported.

"Copy, if it tips, launch."

"What about you commander?"

"I'm going to search a little more."

"You really think I'll leave you behind?" Martinez asked.

"I just ordered you to. You four, get to the ship." Lewis replied.

"Let me help search commander, we'll find him faster if we-" Lewis cut you off.

"That's an order, Y/L/N. Go."

Beck nudged you forward. You reluctantly allowed him to.

"Johanssen, would the rover IR camera do any good?"

"Negative. IR can't get through sand any better than visible light."

"What about the proximity radar? Could it detect Watney's suit?"

"No way. It's made to see Hermes, not the metal in a single space suit."

"Give it a try," Lewis ordered.

"Commander, I know you don't want to hear this... but Wat-... Mark's dead." Beck said.

No.

No.

Please...

Everything around you was a blur. You went through the motions from training. Strapping yourself in, readying your station, waiting for launch. You couldn't look at the empty seat beside you. You couldn't think about anything but your job right now, If you allowed your thoughts to that dark place, you'd have to be dragged along by the rest of the crew.

You couldn't do that to them. Not now.

Lewis returned to the ship and strapped herself in. "Still at pilot-release," Martinez said softly. "Ready for launch."

You swallowed the lump in your throat.

"I'm sorry Commander, you need to verbally-"

"Launch."

You felt the bone-crushing power of ascent. The g's did nothing but forcefully push the tears from your eyes.

You wish it would have been you.

~~~

Mark Watney closed out of the mission log application and stared at the computer screen for a few minutes. He couldn't fathom the hopelessness he was feeling, it was too deep to swim out of. What else was there to do but sit and wait to die? Maybe it would be easier to just go into the airlock and open the doors!

Watney turned his head to a picture of you on the wall behind the computer. It was there among other pictures of the crew and their families. You were standing with your brother in front of one of those rickety wooden roller coasters at Six Flags. He felt a painful twinge in his chest. You thought he was dead and there was no way to tell you otherwise.

He was completely alone, had the whole goddamned planet to himself. Mark rubbed his hands over his face. "Fuck..." he said. "Fuck!" he pulled at the hair on his head before looking up at the picture again. He wished he would have kissed you. He wanted to that morning when you were sharing coffee. He should have said he loved you. Mark hadn't said it in so long.

He knew you like the back of his hand. You were blaming yourself. Everyone in the crew was probably doing the same. He could barely stomach the thought.

Mark grabbed the picture from the wall and shuffled to the bunks. He was so tired and in a lot of pain from the stupid antenna. He was about to settle into his bed, when his eyes landed on yours. After a moment of deliberation, he hobbled into your bunk and pulled the covers up to his chin. It still smelled like you. He buried his face into your pillow and cried.

~~~

You sat in the dining area in the Hermes, watching as the windows slowly spun around. It had been about a week since the incident and you weren't sure you had any more tears left to cry. You did your best to keep on task during your waking hours, only allowing yourself to feel when everyone else was either asleep or taking the piloting shift.

Your fingers drummed lightly against the table, mingling with the beeps, boops, groans, and hums of the ship keeping you safe from the unforgiving vacuum of space. You thought about a lot of things. About Mark, his parents, the house he wanted so badly to buy, his favorite music, his plants growing in the botany lab... The one thing you didn't want to think about was his body, how it would be buried by sand and dust within the year, how Mars would never let it decay. You tried not to think about how if you had just reached for him, maybe he'd still be alive.

"Y/N?" A familiar German accent spoke. You tensed and dared a glance back at Vogel.

"Hey, what's up?" You plastered a grin on your face.

"I have noticed you've not been sleeping. You are... Okay?" He asked, lumbering closer. He was clearly very tired and you felt terrible he was here worrying about you instead of getting some much deserved rest.

"Yeah... Yeah I'm okay Alex, just... Can't sleep." You sighed.

"Have you spoken to doctor Beck? I am sure we have sleep medication on board."

"Oh I know... I just don't really want to bother him, you know? I mean, we're all going through it right now..." You shifted under his gaze.

"You are having bad dreams," Vogel stated. "You're afraid if you sleep, they will come back."

"How could you tell?" You peeked tiredly up at him.

"My little monkeys... before I left, some of them had bad dreams. A father can always tell." He sat down beside you at the table.

You felt your eyes burning again. You hadn't dared ask for comfort from your crew mates, not even Chris. Now that you were receiving it, you wished you had asked for it long ago. There was a hellish cocktail of emotions running through you: relief, sadness, safety, longing, despair. You were so relieved that Alex was here. You were sad to think about how deeply his loved ones must be missing him. You thought about what Alex said about his "little monkeys." Mark would have made a great father if he'd only had the chance.

"You love him. Very much," Vogel said.

"I did..." You whispered.

"You do." Alex grabbed your hand and the tears poured from your eyes. "You do..."

"I do," You let out a choked sob. Vogel pulled you into a gentle hug.

"This pain of loss we feel... It will never go away. But it will get easier to live with as time goes by. This, I promise is true."

"Thank you Alex." You whispered.

"You're welcome..." He patted your back and pulled away. "Now, shall we try some rest?"

"I'll try," you put on a brave face.

"And- what is it?-" He thought aloud. "When first you don't succeed-"

"Try try again," You said with a sad smile. "Words to live by."

~~~

LOG ENTRY: SOL 23

So, I'm still brain storming the whole, "Mark Watney can only really make his potato farm last 90 days," problem. Can't say It's going too well. I'm surrounded by the stench of my own shit. Kinda distracting.

I've made the executive decision to take a long overdue break out in the rover. Sure, logically I know I should probably utilize every spare second on planning my survival right down to the last drop of water, but riddle me this: just who is gonna stop me? Not NASA, that's for sure.

It's funny. I came into the rover to escape the rancid poop smell, but it seems to have followed me. Turns out, I was the poop smell all along! If Y/N were here, they would have forcibly shoved me into the shower. They'd say something like... "Don't even think about touching me until you smell like ocean breeze!" (What does ocean breeze even smell like? How do you smell a breeze?...)There are few things in life Y/N hates more than stink. Me being on Mars is probably one of them.

What I would give to see you right now. Even just a dream would be nice, but I guess that's asking too much.

I miss my parents a lot. Maybe that's an understatement. I haven't really let myself think about it, but sitting here in this cramped rover really has my mind wandering. I really should have told them about Y/N. Maybe if things don't work out for me, they could confide in each other.

I don't have much else to say. The calculations aren't done and quite frankly, I'm depressed.

I'll probably scrub this log from the system, It's kind of a downer.

~~~

You had been doing better. Getting at least 6 hours of sleep a day was an accomplishment and you were eating your meals, but a certain date on the calendar was growing closer. You made yourself busier and busier, but no amount of work would keep this day from coming.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 62

On Earth it's January 8th, which is a very special day. Our anniversary! It's official, we've been together for three years! Yeah, yeah I hear you. These logs are for work purposes only, but I promise no one's gonna see this one. Not even you.

I think about that day a lot. It was freezing outside and snowing everywhere. I don't even remember why we walked to the cafe that day, but I'm thankful for it. You were holding your hot cup so tightly and your coat wasn't nearly thick enough for the weather. You were complaining that the snow came early and I laughed at you.

I think we both knew for a long time that this would happen. A year at least. We kept ourselves just at arms length, on the brink of lovers without ever crossing that line. We never discussed it before, but we knew once the mission was over, we'd do it. We'd take that step.

I had wanted to kiss you all day. Want isn't really the word for it. How about craved. Desired? Yearned~

I wrapped my coat around you and you complained again, said that I'd catch a cold and it would all be your fault. The way you looked at me... Still gives me chills when I think about it. It's like I'm still standing on that sidewalk, snowflakes landing on my nose.

I told you, "I can think of something that'll warm us both up..."

You said, "Then what are you waiting for?"

I was right of course. I always am. I just didn't expect you to be so... magnetizing! Like damn babe, you had me weak in the knees! (What am I, a Disney princess?)

I'll be back with you someday. It'll be your anniversary present from me. You're welcome in advance. XOXO - World's Handsomest Boyfriend.

-P.S. You left your deodorant in the Hab. I've been using it. Totally not creepy.

-P.P.S. Who's the stinky one now?

-P.P.P.S. You better be prepared, when I get off this wasteland of a planet, I'm making up for lost time. You aren't gonna be able to walk for AT LEAST a week.

-P.P.P.P.S. I was talking about CUDDLING you perv~

(or was I? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

~~~

This had to be one of the greatest days in Mark Watney's life.

Contact.

Sweet, sweet contact!

[11:18]JPL: Mark, This is Venkat Kapoor. We've been watching you since Sol 49. The whole world's been rooting for you. Amazing job, getting Pathfinder. We're working on rescue plans. JPL is adjusting Ares 4's MDV to do a short overland flight. They'll pick you up, then take you with them to Schiaparelli. We're putting together a supply mission to keep you fed until Ares 4 arrives.

Watney could hardly believe it! Everything was working! They had known he was alive since Sol 49! His eyes were brimming and his breathing came out in short gasps as he fought to control himself. He used to take messages for granted, now they're the only tether he has to humanity.

He's not alone anymore.

His hands shook as he wrote out his message.

[11:29]Watney: Glad to hear it. Really looking forward to not dying. I want to make it clear it wasn't the crew's fault. What did they say when they found out I was alive?

Mark shifted in his seat. The reply was taking a bit longer than expected. He hadn't talked to anyone in so long. The thought of being so close, only to fail right in the beginning was terrifying. He wasn't sure he could survive that kind of disappointment.

[11:48]JPL: We haven't told the crew you're alive yet. We wanted them to focus on their own mission.

What. The. Fuck.

Mark covered his face with his hands and released a frustrated groan. "You've got to be shitting me!"

You didn't know. You didn't know he was alive.

"What the fuck? Wha... What the fuck?!" He took a shaky breath and wrestled with his frustration.

[12:05]Watney: They don't know I'm alive? What the fuck? WTF? Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with you?

[12:23]JPL: Please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the entire world.

They did not just say that.

After everything he has been through, there is no way JPL just told him to watch his language.

So, that's how they want to play it, huh?

[12:42]Watney: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shit fuck shit fuck! Fuck fuckity fuckfuckfuck! Oh look! A pair of boobs!-> (.Y.) How's that for watching my language, you goddamned bureaucratic felchers!

NASA got the message loud and clear.

~~~

Four months passed and you fell into a routine. Wake up, eat, work, sleep, repeat. It was predictable, which was something you were thankful for.

You took on Watney's role as the ship's botanist. You weren't as good as him, but really, who was? You couldn't match his skill even if you tried. Still, you followed all of his experiments. Took diligent notes and snapped as many pictures as you could.

Martinez joked that you took better care of the plants than yourself. It was one of those jokes meant to expose an underlying issue: You weren't looking after yourself. There was a shadow hanging over everything you did. The crew was experiencing it too. Mark Watney was one of a kind. Everyone he touched felt his loss so viscerally, so deeply.

You needed time, just like Vogel said. But that didn't mean everyone had to be okay with you beating yourself up like this.

Lewis knew better than anyone how you were feeling. As the Commander, she should have tried a little harder. And you... You were right there in arm's reach. Yes, Lewis knew how you felt only too well.

You heard a faint Knock in the doorway. You looked up from the camera and met Beck's eyes.

"Data dump will be completed soon. Care to join?" He smiled.

You managed a smile back, "Yeah, sure. I'm hoping I got something from my siblings. Maybe my niece and nephew too." You strapped the camera to the wall so it wouldn't float away, then you pushed yourself toward your crewmate.

"How about your parents?" He asked.

"Oh, that's a given. I can't get them to leave me alone," you chuckled.

You floated down to Semicone-A, where everyone else was already waiting for the data dump.

"Is it here yet?" Beck asked.

"Almost, it's at ninety-eight percent." Johanssen shot him a grin.

"You're looking cheerful, Martinez," Beck laughed.

"My son turned three yesterday." He beamed. Should be some pics of the party. How about you?"

"Oh, nothing special. Just some peer reviews of a paper I wrote a few years back."

"Complete," Johanssen said. "All the personal e-mails are dispatched to your laptops. Also there's a telemetry update for Vogel and a system update for me....Huh.... There's a voice message addressed to the whole crew."

"Play it." Lewis shrugged. Everyone gathered around the screen as Beth pressed play.

"Hermes, this is Mitch Henderson," the message started.

"Henderson? Talking directly to us without CAPCOM?"

Lewis raised her hand to signal silence.

"I have some news. There's no subtle way to put this:.....Mark Watney's still alive."

Your stomach dropped.

"Wha-" Beck choked.

"I know that's a surprise. And I know you'll have a lot of questions. We're going to answer those questions. But for now I'll just give you the basics. He's alive and healthy. We found out two months ago and decided not to tell you. I was strongly against all that. We're telling you now because we finally have communication with him and a viable rescue plan. It boils down to Ares 4 picking him up with a modified MDV. We'll get you a full write-up of what happened, but it's definitely not your fault. Mark stresses that every time it comes up."

You clenched your eyes shut as they burned painfully with tears.

"Take some time to absorb this. Your science schedules are cleared for tomorrow. Send all the questions you want and we'll answer them. Henderson out."

Silence fell over the bridge.

"He...He's alive?" Martinez beamed.

"He lives." Vogel nodded excitedly and squeezed your shoulder.

"Holy shit!" Beck laughed. "Holy shit! Commander! He's alive!"

"I left him behind," Lewis muttered.

You covered your eyes with your hands, fighting to stay quiet.

"No, hey... we all left togeth-"

"You followed orders...I left him behind. In a barren, unreachable, godforsaken wasteland." Lewis scowled and trudged off the bridge.

Everyone stood around the console. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Y/N?" Chris asked softly.

"Are you okay?" Beth added.

You shook your head. You couldn't look at any of them right now.

"I need a minute..." you said softly before hurrying back out of the Semicone. You retreated back to the comfort of the botany lab. It was all so much to process.

First Mark is dead, you left him behind to die. Then Mark is alive, you left him behind to die. He doesn't want you to blame yourselves, it was terrible luck. He's healthy. He can contact Earth. Mars is a desolate planet. He's all alone. On an entire planet. You left him there. He will never be safe until he's back on Earth soil. It will be four years until Ares 4 arrives.

He will be alone on Mars for four years.

You left him there.

~~~

Y/N,

I'm typing this letter to you because talking to you relaxes me. I won't actually be sending this to you. It's not going to be professional in nature like the other notes I've sent you. (JPL says that you have received all of them, but have neglected to send me any of your responses. The only one I have gotten from any of the crew was one from Lewis. She invited me for beer to make up for leaving me on Mars.)

Anyway, some bad stuff happened. I wish you were here. Not because I want you to have been launched by an airlock. Never that. I just really fucking miss you. I really need you right now. I almost died last night. I had to do some serious surgery on my suit to keep me alive and I had to sift through the dilapidated remnants of the Hab to find a new one.

I'm so tired. I just want you to hold me. I'm so sick of all of this. Fuck Mars, Fuck the Hab. I'm so sick and tired of getting my hopes up and being disappointed. I miss you so much. You make every one of my bad days good. I know if you were here, everything would be okay again.

Why did this have to happen?

Mars keeps throwing curve balls at me, but I'm not giving up. I've got a lot to look forward to and I'm trying to focus on that.

-Mark

P.S. Your bed stopped smelling like you a month ago.

~~~

The crew of Ares 3 met in the Rec. A secret message had arrived not even an hour ago. One that would alter their mission by 533 extra days.

"Are we going to do it?" Johanssen asked.

"I won't lie, I'd sure as hell like to. But this isn't a normal decision. This is something NASA expressly rejected. We're talking about mutiny. And that's not a word I throw around lightly," Lewis explained. "We'll only do it if we all agree. And before you answer, consider the consequences. If we mess up the supply rendezvous, we die. If we mess up the Earth gravity assist, we die. If we do everything correctly, we add 533 days to our mission. 533 days of unplanned space travel where anything could go wrong. Maintenance will be a hassle. Something might break that we can't fix. If it's life-critical, we die."

