under-construction2012

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Turn on my music and this is the first song that comes on.. Lets hope it's a sign of things to come today! #samelove #macklemore #marriageequality #samesexmarriage #equalityillinois #letlovemarry

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6lbs down! I have no idea how this happened but il take it! #fitness #healthyliving

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Today's food diary. I want to remind you what my daily intake looks like... Calories: 1,800 Carbs: 210 Fat: 40 Protein: 160 So today I ended up going over on carbs and fat (not by a whole lot) but thankfully they weren't fried fats or bad carbs from too much bread, but rather from apples and fiber bars. I tried to make sure I was eating little snacks throughout the day and I obviously still need to work out counting as I go so I can stay under the recommended amounts but its all a process! We will see what tomorrow brings!

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Lemon pistachio chicken over a cup of rice with steamed broccoli and cheese! 300 calorie dinner! #fitness #eatright #healthyeating

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Ginger Garlic Stir Fry with Chicken and veggies! 290 calories and filling! #healthyeating #fitness #righttrack

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I joined #fitocracy today after seeing it all over #tumblr.. Can't hurt to have a social media app specifically dedicated to fitness! #letsdothis

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Back to work. #weighin #fatplan #weightloss #selfrespect #gottastartsomewhere

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Jumping Back on the Wagon..

Tonight Brandon and I decided to go back to the gym. I finally cancelled my membership in Lakeview (long over due) and will be getting a new membership in Andersonville once the Monopoly Money hits this Friday. I took a major hiatus once things in my personal life became very difficult and I needed to give myself the time I needed to sort through them and insure that I am psychologically healthy enough to continue on this journey of self-discovery. That took major precedence over the fitness goals I had set for myself this past summer. I also do believe I took on too much at the wrong time. I have stuck to my smoke-free lifestyle (7.5 months and counting!!) but other family stressors really overwhelmed me and I fell off of my fitness and other health goals. I think it is time to get back on the wagon.. 

Now that I feel I am on the right track and mindset, I feel I can finally get back to work on this flabby ass! ;) Tonight Brandon and I did some of the P90X at the gym (Chest and back) and then I ran 1.3miles on the treadmill to cool down after the work out. I do NOT plan on doing the P90X every day like the routine says because honestly, as a full-time student working on dissertation, my qualifying exam, practicum applications, class work, and a full client caseload, while still trying to have a life and maintain a relationship is just not realistic at all. I have decided to move at my own pace, which may be slower than what Tony Horton wants but it needs to happen. I overwhelmed myself and placed unrealistic expectations on myself that I couldn't reach and torn myself apart when I inevitably failed at them. I set myself up for failure. But not this time.. 

 It felt good to be back in the gym for sure! There were definitely some mixed feelings while I was there though.. I have gained weight back and I could feel the internal pressure pushing down on myself the whole time I was there. I avoided my glance in the mirror the whole time and fixated on the rolls of my stomach, chest and sides as I did each move. I actively tried to change those thoughts as I worked out, telling myself that fat is temporary if I put in the work like last time and that I shouldn't hate on myself so much.. but thats always the hardest part is the restructuring of negative thoughts/beliefs. If I don't expect my clients to be perfect at it right away, I surely cannot expect the same from myself. 

I also tracked my food again today.. I haven't finished eating for the evening since dinner hasn't happened yet but I did have an apple after the gym which always makes me feel full so we shall see if I need anything else before bed.. The number is VERY low and that is something I am working on for sure.. It was a very busy day and I was going pretty much until I left my office so food wasn't the top priority but snacking on healthy stuff and being smart about meal planning needs to be. 

I am not where I want to be, emotionally or mentally but I am definitely on my way there and proud of the progress I have made and the peace with many problems I have found. I look forward to starting this journey on the right foot with a clear head and sound mind. 

So today I stand here hoping that you can all still get behind me on this next leg of my journey. Your support through reading my blog, posting comments, texting, calling, or telling me that I inspired you to go after your goals helped push me forward in the past. I hope that you enjoy reading my posts again as much as I enjoy writing them. 

