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I LOVE THEM SOOO MUCH><

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🐢 x 🐹

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“Since it’s impossible to know which part of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.”

— Severus Snape (via incorrect-professors)

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Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

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Snape haters & double standards

Snape: *says to Neville that he is stupid*

Snaters: HORRIBLE MONSTER!!!! HOW DARE YOU MAKE NEVILLE FEEL LIKE THAT!!

Snape lovers: lol what an asshole.

McGonagall: *considers Neville as stupid and often makes him feel like he truly is stupid*

Snaters: Nah it’s okay Minnie is perfect.

Snape lovers: She shouldn’t do that.

Snape: *used a racist slur (mudblood), learned not to use it anymore and defends Hermione when Phineas calls her a mudblood*

Snape haters: RACIST PIECE OF SHIT!!!! HE IS EVIL AND WILL ALWAYS BE!@&!!!

Snape lovers: Knowing where he comes from, I understand why he used it, even though it doesn’t make it okay. I’m glad he became a told Phineas to not use that slur: he showed his true self that time.

Draco: *constantly uses the slur, doesn’t have any regrets*

Snape haters: It’s okay: knowing where he comes from, I understand why he uses it.

Snape lovers: Knowing where he comes from, I understand why he uses it, even though it doesn’t make it okay.

Snape: *hates Sirius for almost killing him at Hogwarts*

Snape haters: lol look at him. Holding a grudge, acting like a child. GROW UP!!! YOU ARE AN A D U L T NOW!!!

Snape lovers: Completely understandable. He should get therapy though.

Sirius: *hates Snape, uses the insult “Snivellus”, still acts like a teenager*

Snape haters: It’s okay Snivellus deserves it.

Snape lovers: I understand that Sirius has a lot of mental issues after spending so much time in Azkaban, but using “Snivellus” is still wrong.

Snape: *wants to be friend with his only friend, accepts when she wants him to leave her alone, loves the only person who has ever loved him*

Snape haters: EWWWW WHAT AN OBSESSED CREEP!!!! THIS ISN’T LOVE, IT’S OBSESSION!!! He only wanted to BANG her!!! What a sexual beast, DIE, STOP HARASSING MY LILY!!!

Snape lovers: There are a lot of types of love and I believe Snape only loved her as a friend / had a platonic love for her / that it was nothing sexual / etc.

James: *blackmails Lily, doesn’t take no as an answer, bullies and harasses her bestfriend, doesn’t stop until she agrees to go on a date with him*

Snape haters: THAT is love. ❤️

Snape lovers: EW.

Snape: *becomes a Death Eater, realizes he fucked up, changes sides*

Snape haters: He only did it for Lily, it doesn’t matter.

Snape lovers: Wow 💕

Regulus: : *becomes a Death Eater, realizes he fucked up, changes sides*

Snape haters: I stan a HERO!! 😍

Snape lovers: Great job!

Snape: *does something good*

Snape haters: He only did it for Lily, he did it for bad reasons only.

Snape lovers: Yassssss 💪🏻💕

Anyone else: *does something good*

Snape haters: What a good person!

Snape lovers: Woot woot!

Snape: *has a doe as patronus*

Snape haters: THERE!!! The proof of his obsession!!!

Snape lovers: Rowling said that the Patronus changes only if it’s eternal LOVE. Therefore, Snape’s love is true. 💕

Tonks: *has a wolf as patronus*

Snape haters: Wow it’s eternal love❤️

Snape lovers: Just like Snape!

James: *has a deer as patronus*

Snape haters: It matches Lily’s patronus!!!! True love!!😍

Snape lovers… Hmm… that’s weird… could it mean true love or obsessive love??

Alright so I know that not all Snape haters are like this, nor that all Snape lovers are like this too. I exaggerated a few things, but I think that Snape haters still love double standards and use it for anything related to Snape.

