tokwangmin

[tokwangmin]

Our second month would be a few days from now and I can’t help but to think about how naive I was to think we’d be together for ten years and more. I envisioned a whole future with you, I envisioned a whole family with you. I keep thinking about how it could’ve been if it wasn’t for me, and I feel terrible hahaha

[tokwangmin]

Hi.

I don’t know when you’ll ever take a look at this again, but I sure hope you would one day, whenever, wherever you are... I’m just hoping that this thing crosses your mind. 

I just want to get things off my chest, you know? There’s not much to say, and it doesn’t matter that much now... but I just remembered back then, when I said you’re my first and last. I meant that. I don’t think I’ll ever love again if it’s not with you... I just... don’t want to. I know you probably won’t look at me the same way again and you seem to want to move on already, and that’s fine honestly. I understand. But I had hoped that even if you don’t love me anymore at least you’d still be my friend? Because when you left, you did take a piece of my heart with you, and...yeah, you’re not obliged to stay at all. I know. I’m probably asking too much by saying this. But losing you... I don’t think I can ever live the same way without you. Everyday I miss you, and I’d cry thinking about all the pieces of you that you left around me. And it hurts so much, it hurts... I never wanted us to be over yet it’s all on me. I just wish I could’ve been better, or if it’s better, I wish you never fell for me. I hated losing the only friend I can depend on. I hate it so much.

I’m sorry.

[tokwangmin]

Placed inside a strawberry patterned paper bag is a white envelope marked “To Song Kwangmin!” in red marker. The envelope itself didn’t contain anything but a QR code for the male to scan on his phone to access a heartfelt letter he can read without losing. It’s taped on top of the head of a little crocheted wolf plushie with a slightly tilted button for its right eye. Jongin did try his best with that one, and even though it’s not a perfect first attempt at crocheting, he really hoped Kwangmin liked it anyway. There’s a little heart shaped box containing chocolate chip cookies that he baked at 4 in the morning yesterday when his boyfriend was asleep, and beneath them on the very bottom of the box is a small note saying “I love you OwO” - a very Jonginesque surprise that he thought was smart. Another velvet covered box contains a simple silver ring engraved “ㅈ, ㅋ”for their initials rests in the far bottom of the bag, and it matches with Jongin’s very own ring that he’s sure to show off later on. But those weren’t all. Who knows what other surprise awaits his boyfriend once he finishes reading the letter, though? 

[tokwangmin]

To Song Kwangmin!

Can you believe it, it’s been one month?

Well, it had been quite impossible for me to think of what to write down without tearing up a little. I had been an emotional mess preparing our first month together in my first ever relationship, wondering if this is the right way to do it and whatnot, while reminiscing the awfully amazing past month together with you. I figure I can be too cheesy of a boyfriend so I’m sorry beforehand hehe. And before you start reading the entire thing, I want you to know how grateful I am to be yours, and I love you with my whole entire heart.

I must confess, I hadn’t much confidence in myself being in a relationship at first. Being heartbroken does that, apparently, and I thought that if you were to be mine and I were to be yours, I wanted me to be the best version of myself for you. I wanted to appear fine and well and tolerable, and perhaps not too frustrating or too weepy. I worry everyday that you’d stop looking at me the same once you realise what a mess I can be, but you know what? Every time you look at me and hold me close to you, I knew that should be the last thing I should worry about. Because my Song Kwangmin loves me for the way I am, and he’s the only one who will ever love me the way I am with no conditions whatsoever. And deep down, I know this will stay the way it is.

I can’t even begin to fathom how unreal this feels. When I wake up being surrounded with so much love and care, spoiled rotten and pampered like a prince, sometimes it gets so overwhelming. But no, not in a bad way, it’s the kind that makes my heart feel so full that my entire being bloom like a flower in spring. You make me feel like I’m floating amongst the clouds and walking on a rainbow path. You make me feel like I have a purpose to get through this mundane lifestyle I have and you make me feel like living without a worry in the world. That’s how happy you make me. 

You kept giving and giving, Minnie, and I thought to myself, am I doing enough? Have I been doing enough, showing enough, saying enough? I worry that you feel worthless like you said I made you feel before... because that’s not true at all. You worth the world to me, you mean everything to me. I’m not just saying you’re my bestest friend in the world. You are my bestest friend in the world, in the way that you understand me the most, you take after me the most, and you go through a lot of things with me the most. We do almost everything together, don’t we? It’s the way that all these little things mean a lot to me as your presence does that I simply can’t imagine reverting to a life without you at all, because nothing would ever be the same again. I hope you know that everything I’ve done with you so far, it was all for you and my adoration for you, because you actually worth the entirety of my whole being.

Now, here’s another reminder: you are an amazing human being, besides being the best boyfriend in the world ever. You’re so smart the same way you’re so funny and cute and silly and charming. You’re patient and loyal and caring and understanding. You’re adorable and pretty just as much as you’re sexy and handsome. You’re amazingly you and this has been my opinion of you since I first got closer to you, and it will never change. Believe me when I say I’m right behind you supporting everything you’re gonna do in life, because I’m your biggest fan and I promise I’ll always, always be my big wolf’s source of strength!!

Thank you for everything, my baby. Thank you for loving someone like me, for giving us the opportunity to love each other, for making me feel like I matter for anybody in the world at all. You’re my light and love and I will forever cherish you as my first and last love, uhuh?

Love, Jonginnie~ 

P.S. Wait on the bed for me to finish showering... There’s more! :o