vanillajunmyeon

[vanillajunmyeon]

I am looking neither respectfully nor disrespectfully. I gaze without recognition of your form, and without understanding.

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RULE NO. 1 OF WOUND CARE: ignore itttt :33

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Hikaru and Yoshiki paralleling each other… 🥺

*Spoilers up to 38.3 undercut

This was Yoshiki at his most helpless, lost, and most intense stage of denial. Kurebayashi just told him that he had to move on, and instead, we saw him sink in place when he was all by himself. All his grief, mourning, and sorrow spilling out and anchoring him in place.

So, it’s crazy to me how Hikaru was paralleling Yoshiki when Yoshiki was—arguably, at rock bottom—in terms of his grief over Hikaru. They both had the same defeated posture, and all of Hikaru’s insides are spilling out just like when Yoshiki’s feelings were manifesting outwards. Hikaru wonders “So is it finally time…to give this body back?” This reflects the way that he’s always felt that his time in Hikaru’s body was limited. His body language, paired with his parallel to Yoshiki, suggests that he’s feeling defeated. So, I feel like we’re seeing Hikaru mourn his newly developed sense of self in real time.

I think the key to this parallel is that these two moments were when they were at their most alone. Or, they seemed to be at their most alone. While Yoshiki was getting dragged down by his grief and was at his most helpless, Hikaru found him and tried to cheer him up. We know how that ended up (lol), but I think that Hikaru’s parallel of that moment is meant to show how their dynamic has shifted. Because while Hikaru is getting dragged down by his insides, Yoshiki finds him and tries to bring him back to himself.

I think the problem that Hikaru ran into the first time he tried to comfort Yoshiki was that Hikaru tried to do it as Hikaru. He hadn’t yet formed a sense of self separate from Hikaru, and he and Yoshiki hadn’t yet formed a bond that was their own. The beauty of the new parallel is that Yoshiki was the one doing the reaching out because he has fully recognized that Hikaru and Hikaru are different, and he wants Hikaru back. Yoshiki could’ve very easily have just left Hikaru on the other side, but he didn’t because he cares about Hikaru and he loves him as he is.

And that shift is further emphasized in these parallels:

Once, Yoshiki was hesitant to touch Hikaru, now he’s the one reaching out and hoping to grab hold of him. At this point, in chapter 37 (I believe) Yoshiki is no longer afraid of Hikaru. He was not flinching away, running away, or pretending to not be scared of him, Yoshiki was doing everything he could to get him back.

And this next page, had two scenes that parallel it:

Yoshiki first grabs Hikaru’s wrist just like when Hikaru grabbed Yoshiki’s wrist in the first volume. Hikaru’s grab ended up marking Yoshiki and started Yoshiki’s journey towards mixing, so I wonder if Hikaru is also going to have any visible markings from Yoshiki later. Anyway, Yoshiki grabbed him just like Hikaru did then and Hikaru grabs him in return. This is in contrast to the way that Yoshiki never grabbed Hikaru’s wrist in return during the first parallel. I believe that this change is to show that they are firmly choosing one another. They are reciprocating each other’s efforts to reach out/connect.

The fact that Yoshiki was in pain during both moments is also deliberate. There’s very much a boundary between them (Society vs The Other and Human vs Non-Human), and so I think the pain is meant to represent how staying together is not going to be easy. It’s going to hurt, and while they can persevere over the pain, there’s going to be more struggles to overcome.

I also think this panel is interesting to compare to the moment where Yoshiki and Hikaru grab hold of each other during the beach scene:

In this scene, Hikaru was thinking about leaving so he needed for Yoshiki to let go of him. This is the opposite of what happened when they grabbed hold of each other in chapter 37. When Yoshiki reached for him, Hikaru reached back equally. Hikaru very easily could’ve rejected Yoshiki’s hand…but he did reach for him 😭

With all these parallels, I’m wondering if we’re going to have a repeat of Hikaru saying goodbye, and maybe another confession scene except this time it’ll be Yoshiki sharing how he feels? Idk I just think it’s interesting 😆

Also, it’s just neat that when Yoshiki reaches for Hikaru, Yoshiki feels him as Hikaru’s true form, and he reaches out towards that rather than what he’d recognize as a human body.

It’s beautiful to see the way that Yoshiki embraces Hikaru wholly. 😭❤️

It’s also Interesting to see how Hikaru perceives himself as human-shaped and sticks to that form even when he doesn’t remember who he is nor who Yoshiki really is to him. You can see this when Yoshiki first grabbed him Hikaru’s flesh appears more solid where he holds onto Yoshiki’s wrist—even beginning to turn pale as if he’s regaining his human form.

So maybe that’s why things got messed up. Yoshiki was reaching for Hikaru’s true form, and he did connect with it; however, when Hikaru connected with him, it was as a human. That’s why Yoshiki only ended up pulling out Hikaru’s body at first.

They’ve both changed so much for each other 😭❤️😭❤️

[vanillajunmyeon]

Doomed love between late Summer and Autumn (the rot must consume)

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Last supper doodle

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Not so fun fanart, inspired by the famous painting

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Mmmm good for them. Good for them.

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u can always give a character fangs and sharp teeth. for no reason

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Jesus Christ just say you hate innocent people

No idea what prompted this, but sure, why not. I hate innocent people.

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*white knuckling the bathroom sink* do NOT infodump ppl about the fact that the first spn fic was a wincest one and that it was posted mere hours after the pilot and that the founder of ao3 was a wincestie and that the first fic on ao3 was wincest too and that the omegaverse as we know it was created by wincest shippers for jared/jensen fics *pointing at myself in the mirror with a shaky hand* ppl will think you're weird and off-putting you need to control yourself–

[vanillajunmyeon]

In the 1700s, blood transfusion was used to treat psychosis. Oddly, sometimes it worked.

So a question for my followers: Give your best guess as to why this could have worked without looking it up.

I will answer tomorrow.

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My first attempt at yoshikaru

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dearrrrr reddit. how was your day? Mine wasnt very good. I just cant stop killing and killing and killing and killing. every man who beheld my terrible form was struck dead with fear. am I the asshole?

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[vanillajunmyeon]

Audre Lorde, from "The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism" (1981)