"Sign me up!" Martinez announced, causing you to smile. At least someone else was as enthusiastic to bring Mark home as you were.

"Easy, cowboy. You and I are military. There's a good chance we'd be court-martialed when we get home. As for the rest of you, I guarantee they'll never send you up again," Lewis said.

"If we do this," Vogel looked to you and back at Lewis. "It would mean over one thousand days of space. This is enough space for a life. I do not need to return."

You couldn't have possibly said it better yourself. It was like Alex was reading your mind.

"Sounds like Vogel's in. Me too obviously," Martinez laughed.

"Let's do it," Beck agreed.

"If you think it'll work, I trust you," Johanssen said.

Lewis nodded and turned to you. "Y/L/N?"

"You don't even need to ask me. Let's go get our boy," You smiled.

Wow. This is the first time you've smiled... a real smile, since leaving Mars.

'Hang in there babe,' You thought. 'I'm on my way.'

~~~

LOG ENTRY: SOL 192-2

Yep, another secret letter do my dear, long lost love~ How predictable. I don't really care, today's been a great day. I can't believe you're coming back for me! Here I was, thinking I'd have to survive without you for four years. Then there you go, riding in from the sunset to bring me home.

Logically I know the rest of the crew had something to do with it, but I kind of like the idea that maybe I am a Disney princess and you're my knight in shining armor coming to rescue me.

It's like the story of Rapunzel, except my tower is a whole planet and instead of catching my hair, you're catching my MAV. Now that I think about it, the stories are more different than they are similar.

That hardly matters though, what does matter is that for the first time I actually feel like I'll survive. I trust our team with every fiber of my being, but most of all I trust you. I'm gonna rest easy tonight. And in the morning I'll start my work on the rovers!

See you in about a year babe! I'll be counting down the hours. Literally.

LOG ENTRY: SOL 426

Happy anniversary Y/N! You thought I'd forget? Never! You know why that is? Because I fucking love you, that's why!

Four years we've been together as of today, that's assuming we are counting the year we've been apart as "being together", (which I do.) Today I'm really beating myself up over frying Pathfinder with my drill all those months ago. It was my only form of communication with you and I royally fucked it up.

You'd think that cutting myself off from Earth, NASA and humanity at large would be what upset me the most. Nope, it's the fact that I can't send you a super sneaky secret anniversary e-mail. I also missed my parents' birthdays, your birthday, Christmas AND Thanksgiving. Twice. Also, fucking Valentine's day! I used to hate that holiday before I met you.

Anyway, as you can see, I totally have all my priorities in order! Also! I got you a present~ Since you have no way to read this, I don't feel bad spoiling it for you. I found a little rock. It's in the shape of a heart.

Awwww wow! That's cute, I just realized that I'm giving you my heart for our anniversary! To be honest, you had it a long time ago.

I miss you. I miss your smell, your eyes, the feel of your skin. Most of all, I really, really miss your voice. I just want to hear you. I've forgotten what you sound like. I'm scared If I didn't have this picture of you and your brother, I'd forget what your face looks like too.

I'm starting my long commute to Schiaparelli in 23 days. It'll be a two month drive. I really hate driving in the rover. But if it gets me to you, who cares? I'm stalling. I've got a lot of work tomorrow and I just want to enjoy today. I wish I was there with you to enjoy it obviously, but we can't all get what we want (least of all, me.) I've learned how to settle.

Speaking of settling, what do you think about getting married in the woods, or a big grassy field? I'd like there to be as much green as possible. No red or orange, we're talking the opposite side of the color wheel here. I can picture you walking down the aisle. I'll be an absolute mess, but who cares. You're the love of my life. Thanks for, y'know, coming back to pick me up instead of leaving me to die on Mars.

I hope you like the rock.

-Mark

P.S. I grew a beard and my hair looks like the 80's had a baby with a grease monster. You'd hate it.

P.P.S. I hope you're into pirates~

P.P.P.S. Y/N Watney... Mark Y/L/N... hmmmmm, so hard to choose!

P.P.P.P.S. We are never eating potatoes again.

P.P.P.P.P.S And ABSOLUTELY NO DISCO MUSIC!

~~~

You stared at Mars creeping back into view. The last time you were here, Mark was sitting beside you, arm around your waist, your head on his shoulder. Maybe it wasn't your most subtle of moments, but how could anyone not be enthralled by the beauty of the red planet? Even now it was hard not to feel stricken with wonder.

Sometimes your mind played tricks on you. You'd see a speck of dust on the window and think you could see Watney on the surface. That was ridiculous of course, There is no possible way to see an individual person this far out. That didn't stop you from imagining it.

NASA had briefed everyone on the Martian's health, explained that he wouldn't look the same as the last time you saw him. You expected as much, but the thought still worried you. It wasn't that you were worried if you'd still find him attractive, there was no force on Earth or beyond that could change how much you loved Mark Watney. It was his health that worried you.

During all your back and forth questions with NASA that Henderson had arranged, you inquired about his health. They said he was doing well, but that he was stretching his little amount of food to its limits. That's what scared you the most. How would his immune system fare? How would he acclimate back to normal food on Earth? All of these questions went unanswered. NASA was honest, "we won't know for sure until he gets here."

"Mind if I join you?" Lewis asked softly, floating a short distance away.

"Of course Commander. I'd like the company," You said. It was surprising to realize you actually meant it. It'd been awhile since you wanted to spend time with anyone.

Melissa floated further into the cupola and settled beside you.

"Crazy to think that in a few days he'll be up here with us again..." Lewis said softly.

"Yeah..." you said softly, keeping your eyes ahead.

"I know how much you miss him... You two were always great friends."

You swallowed hard and tried to ignore the pit in your stomach as you nodded. "Yeah..."

You could see Lewis looking at you out of the corner of your eye. Her expression was conflicted. "I'm really sorry this happened. I know it's been hard on you. I should have searched a little longer-"

"Commander." You stopped her from continuing. "You did all you could. You made the right decision. I wish none of this had happened, but none of this was your fault. It couldn't have been easy to make the choice, and I'm willing to bet that if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have been strong enough to do it. I'm sure everyone else feels the same exact way, Mark included." You placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Thanks, that's... Thank you," Melissa smiled.

"We're a team, that's what we do. We keep each other grounded."

"That's actually sort of what I wanted to talk to you about..."

"What do you mean?"

"NASA just sent the message a few minutes ago. They're letting us talk to Watney... Directly," Lewis said. You blinked in surprise. No matter how many times you asked, NASA wouldn't allow any kind of direct communication. You wondered why the sudden change of heart.

"Henderson thinks we need to remind him of what he has to look forward to, keep his eyes on the prize so to speak. At least, that's how he's been pitching it to the director. Anyway, the rest of the crew and I agree you should be the one to do it," she finished.

"R-really? I can talk to him?" You asked hopefully, hoping this wasn't a dream.

"Y/N, I can't think of anyone else he would need to hear from more."

~~~

Mark was waiting by the coms in the MAV for any final updates from NASA regarding the meticulous destruction of his ship, piece by piece. He had just finished taking out the main window and it was heavy as hell, even in Mars gravity. He was happy he at least had some time to rest after all that hard work. If he was lucky, maybe they'd wait too long and it would be too dark to get any work done. He could use a good sleep, it seemed like he was needing it more and more lately. Watney suddenly heard the telltale beeps that signaled an incoming message. He was expecting a barrage of questions about his progress, instead he got something so much better.

[19:22] Y/L/N: Hey, Mark.

Mark's voice got caught in his throat.

Y/N.

It had been so fucking long since he talked to you. His eyes burned and his hands shook. Watney leaned his head back in relief, thanking god for this incredible gift. "I just about gave up on you man..." Mark smiled to the sky before nervously typing back.

[19:23] MAV: Y/N!? Holy crap! They're finally letting you talk to me directly?

You released a sigh and covered your face with your hands. He was responding! Really responding! Everyone was looking at you. Beck beamed at you while Martinez watched on with interest. Lewis was waiting to see if you could handle it. No way you were gonna let this one chance slip through your fingers. You sniffed and wiped your eyes before responding.

[19:24] Y/L/N: Yes, NASA just gave the OK for direct communication an hour ago. We're only 35 light-seconds apart, so we can talk in near-real time. Johanssen just set up the system and I'm testing it out.

Mark sighed and smiled. Level headed and professional as always. How you had such self control, he had no idea.

[19:24] MAV: What took them so long to let us talk?

You looked up at Lewis, silently asking if you could relay the truth. She nodded.

[19:25] Y/L/N: The psych team was worried about personality conflicts. [19:25] MAV: Why? Just 'cause you guys abandoned me on a godforsaken planet with no chance of survival?

Mark typed without thinking and as soon as he hit send, he regretted it. He didn't want you to feel bad, It was a joke. You'd understand that right?

[19:26] Y/L/N: Not funny. Don't make me come down there and kick you.

Watney let out a choked laugh. Half a chuckle and half a sob.

[19:26] MAV: God I missed you.

You smiled at the screen and pushed down the urge to hug Martinez behind you. You were really talking to him! He was only 35 light-seconds away! Suddenly you realized you were blessed with an opportunity even more amazing than just talking with him. You could ask him what you had been asking in all of your disregarded emails!

[19:27] Y/L/N: We missed you too. I've had to take over the botany lab. You'll be happy to know I haven't killed any of your plants...Yet. How are you feeling? We've gotten a few updates from NASA regarding your health, but nothing in incredible detail.

Watney chuckled at the text appearing in front of him. 'Cute,' he thought.

[19:27] MAV: Awwww, are you worried about me?

The crew laughed and you shook your head, swiftly adding your response.

[19:28] Y/L/N: Do I really need to answer that?

Mark snickered and decided not to tease you. He wanted to tell you all of his woes and adequately prepare you for how much he had changed. But he didn't want to put a damper on the mood. Luckily, Watney was a master at sugarcoating.

[19:29] MAV: I'm doing okay. My clothing feels a little loose and I'm craving spaghetti. I'm also in desperate need of a shower. Other than that, I'm just fine. Looking forward to seeing you and the rest of the crew.

Your smile fell. You were happy he was being at least somewhat honest, but you knew it was probably worse than he was making out to be. Unfortunately, Watney was a master at sugarcoating.

[19:29] Y/L/N: We're looking forward to seeing you too. I think it's safe to say a big group hug is in order, if I can get Vogel in on it that is.

Watney hummed at the thought of holding you in his arms. The image was so clear, yet so far away.

[19:30] MAV: At this point, I'd even settle for holding hands. Group hug sounds nice. How are you doing Y/N? I wrote you a lot of emails.

You grimaced and thought your next words through very carefully. With the crew watching, it was hard to collect your thoughts.

[19:31] Y/L/N: I wrote you plenty of my own. There was only so much air time to be used outside of helping you survive. My guess is they put priority on Commander Lewis' emails. Rightfully so of course. I'm doing fine. I've missed you a lot. To be honest, a lot is probably a huge understatement. It's hard to express exactly what I want to say over message.

Mark nodded. You watched him presumably die, leave his 'body' behind, mourn his loss over a period of months, find out you left him there alive, be unable to talk to him for about a year, and suddenly he was here reading and responding to your messages, but you have to limit the details so as to keep those private thoughts private. He couldn't imagine what he would do if the roles were reversed. What you wanted to say needed to be kept between you and him. He understood. There was a lot he wanted to say too.

[19:32] MAV: I know what you mean. I'll be there soon, then you can tell me all about it in person. And I'll tell you all about my space crops and my long voyage to the MAV. Have I mentioned I'm a space pirate?

The crew laughed and for a moment, it felt like he was there. Really there.

[19:33] Y/L/N: Good to know you're still the funniest person on Mars. [19:33] MAV: Thanks! [19:33] MAV: Wait a minute! Rude! Don't make me come up there! [19:34] Y/L/N: Don't threaten me with a good time, Watney. [19:34] MAV: ;)

You were about to make some really elaborate emoji out of parentheses and dots, when you saw a notification from NASA. Playtime was over. You scowled as you broke the news to your boyfriend.

[19:34] Y/L/N: I hate to cut this short, but NASA wants us to keep the line open. We'll be in touch asking for updates on your progress, but don't expect too much witty banter.

Mark's heart sank a little, but there was no use in leaving such a perfect night on a sour note.

[19:35] MAV: Figures. NASA never lets me do anything fun! Tell the others I said hi. [19:36] Y/L/N: I'll be sure to pass it along!

Mark's leg tapped nervously. He knew NASA was right about keeping the line open, but he really didn't want it to end yet.

[19:36] MAV: Hey, thanks for coming to get my sorry ass. [19:36] Y/L/N: No thanks necessary. We'd do it a million times over.

Watney knew you meant it. He could feel the warmth through the bland MAV text on the screen. He couldn't wait to be up there with you...But what if something went wrong? Fuck, don't think about this now! Everything's going to be fine! Right? But what if... There was always a chance, especially on Mars, that things would not go your way. And the likelihood of him surviving this mission was slim at best. He needed to tell you. He should have said it a lot more. A whisper here and there in the hallways, maybe some stupid middle school secret code. Like hell he was going to pass up this one chance, consequences be damned.

[19:37] MAV: I love you, Y/N.

Your heart lurched in your chest. The room fell silent. Martinez lightly squeezed your shoulder. Your eyes flitted around the room to your colleagues. All of them stared with bewildered looks on their faces. What were you supposed to say? What if you got him in trouble? If he was worried about that, why would he send this in the first place?

'You know what, Fuck it,' you thought.

Watney watched the screen with baited breath. "Please..." He whispered. "Please."

[19:38] Y/L/N: I love you too Mark. Sleep well, we'll be there before you know it.

Mark released a cry of joy and typed through the tears.

[19:39] MAV: You too. Goodnight. [19:39] Y/L/N: Goodnight, Mark.

The line received no new messages after that. Mark rested there a moment before retreating back to the rover. Once the airlock had engaged, he removed his helmet and admired the picture of you and your brother he had taped to the rover computer.

He used to take those words for granted. Why say it when you could show it? He showed it to you as often as he could... At least he used to. You never made him question it for a second. You gave him compliments, brought him water on late nights, listened to his nerdy ramblings about plants and D&D. He'd help you to bed when you were too tired to stand, work out the knots in your shoulders while you typed. Over a year has passed and your grip on his heart is still firm. And when you said those three little words, all of it made sense again. Mark Watney would never again question the power of I love you. He was going to remind you every chance he got. He was going to ask you for it as often as possible. His mom and dad would hear it in every phone call, and no more excluding his friends. He loved them too. He would say it until the term loses all meaning, then he'd remember this night where I love you saved his life.

Mark took off his gloves and danced his thin fingers over the photograph.

"See you soon, baby..." He whispered, "I love you."

~~~

You pulled on your headset and took a deep, self soothing breath. In an hour, the love of your life was going to be launched into Mars's orbit in what could barely be considered a MAV. The thing was a Frankenstein version of the shuttle you had taken off the planet nearly two years ago.

You shook your head. What Mark needed right now was confidence. You could do that.

"How you feeling Y/L/N?" Martinez smiled over at you.

"Like I'm gonna throw up," You laughed.

"Anxious huh?" He smirked, "For the launch, or for your man?"

"Both," You smacked his arm and rolled your eyes. Martinez and Beck hadn't stopped giving you crap for the I love you texts. You didn't mind too much, it was nice being able to acknowledge that side of your relationship with Mark. Unfortunately it made for some rather awkward conversations with the NASA administrators.

"You got nothing to worry about, he's in good hands," Rick said reassuringly.

"I know, we're all badass trained professionals with years of experience," you chuckled. "I can't help it. I'm built to worry."

"You've checked and double checked the telemetry. Johanssen confirmed all of your calculations. It's going to be a smooth ride for sure."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

//////////

Mark scowled at his reflection in the mirror and stroked his beard. He looked like shit, no way around it. He hadn't taken a moment to really look at himself for a long time and he couldn't say he liked what he saw.

"It's the end of an era," Watney said to nobody as he grabbed the razor. "No more captain blonde-beard."

Mark took his time shaving his chin and trimming the hair on his head. By the end of it, he still looked like shit but slightly less so. He felt a little more like himself at least.

