tryingtobewholeagain

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Fluctuations

My mood changes like your feelings for me, so stop saying you can’t handle them because you are one of the reasons why they happen.

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To: me

From: myself

Let me kill myself

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Your power over me

I define myself as a strong independent woman who is capable of surviving the impossible

But then you come into my life and start taking pieces of me slowly

Daily

I am well aware of the situation and still I let you

Tell me how do you have that much power over me?

Tell me how I’m supposed to stop you when deep down I’d let you destroy me if that meant you’d love me

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I heard a heartbeat again

I think I’m feeling it again

It’s scary, so unusual

I thought this could never happen again after him

HIM…

That bastard

But perhaps it IS happening again

Perhaps I’m not imagining it

Perhaps this time will be different

Please be different

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“What if I never wake up in the skin of the adult I prayed for when I was a child?”

— Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak

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I think one if the saddest things is when you don’t want anything anymore. You’re not in despair, you know you’re not alone, you know it can get better, but you dont want any of it. You’re just tired of living. I’m not sure if anyone can really help at that point.

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via weheartit

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via weheartit

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“i spent the last 4 years planning my death not my future.”

— (via illbutstillbreathing)

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68 días

Ahora si, esta vez tengo los días calculados.

Serán 68 días. 6 días de exámenes, 24 para mi última navidad, 7 para mi último Año Nuevo, 4 para mi último viaje, 9 para regresar del viaje, 6 hasta el cumpleaños de mi primo y 12 porque no quiero que mi suicidio y su cumpleaños estén cerca. En total 68 días, a partir del día 69 puedo hacerlo, esta todo calculado.

Ahora si planearé todo bien, dejare mis cosas ordenadas, haré todo el bien que pueda, arreglaré mis problemas con todos, les recordaré a todos cuanto los quiero o cuánto no lo hago. No dejare que nadie me detenga. Ni una estupida e inútil psicóloga, ni un estupido psiquiatra.

68 días Luciana, solo tienes que aguantar 68 días más.

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GUYS

MDD STANDS FOR MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER

NOT MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING

Pass it on

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This broke my heart

You know what breaks my heart? Kids who were always told that they were too smart and used to be overachievers but now they have depression and anxiety and other mental illnesses and can’t recover because the bar was always too high for them and they just sit and suffer silently watching everyone else get on with life while trying to be what they used to and trying not to commit suicide but they can’t talk about it because “You’re smart you’re gonna figure it out yourself ” . Nothing is more disappointing than knowing that no one will help you as you sink deeper and deeper into darkness and believing that all your high hopes and dreams will remain dreams forever. I feel you kids. You are not alone .

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reblog if you’re the fuck up of the family