umkieran-blog

[umkieran-blog]

“  -- RIGHTEOUS VILIFICATION ? god. how pretentious can you be ? listening to hear you talk is like listening to another one of john green’s characters rant in a pathetic attempt to show their intellectual prowess. honestly. PATHETIC. do you even know half of the words that come out of your mouth or do you just memorise thesaurus words for fun and intimidation ? news flash, though ! it’s not working. yeah, you’re actually right about something -- i won’t listen to you. why do you waste your breath again ? is talking to me really that much of a rare and joyous occasion that you can’t just shut the fuck up ? maybe, but it was fun. ‘n i never said they were the only ones. they assumed. i got a life tip for you, sweetheart; get your facts before you go off or you’ll just embarrass yourself.  ”

“yeah, but your righteous vilification made absolutely no sense in the moment. you should learn to actually defend yourself, instead of flying off the handle, and grasping pathetically at straws. you’ve given me no reason to listen to you. instead of articulating your reasoning, you tried to make fun of me, bully me into seeing things your way. hold a mature discussion. then we’ll see if i have time for any of your bullshit. — i don’t really owe you anything, thanks. ask him yourself. ‘s not like you’ll listen to a word that comes out of my mouth, anyway. nah, you weren’t. you know they don’t deserve that shit. you told them you loved them. you deceived them into thinking they were the only ones. you’re an idiot.”

[umkieran-blog]

“  do you like ... listen to yourself when you talk or do you just let delusional shit like that come out on the daily ? honestly. i’m getting embarrassed for you,  ”

“ ‘ work, ’ they said. ‘ it will be fun, ’ they said. as you probably can figure out that they stands for aliyanna. i need a break from working my ass off. maybe i should become a queen? i could become the queen of everything. wait ─ actually, i already am. ”

[umkieran-blog]

kieran: aw look at u wanna be me so bad kieran: praying for ur delusional ass !

( * ░ &&. – snapchat >> anyone

derrick: look… i’m the king derrick: see, i got a crown to prove it !

[umkieran-blog]

“  i wonder how many people you’ve emotionally suffocated into getting yourself to this conclusion. fuck off. you’re no one’s mom. did i hit a nerve ? please, she’s in love with me. you think she’d go for you, over me ? whether you like it or not, we’re not so different -- and she’ll see right through it. hey -- i’m not the one throwing myself at people, it’s the other way around. who do you think texted first ? you ask ask them that before giving me the third degree,  ”

“ actually, it is my business because you’re hurting the people i care about. and i don’t… i- that’s not…listen that’s not the fucking point. you don’t have the right to just hurt people with no consequences. you wanna talk about desperate? you’re so desperate to be in some sort of fucked up relationship that you can’t stand on your own two feet for more than a few days without throwing yourself at someone. avoiding the truth is just as bad as straight up lying, and you know it. ”

[umkieran-blog]

“  mistaking stupidity for pure ingeniousness is, truly, stupidity at its finest. hope you get that through your thick skull. honestly, i just came out to have a good time and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now. you don’t even matter in this whole shit show of an issue, why are you butting in to everybody’s business again ? don’t you have a kid to take care of ? -- true. it’s so hard being wanted by everyone. wish i could say the same for you,  ”

“an invasion of privacy? i’m sorry…but, real talk, are you stupid? like, is there something wrong with you, man? pretty sure privacy flies right out the damn window once you start hurtin’ people. it’s kinda like if you murder someone and someone else finds out then rats on you, you can’t just cry out that it was an invasion of privacy. it doesn’t work that way. i thought you loved getting trampled by mobs of chicks. isn’t that pretty much how you live your entire life?”

[umkieran-blog]

“  it’s not any of your fucking business, is it ? do you ‘wanna get it so deep into my ex-girlfriend that you’re putting yourself in the middle of this ? -- god, you really are desperate. try to play the hero all y’want but she’ll see right through you. who says i ever lied to them ? i just .. circumnavigated the truth.  ”

“ what - you seriously expect me to just let this go? bullshit you care about them. marisol and i care about them, desi cares about them, you just don’t have the balls to be on your own. god, talk about pathetic. here’s the thing, like, as a general rule? if you have to lie to keep someone happy, you’re doing something wrong. ”

[umkieran-blog]

“  you and i both, dude. you and i both. don’t really fancy m’self getting in the middle of that drama shit. -- i wish it was that simple. broke some hearts apparently but what’s new ?  ”

“a ride i had no desire to be on. this is why you avoid group outings. rumors? i don’t even know what the rumors are. wait, what’d you even do? did you knock someone up?”

