unstablecaffeinatedmind

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

oh season two robby is gonna have me in a chokehold

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

these are my comfort millionaires

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

Trinity notices that Langdon is too touchy feely around Mel, so she rocks up to Mel like “hey, you want me to help you deal with Dr. Langdon?” (in a tone that implies she’s willing to kill)

Mel (brightening): “Would you help? How do I get him to sleep with me?”

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

Ah these children who always create problems for poor mothers....

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

Peeta: I'd like to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives.

Katniss: I wake up at 5am every day to go hunting.

Peeta: I'd like to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

"Well, how do I look?"

"In my most humble opinion, I think you look quite lovely."

"What about the least humble?"

"What?"

"If that's your most humble opinion, then what is your least humble one?"

"Hmm. In my least humble opinion, I believe that anyone who sees you in that dress and cannot be you or have you should want to kill themselves."

"Nice."

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

I love it when women tell me they just finalized their divorce. ESPECIALLY older women. The correct response is always “congratulations” and they always seem so pleasantly surprised, they just seem to light right up and talk about how happy they are, what their plans are, how well they’re doing. I’ve only ever met like 1 person who was upset to be divorced and it was a middle-aged dude. Second most exciting is young men. A 25 year old guy says he just got divorced and you go “congratulations” and he SMILES? You KNOW there’s a story. I love it. People should get divorced more

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

i love when people throw leftist word salad at eachother. someone called me bourgeoisie for not liking the death penalty. comrade you have to know that's not what that means.

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

First hour -> Last hour The Pitt (2025 - )

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

so i wore a pride flag pin to work the other day and the kids were all interested (obviously) (find me a classroom of preschoolers who are not obsessed with rainbows) (i'll wait) so they crowded around to see.

"aww!" they said, "it's a flag!!"

but the thing is: they're little. a lot of them don't really have a handle on all their mouth sounds yet.

such as, notably, that tricky tricky "L" sound.

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

pyramid conspiracies are so funny cause like yeah theyre extremely impressive feats of engineering but its not like. crazy unbelievable. i think even as a kid if you asked me how i thought the pyramids were built id be like "i think they probably cut rocks into rectangles and stacked them. it probably took a very long time." aliens or power plants would not remotely be on my list of options yknow.

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

one time my mom and i were talking about autism and she said if i got it from anyone i got it from my dad, a man who has been buying and sorting pokemon cards for several months straight and likes to memorize license plates and then quiz my mom on them. and then she remembered that my father is not actually biologically related to me (#childofdivorce) and lost her shit laughing. i got that proxy autism

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

early seasons of criminal mids: the unsub is a white man. he kills women who remind him of his ex.

later seasons of cm: the unsub is a 7 yo girl with dissociative identity disorder one of her alters being a 50 yo russian cannibal who slow roasts his victims bodies at a temperature of 180 degrees. reid suddenly goes silent walks to the whiteboard and writes down revelation 1:8: ‘I am the Alpha and the Omega,’ says the Lord God, ‘who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty' the world alpha appears which has strong connection to wolves so garcia checks reports of wolf attacks and finds a man who went missing as a child in siberia and was reportedly raised by a wolf pack so now its possible he kills to honor his family 'we're ready to deliver the profile' says hotch

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

stoned and autistic at a party trying to make conversation: I find the comparative lifespan of organisms so interesting. Spiders are comparatively long lived animals. Female black widows can live up to 3 years but their male counterparts rarely live four months. Some tarantulas live upwards of 20 years. The longest lived spider was around 43 years old when she was cruelly assassinated by a parasitic wasp. Domestic rats have a lifespan comparable to female black widows. To put things into perspective, there are spiders that remember a pre-pandemic world but it is likely every rat on earth was born post-COVID. There could be a spider out there born when Reagan was in office.

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

prone bone is the position of all time because you can feel his entire weight pressed into you—impossibly close, sweat sliding down the length of your back and his torso—the sensation both too much and not enough. and he’s so fucking deep at this angle; you swear you can feel him in your throat. but all you can do is lie facedown on the mattress and take everything he has to give you.

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

Today I was trying to chat up this girl standing with her friend at a lesbian bar and said “oh are you two together?” meaning were you friends before being next to each other at this bar and one turns to the other and goes with all the venom of a black mamba snake “I don’t know Cara, are we?” and I was like you know what? not my table

[unstablecaffeinatedmind]

Nothing hits like "romantic couple and a third guy who's not dating either of them but is definitely a part of this dynamic"