He patted his chest to make sure the picture was still there, tucked under his uniform. It was there, along with his anniversary present to you. He slipped the headset over his ears and turned it on. It was nearly time to go. Watney pulled the suit on over his head and double checked if it was all on securely.

"I'm leaving Mars today, one way or another..." He whispered. "About fucking time."

//////////

"Fuel engine green," Your voice seemed to cause time itself to slow down. Not just for Mark, but for the entire world. "Engine alignment, perfect." Mark closed his eyes took a series of deep breaths, trying in vain to keep his emotions in check. "Communications five by five. We are ready for preflight checklist, Commander."

"Copy." Lewis said. "Mission Control, this is Hermes actual. We will proceed on schedule. we have T minus two minutes, ten seconds to launch... Mark." The commander turned her attention to the man of the hour. "About two minutes Watney. How you doing down there?"

"I'm good." He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "I'm anxious to get up to you. Thanks for coming back for me."

You sniffed and shot a smile to Johanssen, who sent you a grin of her own.

"We're going to make it happen. Remember, You'll be pulling some pretty heavy g's. It's okay if you pass out. You're in Martinez's hands."

"Well, tell that asshole no barrel rolls."

"Copy that, MAV."

"CAPCOM."

"Go," you said.

Mark's bottom lip quivered

"Guidance."

"Go," Johanssen said.

"Remote Command."

"Go," Martinez said.

"Telemetry."

"Go," you said again.

He couldn't fight it anymore, he let the tears fall.

"Recovery."

"Go," Beck said.

"Secondary Recovery."

"Go," Vogel said.

"Pilot."

Mark steadied his voice before speaking, "go."

"Mission control, we are go for launch. T minus ten," You said.

"Nine."

"Eight."

"Seven."

"Six."

"Five."

Mark closed his eyes and focused on your voice. "See you in a few, baby..." He whispered.

"Four."

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

The force of the blast was incredible, and growing more painful by the second. His breathing came out short and panicked as the Hab canvas rattled nightmarishly against the MAV. His panic only increased as the canvas ripped from the shuttle, exposing him to the full force of the MAV's thrust. He couldn't even scream. All he could do was watch the sky grow darker and darker.

"Watney." He heard your voice from far away.

"Watney, do you read me?" Your voice called again. His eyes drooped and his vision faded.

//////////

"Watney. Do you read?" You asked in the calmest voice you could muster.

"He's probably passed out. He pulled 12 g's on the ascent. Give him a few minutes," Beck said.

"Copy that." You said and turned your attention on the numbers before you. "I have interval pings. Intercept velocity will be eleven meters per second."

"I can make that work," Beck confirmed.

"Distance at intercept will be....we'll be sixty-eight kilometers apart..." You whimpered and buried your face in your hands.

"Did they say sixty-eight Kilometers? Kilometers?!" Beck cried.

"Keep it together, work the problem. Martinez, any juice left in the MAV?" Lewis asked.

"Negative, Commander."

"Then we'll have to go to him. Y/L/N, time to intercept?"

"Thirty-nine minutes, twelve seconds," You steeled yourself and focused on your coordinates.

"Martinez, what if we point the attitude thrusters all the same direction?" Lewis asked.

"Depends on how much we want to save for the attitude adjustments on the trip home."

"How much do you need?"

"I could get by with maybe twenty percent of what's left. If I use the other eighty percent... We'd get a delta-v of thirty-one meters per second."

"Y/L/N, Math."

"In thirty-nine minutes, we'd deflect....seventy-two kilometers! Use seventy-five point five percent of remaining attitude adjust fuel. That'll bring the intercept range to zero," You did the math quickly.

"Do it." Lewis said.

"Hold your horses, that'll get the range to zero, but the velocity will be forty-two meters per second."

"Then we have thirty-nine minutes to figure out how to slow down. Burn the jets."

//////////

Mark awoke to find himself spinning. Flashes of stars and the red glow of the Martian surface had him feeling a little dizzy. "MAV to Hermes?"

"Watney?" You gasped.

"Affirmative," he grunted.

"What's your status?" You asked calmly.

"Uhhh..." He winced and leaned back in his seat. "My chest hurts. I think I broke a rib. How are you, sweetheart?" He groaned.

"We're working on getting to you," you relayed. "There was a complication in the launch."

"Yeah," Watney dejectedly looked at the massive hole in the roof of his ship. "The canvas didn't hold. I think it ripped early in the ascent."

"That's consistent with what we saw during the launch," Lewis agreed.

"How bad is it, Commander?" he asked.

"We were able to correct the intercept range with Hermes's attitude thrusters, but there's a problem with the intercept velocity."

"How big a problem."

"Forty-two meters per second."

"Well..." Mark paused and tried to wrap his head around that number. "Shit."

//////////

You typed furiously, staring at your screen unblinkingly as you worked through all the possible ways to bring down the velocity.

"Hey, I've got an idea," Watney said.

"Of course you do, what have you got?" Lewis asked.

"I could find something sharp in here and poke a hole in my EVA suit. I could use the escaping air as a thruster and fly my way to you. The source of thrust would be on my arm, so I'd be able to control it pretty easily."

"How does he come up with this shit?" Martinez laughed.

"I can't see you having any control if you did. You'd be eyeballing the intercept using a thrust vector you can barely control."

"I admit it's fatally dangerous, but consider this: I'd get to fly around like Iron Man."

"We'll keep working on ideas," Lewis said.

"Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man."

"Stand by," Lewis temporarily cut contact with Watney.

You furrowed your brows at the screen, waiting for the correct course of action to jump out at you. Suddenly, there it was. "Wait! that's it!" you looked back at the Commander. "Mark's a genius! We could use the ship's atmosphere as thrust. We could blow the vehicular airlock. Seal the bridge and the reactor room. Iron Man... But bigger!"

"....." Melissa stared at you for a moment before addressing Alex. "Vogel?"

"Yes commander?"

"I need you to come inside and make a bomb," she ordered.

~~~

"I have visual, I can see the MAV," Beck said. "Jesus Mark, what did you do to that thing?"

"You should see the rover," Mark radioed. He was ready to get out of his goddamned chair, ready to get away from this hunk of junk that could barely be considered a MAV.

"Call out my velocity to Mark every two seconds or so," Chris said.

"Copy." You responded.

"Hey Beck, the front's wide open. I'll get up there and be ready to grab at you." Watney said.

"Negative, no untethered movement. Stay strapped to your chair until you're attached to Beck."

"Copy." Mark huffed. Lewis was right, impatience would be the death of him out here and he had come too far to die now. Instead, he focused on your voice calling out the relative velocity.

"Three point one meters per second."

"Eleven meters to target."

"Six meters."

"Contact." Beck grabbed the canvas of the destroyed MAV. "Firm contact."

"You have fourteen seconds Dr. Beck."

"Copy."

Nothing could have prepared Watney for how he'd feel seeing Beck's helmet poking through the opening.

Pure. Unadulterated. Serotonin.

"Visual on Watney!"

"Visual on Beck!"

"How ya doin' man?" Beck pushed himself toward Mark, meanwhile Mark was trying not to have another emotional breakdown.

"I....I just...Give me a minute, you're the first person I've seen in eighteen months," Watney croaked.

"We don't have a minute," Beck clumsily collided with Mark. "Contact with Watney... Connected!"

"Restraints off," Watney called.

"We're outta here!"

//////////

"Houston, this is Hermes actual. Seven crew safely aboard," Lewis's voice echoed in your mind as you, Martinez, Johanssen, and Lewis pushed yourselves toward the airlock where Vogel and Beck were bringing him in.

Mark.

You could see his dusty helmet from the small window on the airlock. Already you were feeling an overwhelming ache deep in your chest. There he was, only a few feet away, behind this door. Your crewmates flew in and clambered for Watney.

"Hey guys!" He laughed.

You were frozen in the doorway.

His helmet came off.

Everything slowed down.

Everyone was smiling and laughing. High fiving. Quick hugs. They all wanted to get as far away from the smell as they could.

Your eyes met.

There were beads of what looked like water floating in the air. When did you start crying?

Mark held out his arms to you and you wasted no more time. He hugged you as tightly as he could with the bulky arms of his EVA suit. His face buried into your neck as he cried softly. "Y/N...." He whispered in a broken voice. "Y-Y/N?"

"I'm right here Mark... Right here." You cradled the back of his head, scratching that spot at the base of his neck. He always liked it when you did that

"I stink, don't I?" Watney laughed in between sobs.

"You do. You really do," You tried to keep up the joke. "But if im being completely honest, I couldn't possibly care less," you laughed.

Slowly, you pulled back so you could get a good look at his face. He was thin. Gaunt, and covered in bed sores. That should have been expected of course, It's not like he had anywhere to shower in the rover. He looked at you like you were an angel. He looked embarrassed, like he wanted to hide.

Your fingers danced over his cheek and his eyes fluttered closed at the tenderness. The crew watched on with pride and varying degrees of bashfulness.

Mark opened his eyes and stared at you pleadingly as orbs of tears flowed from their corners. "Y/N... Please..." He whispered.

You didn't hesitate for a second.

You grabbed the sides of Mark's face and smashed your lips against his. So soft... your hands are so soft and your lips are trembling. The heat of your skin, the scent of your hair. It was even better than he remembered. He couldn't breathe, he could barely even think. He wanted so desperately to kiss you back, to fall into your embrace until there's no space left between, but his ribs hurt like hell and his suit was in the way. Mark whimpered as your fingers tangled into his hair. Fuck. Fuck. 'Everything hurts baby, please don't stop kissing me,' he pleaded in his head. 'Don't stop.'

When you started pulling away, he reached out to pull you closer again, but winced when he moved his arm.

"Slow down, baby." You breathed and pressed a little smooch to his forehead.

"Alright love birds, I need to get Iron Man over here to sick bay."

"But-" Watney protested.

"No buts, you need an X-ray and a shower. Maybe three." Beck laughed.

Mark looked at you pleadingly and you caressed his face. "I'll be by once Beck fixes you up. I gotta help check the ship for damage. Okay?"

He nodded and smiled. "Don't miss me too much~"

"You seek the impossible, Watney." You kissed his forehead again and let Chris lead your Martian down the hall to his quarters.

"Wow," Martinez said "I can't decide if that was incredibly romantic or incredibly awkward."

"Shut up Martinez," You playfully shoved his shoulder.

"Honestly though, he smells terrible! You've got some nerves of steel, Y/L/N," Johanssen joked.

"My boyfriend just spent eighteen months alone on a remote planet, If he wants a kiss he's gonna get that goddamned kiss. Definitely not a quick one and definitely not a half-assed one. But I will say one thing," you grinned.

"What's that?" Lewis smirked.

"He's not getting another one until he brushes his teeth."

~~~

Mark settled into his bunk after what felt like hours. He finally had a bath. Five, in fact. The showers were on a timer to conserve water. He had to run that timer five times before he finally felt clean. The water hurt the sores on his skin, but he felt so much better afterward that he almost wanted to go in for a sixth one. Mark brushed his teeth about three times and got rid of all the tangles in his hair. He'd need someone to touch up the cutting job he did. Now that it was all brushed out, it looked astoundingly bad.

After his long grooming session, Beck took an X-ray and determined that he'd broken two ribs. Chris bandaged him up, gave him some pain medicine, made him eat, and sent him to bed for some well deserved rest. At first, Mark protested. He hated the idea of everyone else fixing the ship while their lead engineer was taking a nap. But he was painfully tired and painfully...well... in pain.

Hey! His bunk didn't smell like shit! That's a huge upgrade from his bunk in the Hab- no more thinking about that place.

With a deep groan, Watney eased himself into bed. Weird...his sheets smelled like you. He didn't mind of course, you always smelled nice. He had never been more thankful for the centripetal force spinning the ship. He would have hated having broken ribs in zero g's. He imagined trying to sleep with his body constantly moving ever so slightly. Sounded like hell to him.

Mark wondered what the others were doing. He hoped there wasn't something too terribly wrong with the ship. The subtle groans of metal didn't ease his nerves. He was never scared of the Hermes before, but he was just now coming to terms with that fact that the ship had taken some serious abuse over the past few months, not to mention the past few hours. Normally Hermes would undergo maintenance after each mission, but because they turned around to get him that maintenance was scrapped.

New fear unlocked: Dooming his team to die in space because they had to turn around and get him.

He almost thought the knocking on his door was the hull breaking apart into a billion little bite-sized pieces.

"Come in," he said.

He expected it to be Beck checking in on him, but he was relieved when you poked your head in with a shy smile.

"Heyyyy, look over there! It's the world's handsomest boyfriend!" You said with gusto.

"You are such a kiss ass," Mark laughed, which hurt his ribs, which made him laugh again from how pitiful he must look.

You scoffed as you stepped into his quarters, shutting the door behind you. "You calling me a liar?" you grabbed a loose storage box and used it as a chair so you could sit beside his bed.

"That's exactly what I'm calling you," he smirked. "Seriously. Have you seen me lately? I look like a... a popsicle stick with a bad haircut."

You looked him up and down. His sores looked a lot better after cleaning them. You had no doubt they would heal nicely. The malnourishment on the other hand... That might take some work. You and Beck already had a few dietary plans for him. You discussed it while you reorganized the chow hall. Still, Mark was the most beautiful person you had ever seen. Even now, those alluring blue eyes were mesmerizing you. And let's not forget that goddamned tantalizing smile.

"I'm looking at you right now, babe," You giggled.

"And?"

"You're still as gorgeous as ever. Just a gorgeous man who's been through some shit," you carded your fingers through his hair. Mark hummed and closed his eyes. "How are you feeling?" you whispered.

"Physically or emotionally?"

"Both."

"Emotionally, happy. Very happy. Best day of my life kind of happy," he smiled. "Physically, pretty shitty. The medicine hasn't kicked in."

"Anything I can do to help you feel better?" you asked warmly.

Watney sent you a smug look, "Oh, I can think of a few things that might help~"

"Not until your ribs are healed."

"Damn."

You leaned down and pushed his hair back so you could kiss his forehead. He gave you a dazed grin, "oh, what do you know? I feel better already," he whispered in a gravelly voice. "... I really missed you..."

"I missed you too Mark..."

"I can't believe I can... I can feel you again. I can hear you and see you and feel you... s'insane..." He reached up and cupped your cheek despite the pain. "You were always on my mind. I-I just really wanted... I wanted to make it back to you." He brought his thumb just under your eye to catch a stray tear.

You covered his hand with yours and pressed a kiss to his palm.

"I-I don't even know what to say... I've been feeling so much, I don't know how to... how to-" He swallowed hard.

"Everything's changed so fast," you reassured him. "But we aren't on the messaging system anymore. It's a long journey home, we have plenty of time to find the right words," you continued to run your fingers into his hair.

"I fucking love you... " he closed his eyes and reveled in the feeling of your nails against his scalp. "I'm gonna marry you one day, decided just now."

"Just now?" You snickered.

"No...Realistically, it was the first night we uh... slept together. Do you remember that?" Watney chuckled.

"Of course I do," you smiled, thinking of his messy blonde hair, searing gaze, and strong arms. He took his time with you that night, unhurried, attentive, and unabashedly vocal. "How could I forget?"

Mark shook his head and looked away to hide his blush, but not even his smile could distract you from it. "Sorry, sorry. Go on, continue!"

"Well, I uh..." He let out a sheepish chuckle. "Obviously every part of that night was perfect, but it's what happened after that really changed things."

"Oh?" you leaned closer, curiosity getting the better of you.

"You let me be the little spoon. I'm fine with being the big spoon most of the time, but you gotta be the little spoon sometimes, you know? No one ever let me be the little spoon before you... And when I woke up, you were still holding me." His fingertips danced down your arm, leaving a trail of chills in their wake. Once he reached your hand, Mark intertwined your fingers. It wasn't a conscious movement for him, simply muscle memory. But you couldn't keep your mind off of it. "I know I goof around a lot, but I can't stress how serious I'm being when I say... I have never felt that loved before. It was just... such a perfect night. I knew that you were the one for me well before, but that was the first time I really saw my future flash before my eyes like that."

