unfuckablecryptid

[unfuckablecryptid]

drink some fucking water

[unfuckablecryptid]

A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.

[unfuckablecryptid]

If dangerous predator why ear shape like that

[unfuckablecryptid]

[unfuckablecryptid]

may i offer you a cat boy maid gritty? may i offer you the esteemed mascot of the philadelphia flyers dressed in a maid costume with cat ears? would you like that?

[unfuckablecryptid]

i always find it weird when people describe children as worry free because most of my childhood memories are of me worrying

[unfuckablecryptid]

[unfuckablecryptid]

yall with your ugly celeb man crushes

[unfuckablecryptid]

[unfuckablecryptid]

[unfuckablecryptid]

[unfuckablecryptid]

[unfuckablecryptid]

I love seeing Tenebrionidae on trail. They always look like they know where they’re trying to go.

[unfuckablecryptid]

why do they let the worlds most boring people direct movies

[unfuckablecryptid]

wine for idiots

WHITE WINE

if you want to make a wine person very unhappy, say that a white wine they like "is giving me a little green bell pepper?"

RED WINE

honestly the only two questions you need to start credibly talking about red wine are "does it taste like red fruits (strawberry/cherry/raspberry) or black fruits (blackberry/plum)?" and "does it taste oaky (i.e. gently sweet and earthy in a way youd associate with coffee or chocolate or warming spices)

if its a fancy dry wine (not a dessert wine, not port, manischewitz or markovic) dont say "sweet," say "juicy"

FIZZY WINE

if its red and fizzy its probably a lambrusco

if youre drinking champagne talk about the "minerality," even chalk notes if youre feeling gutsy. you dont have to taste it just say it

ORANGE WINE

this is very trendy. youre gonna want to talk about its "funkiness." if you use the term "gym socks" at the right time you will get a round of laughs or at least knowing nods. if you see shmutz in the bottom dont worry about it.

MISC

if you want a wine person to talk for a while and not ask you any questions just ask them how they feel about natural wine. theyll go on for a little and you can decide to agree or disagree based on how hot they are

[unfuckablecryptid]

[unfuckablecryptid]

if youre a teen and an adult makes fun of you just remember theres literally nothing more pathetic than being an adult who makes fun of children