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Quote
“You are now gagged again.” “Oh, thank God for that!”
(via yourplayersaidwhat)
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When you wake up at night because you’re hungry but the fridge is empty so you just stay there contemplating the emptiness of the fridge just in case some roaming house elf takes pity on you and magically fill it with random food.
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bun bun floof
Wow!! my favorite animal! :D
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My family and I are playing D&D for pretty much the first time for all of us. I ended up as DM; my mom was an elf druid, my dad a blind human monk, and my 14 year old brother (the reason we played) was a tiefling sorcerer who was a former nun. They managed to kill 3 goblins with little effort, and decided to interrogate the last one after stabilizing him.
Me: “He is unconscious. How will you waken him up?”
Sorcerer: “I toss water and soap on him.” He rolls for it; gets a nat 20.
Me: “You wake the unconscious goblin with a bath.”
The monk, who is blind, tried to intimidate the goblin to get info out of it. He has low charisma and rolls a 2.
Me as goblin: *in a gravelly voice with a bad heavy Russian accent* “Bah, you cannot scare me. You are blind, and have bad hair.”
However, the tiefling nun sorcerer, with her high charisma manages to intimidate him.
Goblin: “I do not like her. *gestures to my brother* She has shifty devil face. I still smell her nasty soap. I will tell you what you ask.”
After the interrogation, the monk wanted to kill him, the sorcerer want to let him go and give him supplies as a thanks, and the druid reluctantly agreed with the monk. I have them roll for persuasion, and unfortunately monk and druid rolled better and convinced them to kill the goblin. The monk wants to stab the goblin in the head, rolls, and misses.
Goblin: “Ha, you can’t even hit me when I’m tied up. This is why I am not afraid of you and your shitty hair cut.”
Druid, ooc: “I roll to slash the goblins throat.” She makes the roll. As the goblin dies, the sorcerer holds him.
Sorcerer: “I’m sorry, *generic goblin name*. I’ll miss you.”
Goblin: *in dying gasps* “That’s not my name….”
Sorcerer: “What is your name then?”
Goblin: “…..Kyle…”
Goblin dies as my brother loses it and can’t stop laughing.
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do you ever see a really pretty girl and the gay just hits you
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the foundation but theres a no running rule so if theres a breach everyone is violently speedwalking
canon
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2d6 Emotional Damage
My DM wanted to put me through some pretty heavy emotional turmoil, so he did a “prologue” to a single player campaign.
My father, the town blacksmith and a long-time friend of the town wood-craftsman after years of adventuring together, had been given the task of taking a shipment of Ironwood to the village over. On the road, we encountered bandits harrassing an old man. My father, being neutral good and very strong willed, decided to stop the harrassment. Didn’t end well.
DM: As your father confronts the bandits, the leader stabs him in the gut. He�� fails his heal check, and starts bleeding out. Dies shortly after.
Me, in the middle of fighting the other bandits with my friend and his father, the wood craftsman: Dammit, I can’t get to him!
I finish the fight, killing three bandits (not including the leader who killed my father), and went to see if my dad had died.
DM: He’s very dead, and his entrails are exposed and there is a lot of blood. Roll Will.
Me: *nat 1*
Dm: roll 1d6 Emotional Damage.
Me: *6*
We head back to our village after deciding to deliver the wood, and discover our village had been attacked by the same clan the bandits were a part of, and all of the people, all of our families, loved ones, and everyone else were strewn-about, burnt to a crisp and out in the open for all to see.
DM: Will Save
Me: Fuck! *Nat 1*
DM: Emotional Damage?
Me: *6*
DM: Health?
Me: -5.
DM: You experience a heart attack. No one around you can roll a high enough heal check to help you. You die of a broken heart…….
Me:…….
DM:…..Wanna roll another character?
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I’m writing a human anomaly for 4000. I can’t believe myself
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(Context : My friend and I are both bards in our party. I have a lute and he has a flute. We are in an inn and we want to play a song to see if we can get a free room.)
Me: What song should we play?
Other Bard: Oasis - Wonderwall
Dm : Roll for performance
(My friend proceeds to roll a nat 20 while I roll a 2)
DM: You both begin to play. The flute emits a harmonious blend of notes, with flawless finger movements. This is by far the most beautiful version of Wonderwall ever played. DM(to me) :Meanwhile, you are in the back just plucking miscellaneous strings on the lute. The patrons in the bar aren’t even sure if you are with the flute player.)
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