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local idiot has to have the same lesson drilled into its head for the millionth time and still won't learn
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ill just shut the fuck up next time im in crisis so i dont get told how bad of a job i do of taking care of everyone else
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just going to back up and be less of a presence in everyone's lives. then it won't hurt so bad when i kms
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its ok though i will just bawl until i feel better and thencgo to bed and in the morning i will stop having problems
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so miserable want to die so so so badly so angry so upset and no outlet. no relief nothing
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it's either i cut or i kill myself but trying to explain that to anyone just makes them more concerned for me
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its so crazy how bad i want to kms . im literally only staying alive to go to work in the morning and not have time to think about it for 8 jours if im lucky
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have lost all sense of self preservation at this point if i get hit by a car thatd be great actually
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off my meds for a week and already back to teetering on the edge of kms. dangerous game my doctor is playing with me
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nobody wants to help me they just feel bad when i bring it up just because death = sad
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i cannot speak to anyone about how fucking badly i want to die without making them upset so im never going to get help for it
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only reason i haven't killed myself yet is im too sad to pick up the knife any more
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i have no drive no motivation no passion any more. this job is killing all of it. my work isn't fulfilling. it sends me home in so much pain and i just recover enough by going immediately to bed.
i have no friends. i have no outlet. i have no life outside of my fucking job and even then i don't even have anything going on there!!! what am i doing it for. to pay bills to keep me alive to be able to...? go to work? i guess? i cant make friends and no one outside of who i live with gives a shit about me and even then he barely does.
literally nothing i do is ever going to be fulfilling. why am i alive. what's the fucking point!!!!!! i hate myself i don't want to be alive if this is all there is
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genuinely a fucking miracle i haven't killed myself yet
#might just do it finally#my own parents don't even love me anymore#i have nothing worth being alive to see#my job is absolutely pointless
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i need to kill myself. nobody in my life would miss me i am just a background character
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