Your eyes stung a little as you tenderly kissed his lips. "Want to know when I decided?" you whispered against him.

"Please..." He whispered back.

"Remember when I had that terrible flu during the first year of our training program?"

"Oh damn, yeah I do! You looked terrible, baby." Mark teased.

"I felt terrible. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and I definitely couldn't go to lectures... I was so worried about missing, even though the professors agreed there was no way I could come to class. You brought me a copy of your notes. The copy machine in the library was down, so you had to write them by hand... you even filled them with these horrible stick figure drawings," you laughed and Mark brought your knuckles to his lips and watched you, immersed in the sound of your voice. It was like he was trying to commit you to memory. You were doing much the same.

"Anyway, you stayed with me and you made some Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. You stopped by everyday until I got better."

"We were just friends back then," he whispered against your hand.

"I know, but every time I think about how much I love you... that memory comes back, playing on repeat."

"Say that again."

"That again," you smirked. Mark gave you a sassy eyebrow. "Which part babe?" you laughed.

"The uh..." he trailed off.

You lightly kissed his cheek, "I love you, Mark... I love you so much." You peppered his face with little smooches. When you finally pulled back, he was all red again and teary eyed.

"I love you too, Y/N," He whispered. You sat together in silence for awhile before Mark suddenly remembered something extremely important! "Oh shit! I almost forgot!" He winced as he reached into his pocket. "Happy late four year anniversary!" He finally presented you with his gift.

Your fingers trembled as you took the little rock into your hands. Mark's Martian heart stared back up at you, dusting your palm orange.

"Y-you remembered our anniversary?"

"Of course I remembered! Have I ever forgotten before?" Mark smirked.

"N-no, but..." You couldn't help it, you were crying again god dammit. "Thank you Mark, I love it." You beamed and kissed him so hard he lost his entire train of thought. He sighed and pulled you closer like he had wanted to do hours ago. Fuck. There you go again, playing with his hair like it wasn't going to rile him up. He moaned and reached for your waist, only to be pulled swiftly back to reality by the jarring pain in his abdomen. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Mark." You pulled away quickly.

"It wasn't you, I was getting too carried away." He winced and took a deep breath. "My bad," Watney laughed.

You sat down on the crate beside his bed and settled for playing with his hand. While you took inventory of every new callus, Mark once again saw his future flash right before his eyes. You and him and that little house with the green shutters. He's gonna have the best garden in the neighborhood, you'll have all the time in the world for reading. No potatoes. No disco.

"Y/N... Can you hold me?"

"Oh baby, I would love to but the beds are so small-"

"Ouch, oof, oh! ow!" He scooted closer to the wall to make room for you.

You sighed and shook your head. "Mark, your ribs-"

"Please..." he whispered. Dammit! What are you supposed to do when he gives you the puppy eyes!? Beck is going to kill you...

"I can't ever say no to you, can I?" You laughed and scooted into the bed. "Seriously, you've got me wrapped around your finger."

Mark smiled as you tucked yourself into his side. He wanted to be the little spoon, but he couldn't turn over so his back was against your chest. He'd just have to heal quickly, then he could freely snuggle, (and do other things) without any constraints!

He turned his head so he could admire your lovely, beautiful face. You were already looking back at him, one hand holding your rock close to your chest, the other was draped carefully over his waist. Mark swears he's never seen anything more breathtaking in his life.

He slowly leaned closer- Fuck! His ribs hurt so bad, where the hell is the Vicodin when you need it?

You gently smoothed out the crease between his brows with your thumb and pushed his hair back again. Mark closed his eyes, succumbing to the bliss that came with knowing he would never be alone again. You kissed him again and pulled his blanket over the both of you.

"I love you, Mark."

"I love you too."

He felt your hand slip under his shirt and onto his stomach. You drew soft shapes onto his skin, but stopped when you felt the scar just above the hem of his pants. It was jagged and angry.

He swallowed.

Much to his surprise and relief, you didn't pull your hand away. You just kept tracing the new territory.

He sighed and kissed your temple. His body shuddered in relief. "Th-this isn't a dream, right? You'll still be here when I wake up?" he whispered.

You peeked your head up and smiled "I'm not going anywhere, I'm afraid you're stuck with me." You leaned in and gave him one more kiss. He smiled into it and finally allowed himself to rest his eyes.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, Y/L/N..."

[toboldlygohome]

"Because you're beautiful."

Leonard McCoy X Reader

Summary: This morning, you wake up before bones.

Character(s): Leonard "Bones" McCoy

Warning(s): Pure fluff

You drifted slowly awake to the rays of artificial sunlight peeking through the window of your room. The Enterprise had docked at Yorktown the previous evening and you were intent to sleep in. Unfortunately old habits die hard; the clock beside the bed read 7:45 AM. You had managed to pull an extra 45 minutes of sleep, but you were up much earlier than you wanted to be.

You closed your eyes and hoped for sleep to return to you, but your sleep schedule prevailed. You stared at the ceiling for awhile before moving to sit up. You stopped when you heard soft breathing coming from beside you.

You turned and finally noticed your husband of three years, still sound asleep. Leonard worked the alpha shift most days, while you worked the beta shift. This meant that he always woke up well before you. He always said that waking up to you sleeping beside him was the best part of his day. You never understood why until now.

His hair was a mess, brown strands sticking up in every direction. His eyelashes cast little shadows over his cheeks. You admired the way those beautiful lines on his face softened, how his lips parted slightly as he breathed in and out slowly, deeply.

You laid back and watched his chest rise and fall, watched how his hair waved in the breeze of the air conditioner. Leonard's skin lit up with the sunshine streaming in, the perfect mix of gold and pink that glowed in the most ethereal way. Time slowed as you took it all in.

Something stirred from deep within, sending a wave of emotion through you. Every day you fell for him a little more. Three years of marriage and you were still mesmerized by him.

You scooted closer, craving the warmth of his body against yours. As if on instinct, Leonard reached out and pulled you to his chest. Your stomach did back flips as you pressed your cheek against him. You could hear every silent exhale, every steady beat of his heart. You swallowed hard and pressed a tender kiss to his chest. Then another. Then another.

You slid a hand under his shirt and hugged him close. He released a soft sigh as the skin of your hand made contact with his side. He smelled nice too. A mixture of fabric softener and a smell that was so distinctly Leonard, it was impossible to compare it to anything else. You closed your eyes and took a mental snapshot. There are some times in your life where you become aware beyond what would be considered normal. Small moments that should have been insignificant, but somehow endure and replay in your mind over and over again. This was a core memory being formed, not a big one like when you first stepped on the enterprise, your wedding, or your tenth birthday party. It was a quiet one, like riding bikes in the park with your best friend, or the first time a butterfly landed on your arm. You knew that someday when you were old, grey, and drifting away into eternity, you'd see this moment flash before your eyes. And when you did, you'd feel that jolt of unbridled love just as strongly as you were feeling it now.

You turned your head up to his face again and smiled, thinking how lucky you were to wake up to such a vision of a man. You couldn't fight the urge to lean in and kiss his cheek. It tickled your lips with the stubble growing there. You kissed him again, enjoying the prickliness. Leonard hummed and gave you a squeeze. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open. The sun caught them at that perfect angle yet again. You could never quite discern their color. Were they green? Blue? Brown? Right now they seemed like the perfect culmination of all three.

"Good morning darlin'," Leonard whispered in his early-morning timbre that sent goosebumps down your back and up your arms.

"Good morning handsome," You beamed at him and brought your hand to his hair, smoothing the unruly tufts.

"What time is it?" he closed his eyes again while he waited for your answer.

"Too early," You joked as you drank him in. You felt that tug in your chest again, the one that took the breath from your lungs and brought a stinging to your eyes.

His eyes opened again, a smile playing on his lips. The light from the window behind you cascaded around your head like a halo. It was as if he awoke in his own personal heaven, complete with an angel. But the moment his eyes focused, his brows furrowed in concern. "Y/N? What's wrong sweetheart?" He brought his hands to your face and stroked the skin just under your eyes with the pads of his thumbs. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"No honey," you laughed softly as a couple stray tears fell to his hands. "Nothing like that."

"Then what's wrong?" he peered into your watery eyes.

"Nothing's wrong," you admitted.

"Then why are you crying?" Leonard watched you expectantly, trying not to lose himself in the love your gaze was swimming in.

You paused and ran your hands through his hair again. Another snapshot etched itself into your mind. No star in the universe could compare to him. You'd trade all of them away to remain suspended here in his arms forever.

"Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you crying darlin'?"

"Because you're beautiful," You breathed.

A new expression crossed his face in that moment, one you remembered seeing the moment you said I do.

He pulled you down and kissed you deeply, cradling your face in his hands. You sighed dreamily and clutched his shirt tightly.

Frozen.

His hands moved to your waist as you lost yourself in the feel of his lips. Leonard's deft fingers danced along your sides, sending delightful shivers rippling across your skin wherever they touched.

Another snapshot.

He kissed you desperately, like he might never have the pleasure again. He was breathless and lost in a daze. Leonard needed you like he needed air, it was only now that he realized just how much you needed him too

You pulled back and pecked his forehead softly. The lines were back, but you didn't mind. They made him look distinguished.

You eased your head down to his chest. Leonard breathed deeply, content.

"It's early... let's stay here for awhile, if that's okay with you." You whispered.

"You ain't gonna hear me complaining," he smiled against your temple.

"Good," You hummed. You never really considered yourself a morning person. In fact, you loathed rolling out of bed at the crack of dawn and you could barely function without a cup of coffee. But as it turned out, maybe being an early bird wasn't so bad.

After all, you got yourself one hell of a view.

....................

Taglist: @shadowbriar

If you want to be added to my taglist, feel free to reach out!

Thank you for reading!

[toboldlygohome]

"I'm not giving up on you!"

Leonard McCoy X Reader

Summary: Following a terrible attack on the Enterprise, Dr. McCoy does everything he can to save the heavily-injured reader.

Character(s): Leonard "Bones" McCoy

Warning(s): Wounds, Death, Implied violence, Ends in fluff

Dr. McCoy carefully navigated the sea of bodies, careful not to step on any one of them. The Enterprise had been boarded little more than thirty minutes ago. Bones followed the path of destruction, hoping to find some survivors. No such luck.

McCoy scanned every body for signs of life, but yielded no results. He grimaced and trudged onward. He hated this feeling of powerlessness. So many good people were dead and there was nothing he could do about it. If only he had gotten down here sooner, maybe there wouldn't be so many casualties.

Leonard rounded a corner and was disappointed to find even more bodies strewn all over the floor. But amidst the flashing red lights, he saw you. You were leaned against the wall, blood staining your blue uniform. His tricorder picked up your heartbeat and he immediately hurried to your side.

"Hey, can you hear me?" He asked, snapping his fingers near your ear. Much to his surprise, you slowly opened your eyes.

He couldn't believe you were alive, let alone conscious. Your arm was a mangled mess of burns, you had a massive laceration in your lower abdomen, you were sitting in a pool of your own blood, and you had a terrible concussion. Your groan came out as more of a choked gurgle.

Leonard wasted no time in prepping a hypo to ease your pain. "Can you speak?"

"Yeah," You managed weakly.

"That's good. That's really good. Can you tell me where it hurts?" He asked.

"It hurts everywhere," you murmured.

"Perfect."

"Perfect?" You asked.

"It means you still have feeling in your limbs. That's a really good sign," Bones jabbed the hypo into your arm and started digging into his bag. He had to get you stable if you were going to have any hope of surviving this. "I'm Dr. Leonard McCoy. Can you tell me your name darlin'?" He asked, trying to ease you into a sense of calm.

"Ensign Y/N Y/L/N. Biology department."

"On, I know about you, you're the one who wrote that dissertation on the possible medical uses of Aldebaran Serpent venom. You graduated top of your class in the starfleet academy. I heard you've got a promotion coming up." Leonard said, hoping to keep your mind alert. He didn't want you passing out with that concussion, not until he was sure there wasn't some internal bleeding going on that his scanners weren't picking up.

"Yeah, if I make it that far..."

"You're gonna make it, trust me." He swallowed. You could see it in his face. The chances of you living weren't very high.

"You're a terrible liar doctor McCoy...I'm gonna die here, aren't I?" You whispered.

"I brought the captain back from the dead using the blood of a homicidal maniac. I've performed greater miracles than this. You ain't gonna die, not if I have anything to say about it." He said, already working to disinfect the gaping wound in your stomach. "Just keep talking to me, can you do that?"

"I'll try..." You struggled to keep your eyes open. "I-I... I smell something burning..."

"Don't worry about that." Leonard said firmly. "Just...tell me about..." He grasped for a topic that wasn't your maimed body or the smell of burning hair. "Tell me about home. What's your family like?" Leonard started to autosuture the laceration.

You ignored his question and tilted your head down to look down at the damage. Bones grabbed your face and forced your eyes up to his. "Don't look at it. Just look at me, okay?"

"Mkay...nice face at least." You smiled weakly.

"Oh?" he got back to his work, but kept talking. "I've always been told I got a face only a mother could love. What's so nice about it?" He asked.

"You have pretty eyes... and..." You lost your train of thought.

"And what darlin'?"

"Huh?"

"I got pretty eyes and what?" he asked, fighting against the knot appearing in the pit of his stomach. He didn't know you, but he'd like to. You were a tough cookie and he respected the hell out of it. He could see it in your eyes. You still had so much to offer the world... the universe. He couldn't let you die like this. He wouldn't let you die like this.

"Oh...I like your...your forehead wrinkles...makes you look distinguished," you attempted another smile.

"Gotta say sweetheart, that might just be the nicest compliment I've ever received." Leonard met your gaze for just a moment before returning to his task.

"Well, I've got more where that came from..." You leaned your head against the wall and looked at the ceiling. "...Might throw up..."

"If you feel like you are, just tell me. Okay darlin'?"

"Mkay..."

You both fell into silence and Leonard labored to think of some way to get you talking again. The autosuture wasn't working fast enough for his liking. He still had about two and a half inches to go. If he didn't work fast enough, you were gonna die.

"...Everything's all fuzzy. Cold." You murmured. A low rumble echoed through the halls as if punctuating your dark statement.

"I bet. You lost a lot of blood, but you'll be okay." Leonard clenched his jaw.

"There are others...gotta help the others McCoy. I'm a lost cause."

"You are no such thing. I'm saving you dammit." He didn't have the heart to tell you the other people in the hallway were already dead. A sudden, sharp jolt shook the ship. Leonard grunted as he tried not to fall into you.

"I'm gonna die... I never even got to ask out that doctor. Never had the guts..." You mumbled, eyes struggling to focus on anything.

"What doctor?" Leonard asked as he continued closing you up.

"Y'know. The grumpy one." You said.

Leonard's expression darkened. He was trying dammit, but not nearly hard enough. You were growing delirious. You didn't even realize what you were admitting to him. Your eyes fluttered closed, but you kept talking.

"I don't really know him, but he saved a friend of mine once... He's uh..." You gathered your thoughts. "He's real smart. So dedicated to his patients. I really admire that... Also got this dry sense of humor, and a really handsome voice. I wouldn't have minded taking him out sometime. Buying him flowers." You hummed.

"He's the kind of guy you bring home to mama, I think...Well...My mama at least." You looked at Leonard, eyes swimming with grief. "I'm not scared. You have to tell her for me. That I wasn't scared...I have people back at home. Can you tell them I love them?" You whispered, just as Leonard finished closing your abdominal wound.

Leonard breathed a sigh of relief as he started wrapping you with a bandage. "You're gonna tell them yourself darlin'. You're gonna make it, you know why? Because you're strong. Resilient as a rubber band." He tied off the bandage and started going to work on your arm. "I'm gonna get you stable and we'll get down to the medbay, then you'll make a swift and miraculous recovery, just in time for you to earn the rank of Lieutenant. How does that sound?"

"..." You didn't respond.

"Y/N?" He asked. Your eyes were closed. Your heartbeat was growing fainter by the second. "No No. Dammit, come on! I'm not giving up on you!" He emptied hypos into your arms and legs. A cocktail of medicines were brewing inside of you, fighting to keep your heart beating. He waited with baited breath for your readings to change on his tricorder.