[umkieran-blog]

with an unlit cigarette dangling between two digits and thoughts devoid of nothing but voices of the cataclysmic, he was, yet again, barren of any thread of emotion. the small tug of guilt that was hanging onto the back of his mind has been further engulfed onto the depths of darkness that made up his entire being -- making him feel more hollow and empty than ever before. betrayal was embedded deep onto his dna, practically tattooed on as to make his mind conjure up excuses for his behaviour that he knew, deep down, were anything but righteous. he took the cylinder dancing along his fingers and placed it between his brims, sucking deeply into the nicotine as a flicker of ember lit it ablaze. he breathed in the toxicity deep into his lungs before expelling the vapour out, feeling his breaths slowly shallow down to mere, inaudible take-ins. the stick that usually brought death around wherever it went had the opposite affect on him, as it only seemed to be the only reverie to his clouded musings and hazy morality. this was not the first time he had deceived, nor will it be his last. but it was, indeed, the first time where he had let himself to drown in a sea of guilt, all without fighting back. 

he let his chest run bare of any shield of cotton, taking in the icy breaths of january air as it stake through his sun-kissed skin, the only him keeping him from completely succumbing to the state of freezing was the sweatpants that was hanging low on his hips. he took a drag out of his cigarette again, a particularly deep chemically-bound breath onto his lungs before quickly exhaling. an image of aliyanna crossed through his mind, a vision of her he hoped he’d never have see; the brunette with eyes bloodshot and tears running down the slopes of her cheeks, all because of him. all because he was too afraid of being alone that he had to carve out a back up plan, all because he was too afraid that he’ll trust her with his heart and one day, she’ll let it fall and crush into nothing more than mere aftereffects or something that was whole. his train of thought came to a screeching halt as soon as a knock resonated through the space, sending a jolt to climb up his spine. he made his way to the door and pushed down on the handle and pulling it back. “  the fuck you want --  ”  he paused, eyes landing on the sight of the last person he’d ever thought would want to see him. the image that his mind conjured seemed to have come to life, sending a pang of guilt to rupture him. “  hey, ”

✨ “maybe i’ll break yours.” kieran

aliyanna’s long abandoned the ball, and her departure was one pervaded with serenity, for she left the room hand in hand with her sister. it was a much needed reunion, particularly after kieran’s deception was revealed in all its bare and ugly glory, for it wounded her seemingly beyond mending. it was a truth that she, for so long, refused to believe, but could no longer deny. still, the damage had already been done and aliyanna had long fallen into the depths of her deep and bottomless love for kieran, swallowed whole inside his sweet darkness with no hope of ever escaping such a vast and dark chasm. so how could she even begin to remove him from her life when he had become such a vital part of it– and her? it just didn’t seem possible, and aliyanna is unable to shed such detrimental thoughts as she strips out of her red gown, the fabric slipping past every curve and edge of her figure just as easily as water rolls from one’s tongue. as it pools around her ankles, she stares at the heap it’s become, utterly transfixed with it’s vibrant hue for no apparent reason. ensuing a few more moments of sulking and otherwise odd behavior, she dresses herself in a leisure pace, her desolation somehow patent through her movements, and clad in a hoodie and her sister’s yoga pants she had somehow gotten into the possession of, aliyanna slips from her gloomy room that’s void of any light, and it somehow reflects her mood– an air so unlike the usual carriage of aliyanna serrano. 

as she pads through the dimly lit living room, aliyanna veers off path and lightly pushes marisol’s cracked door open, her neck extending as she sticks her head through the opening it provides. her sister’s sprawled out on the bed, eyes closed, undoubtedly lost to oblivion, and that’s the only clarification aliyanna needs, for just as quickly as she’s entertained her impromptu and whimsical thinking, she’s closed her font door behind her, legs carrying her to a very forbidden zone– kieran’s. she’s beckoned by an illusive voice, a pull of an otherworldly caliber, for she has to know why, or surely her heart would finally give out under all the immense weight it carried, detonating right inside of her; and she’d be gone, dead. her cause of death? a broken heart. but she’s too soft, too delicate for circumstances that require strong-will. she’s made of glass, her legs jelly, and they threaten to give out beneath her as she stands before kieran’s door. a lump surfaces in her throat, and suddenly, she can’t breathe– she hadn’t allowed herself the luxury to feel– to cry on account of kieran’s apathy, or the fact that he didn’t really love her– the fact that he had lied to her and that she believed him. and as her knuckles meet the surface of his door, her arms encircle around her body as if she requires the support to stay intact, and her body vibrates with her choked sobs she no longer can contain.