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Friendly reminder that Minerva, Flitwick, Sprout and Slughorn tried to attack Snape on a 4vs1 duel (and that Snape still won without trying to hurt them)

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Today’s Incel of the Day is:

Severus Snape (Harry Potter)!

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Comfort by bibmob

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AU in which Snape has a potions show a la Gordon Ramsay style

-“You call this a potion, Smith? I wouldn’t even use it to scrub the lavatory.”

-“Abysmal attempt, you’re out.”

-“Hmm…this is… adequate.”

-*looks at subpar potion* “I would’ve preferred it if the cauldron had exploded.”

-*contestant reaches for their wand* *Snape materialises out of thin air* “What the *beep* do you think you’re doing? You *beep* *beep* *beep* dunderhead. *Beep* oxygen thief!”

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snape: saved harry’s life in book one and ever since, backed by dumbledore aka Hogwarts God the whole way, protected draco from corruption and all harm, immediately went to tell dumbledore as soon as he heard sirius (one of his childhood bullies) was in danger, didn’t expell harry despite knowing he was the one who threw the firecracker, gave remus anti-werewolf potion even though he hated him, saved literally everyone from voldemort, etc.,

snaters:

girl that’s a nazi

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concept: trans or fem snape somehow ending up with a baby

they keep planning an abortion, but continuously postpone it due to the guilt and panic and shame. ultimately, they end up keeping the baby, believing it will force them to better themself.

none of the teachers or students are thrilled to notice that snape is pregnant, all of them knowing how snape is with kids. but snape tells dumbledore what they’re up to, and he naturally has faith in them. after all, with the kind of childhood that snape had, they at least know how not to raise a child.

snape is surprisingly able to commit when the child is born, realizing that this baby has no one else, no other support system. the baby is a girl, who snape names “sage,” after the herb that has been believed since ancient times to ward off evil.

only after tobias dies does snape take sage to meet her grandmother. eileen seems to glow with joy, and reminisces how much sage looks like severus when they were a baby.

when sage starts attending hogwarts, she’s bullied for being snape’s daughter. snape is absolutely livid and has a bit of a fit one night in the common room that makes the whole school scared of them enough to never ever bully sage again. but this means she’s outcast, and almost always alone.

snape is forever haunted with guilt to know they are the reason their daughter is friendless, and decides it was really selfish for them to have a child without considering what sort of reputation she might have. snape never gets over it. but now, at least, they have a reason to stay alive.

regardless of snape’s gender, snape had always let her call them her mother. eventually, she comes around to asking snape why she doesn’t have a father. severus simply says that “it just didn’t work out that way.“ 

despite all the loneliness, sage grows up to be a very talented witch and, following her own desires, a brilliant dark arts teacher and head of slytherin house. she’s also an unusually kind mentor of slytherins and finally extinguishes the stigma that “all slytherins are mean and nasty and evil.“ 

her patronus is also a doe because of severus’s unconditional love for her, and her boggart is simply herself, representing her fear of perpetual isolation.

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Personally I’d rather miss this potentially scarring event. I’ll take my chances with the werewolves thank you very much.

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Troll! In the dungeon! Troll in the dungeon!

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What people think Snape fans are like

100 ppl screaming: Snape is my husband!!!

What Snape fans are actually like

Someone: Sev’s my husband

Someone in the next room: he’s my brother

Another person: my son!

Some guy in the kitchen: my roommate

Someone outside the window: He’s my neighbour. He watered my plants when I was in Greece for two weeks.

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Snape : *uses ONE slur against ONE woman after a moment of humiliation in canon and it becomes his worst memory*

Fandom : OmG Snape was an incel, a mysogynist and an anti-feminist. He hated women !! He embodied toxic masculinity !!!

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Severus Snape: *wears exclusively black, capes, and button down long coats. All still black.*

The guy he was fucking based on: wears this monstrosity

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@ the Snapedom

Am I the only one who doesn’t want to fuck him?