Thanks for the support! 

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20lbs lighter, 100x's happier. (Taken with Instagram)

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Strawberry Fields Salad for dinner! SO good! (Taken with Instagram)

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Trials, Tribulations, & Patchless Days

I have been home for multiple days so far. I have had a difficult time here. I have tried my best to do regulation of my food which isn't horrible, and I've gotten in my work outs but the smoking things not been easy. I have also been extremely busy and my sleep schedule is completely off. 

Today is day 2 of not wearing any patches. I finished my last patch on Sunday and have gone without any nicotine these last two days. Its not easy. I kind of expected it to be really difficult because each time that I have downsized in the patch dosages I have had a difficult time so its not like this is totally outta the blue. However, its really difficult to be home and not have any nicotine. I have my gum just incase it gets really bad but I want to get through this without any nicotine. I want to be done with nicotine. I have been on edge and easily frustrated the entire time that I have been home but as the patches transitioned out it became worse. I have tried to remain busy and around friends a lot to keep me going and that has helped but I just need to get through this part before I have to go back to Chicago and get the stuff ready for the move. Its just gnna be so crazy stressful and I don't need any of that bullshit while I am trying to get us into our new apartment. 

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One of my biggest fears about coming home is that I will over eat the whole time and set myself back. Well I was able to go out to the Olive Garden with my mom and Jon tonight and still eat healthy AND enjoy what I ate! I even had one bread stick (for 150 calories! Ugh!) keeping my fingers crossed that I can maintain this the rest of the week! Wish me luck!!

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Flatbread for dinner!! (Taken with Instagram)

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Plyo-Again.

I was wayyy too tired to write this blog last night so here I am today! Last night, Brandon and I completed another round of Plyometrics. It still kills me!! I am definitely able to do more than I had in the past (especially more than the first day!) which is awesome, but the work out still destroys me! I have finally figured out how to do one of the work outs in Plyo that I have always struggled with, so now I do not currently struggle with it :) For some sick, twisted reason I actually really enjoy Plyo.. its the one I have been the most consistent with throughout this and its the most challenging so for some reason or another I have gravitated towards it. 

Brandon has, once again, kept me on track and motivated. I am trying to motivate myself but it has been wicked hard to stay in the game with it... but once Brandon says "Time to work out" I am able to. I sometimes need a little push but I'll get there eventually.. 

Yesterday was another busy day. I grabbed lunch with Rach and then we went shopping and running around LP/LV. It was great to spend time with her and it really perked up my spirits since I miss having her around everyday. 

I have also been trying to ween myself off the patches slowly each day. I have been putting them on later in the day and taking them off earlier at night to give myself a smaller amount of time that I am taking in nicotine each day because I am getting really nervous about the end of the week when I have to stop using the patches all together. Its going to be a major challenge for me to keep my head in the game and stay smoke free... but I can do it. I haven't had a cigarette for almost 6 weeks.

"I can make it through today" is the mantra I need to remember. I've learned in addictions (and idk if I've said it here already) that people who are successful at recovery from an addiction do not look at next week, next month, or next year. They look at today, and say that they don't know about tomorrow but they do know they won't use today. That is something I can easily say, today I will not smoke a cigarette. 

Everyday is a new day to get it right.. if ya messed up the day before, ate something you shouldn't have, smoke a cigarette, or skipped a work out, today you get a do over.. make it count.. live a life you can be proud of. 

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Finally got Mac and cheese from lean cuisine! 280 cals! (Taken with Instagram)

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Salad with grilled chicken, tomatoes, peppers, onions, cranberries, feta, pineapple, tomatoes and a balsamic dressing! (Taken with Instagram)

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Formerly wicked tight clothes are now baggy! I'm not at my full goal weight yet but I am feeling good about my body and the direction I'm moving in. I'm excited to see where the rest of this journey takes me. (Taken with Instagram)