vent-acc123

[vent-acc123]

CW

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FAKE AI GENERATED

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SFX MAKEUP

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BLOCK DONT REPORT PLS

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Shh ik I js posted abt this same thing but I thought I was done then added more plus my partner's initial. Yippee!!

[vent-acc123]

FAKE SFX MAKEUP

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FAKE BLOOD

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CW

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Little cat scratches I did on my leg (Ik it kinda sucks but I'm scared to go too deep)

Also I did some near my ankle bc I thought I could hide it with socks but ppl saw so super high near my hips it is 🙃

[vent-acc123]

Ok so this is a vent (on a vent account?? CRAZY) anyways.

Both me and my mom struggle with mental illness and I've been struggling not to blame her for stuff or put more pressure on her when she's struggling but basically she never opens up abt how she's feeling and so she'll js seem like she doesn't have a reason for being so stressed but it's because she was going through something that she didn't tell us about.

So for context she used to be an alcoholic for at least 4 years (I'm not sure exactly how long bc I dissociated a lot during that time) and she's been clean for almost a year but starting a few months ago she started going out with her friends every day and getting drunk, joking about having sex with a lot of people, etc (mind you she's married to my stepdad) but after a fuck ton of fights she finally told me it was because she's been married her entire adult life and she feels like she doesn't have an identity outside of being a mother (context she was married to my dad since 17 and then literally the year after they got divorced she married my stepdad and she was dating my stepdad since a little before she divorced my dad) and I understand that but also she did choose to have eight children and she's allowed to do things that don't involve us but maybe don't do things that negatively impact the kids you chose to have.

Something that bugs me is she talks about being used to fights and thats why she always thinks I'm saying stuff purposefully to make her feel shitty, but whenever I say something about how when she drinks at home and gets rowdy I'm reminded of when she was an alcoholic and feel like it gonna happen again she says I'm being unreasonable. We're using the same explanation but somehow her way is good and mine isn't.

The main thing I wanted to say was lately she did finally stop going out as much but she's been in a really shitty place and I don't know exactly what it was about but part of it is she recently said we have to move even though she promised we would never have to move again. (We have lived in 8 different states and moved pretty much every 6 months ;once we moved from Maine, to Colorado, to north Carolina, to Vermont and then to Kansas in the span of like 3 years[?] But again idk exactly bc that was a shitty time for me)

ANYWAYS she feels guilty about that and so she had a few actual good talks with me and she talked to me about how it was alright to struggle and she promised she wouldn't be mad if I was struggling and i could talk to her if I needed (it is important you know that she was actively in the middle of A Breakdown and I was more concerned with gentle parenting her than talking abt my shit) So we had our moment thingy, I comforted her, and the next day one of her friends got her to hang out with them so she would cheer up, which I was actually happy about because she was in a really bad slump for over a week. She stayed in a hotel and the next day when she came back she was acting negative again. It had seemed like we made progress with understanding each other but then the second she went and had fun she came back and was annoyed at everything I did. like, when she was in a slump literally THE DAY BEFORE I hugged her and stuff and js laid next to her, and then after she went out I tried to hug her and ask how she was doing but she got annoyed and was only worried about getting ready to go out another night in a row, which was what she was trying to get away from in the first place. I just feel like she should find a way to cope with her mental health without going to get drunk, and she should also work out her problems at home because if her only way to cope is leaving, then how will she be able to deal with shit when there's actual problems?

I understand wanting to get away from things but she doesn't let me hide from stuff either. For example whenever there's confrontation I try to leave and go to my room because i hate fighting but every single time she follows me and keeps making the same points when I'm clearly exhausted and saying over and over that the conversation isn't productive anymore because i won't actually hear her out when I'm just overstimulated and stressed out. And yet she doesn't listen.

I could write more but I need to go to bed. I doubt anyone will see this but lemme go reddit style with an AITA

[vent-acc123]

Idk how to feel I kinda cvt for the first time but idk if it counts bc I didn't draw bl00d but I broke skin? I'm using scissors bc I'm scared of kiv3s

Wait nvm I was using the tip of the scissors and that's why it didn't draw bl00d I'm stupid I can js use the bl@de and it drew blood a tiny bit

Also help how do I hide it bro I can't give up my cute outfits with short sleeves and thighs are annoying to cvt