veindra

[veindra]

Liponunction?

I read this children's book that expounded on the, "Do not be afraid" thing. As a kid, I read it. Might've been Anne McCaffrey? But, in it, angels were actually winged things of smoke and feather, with many wings. lol And eyes, I think. But that's why they immediately admonish Earthlings to be unafraid. I never questioned why other people who never knew English said the things they said. It was so clever and novel when I was teenish.

[veindra]

Minutiae

He told me to ask him nice. No, wait. Go back. I asked, then he said I should ask him. I said I just did. He said "Not like that. Ask me nice. Ask. Me. Nice." I swear to fucking god, if I'd had a knife on me, I'd've thrown it AT HIS FACE. My fingers were itching for it. I don't excel at wheedling. Maybe I should start. Trying to. Maybe.

Also, when I make l the baby grilled cheese sandwiches, I dust the outside with a teeny bit of garlic salt. I don't even put it ON there, I put a bit in my palm and rub it on the outside. Apparently not having garlic salt made it taste funny.

Tonight is the night I try my tolerance. *sighs* AGAIN. Give me narcotics, I'm good. Hundreds of milligrams of some things. But alcohol? I don't like who I am on it. I'm constantly trying to tamp myself down, on it. Keep myself from striding out into the woods and murdering the first thing at hand, assuming things are at hand. Sometimes they're not. Cutest things I ever killed was a family of teeny armadillos. Like, all ze babies, plus ze mum. I seriously thought I should eat them, but I hadn't eaten the 'possums or snakes, so I didn't feel unruly about it.

Black men don't like to be called black men. So. That happened. Also, popo sounds so teletubbies.

[veindra]

Jackass?

He likes lemon cake. I bake a lot, but he's never been into cookies or brownies or cakes. He keeps asking for it. I think this feels like validation? Unsure. I'm just happy he finally picked a favorite thing. Something I'm good at. He thinks I'm ridiculous, throwing knives and practicing with the bow. He loves airplanes. Maybe I'll get him some of those build-it-yourself models. Oh, and his practice balisongs. He was DEDICATED to that shit, for a minute.

[veindra]

Loaf cracked corn

He's acting horrified that I don't like puppets. It's that same thing with the birds. My skin crawls right the fuck off when things what aren't supposed to talk, do. He's like, "What would you do if Loaf started talking?" And I said I didn't know because I didn't but on further reflection, I'd feel very much like it was my responsibility to put her down. Quickly. Picture someone being vivisected. That makes people's skin crawl, right? Or maggots in eye sockets, or some other kind of corpse predation. It's that feeling, like my skin is insisting that I need to be bothered by something.

[veindra]

Manuka

So I had a dream as I was dozing off. I was me, and I was playing night baseball. Like it was at dusk and there was one of those glow-in-the-dark baseballs. But I was chained to a box that was as big as me, and I was in the outfield. Someone I couldn't see very well hit the ball, long, and I was trying to run to get it but I tripped on my chain and, dropping my beer, I fell flat on the ground. Then I did a sort of push up that flipped me over onto my back by accident. Looking up at the night sky was weird because it was full of only constellations that I know already. Orion, Pleiades, the bears, Cassiopeia... and stuff. But I realized I was dreaming, cuz they aren't grouped like that, ever. Then I sort of got sucked up into the night sky by nothing. I looked down and saw that people were trying to chase me, to grab onto my clothes and get me but they couldn't. I was scared, about what might happen next but not that I might fall. And I was going farther and farther up and away when I realized I still had my beer. Then I saw a shadow of me on a cloud, just me and my beer. And right after my beer there was the shadow of a much larger bee following behind me. And then I heard loud bee buzzing behind me. Then I woke up. I thought I might forget it cuz I'm still dozy. I wish there were a dish that's made of bees. Like some weird delicacy? Bee stew. I guess I'll settle for honey.

[veindra]

What was that? A marvel.

He saw part of Phantasia and started cackling and pointing, saying, "It's a mouse! Kill it now!" And he somehow thinks skynet is a thechgirl conspiracy theory. That one's funny, but not of me atall. I stopped the therapy memory recovery bullshit. It got real when I remembered my scalp blood on the laundry room wall, had to've been about ten. Unsure. But fuck all that.

[veindra]

Go on. Think of something.

There needs to be a repository for all medical files of Americans, where no names are applied. Just think how many cancers we'd've cured by now if we had that. Some apolitical, nationwide, thing, dedicated to amassing a compendium to lol... just to help.

[veindra]

A fong?

When I taste warm, stout guinness I think of home. And crawfish. Like when I see golf courses in the middle of fothills and deserts. There are echelons of good films just like there are kingdoms in heaven, so it's okay, daring dear. And he's 12 now, so he's only just now progressed to The Avengers. I told him he could call me curator now.