Eventually, your heartbeat grew stronger and your breathing deeper. Then, to his astonishment, you opened your eyes again.

"Welcome back, you gave me a start there." Leonard flashed a relieved smile.

"Sorry...didn't mean to fall asleep," You smiled back.

Suddenly, the red lights turned off and the hallway lit up in its usual bright white light.

"I know darlin'. You're awake now, that's what matters." He pulled out his communicator. "Nurse Chapel, do they have the bastards detained?... Good. I need a stretcher on deck 15, as well as a recovery team. Prep the protoplaser and the burn chamber for the arrival of ensign Y/L/N." After her confirmation, he hung up and pointed his scanner down the hallway to see if there were any more heartbeats. Nothing.

Bones sighed and hung his head. The bastards were thorough, he had to give them that. He found only one survivor out of how many hallways? He was curious about how the security team managed to take them down, but that would be a conversation for a different time.

"Goddamned bloodthirsty space beasts..." He hissed.

"Tell me about it," you chuckled. "Certainly did a number on me, huh?"

"How are you feeling?" Leonard leaned against the wall beside you.

"Numb all over... I suspect you had something to do with that?" You turned your head to look at him.

"I injected you with a hypo for pain relief right when I found you." He met your eyes.

"Funny. I don't think I remember that."

"You're definitely on the loopy side. Can't tell if it's from the blood loss or an adverse reaction to the medicine, but we'll figure all that out soon."

"You can go now. Someone's coming to get me right?"

"You ain't getting rid of me that easily. I'm staying with you until your stretcher arrives." He crossed his arms.

"But there's got to be others that need help too, right?" You closed your eyes. "I'm fine, you should help them."

"It's against protocol to leave a critical patient alone. I'm not leaving until your ride arrives." Just then, he heard the sound of the hover-stretcher. "Speak of the devil, it's about goddamned time." He stood and addressed the two nurses. He spoke to them in hushed medical lingo. You had no idea what he was talking about, but it didn't sound good.

Leonard helped load you onto the stretcher. "I'm passing you off to Nurse Bell and Nurse Valinsky. They're going to take great care of you."

"As opposed to you taking bad care of me?" You smiled tiredly.

"Very funny," He smirked. "I'll catch up with you soon. Don't miss my face too much, you hear?"

"You're asking for the impossible, Dr. McCoy," You joked. The nurses guided you down the hall and around the corner. Leonard stared out at the crowded hallway, hoping his recovery team would arrive soon. Until then, he would just have to look for living patients on his own.

A doctor's work is never done.

~~~

When you awoke, you felt heavy. It was dim in the medbay and all was quiet, save for the occasional beeping of the biobed. You attempted to sit up, but winced the moment you put pressure on your arm. From the shoulder down, your limb was covered in bandages. You felt a deep ache all the way through your body and decided it was best to lay back down.

You tried to remember how you ended up here, but everything after the initial attack was a blur. You remembered the grumpy doctor, you remembered him mentioning your dissertation, he said something about pretty eyes, and you remember being so tired, but trying so hard to focus on him.

You looked around the room, hoping there might be a nurse nearby. Instead you found a room full of people sleeping in biobeds. There was a light on in the office at the end of the room, but you had no way of knowing if there was actually someone inside.

You scanned the controls to your left until you found a call button. Once you pressed it, you heard shuffling in the office. Much to your surprise, Dr. McCoy came shambling out.

"It's about time you woke up," Leonard took a look on your screen to check all your vitals. As you watched him, the events of your last encounter came flooding back. Distinguished forehead wrinkles? Seriously?

"Your heart-rate is kicking up," Bones smirked "Is that because of me?" He joked.

You rolled your eyes, "how long was I out?"

"About forty-eight hours."

"Two days?!"

"Better keep it down darlin'. Don't want to wake the neighbors." He slowly raised the bed into a sitting position and handed you some water.

"Thanks," you said hoarsely, "I didn't even realize I was thirsty."

"That's what I'm here for." He grunted as he copied some data from your biobed to his PADD.

"Bringing me water?"

"Keeping you from dying of dehydration," Bones corrected.

"Aw, and here I thought I had my own personal butler," you smiled and sipped your water. 'He really does have pretty eyes,' you thought while watching him work. Who were you kidding? It wasn't just his eyes that were pretty, it was all of him. You cleared your throat and took another sip. "Anyway, what are you doing here so late? I didn't think you worked gamma shift."

"I normally don't, but there are a lot of reports to file and not a lot of time to do it."

"That bad huh?...How many dead?" You asked softly.

"Fifty-six," Leonard sniffed pulled out his kit.

"Damn... and what about the pirates?"

"In custody back at Yorktown." Leonard administered a hypo into your arm. The soreness melted away almost immediately, but the ache in your chest didn't.

"I would have been one of them if it weren't for you..." You whispered. "You didn't give up... even when you should have."

"Any doctor worth his salt wouldn't give up on the likes of you, not when you were so keen on living. Ain't seen nothing like it in a long time. Your body just kept going long after it should have shut down." Bones explained, "And you kept telling me it was hopeless, but I could tell you were hoping for a miracle."

"So you gave me one," You smiled up at him.

"I told you I would. They don't say I have legendary hands for nothin'," McCoy smirked.

"Still, thank you for not giving up on me," you laughed. "I definitely owe you one."

"Ask out that doctor of yours and we'll call it even," Leonard spoke so casually, you nearly didn't register what it was he just said.

"I-I- my what?" You asked, dumbfounded. Your heart-rate picked up again and Leonard couldn't mask his amusement.

"You should get some rest, Nurse Chapel will be by in a few hours with some food for you. We're putting you on a soft food diet until your internal wounds heal some more. If you need anything before then, you know where the call button is." Bones started back to his office, but stopped just short.

"Oh, and Y/N?"

"Y-Yeah?"

Leonard sent you a smug look. "I like daisies," He said before disappearing behind the door.

You laughed and rested your head on your pillow. 'Daisies huh?' You thought to yourself. You weren't sure how you were gonna pull that off this far from Earth, but if Dr. McCoy could perform miracles, why couldn't you? Of course, the flowers would have to wait until you were released from medical care. You didn't mind too much though, Dr. McCoy was going to be there to take care of you.

And he wasn't giving up on you anytime soon.

....................

Taglist: @shadowbriar

If you want to be added to my taglist, feel free to reach out!

Thank you for reading!

[toboldlygohome]

Oblivious

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Summary: You are oblivious to all of Leonard's attempts to flirt and all of your friends think it's hilarious.

Character(s): Leonard "Bones" McCoy, James "Jim" Kirk, Spock, Nyota Uhura, Pavel Chekov, Hikaru Sulu

Warning(s): Slightly cringe attempts at flirting, Painfully oblivious reader, Stephen King references

Leonard was finally ready to move on. The divorce had left him with wounds he wasn't sure he could heal from. He hadn't been interested in dating for years afterward. But for the first time since then, someone had caught his attention.

You were the new head of Archaeology aboard the enterprise. You had been transferred from the USS Celine to assist in the 5 year mission. To say you were new wouldn't be exactly correct, you had been on board for about 6 months already. You had taken to the position well and were already good friends with everyone in your unit, as well as all of the bridge and command personnel.

Leonard knew he liked you the moment you met. You had a firm handshake, a killer smile, and when Captain Kirk asked if you were single, you told him it wasn't his business. Jim's stunned face when you shook his hand and walked away was priceless.

Of course there were far more reasons to admire you other than your ability to take the captain down a peg. You were incredible at your job, finding ancient ruins in the most unlikely of places. You were like a dog when it came to fossils, sniffing them out almost as soon as you landed on alien soil. You were smart and always ready to answer questions. You were also highly tolerant of people's mistakes, something that was slowly rubbing off on him. When you were around, Leonard found he had more patience for stupidity and everyone else noticed as well.

You were kind, you were a great listener, you were hilarious, you were dependable, considerate, honest, cheerful, and you could always be counted upon for some witty banter. Not to mention you were the most beautiful person Bones had ever seen in his life.

That's not to say you didn't have your downfalls too, everyone does after all. You were self deprecating, a little easily distracted, and of course you were the most painfully oblivious person in the universe.

~~~

It all started one morning at breakfast. You were sitting in the cafeteria with Jim, Nyota, and Spock.

Leonard had made his decision the previous night while drinking with Jim. Bones wanted to pursue a relationship with you, but he wasn't going to just tell you point blank. He wanted to gauge your interest before taking that leap of faith.

"Mornin'" Leonard said as he sat down beside you. "Jim, you look terrible."

Jim, who was still hung over from the night before, frowned at the doctor. "Gee, thanks. I had no idea."

"You're welcome. Now Y/N on the other hand, you look great this morning," Bones smirked. Jim and Nyota immediately perked up, clearly not expecting him to be so forward (especially not this early in the morning.)

"Thanks Doc," You smiled at him and returned your attention to your oatmeal.

"What's your secret?" Asked Bones upon deciding that your smile was a good sign.

"My secret?" You raised an eyebrow.

"To looking so good every morning," he clarified. Nyota and Jim looked at each other incredulously.

"Ummmm," You thought out loud. "Get good sleep, take your vitamins, and don't get wasted at two in the morning." You patted Jim's shoulder and stood up with your empty bowl. "I better get to the lab, see you guys later!" You grinned.

Everyone bid you a good morning before gawking at Leonard, amusement etched on their faces. "What's your secret? Did you seriously ask 'what's your secret?'"Jim cackled.

"Leonard, you seriously need to up your flirting game." Uhura barely stifled a giggle.

"I know it's been awhile doc but seriously, that was terrible! And I've heard Spock's attempts at flirting," Kirk snickered.

"It wasn't that bad, y'all are acting like I'm some cretin who stole their oatmeal and called it flirting. I called them attractive, get off my back." Leonard rolled his eyes.

"No, you said they looked good. That could be interpreted in, so many ways. As far as flirting goes, that was pretty pathetic." Nyota said.

"I would have to agree doctor, perhaps you could take instruction from the captain or even-" Spock started.

"Shut up and eat your breakfast," Leonard snapped, causing another fit of giggles around him.

Bones sat there, glaring into his eggs, trying to figure out where he went wrong. The more he thought about it, the more likely it seemed that Uhura was right. You didn't realize he meant it in a romantic way. Maybe he was more out of practice than he thought. He was just going to have to give it another shot. Practice makes perfect after all.

~~~

The next day, Leonard tried a different approach. Coffee mug in hand, he made his way to your office only to find it empty. He looked all over the labs, nowhere to be seen. It wasn't until made it up to the bridge that he found you deep in a discussion about landing sites for an upcoming mission.

Your head perked up when you saw the doctor come in from the turbolift. "Ahoy, McCoy! We missed you at breakfast this morning." you smiled as he came to stand beside you.

"Sorry darlin', had some gamma shift engineers to patch up." Bones casually passed the mug over to you. "Made you some coffee."

"Really? for me?" You peered into the cup and beamed, "thank you doctor, it's just how I like it!" Jim gave Leonard a subtle thumbs up while you sipped your drink.

Leonard had a good feeling this time. You were happy with the gesture and even Kirk seemed impressed. It felt like a good first step, until-

"First Chekov brings me a croissant, then McCoy brings me a coffee. I'm so lucky to have such great friends. Thank you guys!" You smiled at the two men.

"You are very welcome!" Pavel grinned.

Leonard's mood plummeted almost instantly. While he was glad you got to enjoy a croissant and a coffee, Chekov's untimely generosity made his romantic gesture seem more like a friendly one. He was going to have to go back to the drawing board.

You turned to the captain, cradling your warm cup in your hand. "Is there anything else you need of me Captain?"

"No Commander, I believe you've answered all my questions," Jim said.

"Wonderful! If anyone needs me, I'll be in the lab trying to decode some ancient texts," you took another sip of your coffee before strolling back to the turbolift.

Once you were out of sight, Jim patted Leonard on the arm. Sulu and Chekov were trying their damnedest not to laugh, and failing miserably of course.

Leonard furrowed his brows at the two of them before looking back at Jim's cheeky grin.

"You told them?" Leonard scowled.

"Told them what?" Jim laughed.

"About..." Leonard rolled his eyes and gestured to the turbolift.

"The only ones I told were Uhura and Spock," Jim assured.

"He didn't need to tell us anything, It's written all over your face Dr. McCoy," Sulu said.

"Yes, you get all red in the cheeks and you have this look in your eyes like you've seen the sun for the first time. It is very obvious you are vying for the Commander's attention," Chekov agreed.

"If I'm so obvious, why isn't Y/N picking up on it?" Leonard crossed his arms.

"Maybe you need a new approach, try... I don't know, making up new excuses to spend time with them. Or maybe you could try touching them," Jim suggested.

"Touching them?"

"Yeah, nothing inappropriate or anything. Just little things, like pats on the back, nudging their shoulder. Stuff like that. Might show Y/N you're interested without having to use the words, you know?"

"I don't know Jim..."

"Look, you're a doctor right?"

"I hope that'd be pretty goddamned obvious by now," Leonard glowered and put his hands on his hips.

"And as a doctor, you have a pretty good gauge on if someone's uncomfortable right?" Jim asked, "just try it and if you get the sense they're uncomfortable, just stop doing it. Easy as that."

"Why do I get the feeling it's not going to be as 'easy as that?'" The doctor shook his head.

"Because you are an incorrigible pessimist, Bones." Jim patted his shoulder.

"I'm done here, some of us actually have work to do," Leonard grumbled and trudged to the turbolift.

"All work and no play makes McCoy a dull boy," Kirk beamed.

"Quote Stephen King to me one more time. See what happens." Bones said as the doors closed. Alone in the elevator, he allowed himself to think about where to go from here. Perhaps Jim's ideas weren't so terrible. He rather liked the idea of spending more time with you. He usually talked with you during mealtimes and meetings, but not much outside of that. The touching is what was making him nervous.

He came into contact with people all the time, being a doctor was a very hands-on profession. He just didn't have Jim's level of confidence anymore. It felt ridiculous, he could stitch a man's thumb back to his hand and deliver an infant in the middle of a battle, but he couldn't touch your shoulder? Maybe he'd just skip that step for now. Quality time, that seemed like as good of a direction as any.

~~~

He continued bringing you coffee every day, It gave him more time to get to know you and Leonard was falling harder by the minute. He hadn't really looked forward to anything in a long time, but he looked forward to your coffee talks. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough anymore. The chats weren't long enough and you still weren't catching on to his feelings.

It had been a particularly stressful day, it felt like everyone needed something from him and he was in desperate need of a break. The moment things got quiet in the medbay, Leonard snuck away and his feet carried him to the archaeology labs.

It was quiet inside. A few ensigns were at work in their stations, putting together fossilized bones and carbon-dating old tools. Leonard found you in the back of the lab where you were busy decoding some old scrolls. Learning to understand a lost language was no easy task; Leonard couldn't fathom the amount of reading it would take to accomplish such a thing. Still, you seemed ready to take on anything the Captain dished out.

"Commander, I see you're hard at work," Bones smiled and came to stand beside you.

"I see you're not!" You joked and looked up at him from your seat. "What brings you to my neck of the woods doctor? Did I forget about an appointment?"

"Not at all, I was just taking a break and wanted to see how you were doing," he said, hoping you would understand what he was trying to say: that he was thinking of you and wanted to see you out of everyone else on the Enterprise.

"Well I'm really glad you're here Len, because I've just made a breakthrough!" You beamed. "Take a look at this," you motioned for him to look closer.

Leonard leaned in to look at your scroll. "So, you know how I found these papers in a box under the Mofeli excavation right?"

"Mhm, you insisted there must be a basement and you found one," Bones hummed.

"I originally thought the site was a business, that these papers must be some sort of documentation. You know, like land deeds, proof of insurance, perhaps even money. Basically stuff you would usually keep in a lock box, but these aren't ledgers or inventory slips or anything like that at all."

"What are they?" He turned to look at you.

You met his gaze and gave him a grin that could melt the ice caps and outshine Sirius. "They're love letters," you said and his heart hammered his chest painfully. He was only just now realizing how close he was to you. How his hand was resting on your back, how his face was mere inches from yours.

