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wow I really feel like hot reeking garbage today
#this is just my complaining blog isn't it lol#ah well I haven't got anywhere else to get it out so it'll have to do
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*stares at hormonal iud* we’re all counting on you buddy
#pls pls pls I've tried everything else let this be the Thing#well at least it's in now all I can do is wait and see!
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oh no I feel the Fragile coming on - I didn’t think the lack of birth control would fuck up my hormones this fast but HERE WE GO : I : I : I
#and I won't be able to do anything about it before november! haha aha#well I guess it will stabilize a little before that too so you know fingers crossed
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on the one hand this day has been certifiably shitty but on the other:
1) the fact that I’m kind of surprised it gets this bad means I’m getting better in general (b/c this used to be all day every day, holy fucking shit how did I... survive)
2) this vanilla scented candle smells SO GOOD
3) I actually just finished up this wip and now all I have to do is the editing! the most exciting I haven’t finished anything for like six months now
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I guess there’s this to say for today: if I hadn’t woken up this morning and just skipped the whole day I’d have gotten about the same use out of it
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god someone take this sketch away from me I’ve been looking at it for so long that I don’t know what reality is anymore
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I’m trying to learn some japanese and uh
like I don’t want to tell a whole language how to do its job but every time I try to read an english word in katakana I get a real urge to yell ‘JAPANESE U R DRUNK’
#so much laughter this rules#most fun: out of context 'trending' twitter tags#istg I scratched my head over one tag for ten minutes and when I clicked through#it turned out to be 'soccer'#GO SLEEP IT OFF JAPANESE
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i adore everything about red dead redemption... except the actual gameplay
GOD i hate shooting/races/freaking the fuck out while trying to switch to lasso and accidentally shooting someone in the head in this game
it’s so beautiful and charming when you’re not doing any fighting y dis
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hahaha wow I just woke up straight into being a MESS today? It’s so weird because my logical, adult brain is telling me ‘yo buddy it’s just hormones, you haven’t done anything wrong, just get some hot water bottles and be nice to yourself, rest it out’
meanwhile my emotional brain is alternating between making wounded dog noises and running around screaming like its head is on fire
#a very weird duality to be dealing with lol#at least I can hear that thread of rational/healthy thoughts now? when I was younger I'd just be completely undone every time#(poor bb!me blaming herself for everything up to and including the activities of her ovaries :()
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how to be kind to yourself while dissociating; today’s quandary
#it's just so intensely unpleasant#it feels like I'm losing days of my life#but I keep reminding myself that it saved my life once and there's a reason my body is doing it#stressing out about it makes it worse so *shrug*#I guess I'll try kindness#(also I'm just like... a boiling pot of hormones right now so it's only to be expected that I'm a bit fragile
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aaaaaw yeah clean hands on first try baby
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I’m pretty sure that my iron deficiency has now lasted longer than a lot of marriages
ETA: in fact after doing some googling I can proudly announce we just had our Crystal Anniversary
I celebrated the occasion exhausted and mildly dizzy, as usual
#we've been going steady since I was about nine (which would be the creepiest sentence out of context)#my poor body just can't produce enough blood even with supplements lol
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today has been a strange exhaustionpalooza, but i’m not really feeling the emotional downturn that usually happens with it? i guess my choice to actually, after only fifteen years, take my body seriously when it says ‘NO SERIOUSLY JUST LEMME FUCKN REST I’M D Y I N G ’ might be working ha ha
#self care; it only took me like twenty years to realize it was a Thing lol#specifically autistic self care too#that one post that keeps circulating about how this 'isn't always what self care is' can go fuck itself; it took me so long to get here
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i’m very much not a Plant Person - most plants smell disgusting and overwhelming to me and i can barely remember to water myself, no need to get ambitious - but i just unironically called this orchid ‘little buddy’ because it looks so shriveled and pitiful
(...i may be googling ‘how to care for orchids’ right now. shut up you’re silly)
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stilton broke my fucking heart
i don’t know why the way he says ‘what is wrong with my house’ hit me so hard but it did
ah well thnx to arkane for basically letting me unbury a gay today it felt real good
(there’s also this level of comfort in the new!future because so much of what you see of him before is about loneliness and isolation, even before the ritual - his partner died (:() and his son is terrible; he’s an outsider in his social group and everyone knows it; he worked so hard to get here and now he has no one to share it with. but in this new future he seems to be more connected to the rest of his household. they all very openly appreciate him. and this makes me happy.)
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‘a crack in the slab’ is a fucking masterpiece
that moment after you’ve knocked out stilton and you change time again and WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE HERE ALL OF A SUDDEN
and everything is just that little bit calmer and brighter and more hopeful
*chef kiss emoji*
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what do you mean ‘mysterious father’ emily
that dude picked you up and twirled you around every chance he got and played hide and seek with you even though he had literal matters of state he should be reporting on
I refuse to believe this alternate history nonsense
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