unfilteredbipolarwitch

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

What a bitch.

At least he gave her the gun.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

I’m watching a movie called The Occupant.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

You know thinking back to that conversation, I don’t even know why I asked why you don’t play a sport. I’m so stupid sometimes.

As if I couldn’t look at myself and answer that question.

Or maybe I’m just craving you once again.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

Did that take my energy?

I’m tired again.

& he’s coming back.

He’s gonna say something about it.

He’s gonna give me anxiety about this place until he has me stuck there.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

date -raw-

She stood on her tippy toes, bouncing around, trying so hard to hold back any possible stimming.

"Don't get yourself too worked up, doll. You'll make yourself sick, stim if you need to."

Embarrassingly, she nods her head, grabbing a blanket to fiddle with but still bouncing slightly.

"It's just, this movie is really, really good! I'll try not to talk through it but I'm so excited to be watching it with you finally!"

"We can always pause it, darling. There's no rush with you."

She follows him through the living room and into the kitchen, ready to make the biggest bag of popcorn they'd ever had!

He likes it when she follows him around, doesn't even need to leash her up, she knows who to follow.

He tries to hide a bit of a sadistic grin as they make the food, but finds himself wanting to cause a bit of harm to her as he watches her shake around, happily.

Certainly, a little pain would make her even more happy, right?

He had an even better idea.

He called her, with the signal they'd previously agreed upon.

Her head turned to him so fast, it was almost poetic.

'All that was missing', he thought to himself 'was her sinking to her knees.' but they didn't have time for that today, this was supposed to be a make up day for the princess.

One that makes her feel special & honestly so he didn't have to hear her keep yapping and yapping about these damn films.

She could be so full of energy for the things she enjoys.

He focused back on his dolly, requesting his coffee from the counter. (it was already made by him earlier)

She handed it to him so delicately, he couldn't stop the widest grin from eating at his face.

Then suddenly, quickly, & in the most disgusting way possible he spits in the cup & hands it back to her.

She stares down at the cup, then at him, he gives no orders, says nothing, just watches her, eyes of a predator, eyes of a bully and a protector. The eyes of a sadist.

He sees her slightly gulp. Then she closes her eyes and shoots back the coffee.

A pretty, mindless doll, doing as she's told. Just so her Master will give her e v e r y t h i n g.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

The Prophet -raw-

A young girl, rugged yet slim was fighting with The Fox, again.

I can always hear her melodic voice cutting through the temple, as I laze in my nesting area.

girl - "What do you mean, we can't see our prophet, this is bullshit. You can't just keep hogging the dark divine all to yourself, you rat! Don't act like we didn't have our time cut way shorter today."

Fox - "You dare to call me a rat, little girl?

I am dedicated to the protection of this temple, the protection of you, & the protection of your Goddess as a prophet, yet you sit here and challenge me? Everything I do, has been with her love in my mind. I could have just as easily taken her to a secluded place where she would be a prophet for me only, & I the God yet I let you little animals spoil yourselves on energy that should be only mine."

girl - "I keep trying to tell her just how rotten you are, knight."

The fox sneers out, "darling, I promise you she knows."

I've never seen the Fox get so angry as he does with this one, she often comes, seeking comfort and solace in my nights. This one was messed up quite young, as were most of us. A sad tale, although a bit tough to remember in detail. She only shows her claws because she wants to feel alive again.

She triggers something in him,

I want to feel that energy. I want to feel how angry he is.

I should be worried, jealous, I should tell Fox, 'don't call her darling.'

But I'm always acting in ways that surprise me, watching the chaos unfold in front of me, then waiting for that chaos to be taken out on me.

I don't feel much of anything, except when channeling.

I know I don't really deserve pain, but can you blame me for being attracted to it?

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

That’s all I feel comfortable saying on that subject.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

I hate my mom.

I hate her so much.

I hate her more than that mega bitch K

She made it known how uncomfortable I made her,

All I feel is discomfort towards her.

I want my sister too.

She doesn’t fucking deserve her.

I want my brother.

It’s not really fair, is it?

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

Not really a fixer upper

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

Also Aphrodite found you once, you think she’s not gonna find you again?

She’s gonna find you and kill me and then none of this will even matter.

She loves you too.

Why is her attention not what you want?

Is it just because I’m an ancient broken clock now, that makes you wanna try and fix the small parts?

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

I can’t tell if I’m allowed to miss you or not.

I can’t tell if I should be angry or bitter or full of love.

If you spoke to me, saw me, I’d probably just melt into a big puddle like I always do.

It’s hard to get past the fact that I know this is probably Zeus’ favourite show right now.

I can’t get past you.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

There was another really good webtoon, I’m thinking of.

In it, the girl murders her husband on accident during a traumatic instance of domestic abuse from him and her father.

The ML is like the ‘man of the north’ type of course.

Tends to be on par with the popular ones.

He gets her out of prison on a technicality I think it’s hard to remember.

But the whole webtoon, he’s just letting her go at it, raising her to be his feral beast with not a collar or leash or chain in sight, just his words and actions.

She does so so much in just the span of a few days.

Helps so many people, just from having the support and devotion of that one man.

Knowing he’ll always been there to throw her into the air & be ready to catch her.

This is such a mess, I had a whole blog dedicated to the love stuff yet I just keep mucking up everything.

Murking up all the waters I touch,

Nothing can clean the black stains from my hands.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

I’m a big phat mess

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

It makes me even more sad to see how quickly I stop crying now.

A few years ago, it would have been a whole episode.

Now it’s just a few tears and if it’s particularly painful, I’ve learned from a certain stupid fuckface ex to laugh.

Laugh then go home,

Cry and then laugh some more.

There was a webtoon im remembering suddenly.

In it the girls had maybe brown or gold hair, something angelic,

But when she realized exactly what was happening around her, she has an emotional episode and her hair turns white out of grief.

The ML sees this transformation & he’s so in love with her and how strong she is for dealing with her pain.

He looks at her with admiration.

Like the scene where Hannibal finds out Will is still alive, & you wouldn’t expect Hannibal to cry but the tears and relief is so obvious in that moment.

Or when Will perceives Hannibal for the first time in the ambulance, looking at him, like ‘ oh my god it’s been you in my head all along.’

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

Not writing that.

Nope.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

You’re always so good.

Ew this is jealousy isn’t it?

Or some kind of envy.

Pain;

I can recognize pain in its rawest forms.

Even if I don’t know what kind it is.

[unfilteredbipolarwitch]

Always helping the depressed,

Making people around you feel better.

I wonder how much you care about everything, and about everyone.

I’m supposed to be working through a wound or something about asking for help, how ironic.

And intuition and triggers.

Idk.

How are you even supposed to work through shit?

I guess I can be happy you’re here at the moment.

I’m just so so very tired.

I hope it’s hard to tell.

That I’ve slept all damn day.

Rotting away on this couch.

I keep thinking about yesterday when you brought up the woman in the bathtub.

I’m stronger than this regardless but

I’m so very tired of it all.