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My new anxiety is exaggerated lies.

And when you question me because what I said sounds like a lie.

The real anxiety is you waiting for my confession of truth, but I let you down and keep my lie up.

My real anxiety is talking to you.

I am not a liar; I am just not confident in who I am, so I get caught in exaggeration that ultimately makes me look so ugly.

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“Untitled“ by | Maximilian Pohler

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Iceland

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More views from past travels (Iceland, 2019)

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Elephant Rock

h0rdur

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fear of thy self

I fear who I am when I am not being a codependent. 

codependence characteristics is who I have always been. 

I fear my own self love 

I must do it 

I know I do

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Cape Flattery, WA | march 9th | 

ig: thisnormallife

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As if from the 60’s

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Fear of happiness

Happy Pills

My insecurities roll off my tongue.

I used to think before I spoke but now I hurt you because I am hurt.

Why is it so easy to convince yourself you are less yet, so difficult to convince yourself you are having a good day.

Why does faking it until you make feel like bullets?

(Exhale) Where are my happy pills? Where did my happy thoughts go?

I feel like I am floating in the ocean and there isn’t a single wave to drown me or wipe me out and bring me to my senses. I am just floating begging to find peace in the silence.

The hardest part of life is being happy, because sadness swallows you faster than the speed of the rising sun.

When you are ill, dealing with stress, failing School, being a single mom, getting laid off, going through a break up, and experiencing the death of a loved one. The hardest part between it all is trying to be happy. Eventually, happiness becomes a fear because you begin to measure time and the length of sadness and happiness.

I let my insecurities roll off my tongue because the length of sadness I felt that day was longer than moments of happiness.

I don’t think before I speak because the length of time I spend admittingting self love in the mirror isn’t long enough.

I convince myself I am less because I don’t remind myself to measure the positivity in my life.

I stay unhappy because I am numb to my own bullets.

I stay floating in the ocean because I measure the length of time to dodge a wave.

I stay tired because I measure the amount pills of energy I want to feel in the morning.

I fear the feeling of happiness because it’s so easy to be comfortable being sad.

I will bite my tongue, dive into the wave, throw out my pills and begin to measure my breathing because I am rooting for myself to be happy again.

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I wish I had it all together

Have everything together

What do you mean have it all?

Happy

Happy in every area of my life

I long for love that doesn’t exist

I long to respect a man

I long to be with a man who I don’t think secondly about

I long to figure out what love I want

I want to stop finding jewelry

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Enter to win this super protein-package prize from Nuzest!

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I’ve been drinking a lot of wine over the break. I feel like I practically live a Lifetime show. Sigh.

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TommyxZendaya

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I was selfish

I’m thanking you for being the spring that helped me bloom.

We came about when I wasn’t ready

I forced myself to be ready so I wouldn’t lose your attention on me

I momentarily self-scarified my own needs to keep you

I was selfish

But did you learn anything from me?

Or am I the only one appreciating the pain

our pain

my pain

the painful revival

I can never make you feel the way I do

it burns

I’m finding the waves because I’m finally okay now

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Lyons, or