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everytime i grow as a person, everytime whatever thought process i was revelling in is completed I-

come to understand that while ive learnt a lot about my previous ideas, there exists a much deeper and more important discovery which humbles the mere thought that i knew anything and reminds me to keep sticking to the anti-ego principle of "i know nothing yet"

2. grow more and more distant from the world and all of its billion self obsessed policies and small time problems, borderline discontentment and less amusement from worldly activities but find the company of those who also have this mindset more and more comforting albeit scarce

its conflicting, give up trying to learn and enjoy the fun of understanding whatever part of everything i get to for the sake of living comfortably but delusionally for my share of the 50-60 years i have here

or

effectively give up trying to chase things which bring that comfort, to listen and endure harsh words about "failing" to live a societally perfect life , only because its not mentally stimulating and does not feel right at all

despite all this, there is unironically this sort of almost innate feeling you feel when in the presence of someone who chooses option b

you know they didnt do what they were "supposed" to, and failed conventionally but you cant help but feel their genuineness ooze out of them, you cant help but like them, you cant help but feel the difference in their behaviour and find them amazing

they're not famous but everyone who knows them feels it, an almost inferiority to their ability to be content, which is then masked by degrading that person for a materialistic lack of something to feel better about that inferiority

this is to say i need to find a secluded sanyasi preacher with a few students and learn from them to get to the next step of this journey

one looks into people's eyes to get an overview of their personality, i want to be able to look into my eyes and feel like a person i would look up to

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and that overbearing horrible-ity itself is allowing myself to be misinterpreted, similar to a confused but well meaning parent

"why are we so mean to those who we love"

paradoxically, love makes you feel safe enough to be horrible

naturally we are mean to ourselves, someone as overly anxious and self critical as myself even more so, and when you truly love someone, unknowingly you consider them as an extention of your self

for me this means, maybe being way more critical of the small things in their character the same way i would be for myself, its healthy if you think of it this way

but there definitely also is a bit of "respecting less of what you have" spirit to this, because it doesn't come out in the first interactions, the depressed mom soul which resides in me only comes out much after when i do find them someone i truly love

despite all of this, it leads to a problem with how they understand me and how i understand the relationship, i dont end up just loving like a careless teenager, i end up being the scolding mother who wishes for the best, which is more likely than not too much for them to all of a sudden handle

i want to be less strict in this manner, but whenever i try, it just means being more casual and not worrying about them more than myself

which although healthy sure, is just not how i love

caring and being overbearing is itself the ultimate sign of unconditional love, but unfortunately I'm still being overbearing

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I love talking nonsense with you and I hope that we can talk nonsense with each other for the rest of our lives.

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freedom is but an interlude in this eternal servitude we owe to the world

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remembered that money and capitalism is basically the new monarchy, it just took time for the hierarchy to stabilize

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Oh to enjoy friendships without fake formal words of draining forced sappiness

and to avoid the company of those infected by it in your comfort group

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burdened by choices, i choose to do nothing

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Fav thing i heard today, limiting the full extent of things to being "just" something makes your mind shallow to the wonders and imaginativeness even the most mundane objects hold, which in turn means you won't find fulfilment in yourself either because you're grossly over simplifying chasing simplicity

Letting your mind wander into the whys and the hows of life, the rock you hold carries with it thousands of years of natural formation, it is not "just" a rock, it is the culmination of the beauty of order out of chaos

does the ocean know of its depth and the wonder it fills those worthy of seeing it?

If we consider it inanimate, maybe it doesn't but you as a mortal possessing the power to deeply appreciate things for what they truly are must not fall for looking at someone or something for just the worth written on their face

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my mind when i cheat on her by listening to other people's opinions instead of her's first

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we will stop talking, but the way we perceived each other, in those final weeks of knowing each other will remain in our head for as long as we remember

one day, inevitably we will drift apart and our shared time together will become a mere collection of anecdotes, a bunch of fading distant memories which we share with new friends

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got reminded of me from 5 months ago who was free enough to think and rant about everything, note to self, be like this guy after your current obligations to the world are done, write that book, format your thoughts, fulfilment for you lies in sharing what you have spent years thinking

Looks at your ask box: “ ask me the meaning of life. ”

So, *proceeds to ask you the meaning of life* what is the meaning of life?

in a single word: procreation

and if expanded i couldn't write all about it even if i started now and didnt stop until i died

but in brief, humans are .... like any other animal, just evolution doing its thing given all the years on earth, all that we have different to them is that we lucked out (kinda) on the evolution bingo game with our brains ending up getting evolved past a certain point, enough so that we can now think about everything better than other animals, but by no means perfectly. So the first lesson is humility and that time reigns supreme , to understand that we are nothing against the passage of time, as proven by the deaths of every living creature that has ever come to exist on this planet atleast until we all learn to band together stronger and face genuine problems by first educating ourselves and then utilising our greatest strength, the strength in numbers. (take that nihilism)

everything from our emotions to our perception to our strengths to our problems (like the issues faced in the working of society) is a result of us evolving a brain which is capable of thinking understanding and resolving ideas way faster than natural evolution.(I could expand upon this fact itself endlessly but I don't know if a Tumblr post is supposed to be tens of thousands of words long so we keeping that idea for later,hopefully i publish a book on this before i die with all my thoughts but tangent aside)

So the second lesson is to think.

Thinking things thoroughly and making sure to not accept an outlandish idea until you actually get to a simple conclusion.

from these two we can derive another which is to always cross reference and to never take ideas for granted and infact another endless such lessons which hopefully i write about someday.

with these two lessons we approach the timeless question of what the meaning of life is. Applying the first rule we learn to disregard believes that we mean something extraordinarily high, no, no single person is more special than another and after further thinking as per the second lesson i reached multiple conclusion of my own which after cross referencing and applying pseudointellectualism a thought process of remembering what humans are at a base level and why society works as it does now, the simple conclusion was reached that at the end of the day we live to survive and ensure that there come after as more humans who can survive as a way to prove that our genetic lottery win was really as big as it seems.

p.s

thanks for the ask, and sorry that i cant expand on all these topics at this time, i wish every reader inner peace from all the complicated thoughts in our head and i invite you to learn to understand our inner demons and infact understand why those demons exist in the first place, now that the meaning of life is out of the way i can try to answer more human questions like the role emotions play in our life, how not thinking for oneself allows people to (for their own benefit) use you more than you think and infact questions like why people step on other people in the first place? (spoilers: the answer lies on evolutions biggest feature in all of us which is ofcourse how we wish to survive above all else and now that as a society primal survival is not like it was for cavemen, our brains adapted weirdly) or why we feel happy with simple things like getting a like on your elaborate Tumblr post (wink wink) (please do that) and how that is also a problem caused by our brains evolving faster than evolution could catch up

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self hate is gay, unfortunately i am a faggot

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i want some people defenestrated right now

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if everything is a blur these days; you just have to tumble by

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its scary how a nice seeming person will randomly end up being an insanely extremist religious asshole who sees nothing wrong with calling for genocide against complete groups just because of what some person did 300 years ago, this goes with every fucking religion by the way, dont you dare read this and feel like this justifies your brainwashed cult over someone elses, if you follow a religion for more than just personal fulfilment then you are absolute filth and you scare me for participating in it

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my relatives and friends when my absolutes walk in

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my body is a machine that turns creative thought into shitty tumblr posts