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I miss them when I look at the carpet to the side of my bed because that’s where I told them I loved them after they picked me up from this cafe I used to work at and we held hands as we walked through my childhood neighborhood hands interlocked mouths never stopped moving whether that was because we couldnt shut up about how much we liked each other or our muzzles couldnt stop craving each other isnt really important to the story and then after the walk we took a nap on my carpet and the sun was shining through my window making the carpet right under us so warm and the warmth of the sun made me regurgitate the words I love you in that exact moment the sun couldve been anywhere and it found us laying on my bedroom floor it found me a coward someone who was waiting maybe one more month to say those special words but 30 seconds of warm eyelashes and i start going around telling people i love them and now that memory is forever ingrained into this goddamn carpet and I’m just supposed to walk on it and forget that I loved somebody here in this spot where i stand where i take off my bra and toss old magazines and the reminder that someone loved me is here and I was worth something I learned something I earned things I was successful and I failed throughout it but I was doing something someone depended on me I was being loved i was doing something and I’m not being loved right now and it makes me crave the I love you's on warm carpet and that feeling when you forget they are your significant other and now they’re just a part of your life there’s no more act it’s just raw pure and its just there its there for whatever form I come in and that’s what I got it came it was here it changed me and now it’s gone

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Lana del rey and Bradley Soileau

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I wish I could be Simone de Beauvoir

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“The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action” (1977)

Audre Lorde

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Oh mom

Rock me to sleep

With your rock voice and your tattoos dedicated to daddy

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A mother

A hated wench

A woman

Public Humiliation of Women

Represents the Filth

To represent the inelegant

Requires the upmost elegance in indifference and tenacity

Courtney Love

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Knowledge I Want to Consume

Artists and Paintings:

Hieronymous Bosch

“The shadow” Edmund Blair Leighton

Books:

Jonathan Livingston seagull 

Topics:

What happened between Bob Dylan and Joan Baez 

What happened to Anne Boleyn 

YouTube videos:

“capitalist necromancy: the danger of nostalgia as merchandise”

“the day Stockholm became a syndrome”

Movie:

Carnival of Souls

Articles & More:

“moral progress is annoying”

Watch a Shakespeare play

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Books I Want to Read

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

Metamorphoses by Ovid

Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre

The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli

Essays and Aphorisms by Arthur Schopenhauer

Lying by Sam Harris

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Frankenstein: The 1818 Text by Mary Shelley

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Paradise Lost by John Milton

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra

The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

The Art of Happiness by Epicurus

East of Eden by John Steinbeck

City of God by Augustine of Hippo

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

Dracula by Bram Stoker

The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens

The Three Theban Plays: Antigone, Oedipus the King, Oedipus at Colonus by Sophocles

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

The Monk by Matthew Lewis

Twelve Angry Men by Reginald Rose

Candide: Or Optimism by Francois Voltaire

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

Meditations by Marcus Aeurelius

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

The Lover by Marguerite Duras

Demons by Fyodor Dostoevsky

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Last year when I wrote you my last letter (the beginning of my future poetry) I acknowledged who you were for the first time. I didn't call you by any other name I let you know that I knew the true nature of your heart-that it was evil that it convinced me that darkness is real that the devil is a real devil and that monsters don't always know they are monsters. But projection is an interesting thing after you burned the house down you tried to convince me that i was the one holding the matches You told me that I dih't know what I had done You said I don't know who I am But I do know who I am. I love Rose Gardens I buy violets every time someone leaves me I love the great sequoias of Yosemite and if you asked my sister to describe the first thing she thinks of when she thinks of me she would say woodsmoke I'm gentle I'm funny when I'm drunk though I haven't been drunk for 14 years I go on trips to the beach with my friends who don't know that I'm crazy. I can do that. I can do anything even leave you.