[umkieran-blog]

“  you attacked me first, what was i supposed to do ? and lets be real, you’re not exactly the type to listen to someone y’already peg as ‘ guilty ’. attempted ? i’m pretty sure i hit the bull’s eye perfectly. tell me, how is derrick ? -- oh, you’ll see. i’m more of a stab you in the back ‘kinda guy so you better sleep with one eye open, babe -- i’m just sayin’. they were being over-fucking-dramatic. they all know coming to this that they shouldn’t expect that monogamy shit from me. all they have to blame for is themselves. why aren’t you giving them shit for this ? i wasn’t leading them on. i was treatin’ them the way they should be treated. they just took it the wrong way,  ”

“you didn’t give me anything to go off, all you did was attack me. you didn’t defend yourself. you attempted to hurt my feelings, instead of actually defend yourself. you play offense. no defense. yeah ? get me back HOW ? you think you’re so innocent — if what you’re doing wasn’t wrong, then why did it hurt them so badly? why shouldn’t they know?”

[umkieran-blog]

“  stop spouting shit like you fucking know me, portia. i do ... care ‘bout ‘em, okay ? i care ‘bout ‘em both so much that i can’t pick between the two. they were special to me. why’d you think i kept them ‘round for so long ? if i wanted to just fuck, don’t you think i would’ve just go all derrick ‘n fuck every thing on two legs ? no, the whole fucking heartbreak thing is your fault. they’d still be having the time of their lives if you didn’t break it to ‘em ”

“ nah - nah, nah, nah, don’t fuckin’ start with me. you made them feel like they were the only ones, like you loved them uniquely and like they were special to you but it was all bullshit. you broke not one heart, but two. god, you’re such a piece of shit. ”

[umkieran-blog]

“  y’didn’t even hear me out ! how was i supposed to ? you’re seriously fuckin’ delusional if y’think i’m not ‘gonna get you back for this. by the way -- go fuck yourself,  ”

“i did exactly what i said i was going to. you didn’t give me one good reason not to. and by the way — you’re welcome.”

[umkieran-blog]

“  -- uh, yeah ? isn’t it an invasion of privacy or some shit ? i was ‘gonna break it to ‘em in my own pace but oh no ! thanks to your sister, i’m ‘gonna get fucking trampled by mob of chicks every time i walk out the door,  ”

“are you really complainin’ about your own dirty laundry bein’ aired when you were the reason for the shit stains in the first place?” 

[umkieran-blog]

“  we all missed ‘ya, bud. it was a hell of a ride, let me just tell you. -- god, really ? you too ? listen, don’t believe all the rumours those girls tell ‘ya. two sides of every story ‘n all that,  ”

“not going to lie, i’m pretty sad i missed it. i heard it was a shit on kieran show. something tells me you probably set the target on your own back though.”

[umkieran-blog]

“  -- i treated ‘em like fuckin’ princesses, thank you very much. ask ‘em yourself. i never promised anythin’ ‘bout being exclusive or some shit. it’s not my fault they got their hopes up. why am i getting shit ?  ”

“ uh - no… pretty sure you put the target on your back yourself when you decided you were above treating people decently. ”

[umkieran-blog]

“  -- so, last night was ... interesting. i’d just like to personally thank everyone who participated on spilling the tea ‘n pretty much set a target on my back. you guys should teach a class in sticking your noses in other people’s shit ! ”

[umkieran-blog]

[umkieran-blog]

*✨ (new sms) ─ babygirl

aliyanna: yeah, we can stay at a really nice hotel and walk hand in hand at the beach and go out to eat and stuff!!

aliyanna: YAY BABYYYYYY

aliyanna: oh, right!! of course

aliyanna: no way not me. that's you. never ever ever ever EVER letting you go

kieran: ur so cute when ur all excited omg

kieran: i love u

kieran: when are we going again ??

kieran: i'm pretty sure thats u ? i come a close second but still

kieran: promise ??