triparoundthemoon

[triparoundthemoon]

im engaged to be married to the most amazing man !

[triparoundthemoon]

I miss relaxing and just not caring about the time of day.

I wana partay.

[triparoundthemoon]

think im still goin thru something but again who understands that I dwell?

Just me I suppose.

[triparoundthemoon]

I’m really grateful for my man, he’s amazing. Even when he’s learning. I don’t want this feeling to ever go away. I NEVER GET TIRED OF HIM, even when I’m frustrated. I miss him as soon as he leaves. I love you baby. Thankful that God sent me this man.

[triparoundthemoon]

I’m literally one of the most thoughtful and caring person that you’ll ever come across. Especially if you’re apart of my life - I go above and beyond for no reason. But it always backfires in my face being so nice. Everyone gets all caught up in what I give and never reciprocates that. I hate being sick I hate needing help because no one ever drops what they’re doing to help. Only my mom and grandma. I spend the last three days being a rock and a doctor for someone who can’t even do the same for me. Yet, when I say I deserve better - I’m the villian.

How am I always the villian in everyone’s story? But when you need someone to call, someone to depend on and someone to care - I’m the first call? It’s not adding up. Everyone thinks they can always take advantage of me then ask for my forgiveness because I’m such a nice person that just wants peace. But then I get upset because I’m at my max and then they see me when I’m not giving a fuck - then I’m the bad guy. But the whole entire time you were being a cunt - I just eat it right? I don’t get to have an opinion.

Fuck all this shit. Everyone can fuck off forreal. No one ever supports me. No one ever checks on me. No one ever make sure I’m good. No one cares the way I care. Then when I show that same energy, I’m the bad person that’s overrreacting. Alright, I’ll be the fucking bad guy.

[triparoundthemoon]

It’s so weird I use to love getting drunk and seeing my ex… he would be all smiley and baby me. He would be laughing at all my jokes and enjoying my sexy. He loved it when I was drunk. So much fun, he would even take care of me.. put me to bed and change me into pjs. He was so good at taking care of me drunk, I’d be all over him and he loved it. I don’t think he was ever all over me the same but I knew he wanted to be. He just cudnt show no emotions. So a smile was like a throphy.

[triparoundthemoon]

after all the entries about being alone, I found him and I get it now.

[triparoundthemoon]

Imagine lying to someone for ten whole years, that’s serious talent.

[triparoundthemoon]

I replay that statement in my head over and over again to just remind myself.

[triparoundthemoon]

You know what really sucks… missing someone that’s no good for you.

I just noticed after being w my new boo that the connection that I crave probably won’t come from him.

Then it sadden me that I might not ever get something so personal and intimate again.

I feel like I lost my a major part of me I was holding on to and dreaming about. Something I thought I could manifest into fruition.

I manifested it right out of my life.

You don’t even want me like that! Like why can’t I just accept that?

Like you do not want me as an eternal partner in life! I know that.

I know you don’t want kids with me. I know that!

I know that I’m not the most conservative person and it’s embarrassing to bring me around. I know that!

But at the same time, deep deep down in your soul - you and I both know it’s me - it’s always gona be me.

I feel like I got robbed.

And for the longest I was doing good, just functioning - living - not even caring - just happy with myself.

I feel like you reset my progress.

I feel like I want to just call you and get a hug.

I know all my friends and family would be so disappointed.

I would be too. Cause I’ve worked so hard to move on, to ruin that progress for a hug is stupid, I know that!

Everyones in happy relationships and bonding and planning for the future. I feel like you robbed me of it even after selling me the dream for years.

I want to start looking at apartments that we can be together in. Shared incomes. I wana chuckle at night after making love about how we want lots of babies running around. I wana cuddle into your neck until I fall asleep. I wana hold your hands again, your smell - I’m forgetting it and its scary.

I feel like I’m the only one who feels anything

I know you probably miss me, and think of me some days more than others. I’m quoting. But then you remember that I represent everything you’ve been told would detroy you.

And I think that part hurts the most. Actually believing that I just wana harm/hurt you.

[triparoundthemoon]

Called your office and no answer, day off?

Miss you, thinking of you.

Sometimes just hearing your voice makes me ok.

I mean I know we weren’t going to marry.

But I love that I can almost count on you when I needed someone the most.

When I was at my lonliest - you were there.

Thanks.

Hope you’re well, hope you’re in love forreal, I hope she fills your day with ease, I hope she hugs and kiss you even when you’re asleep, I hope she holds you tight when you’re having nightmares, I hope you hold her hands in public and in private, I hope you both stay up laughing at stupid things, I hope she likes the shows you like, and I hope you tell her you love her everyday.

I hope if you’re happy and content, then eventually I will be too.

[triparoundthemoon]

Thankfully kept expectations low. I’m so smart now. But still annoyed at it all.

[triparoundthemoon]

I just wana kiss on you.

[triparoundthemoon]

Lonely beans.

Expectations extremely low.

Mess up your white tee.

I just want a real hug maybe a kiss.

I be so scared to open up.

I just want to be cautious.

Kisses for me.

Kisses for you.

I miss you sometimes when I wake up and turn over.

I miss you sometimes before bed especially if I have insomnia.

I miss you sometimes when I start laughing lol.

I miss you sometimes when I’m sleepy in my car.

I know it’s time to give it up but I’m not quite there just yet.

Maybe one day soon…

[triparoundthemoon]

Lmao I read the last few messages and I’m really proud of myself. Like I really just stopped lol 😂

[triparoundthemoon]

Afraid to even tweet something remotely sad 😞 I don’t like when people know I’m having a mental health day…

[triparoundthemoon]

what in the actual fuck is happening rn 🫥