"See, if you look here you'll find this symbol all over the place in these letters. It's the symbol meaning love or lover. I've completed the translation on this one right here." You returned your attention to the paper. Leonard swallowed and glanced at the sheet, trying his damnedest not to stare like some creep.

"What, um... what does it say?" He cleared his throat.

"It says, and I'm paraphrasing here, 'My dearest love, I find words elude me. My heart blossoms for you under the light of the sun and keeps me warm when the light fades. I find not the courage to speak, but many a whim to write. I desire your embrace. I seek your song. I crave your hand. I covet your blazing eyes. One day I-' This part is all faded so I can't make it out, but the last thing it says here at the bottom is 'May our hearts and bodies be intertwined for eternity, and our souls may sing together as one.' Then there's what I assume to be a name at the bottom, but I'm not sure how to pronounce it."

"It all sounds a little sappy to me," Leonard joked in a slightly strained voice. This whole thing with the closeness and the touching and the letter was really affecting him. If you noticed his struggle, you gave no indication, In fact, you seemed perfectly at ease being this close to him.

"Hey, a little sap never hurt anybody," you elbowed him lightly in the side.

"Croakus sap can."

"Touché"

Leonard chucked softly and lightly patted your back before crossing his arms casually over his chest Your easy conversation was already helping him relax again. "so, Commander, you've been down here in your lab for an awfully long time. What do you say we go for a walk to the observation lounge?"

"Sorry doctor, I would but somebody's got to make sure the ensigns don't blow the place up. That, and Spock wants me to finish three more translations by the end of my shift," you explained.

"Of course he does," Leonard huffed.

"But I'm free this evening if that works for you?" You tilted your head.

"Of course, absolutely." Leonard had no idea if that was going to work for him, but he was going to make it work.

"Great, I'll see you then," you said with a surprising amount of enthusiasm.

"See you then. Don't work too hard," he smiled and left you to your translating.

Bones was pleased with himself. He had managed to follow Jim's suggestions and they appeared to work. He'd even managed to secure a date with you later that evening...Well...he hadn't actually called it a date when he suggested it. No matter, Leonard would just clarify all that the next time he saw you!

~~~

He never got to make the distinction that your walk was intended to be a date. You had brought a friend with you. Leonard could feel the fear in your ensign companion's eyes. Bones was sure everyone on the goddamned ship knew what he was trying to do but you. It was still a nice night despite the unwanted guest. He learned a lot about where you grew up, your interests, and your favorite films and music. He learned your favorite flower was the iris, your first job was a librarian, he even learned you were in a band during your time at the academy.

The more he learned, the more he liked you. He wasn't even sure if liked was the right word anymore. You had quite a few things in common. Your favorite foods, you liked the same movies, and you enjoyed the same music. You asked him questions that got him really thinking. They were the sort of topics you don't realize you have an opinion on until you start talking about them. But what surprised him most of all was when you asked about his daughter. What sort of interests does she have? How is she doing in school? I wonder if she would like X,Y, and Z. He was always hesitant to talk about Joanna or his ex, but it felt easier with you. Like that wound he had been carrying for so long was finally closing.

Your friendship progressed beautifully, but he felt like you were growing more and more blind to his advances. He had seen you turn plenty of people down before. If you weren't interested in someone, you made it abundantly clear. But you had yet to do the same with Bones. It wasn't just him: Jim, Nyota, Pavel, Scotty, Hikaru, and pretty much everyone else who knew you were puzzled as well. Even Spock couldn't understand how you were so incognizant. It was funny for them at first. They would laugh at every compliment you didn't register, every smile you didn't realize had meaning, every coffee, every walk to the deck, every deep conversation, every breath of relief when you come back from a mission. He was even so bold as to tell you in no uncertain terms that he'd do anything to make you smile.

The laughter turned into looks of pity. Leonard was about ready to give up. Maybe you weren't interested and you just wanted to let him down easy, you were good friends after all. Bones sat at the bar as Jim poured him another glass. Normally he was the one playing bartender, but Jim insisted he take over.

"I gotta say Bones, I really hate seeing you like this." Jim poured himself a drink too. "How did lunch go?"

"I told them they have beautiful eyes." Leonard sighed and shook his head.

"And?" The Captain probed.

"They said 'if only they worked as well as they look,'" Bones groaned.

"Ah..." Jim stared into his drink. He tried to put himself into Leonard's shoes. What would he do if he were in this situation?

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong..." McCoy muttered.

"You aren't doing anything wrong, Y/N just-" Jim started.

"It's something I'm doing, it has to be. Maybe this is a mistake."

"No, Bones it's not a mistake. That couldn't be farther from the truth."

"And how would you know? It's not like you have any problems finding dates," Leonard rolled his eyes.

"Seems like Y/N's not the only one who's oblivious," Kirk chuckled.

"I'm not in the mood for jokes Jim." Leonard took a sip of his whiskey and ran a hand over his face.

"Believe me Bones, I wish it were a joke. There's just no way the two most unaware people are head over heels for each other. I'm waiting for the punch line" James smirked.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Bones scowled.

"Look, just... we have shore leave coming up in a few weeks. Ask them on a date. Like really ask them. Be frank, be clear, make sure there is no way Y/N can misunderstand you. Trust me," Jim squeezed Leonard's shoulder.

"Fine. But if this goes south, you owe me as many drinks as it takes to forget this whole debacle." The doctor downed the last of his glass.

"Bones if this goes south, I'll eat my hat."

"You don't have a hat."

"Point still stands. It'll work, you just have to have a little faith. And lucky for you, I have enough faith for the both of us." Jim winked.

Leonard wished he had Jim's enthusiasm. Officious little prick, he thought to himself...Dammit, now I'm quoting Stephen King.

~~~

Shore leave was just around the corner and Leonard was no closer to his goal of asking you on a date. Everyone was running around, trying to prepare the ship for inspection, he still had his normal duties to attend to, neither of you had time for coffee all week, Spock was being especially nitpicky about protocol, and he was anxious about what you'd say when he eventually got around to asking the million dollar question.

Yeah, Leonard was about ready to lose his marbles.

He was prepping the supply storage units, when Spock strolled in for the tenth time that day.

"Dr. McCoy," Spock greeted, startling Bones to the point that he nearly dropped his box of gauze.

"My god man, what the hell do you need this time?" Leonard implored, "don't you have anything better to do with your day than pester me?"

"Indeed I do, doctor" Spock replied.

Leonard huffed and sat down his box, "then what is it, did you miss my face or something?"

"I saw your face only moments ago, I have no need to miss-"

"It was a joke Spock, what do you want?" Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I came to inform you that I saw Commander Y/L/N coming in this direction." Spock stated.

Leonard raised an eyebrow, "and?"

"It is my understanding you are anxious to speak with them regarding your-" Spock started.

"Your understanding is correct, I just..." Leonard sighed and shook his head.

"Would it help if I told you the odds that they will say yes?" Spock asked.

"Never tell me the odds Spock," Leonard grumbled.

"Then I will simply say, good luck." Spock turned and left again, leaving Bones to decide if he was ready for this. He didn't have time for a decision, because there you were in the doorway with two mugs in your hands.

"Hey, stranger," You laughed. "Looks like I got here just in time, you look like you need some." You handed over the cup and Leonard took it gratefully.

"Thanks," Leonard offered you a smile and took a sip from his mug. It was just how he liked it, right down to the temperature. Together, they retreated to the safety of his office. Once inside, they fell into their usual conversation. He waited until things got quiet, then he decided to go for it.

"So, got any plans for shore leave?" Leonard asked, leaning back in his chair in an effort to appear more at ease.

"No, not really. Maybe I'll visit with a couple friends, catch up on sleep. How about you? got any exciting plans?" You leaned in, resting your chin on your hand.

"Not yet," he admitted. "But I'm hoping to make some."

"Oh? You got someone special in mind?" You hummed.

"Someone incredibly special, yeah." Leonard smiled. So far, so good.

"Oh, well I hope it goes well." You shifted awkwardly in your seat.

"Me too..." Leonard agreed. You both didn't speak for a moment, the distant hum of the warp core did little to tame the silence.

"Hey Y/N... I was thinking maybe we could go to that restaurant you like, you know the one with the really good Chicken Parmesan you're always talking about." He mused, "what do you think?"

"I, um... I think they'd like it" The smile you gave him looked...sad?

"What are you talking about? Who'd like it?" Leonard couldn't possibly be more confused.

"Your special someone?" It was your turn to look confused.

You've got to be kidding me

"I'm talking about you darlin', do you want to go to that restaurant with me, just us, nobody else. You and me. Together." Leonard clarified, meeting your gaze.

You looked positively flabbergasted. He couldn't possibly mean what he was saying, right? There was no way Leonard wanted to... I mean, he was way too good for you! You had been trying for months to get his attention, to no avail. This must be a dream. You're going to wake up any minute.

"Darlin'?"

"I, uh...what?" You blinked out of your daze.

"Dammit Y/N, I'm trying to ask you out on a date!" Bones ran a hand through his hair, exasperation evident in his tone.

"Really? Me?" You asked hopefully.

"Yes!" He replied "Look, it's okay if you don't w-" You suddenly burst into laughter and all the words died on his lips. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! It's just-" You giggled, "I actually came here to do the same thing..." You said sheepishly as you dug into your pocket "I, um... I got us tickets to see your favorite band. Figured if you said no, you could just take Jim instead." You handed the tickets over to him.

Leonard stared at the tickets in his hand, shock written all over his face. "Sweetheart, are you telling me we've both been dancing around each other for months, when we could have been doing stuff like this the whole time?"

"Seems that way, yes."

Leonard smiled and shook his head. "We're not very good at this, are we?"

"Not at all," You laughed. "Ahoy McCoy? What was I thinking?"

"Points for creativity darlin'," Bones chuckled. He almost couldn't believe things had turned out so perfectly. But in his experience, coincidence didn't exist. "Jim knew, didn't he?"

"He was actually the one who pushed me to come here," you admitted.

"Same. The bastard told me you'd say yes... Guess this was one of the few times I should have trusted him." Leonard concurred.

"So... What now, doctor?" You leaned a little closer. How had he never noticed your eyes before. He knew they were beautiful of course, but the way they were looking at him now made him weak in the knees. Had you always looked at him like that?

"Well, for now we're going to finish up our shifts, wouldn't want anyone to think we're slackers. But later, we're going to meet at the recreation room for a drink, possibly a game of darts. Then we'll see where the night takes us," McCoy smirked.

"How romantic, I can hardly wait for you to sweep me off my feet, they're killing me from all this running around, you know?~" You mused, resting your chin on your palm.

"Now you listen here darlin'. I'm a doctor, not a broom." Bones couldn't hide his amusement when you rolled your eyes at him.

"Well, what if I sweep you off your feet then?"

"You'll have to be careful, you might drop me and we could end up tangled in a whole mess of limbs."

"Oh, I'm counting on it.~" You teased.

Leonard swallowed hard and hid his bashfulness with a sip of his coffee, "Well in that case, sweep away."

You laughed again and McCoy was sure he had never heard a more beautiful sound in his life. He could see a future with you then. He wanted to sweep you off your feet, kiss you until you were breathless, share coffee with you early in the morning, and swap stories until late in the night. He wanted to introduce you to his daughter.

Baby steps.

"I hate to cut this short doctor, but I left the ensigns alone for too long, I'm worried there will be no lab to return to. I'll see you tonight?" You asked, fidgeting nervously with cuffs of your sleeves.

"Don't worry sweetheart, I'm not going to change my mind." Leonard smirked.

You blushed and smiled in relief, "good! Great!" You stood, grabbed your mug, and sauntered happily to the door. You paused just a moment and looked back at Bones sweetly. "See you later, handsome."

"See you later Y/N," replied Leonard. You gave him a cute little wave before hurrying back to the labs.

Once he was alone again in his office, Bones leaned back in his seat and admired the tickets on the desk. He almost couldn't believe how thoughtful you were, but this wouldn't be the first time you gave him an incredible gift. A couple months after you met, Bones had mentioned offhandedly that he missed a particular brand of whiskey from Earth. Despite being light years away, you managed to find some and give it to him. It wasn't even a special occasion, you got it just to make him happy. Leonard supposed he should have realized your feelings for him right then and there. Damn. He really was oblivious.

McCoy wanted to give you something tonight- no, he needed to give you something tonight. Something sweet, something romantic, something that says: 'you're special to me and I need to show it to you because I'm terrible with words'. But where was he going to find something like that on a starship? The botany labs. Flowers make for a great gift on a first date! Maybe if he was lucky, they would have irises growing down there. So what if bouquets are a little sappy?

A little sap never hurt anybody after all.

[toboldlygohome]

Pining

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Summary: Leonard has it bad for you and doesn't know what to do about it. All he knows is that this little crush is getting out of hand.

Character(s): Leonard "Bones" McCoy, James "Jim" Kirk, Spock, Nyota Uhura, Pavel Chekov,

Warning(s): Wounds, Cursing, Slight Angst (Don't worry, there's fluff at the end)

"Bones.... Bones.... Bones?...............Bones!"

Leonard snapped back to reality and returned his focus to the conversation he was having...well...supposed to be having.

"Seriously Bones, what's with you lately?" Jim raised an eyebrow.

"What are you going on about?" Bones scoffed.

"I've been trying to discuss this report with you and you're not even remotely paying attention to me."

"I'm paying attention!"

"Really? Cause it looked like you were staring at Lieutenant-Commander Y/L/N." Kirk crossed his arms.

"No I was not," Leonard frowned.

"Were too!"

"Was not!"

"Were t-" Jim was cut off by Uhura turning around in her seat.

"Boys, seriously. You bicker like an old married couple. Some of us actually have work to do." She scolded.

Leonard sighed and shook his head. "Look Jim, I was just spacing out. That's. All."

"Yeah, spacing out while your eyes are burning holes into Y/N's back. Sounds an awful lot like staring." Jim laughed

Leonard's eyes darted over to you as you patted Chekov on the back, said goodbye to him and Sulu, and made your way out of the bridge. When he turned back, he found three pairs of eyes watching him with amusement.

"Oh what now?" Leonard put his hand on his hips. "Seriously, do you all have nothing better to do with your time than speculate on where my attention's at?"

"There is no need to speculate doctor, you have your sights set on Lieutenant-Commander Y/L/N. It is perfectly natural, there is no need for you to feel ashamed," Spock said.

"I'm NOT ashamed! I'm a doctor, not some giddy little schoolboy with a crush," Leonard defended.

"Hey, no one ever said anything about a crush. We just said you have a staring problem," Jim laughed.

Leonard sputtered for some sort of comeback. Some way to deny any validity to the things they were saying. But the truth is that they caught him in a lie. He was staring. Bones had been watching as you talked animatedly to Chekov about an experiment you were doing in the botany labs. Leonard imagined it was him you were talking to, him you were laughing with. Just the thought of it made his stomach churn in a mixture of delight and grief.

"Aaaaand now we've lost him," Jim snickered, interrupting his thoughts again.

"Really doctor, it's not that big of a deal. We've all been in your predicament before...well... maybe not all of us." Uhura glanced at Kirk playfully, who shrugged in response. "Y/L/N is a great scientist, and an even greater friend-"

"Yes yes and very beautiful, with eyes like stars!" Chekov added, "Y/N has many admirers, you are not the only one."

"Chekov?" Bones asked

"Yes sir?"

"Stop talking."

"Yes sir." Chekov turned back to his screen.

"Look, Bones you don't have to admit it just yet. You have that whole brooding cowboy doctor thing going on, I get it! Just don't let it get in the way of your happiness," Jim reasoned.

"You are all delusional! Now are you all going to continue turning me into a spectacle, or can we get back to this mission report?" Leonard demanded.

