I need to speak my truth and by god I willIf my friends find this it’s so over
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Feeling like a god damn pervert when my girlfriend is falling asleep in my arms but she has her head against mine and is breathing on my neck which for some reason goes straight to my (metaphorical) dick
#like can you lock in#stop being horny and let your exhausted girlfriend sleep jfc#wlw#happy pride lmao
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The issue is I don’t like being supported, which is an issue of my own. Getting help in a capacity makes me feel childish and whenever someone tries to support me it feels patronizing. I know it’s absolutely not, but I get nauseous at the idea of being helped (which is excellent I know).
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For every one time being honest serves me well, it hurts everyone around me five times
Strange, isn’t it?
#vent#I tried to be a better person and be honest since I was a compulsive liar as a child#but it’s just so obvious that lying to everyone hurts people a whole lot less#gonna go back to how I used to be and make sure no one gets in this time#of course I will still wholeheartedly love my partner and my friends#but they definitely don’t need to know how much I want to kill myself lately#I’ve had enough of their good will and waiting for me to be better instead of the rotted broken thing that I am#I hurt my partner because I was struggling and unable to get the point across#and so I’m just going to pretend I’m alright again#it’s crazy how a shower can fix a person right? :)
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Suffering from I-miss-my-girlfriend disease. It’s terminal.
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TW // vent
No matter how fucking well my life is going I always end up in the same fucking spot. I always end up wanting to die. I always end up feeling alone. I always end up wanting to hurt myself one way or another. I’m so sick and tired of feeling this way but I can’t because this is who I am and I fucking hate it. I fucking hate myself and the way I was born. I hate that the only thing that really keeps these thoughts from going too far is the fact that I’ve signed a lease and I can’t leave my friends with a financial burden. Because I can’t be even more of a burden than I am now. I’m sensitive and sad and miserable. It’s not even like I’m a bad friend or partner. I know I am loved and cared for and yet here I fucking am wishing that I was dead. I can’t fucking do this anymore.
#no I am not going to kill myself that I can promise#I’m just tired and miserable and I wish things were easier#vent
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TW // Mention of self harm
Tattooing as a form of self harm but I get a cool art piece about my dnd character as a result
#I think this is healthier than how I used to deal with it#but y’know… still probably not the greatest#oh well! I have bigger things to worry about#vent#self harm#trigger warning
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How I feel after lying to my friends about the reason why I can’t hang out with them (I think one of them hates me and would rather kill myself than intrude in their apartment rn)
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I’m so angry rn I’m gonna punch someone (my dad)
#I’m being so unreasonable and it’s definitely due to traveling and being tired#but man#sometimes you need to hit a bald man /j
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How I look trying not to kms looking at everyone’s graduation photos knowing I was also supposed to be graduating
#omg wow!!! needed the reminder that I’m such a worthless failure!!!!!#thanks guys!!!!!!#don’t get me wrong I’m so happy and excited for everyone because it’s a huge milestone!!#but I’m also going to hang myself from the rafters because I’ve wasted so much money and time LMAO
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Getting irritated at my friend for a bad reason means I should kill myself
#girl I know you’re stressed because you have your mcat tomorrow#and you don’t know what I’m dealing with rn other than the fact that I had a 3000 word essay#but I cannot think sad thoughts about ocs right now or I’m gonna kms#this isn’t a pissing competition as to who is stressed more#I know I have no right to be stressed compared to you#but for once I want to feel valid in my stress#doesn’t help that I also cold turkey stopped taking my meds#it’s bad again but oh well I don’t have health insurance#and let me be so clear none of this is her fault I just had a bad day
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Me talking to Male customers: Your total is $50.88😐
Me talking to queer or fem presenting customers: Omg I love your jewelry! Your hair is so pretty!! Your total is $50.88☺️✨
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What do you mean I’m still excited to talk to and see my gf after we’ve been dating for 4 months. This is thrilling news for someone who hasn’t been in a healthy relationship before.
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Anyone who has seen me naked (other than my partner) in the past 5 years needs to die
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How my gf looks at me after calling me an omega
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Things that set off my tics:
1. Popping noise (like pop cat)
2. Discord join sound
3. Whistling
4. My friend’s tics
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Being in a healthy relationship is so weird
What do you mean I’m allowed to hang out with my friends? What do you mean we can go for a few days without seeing each other? What do you mean I’m looking at pictures of us because I miss her? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
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Why are you such a fucking attention whore?? Because your parents never loved you as a kid?? Shut the fuck up. You’re almost 22 years old. Get over yourself. Waste of fucking space. Pathetic excuse of a friend, partner, daughter, sister, etc.
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