[veindra]

Flossed

My kid can explain why all vegetables are GMO's. I explained it using caracals, Turkish Angoras, and wolves and Pugs for examples. Thought I may've confused the whole issue in his head until I heard him breaking it down for someone else. So. Womp, womp. He heard Johnny B. Goode for the first time, today. He asked what a gunny sack is, and I was like, "You know? I dunno." In my head, I was picturing a bindle stick, a la Huckleberry Finn? I's wrong, though.

[veindra]

"It's hear ME roar."

I had a dream about a movie my mom used to watch. This lady was washing dishes, in soapy water, and she didn't rinse them before she dried them and put them away. Or maybe she handed them to someone who dried them without rinsing them. It's been a couple of decades since I watched it. But wouldn't they make your food smell like soap? I have a pan that does that. No matter how well you rinse it. If it's not doused in boiling water to clean it, it makes your food smell like soap.

It had Sally Field in it. I think.

[veindra]

Diversity hire!

There was a song I heard at a bar forever ago, and I wanted to find the band, cuz it was the opposite of catchy and not really my cuppa but super clever? So I wrote the refrain down on a napkin for later. I found the napkin years later, tucked between books I'd piled up flatwise to serve as bookends. But I had no recollection of writing it down until later. Like months later, after I'd already thrown it away. Like, now. Guess I just had to be in a comparable frame of mind to recall where exactly I'd seen it before? But it's gone now, can't remember what it said, and I really wish I could stop annoying myself so thoroughly. Do you have any habits like that? Like if someone else pulled that shit in front of you, you'd knock them upside their head? Apropos, show of hands... who hearts mescaline?

[veindra]

Shitting on the little guy.

I can't believe people actually made magic mike, on purpose. I had a drowning dream and woke up standing by the pond. So. No more ambien. Maybe just in hotels. I think it might be harder to get to a pool than just navigating the 40 feet to the pond. Also? Sweet potato pie is actually a pie. I thought it would be savory, more like a meat pie.

[veindra]

She hopes I dance but it's not can't. It's won't.

I keep dressing up like people just to see if he'll even notice? lol He hasn't. Maybe just born of the wrong decade. I mistakenly thought he would know who Jack Sparrow was. Robert Downey and Johnny Depp, are they the fucking same age? Next is Cyndi Lauper. He heard girls just wanna have fun on a plane crazy track and liked it. He looks all of those up.

[veindra]

The (loving) brooklyn way?

So there's bioluminescent kayaking in Florida. I was picturing gators but it's not that kind of water. Also, you can't buy whales. Like, ANY whales. Because they're endangered. The whales. All of them, apparently. You know someone has a pet whale. Some private citizen, somewhere. I want a whale. And the formula for transparent aluminum. Or wait, I think that's actually a thing now. I wonder what they eat and, like, how many tons of it a month. Google says krill but hot dogs sound better. Whale food. The fucking whales.

[veindra]

Xenowhatism? Are you sure it's an Ism?

She's going on and on about Trump, and I didn't realize I'd spaced out so thoroughly until they had to shout at me to make me pay attention? And it was about how people can't be good christians and also vote for Trump. How can they DO that, she wanted me to answer, how could any christian INFLICT that kind of evil on the rest of us? So I'm holding back insults about christianity and the crusades as I smile and nod. Why me? There were two other people there, if you count children as people. But it's probably because she saw me get baptized, that one time.

So I told her that I'd LOVE to have her christian mama's pinochle club president come and advocate for my satanic chess club. That's really all it is. Representation. They must WANT to be seen as misogynistic, fraudulent, rapey, man-children. Fat, sweaty, obnoxious, narcissistic, demented. Just OOZING with unearned confidence. Basically a caricature of smarmy, inviolate cultural elitism. Nyuh. Yuck.

Logan asked me later if I have a satanic chess club. I didn't think he was listening.

[veindra]

Machiavellian bigotry isn't a thing.

I didn't finish watching it cuz I hate the lady's affect but the info was hilarious. Do you even WANT to live longer with less freedoms? Depends which freedoms, right? Like the freedom to murder and pillage and rape? Or maybe like drink as much sugary drinks as you want, smoke as many cigarettes as you want, and drive unregulated vehicles around?

[veindra]

Top of the suit.

To whom will history be kinder? Not Tarasoff. I'm voting for Trump now. Because solidarity. We o-paths gotta stick together, yo. I enjoy making fun of people who compare other people to Hitler. I've never heard a jewish person do this. I wonder if they do that. Like, as individuals. What DOES kitschy mean? Seems like I ought to know this. But I looked up gitch and I was completely wrong about that one.