"Whatever the doctor orders. Try to listen this time will ya?" Kirk teased.

~~~

Leonard was noticing it more and more. How his eyes searched for you every dinner, every meeting, in the hallways, even in the medbay. And once his eyes found you, they rarely strayed too far.

When you weren't around him, his thoughts always drifted back to you. How nice your hair looked, how fascinating your last report was, how enchanting your voice is, ...how soft your lips look. It was all getting out of hand. He was regularly staying later to finish paperwork because he was too lost in his own head.

Leonard was having one of those moments where his mind was far away, musing about you. He was so spaced out, he nearly didn't notice the tap on his shoulder.

When he turned around and saw you standing there smiling shyly at him, his heart nearly went up into his throat.

"Lieutenant-Commander, what can I do for you?" Leonard asked, finding a smile of his own.

"Can you take a look at my hand please?" You asked, holding one of your hands closed. Leonard noticed some red peeking from between your fingers.

"Oh boy, what did you do this time?" Bones asked as he led you to sit on one of the biobeds.

"You know those plants I picked up from Lainatha?" You asked

"The ones with the purple flowers that smell like a dead body?" He asked as he grabbed his kit.

"Mhm!"

"What about em?"

"They have VERY sharp leaves," You laughed.

Leonard shook his head and groaned, "Let me take a look."

You winced as you slowly opened your hand, revealing a cut that spanned the length of your palm.

Leonard lightly cradled the back of your hand as he inspected the minor wound. "Damn darlin' those leaves must be mighty sharp to nick you this deep." He murmured. "this plant ain't poisonous, right?"

"Not that I've found, doctor." You laughed. His ears welcomed the sound. He felt his cheeks warm as he admired you. When you laughed or smiled, it was contagious. Even to him.

"Leonard?" You asked gently, breaking from his daze once more.

"Sorry, just thinking that um... We're gonna want to keep an eye on this, just in case you have some unexpected reaction," He returned his focus to your hand. "I'm gonna clean this up, put some bandages on it and give you something to speed up the healing process," Bones explained.

He went straight to work on your palm, handling it as carefully as possible. Luckily it didn't need stitches. He bandaged it nice and tight before giving you a couple hypos to prevent pain and infection.

"I expect to see you here at least once a day, so I can see the progress and monitor for allergies or poison," Leonard instructed.

"Do you always worry this much?" You giggled.

"Only about my favorite patients," he said without thinking. Perhaps it was just a figment of his imagination, but he could have swore you were blushing. Impossible! You? Blush at him?

'In my dreams,' Bones thought.

"I promise I'll stop by," You said sweetly.

"You better. If I don't see you in here by the end of my shift tomorrow, I'm coming after you." He teased accusingly.

"I'm counting on it," You...did you just... wink at him? "Thanks for the help Bones, I'll see you tomorrow!" You lightly patted his shoulder with your uninjured hand and hurried back to your lab.

Leonard slumped in his seat and contemplated the mess of feelings he was experiencing. He wasn't sure if he was ready to love someone again. He wasn't even sure if he knew how to love anymore, but he was sure of one thing. You had him wrapped around your finger and you didn't even know it.

~~~

The next day, Leonard strove to keep his mind on work. When his thoughts drifted to you, he would immediately turn his attention to the task at hand. It worked for awhile, but toward the end of his shift he realized he had not seen you all day. You had promised to come in so he could take a look at your cut again, but of course you were nowhere to be seen.

Leonard asked around the medbay, but no one had seen you except for one nurse who claimed you were still in the botany lab. "That's just typical," Bones grumbled, grabbing his kit. "I'm always running around, gathering these officers like a cat chasing chickens."

The moment he stepped into the lab, he couldn't find it in his heart to be mad at you. You were totally engrossed in your work, testing the ph levels in some alien soil.

"How are the tests coming along, Lieutenant-Commander?" Leonard smirked.

You beamed at him, "wonderfully! I'm learning so many new things, it's crazy. I-" Your face fell. "Oh no! Forgot to meet with you! I'm so sorry Leonard," you hurriedly put down your soil container and made your way over to him.

"Yeah yeah you're so sorry, whatever. " He teased. "Get over here so I can see that hand."

The inspection went just fine. Your hand was healing nicely and there was no sign of infection or allergic reaction. He changed the bandages and gave you something for the pain.

"All finished. I still want to observe it, just to make sure it heals nicely... And wear gloves from now on! I don't want to have to keep chasing you around for injuries like this." Leonard quipped.

"Yes sir," you giggled, "I won't forget to come in next time."

"I'll believe it when I see it," he closed his medical bag.

"I mean it! i'm almost done testing all the samples, so I should have ample time for remembering... at least until we visit another unexplored planet." You shrugged playfully.

"Then you'll find some new plant to creatively injure yourself with. Razor sharp leaves... give me a break," Leonard ran his fingers through his hair.

"Oh! that reminds me, I have something to show you. Come on!" You nudged him with your leg and stood up, striding over to the 'plant nursery' as you so lovingly called it. Leonard grinned at your enthusiasm and followed.

"You're sure none of these are poisonous?" He asked

"We don't keep the poisonous ones here, silly."

"But you do have them?"

"What's your obsession with poisonous and allergy educing plants?"

"I wouldn't call it an obsession, a mild concern maybe," Leonard smirked.

"I'm not gonna poison you doctor, I want to show you this!" You proudly presented him with a somewhat unassuming plant. It had a black stem with thorns on it, as well as wide black leaves. On top was a bulb; the kind that usually holds flowers inside. He couldn't for the life of him understand what was so interesting about it, but he was sure he was about to find out if that dazzling smile on your face was any indication.

He loved when you ranted about your work. The joy in your voice was infectious, your ramblings were so passionate, and he always learned something new. He would listen to you talk all day if he could.

"What is it?" he raised an eyebrow at the plant and bit back a smile.

"Don't sound so unimpressed Len, this little guy is one of my favorite plants to date." You crossed your arms. "I found him during our exploration of Conate Ultima-A." Leonard nearly melted when you called the plant a 'little guy.'

"The planet orbiting the red dwarf star?" Leonard clarified.

"Mhm! he's black all over because black absorbs all available wavelengths of light. That's important for a plant feeding off such a dim star like Conate Ultima. He has these big leaves, you see." You lightly touched one of the leaves. "That's also for absorbing light. Not only that, but they've developed thorns to keep herbivores from eating them." You explained.

"Like Earth roses," Leonard smiled at the way your eyes lit up.

"Exactly like Earth roses!" You agreed, "They also have this really unique trait where if you pick the flower, it doesn't wilt. Instead, it sprouts roots at the bottom and you can transplant it!" You beamed "But that isn't even the best part."

"It isn't? Tell me darlin', what could possibly top that?" Bones asked.

"Technically, this is another defense mechanism, but..." You cradled the bulb in your hands. "When you caress the bulb like this," You delicately brushed the sides of the bulb with your thumbs. Slowly, the bulb opened to reveal the brightest yellow flower he had ever seen. It practically glowed against the black leaves. He had to agree with you, this was the best part."

"Wow..." Leonard tried it with another bulb. It slowly opened for him as well.

"I know, awesome right?" You lightly bumped his shoulder with yours.

"What do you call it?" Leonard inquired, pulling his hand away from the plant.

"Well, officially we call it Conate Rosaceae... but I've named this one Leonard." You looked up at him with those gorgeous eyes and he couldn't look away.

"You named it after me?" He asked.

"Yeah, it reminds me of you."

"How so?"

"Well, it's perfectly designed to find light in dark places." You chuckled, "no matter how many times you try to cut it down it just comes back bigger and stronger." You fiddled with your bandages sheepishly. "It has this intimidating exterior that most people try to avoid... but... on the inside, It's the brightest, most breathtaking flower. So bright, it stands out from all the others."

To say Leonard was flattered would be an understatement. He had received compliments before. On his work, his hands, maybe even his hair, but he couldn't recall the last time someone had told him something so meaningful. Bones didn't know what to say; he didn't even know what to do with his hands. This was ridiculous. He was a grown man for crying out loud! But here he was, nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.

He needed to say something, anything. A simple thank you didn't feel like enough. Nothing about him felt like enough after Jocelyn.

He swallowed.

You made him feel like enough.

"Y/N..." Leonard stepped closer. You looked up at him with those eyes again. Those eyes he loved to get lost in. Your gaze met his and it was like something clicked inside him. Your eyes flickered down just for a moment, but he caught it. His heart fluttered and his blood rushed to his face. It was now or never.

He leaned in.

You leaned in.

There were mere inches between you.

He could feel your breath on his lips.

"Lieutenant-Commander Y/L/N to the bridge," the intercom startled you both apart.

"Dammit Jim..." Leonard slid a hand over his flushed face and sighed, clearly displeased with his friend's interruption.

"The captain always has the most impeccable timing, doesn't he?" You smiled awkwardly, bouncing on your heels.

"That's one way to put it, yes" Bones frowned at ceiling. There was an awkward pause. He could sense your expectant gaze on him, but he could already feel his walls coming up again. The love would start off sweet, sure, but it wouldn't last. It never did. Leonard cared about you- no, that wasn't right, it was more than that. He couldn't bear it if this didn't work out.

Maybe this is for the best.

"Leonard?..." You said softly.

"It's okay Y/N. You'd better get up there, see what he wants," Leonard offered you a terse smile.

You nodded softly, "yes sir, I'll um.. I'll see you later." He didn't miss the disappointment in your eyes as you left.

He was disappointed too, but Leonard was used to disappointment.

~~~

Two weeks went by and Leonard seemed to be avoiding you. Your cut had healed, but another form of hurt took its place. Had you done something wrong? Pushed him away somehow? It made you sick to think that your almost-kiss had cost you a dear friend. You had tried to speak with him several times, but he always had somewhere else to be. He was busy immunizing security personnel for an upcoming mission. Your silly affair in the plant nursery was probably the last thing on his mind. Still, you felt incredibly lonely. You missed sharing meals with him, stopping in the hallway to chat with him. You missed his anecdotes about Georgia and his snide remarks about Jim's inability to stay out of trouble.

As much as it pained you to think this way, you wished you could take back what you said in the lab. You wished you had just kept it buried, then none of this would have happened. Leonard would have patched you up instead of Christine, and you wouldn't be left in this weird limbo between friends, lovers, and strangers.

"Lieutenant-Commander?" Spock interrupted your lamenting.

"Oh! I'm so sorry Commander, what can I do for you?" You forced a smile.

"I want to discuss your productivity. Can we speak in your office?" Spock asked.

"Of course, right this way." You led him to your office and shut the door behind you. You already had an idea of where this was going. You had been feeling anxious lately and your work was suffering because of it.

"Should we...have a seat?" You asked awkwardly.

"I do not believe that will be necessary, this will only take a moment." Spock pulled out his PADD. "Tell me, are you feeling well?"

You were a bit taken aback by the question. It wasn't often Spock inquired about your state of being. "I um... yeah, I feel fine. Why?" You lied.

"Your colleagues have informed me that you seem... fatigued during your experiments. I have also noticed your report was full of misspellings and grammatical mistakes, which is unusual for you. Additionally, you appeared distracted and dazed when I approached you just moments ago. Normally you greet me by the door." He slightly raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry Spock..." You sighed and sat on the edge of your desk, "I've just been feeling...uneasy I guess."

"Uneasy?" Spock inquired.

"Yeah, my anxiety has been really bothering me lately. I don't mean to worry you." You gave him a half smile.

"Have you spoken with the doctor?" Spock asked. Your stomach sank at the thought.

"I um... no, I haven't."

Spock studied you for a moment, scrutinizing you for any hints as to why you haven't sought medical assistance or counseling when both were readily available.

"I just...don't feel welcome there right now." You met Spock's gaze. A silent conversation passed through you.

"I see." Spock said and looked down at his PADD. "Well, Lieutenant-Commander Y/L/N, I was pleased with your research on the razor-leaf corpse flower. I have kept a watchful eye on your lab access logs and have determined you are due to have two cycles off."

You smiled. For real this time, "thank you Commander Spock. I will use them well"

"I trust that you will. Good day Y/N."

"Good day, Mr. Spock."

~~~

Leonard stared at his PADD in frustration. Everything had irritated him lately, even the blinking of the cursor on the screen. His irritation quickly turned into aggravation when Jim barged in unannounced.

"Bones! My good, good friend Bones!" Kirk shut the door behind him.

"What?" Leonard grunted.

"Yeesh, don't sound too excited to see me." Jim sat in the seat across from his desk.

"I'm busy, what do you want?" Bones refused to look at the captain. Maybe if he just didn't look at him, he would go away.

"Can't I just chat with a pal without wanting something from him?" Jim fiddled with a paperweight on the desk.

"Jim." Bones warned.

"You know doctor, it's very unprofessional to scare away patients, right?"

Defeated, Leonard looked up from his work. "What in god's name are you talking about?"

"Y/n" Jim crossed his arms and stared hard at him. Something about his expression put Leonard on edge.

"What about Y/N?" Bones narrowed his eyes at the captain.

"Spock just got done telling me that Y/N, and I quote, 'doesn't feel welcome here right now.' I wonder why that could be."

Leonard huffed and ran a hand through his hair for the umpteenth time that day. "Dammit..."

"What happened bones?" Jim leaned in.

"Nothing happened." Leonard snapped.

"Clearly something happened for you to be so-"

"Nothing happened... that's the problem," Bones clarified. Leonard didn't realize it was even possible to feel so terrible. He hadn't felt this bad since the divorce, but at least with the divorce he wasn't the only one at fault. Leonard had been childishly avoiding you, and now you didn't feel comfortable in the one place you should always feel safe to go. "I'm a goddamned coward, Jim."

There was a long pause between them. Leonard didn't need to tell him what happened for Jim to understand. "What did I tell you about not letting the brooding cowboy act get in the way of your happiness?" The captain teased.

"Not helping." Leonard rested his face in his hands.

"Right, sorry." Jim shifted awkwardly. Bones was grumpy at the best of times, but he always had this undertone of playfulness. He could scold you about missing an exam or tell you your plan is trash, but it would be wrapped up in southern metaphors and clever insults. This was different, this was real. "You...you really love them, huh?"

Leonard nodded.

"Something happened and... now you aren't sure how to take that next step." Jim said.

"Something like that... I thought I knew what I was doing, but now I'm not so sure. I thought some distance would make it clear to me, but I'm more lost than ever... I've made a terrible mistake Jim, one I don't know how to fix," Leonard peered into his coffee mug to avoid the captain's piercing blue eyes.

"Look Bones, clearly you and Y/N are miserable, so why don't you do the both of you a favor and talk to them. I'm sure Y/N will understand if you just...explain how you've been feeling," Jim attempted to reassure his friend.

"I don't exactly have the best track record on talking about feelings, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist." McCoy frowned.

"First time for everything," Jim reached over and patted Leonard's shoulder. "Go make it right. That's an order."

Leonard took a long drink of his coffee, "can't believe I'm taking dating advice from James T. Kirk"

"Like I said. First time for everything."

~~~

You had spent the entirety of your day off attempting to read, but you really weren't in the mood for much of anything except sleep. Nyota had stopped by earlier and you greatly enjoyed her company, but the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach hadn't gone away.

You just really wanted to talk to Leonard, apologize for misreading the situation. You handled the unrequited love for years and you'd do it for many more as long as you knew you could still be friends.

You heard a buzz at the door and contemplated ignoring it. It was way past normal visiting hours and you were trying to wind down. Perhaps it was something important. You answered the door, expecting Chekov, Nyota, or maybe even Spock. Instead, you were greeted by an extremely exhausted looking Bones.

"Oh, doctor I um, wasn't expecting you." You said, feeling your heart-rate skyrocket.

"Can I come in?" Leonard asked with that rough, gravely voice you had always loved so much.

"Of course," you stepped aside "Come on in..."

Leonard hesitated a moment before stepping inside. Your room was homey, full of furnishings that were so you, it made his insides churn with affection.

"Len, are you okay?" You asked softly from beside the door, afraid to get any closer.

Leonard watched you for a moment, trying to find the words to say, but one look at you and all of his practiced lines had disappeared for good. All he could say was, "I'm sorry darlin'..."

"You're...sorry?" You asked.

"I've been acting like a kid... I'm sorry I haven't been around. We should have talked about this as soon as it happened."

You sighed. You knew this would be coming sooner or later. You were glad he at least wanted to do it in private. "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have come onto you like that... I scared you off and made things awkward for us both professionally, and as friends-"

"No, no, wait a minute. That's not." Leonard took a deep breath to organize his thoughts. "Y/N, you are so beautiful and smart and dedicated, and funny. You light up every room you walk into."

You swallowed the lump in your throat and wondered if this was a dream. Leonard stepped closer and gave you a hesitant smile. "I'm damaged goods sweetheart. You deserve more than I can give, but it's only been two weeks and I'm a goddamned wreck." Leonard's voice was strained as he poured his heart out to you. "I can deny it all I want, but-" His breath hitched when you placed your hand on his cheek. You could feel the warmth of his skin, the sharp poke of his stubble.

"Leonard, please..." You whispered, eyes pleading with him.

"Please what, darlin'?" He drawled, bringing his hands to your face. He noticed the heat of your blush in his fingertips, he could feel you quiver, eager for him to close the distance.

"Please, just-" His lips were on yours before you could even answer. Your mind was fuzzy. All you could think about was how soft his lips were, how perfectly they fit with yours. His smell was everywhere, it was intoxicating.

He was intoxicating.

He hummed as your fingernails scratched the base of his neck. Leonard pressed you against the wall, desperate for some way to bring you closer. He couldn't remember how to breathe, how to think. All he could do was press his body against yours.

You sighed blissfully against his lips. His hands on your waist were your only anchor to the real world. You clung to him, crumpling his uniform, but you hardly cared. You just wanted him to keep kissing you.

Leonard suddenly remembered to breathe and pulled back, only to press his forehead against yours. Your breathing was shaky and your legs felt weak. You caressed his cheeks once more and placed another soft kiss to his lips, which turned to two, then five.

At last, Leonard pulled you into his chest. He didn't want to let you go just yet. You didn't want to let him go either.

"Darlin'?" He whispered.

"Hm?" You replied, face buried into his neck.

"I love you," Leonard kissed your temple. Your heart leaped in your chest and you held him a little tighter.

"I love you too Len," you whispered softly. Leonard smiled against your cheek and placed another kiss there. "Oh, and just so you know..." You started.

Leonard pulled back to look at you curiously.

"If I ever hear you call yourself damaged goods again, I will kick your ass." You grinned at him.

"Message heard loud and clear Lieutenant-Commander," he chuckled and captured your lips in another searing kiss. Leonard's communicator chimed in his pocket, but he ignored it. There was no code red, the captain could wait. After all, they could have been together by now if it weren't for him. There was a lot of lost time to make up.

[toboldlygohome]

"Patch Me Up, Doc"

Leonard McCoy x Reader

Summary: When disaster strikes on the Enterprise and the unavoidable happens, Bones is there to patch you up again.

Character(s): Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, James "Jim" Kirk, Christine Chapel

Warning(s): Wounds, Minor character death, Violence, Cursing

Leonard wasn't sure how his day could possibly get worse. Three cases of Ankarian flu, several engineers came in with all manner of abrasions and burns, and an ensign went into anaphylactic shock. All in the last two hours.

The one thing he had been looking forward to all day was seeing you. Today you were scheduled for your bi-monthly physical. Despite the engineering department being notorious for having the most casualties, you were one of the few exceptions.

You were always careful and aware of your surroundings and you never made silly mistakes. It was one of the things Leonard really liked about you, but that also meant he didn't see you as much as he'd like to. At least you were taking care of yourself. If that meant he only got to see your beautiful smile a few times a week, it was worth it.

Leonard looked down at his PADD and frowned. You were late, which was very unlike you. He had tried to call you multiple times, but you weren't answering any of his messages. After about thirty minutes of waiting, Leonard dialed Scotty.

"Hello?" Scotty said. In the background Bones could hear what sounded like a hundred hammers banging on pipes. That was his first clue to what was holding you up.

"Scotty, where is-" Leonard started, but was cut off by the head engineer.

"Ah! Doctor, what can I do you for?"

Bones huffed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Lieutenant Y/L/N is late for her medical exam," He grumbled.

"Oh yeah! She mentioned something about that. Is it that time already?" Scotty asked. "We're a little busy down here. I'll send her up when we get this figured out." Suddenly there was a loud hissing sound. It was so loud that Leonard had to pull the communicator away from his ear.

"Dear god man! what's going on down there?" Bones talked over the static.

"Something strange is happening with the warp core. We're running on a power shortage."

"Power shortage? What do you mean, power shortage?" Bones implored. As if in response, the lights dimmed with a dangerous sounding hum before brightening again. "Ah. That power shortage."

"Losing power up in med bay!" Scotty announced to his crew before responding to Bones. "Don't you worry doctor, we have all hands on deck to figure out what is draining the power. When we do, I'll send your lass up for her physical."

"How long is this gonna take?" Leonard furrowed his brows.

"Oh at the rate we're going at, I'd say a couple hours at least-"

"A couple hours?! Forget it. Just tell Y/N I'll get with her later to reschedule." Bones ran a hand over his face.

"You got it lad!" Scotty hung up.

An hour went by and the power outages were growing more frequent. Leonard couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was about to happen. But of course he was a doctor, not a psychic.

Bones busied himself at his desk filling out some patient reports, when a low rumble coursed through the ship. It vibrated the floors and walls, shaking the contents of Leonard's long forgotten coffee mug. When the shaking slowed, the lights slowly faded out and didn't turn back on.

"What the hell are they doing down there? Opening a god-damned back hole?" Bones shoved aside his chair and stormed out of his office.

The nurses in the medbay already had out their flashlights and were pulling open the automatic doors, which had frozen in place with the power outage.

"Back up generators should be switching on any minute" Nurse Chapel said as she fiddled with her PADD screen. They waited in tense silence for the lights to come on. When nothing happened, Leonard grabbed a flashlight of his own.

"I'm getting to the bottom of this mess." He grumbled and marched toward the door, only to be thrown against the wall by some strange force. The nurses, biobeds and all manner of medical equipment felt the impact as well. Dimly, Bones registered a loud boom from deep within the enterprise that rattled his insides. What followed was the sound of emergency sirens and flashing red lights.

"Everyone okay?" Leonard called out as he pulled himself up. There were various murmurs of agreement as the nurses regained their balance. Dr M'Benga rushed in soon after, along with a steady flow of medical personnel. Everyone worked in a frenzy to prep the medbay for...whatever it was that was happening.

"Jim! medbay to bridge! Pick up dammit!" Leonard hollered into his communicator over the blaring sirens.

"Bones! Read you loud and clear!" Jim responded.

"What in god's name is going on? are we under attack?!" Leonard could barely hear himself think over the sound of the red alert.

"Not entirely sure."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, i'll get back to you on that. Right now I need a medical team down in engineering ASAP!"

Leonard felt his stomach drop. That must have been where the explosion was. 'All hands on deck' Scotty had said. So many people were down there. He was down there.

You were down there. Dammit.

Leonard hung up and grabbed his kit "Alpha shift, you're coming with me to engineering. Beta and Gamma shift, stay here and get ready. I have a feeling we're gonna be busy."

~~~

Down in engineering, you struggled to stand. Your legs felt weak and your head was pounding. The room was spinning and it was unbearably hot. You couldn't hear anything at first, the ringing was so bad. Then the ringing turned into sirens, then into shouting. Your eyes adjusted to the lights.

There was fire everywhere. The whole engine room was a mess of destroyed systems and fallen cross beams. You couldn't recall what happened at first, then slowly you remembered the alien device. the one harvesting the power. There must have been multiple, and they must have been bombs.

Amid the grogginess, you heard your communicator beeping. It was Scotty.

"M'here boss" Your voice sounded much more hoarse than you were expecting. you must have been screaming when you went down.

"Where are you? I've been trying to find you!" Scotty yelled from the other end.

"I'm by the eastern bulkhead." You pushed yourself up on your knees to survey your surroundings.

"That's perfect! Captain says they see an unfamiliar ship closing in. Given the circumstances, we can assume it's not too friendly."

"Affirmative," You whole-heartedly agreed as you struggled to your feet.

"We haven't enough power for shields. The captain needs us to redirect all the power to the warp coils."

You huffed, catching your breath. "Consider it done, be careful Scotty." you hung up and hooked your communicator to your belt. The smoke was terrible and it was hard to breathe, but you had a job to do. You grabbed a rogue toolkit and rushed toward one of the massive power panels. On the way there, you saw something that froze you in your tracks.

It was an ensign trapped under a large pipe. She appeared to be incapacitated. You dropped everything and rushed over to her.

"Nella! Can you hear me?" You cried out. She didn't respond. "Nella, I'm going to get you out of here! Just hold on!"

You grabbed one end of the pipe and started lifting, but it wouldn't budge. "Come on!" You grunted, putting everything you had into it. You pulled and pulled, but you couldn't free her alone. "Help! over here! Someone!"

Footsteps. Your prayers had been answered. Dr. McCoy came rushing around the corner with his med kit and those strong arms you needed right about now.

"Leonard! Thank god, I need your help! She's trapped, I can't get it myself!" You swallowed the lump in your throat. You were so glad to see him, Bones always seemed to appear just when you needed him.

Leonard froze when he saw the ensign on the floor and held up his tricorder.

"Come on doctor, we gotta get it off of her" You said through gritted teeth, fighting to lift the pipe off your fellow engineer.

Leonard's scanner beeped and he sighed. "Y/N, I... I'm sorry." He placed a firm hand on your shoulder.

You froze, trying to comprehend what he meant by that. "You...what?" You asked in a daze.

"She's gone Y/N," he squeezed your shoulder.

You let go of the pipe and turned your gaze to the ceiling. You were on the verge of a breakdown and you needed to stay calm. There were other people, living people, who needed your help right now. You pressed the heels of your palms to your eyes and took a deep breath.

Leonard moved his hand to your back. "Lieutenant, we have to go."

You steeled yourself, grabbed your tool bag from the ground and darted toward the power panel. Leonard grunted and hurried after you.

"The doors are this way! where are you going?" Bones caught up with you as you navigated the mess of wires, pipes, and rubble.

"To redirect the power!"

"Slow down dammit, you're injured!"

"If I don't transfer the power to the warp coils, all of us are gonna be dealing more than just a few bumps and scrapes, Doctor"

"What you have there is not a 'scrape' Darlin' you've practically sprung a leak!"

"Perfect! You can follow my blood trail!" Everything was going wrong. This was one big, terrible nightmare. The floor shook again and you stumbled forward into the power panel. Leonard fell into you from behind, that was when you noticed the searing pain in your side.

"Shit," you winced.

"What did I tell ya?" Leonard grumbled as he helped you up. You reached for the controls, only to find the displays were fried. With a cry of defeat, you slammed your fist into the keyboard.

"Nothing can ever be EASY, can it?! Time to get creative then!" You went to the side of the panel and pried it open to reveal it's mechanical innards. "You work on me, I'll work on this!"

Bones didn't need to be told twice. He dove into his medical bag for his hypo spray and bandages; meanwhile, you were looking for the command cable that would allow you to divert all the power coming into the panel to the warp coils.

You ignored the sting of the hypo entering your neck and focused on finding your coveted wire.

"Lifting your dress Lieutenant." Leonard warned, already gripping the bottom hem.

"Do what you gotta do doctor, modesty is the last thing on my mind right now." You groused as you dug deeper into the panel. Not that modesty was an issue, you were wearing leggings after all.

He lifted your dress and winced on your behalf. Bones gave it some sort of antibacterial spray that burned like hell despite the pain medicine he injected you with. The barrage of what you assumed to be phaser cannons didn't lighten up. The floor kept shaking, but neither of you payed it any mind.

The world seemed to slow as you finally found the cable. "YES!" You beamed, ripping it out of it's socket.

"Woah, woah, woah. You're messin' up your bandages!"

"No time for bandages! I have to get these cables into that panel" You pointed across the destroyed engine room. "That'll reroute the power, then we can get the hell out of here!" You struggled to stand amid the shaking and Leonard hoisted you up. If the circumstances weren't so terrible, you would have relished in the feeling of his arms around you. Unfortunately, time was of the essence. Once you were on your feet, you were already running through the wreckage to the panel. Leonard was hot on your heels, shielding his face from the flames as he ran.

A powerful crash sent you flying forward yet again, knocking the wind out of you. Behind you, Leonard was in a similar predicament. You didn't stop. All you had to do was plug it in, then the enterprise would finally be out of danger. You tore into the panel. This time you knew just where the cord was supposed to go. You ripped the old cord free and replaced it with the new one.

Instantly you felt the ship lurch forward. All at once, the shaking stopped. The familiar hum of the warp coils lulled you into a sense of ease. You were back on your feet, the ground steady beneath you. You turned and found Bones, pulling himself off the ground. Your relief was immeasurable. It was all over. The ship was safe.

Leonard was safe.

You smiled so brightly, Bones was sure it out shined even the brightest star in the galaxy.

Unfortunately for you, the universe was against you that day. You took one step toward him and your world lit up. You saw nothing. The only thing you felt was pain. The last thing you heard before drifting away was the sound of Leonard, crying out for you.

~~~

An incessant beeping stirred you from your slumber, that and the terrible ache you felt in every part of your body. It took a long time for you to work up the courage to open your eyes, but when you did, you were blinded by the overhead lights in the medbay.

You groaned and tried to shield your eyes with your arm, but you just felt so weak. Instead, you closed your eyes and hoped your head would stop throbbing

"Lights at 50%" A familiar voice drawled.

You peeked your eyes open again and hummed approvingly at the light levels.

"Hey darlin'...how are you feeling?" Leonard asked as he sat on the edge of your biobed. He looked so tired. You just wanted to reach up, take his face into your hands and hold him until he fell into a restful sleep.

"Like I was swallowed by the sun and spit back out again." You tried to smile.

"Well, at least you're feeling something." He placed the back of his hand on your forehead. "I'd be mighty worried if you felt nothing at all."

You closed your eyes and sighed, relishing in his gentle touch. "How are you feeling?" You asked softly.

He chuckled lowly and slowly pulled his hand away. "You nearly get blown to bits and you're asking me how i'm doing?"

"Have you slept?" You ignored his question.

Leonard sighed "you are something else... Not yet. Don't think I could fall asleep if I tried," he reached up and tapped on the screen of the biobed to check your vitals. You wanted to say something, anything. You wanted to thank him, reassure him, tell him you'd do it all again if you had to.

"I'm gonna check your bandages sweetheart. It might sting a little, but I'll try to be gentle," he said whispered.

"I trust you Len," you gave him a tired smile.

Bones pulled back the sheet on the bed. Your arms were all bandaged and one of your legs was in a cast. You couldn't see the rest of you under the hospital gown. The cold air stung your burns and you clenched your teeth. Leonard pulled up the side of the gown to check your cut. You had nearly forgotten about that wound amidst all your new ones.

"Just as I thought," he muttered "Time to change your bandages. Y/N, are you-"

"Patch me up, doc." You closed your eyes and tried to relax.

Leonard frowned and heaved a sigh through his nose. He brought his hands to the bandages, but stopped just sort of cutting them off. He was much quieter than usual. You were used to his grumpy complaining, his witty banter. His silence was unsettling, his hesitation even more so.

"Bones?" You whispered.

"Y/N, I...." He trailed off and looked at you. His eyes glistened with unshed tears. The sight of him so distraught... You didn't know what you were feeling. You focused hard and ignored the pain as you lifted your arm.

"H-hey, don't-" he started. You ignored him and brought your hand to his cheek. He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly.

"I'm not going anywhere..." You said softly. "Not now, not ever."

"You can't possibly promise me that darlin'..." His voice came out as a broken rumble.

"I can't promise you that I won't get hurt... I can't promise that I will never be in danger. But I can promise that no matter what happens to me, I will always come back to you... who else would I trust to make me better again?" You brushed your thumb over his cheekbone. He ghosted his fingertips over your hand and pressed a tender kiss to your palm.

It was then that you knew everything had changed.

"I'm gonna hold you to that," Leonard whispered against your skin.

"I wish you'd hold me in other ways too," you giggled.

Leonard smiled and shook his head. "We'll discuss all that when you're better."

"Well, then you'd better get a move on doctor~"