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God is good.

Honestly, I wasn’t into the whole new year thing. Didn’t know what to expect, wasn’t all that positive. With work calling me back on weekends from Christmas till New Year’s, it was just kinda frustrating, the whole thing. 

I guess God is still faithful no matter how you put him in a box of your own doubts. (:

And when people were busy being nice and wishing each other happy new year on group chats, I wasn’t. I was being like, hey old friends, thanks for being in my life but not really- you were just a short season, I guess you don’t really matter-  and then I got proven wrong. I get totally sweet texts from people whom I thought had forgotten me. And then catching up’s. Fellowship and connection. New and old connections revived. How did it happened? I don’t know- but I hope the bonds will not loosen.

Had fun with a fortune cookie the other day - haha. The paper strip said something unexpected will bring me happiness. And right that night when I found a government letter for me - hey I thought, Tax Time. But nope, my roots are growing. A leader in church once prayed for me during an anointing service, maybe sometime during the start of 2017 - she said she sees me like a tree, with roots growing in this place. Honestly, I was little a disappointed and discarded that word. I’m leaving this place as soon as this stupid polytechnic bond is over and done with. And last Tuesday, my roots has grown a little deeper- I’ve got a letter of PR approval. 

I guess sometimes you let go of what you think it best for your life. 

Sometimes you hang on and wait just because you know deep down, it is the path you should take.

Sometimes you take a brave step, letting go of your ideals, and walk through the door that was meant for you.

Hello Singapore, I never had a love for you, it was hard to love you. But today I was reminded again - if you don’t have a mandate for your city, get out. Otherwise, speak God’s blessings for the city you are in. (Thank you Ps Chris Long). So hello Singapore, I fear the system a lot. The long working hours, the stress people exude into the atmosphere. The seemingly unfriendly folk of everyday. But at the same time - these are fears. Fears that hit me 6 months before going back to Singapore- while I was still in Australia. A nightmare that appeared in my dreams one night back then in 2015. Also deep down, I knew Australia was a Season. I knew what heaven on earth was like. But now I am tasked to bring Heaven on Earth in Singapore - where things are a whole lot more challenging and on a new level. But hello Singapore, I want to be thankful for everything. For the Kindergarten days. For the Polytechnic days that paved a way to the Sydney days. And now for permanent residency status. And I guess that’s a pairing that comes with Ben days. And Kingdomcity and West Coast connect days. 

It’s a challenge, but God your mercies are new every morning. Your Grace is sufficient to meet all my needs.

Here comes the crazy but not so crazy thought of thinking that I will be suffering in the future because of the things people talk about - high living costs, high expectations of the society in work, school, bad relationships because of the high stress - yes all that will hit. But we are not promised storm-free days, but storm-proof. Thank you God in advance, for storm- proof days. I am not naturally made to withstand all these - but Your wisdom, strength, favour, annointing, love. I can do all these through Christ who strengthens me. 

Today. I learnt that I shouldn’t aim low. Especially in the house of God. So yes, a regular day to serve on a Sunday playing keys. Didn’t want to be late because I’m always a little late for call time- so I paid for a grab to get me to church. In my mind thinking, yeap, sort of a sacrifice but it is alright since it’s only once a month. Set up and everything went as usual, no hiccups, except Pei Shi not fully recovered from a bad throat. She was also surprisingly cute and happy that I passed to her a black vest that was hanging in my wardrobe forever. (you know how happy I am to pass it to someone who appreciates it !!) But yeap, Ps Andrew was praying for the service during the pre-service prayer- and for 20 salvations. In my cynical mind I was thinking, we’d be lucky if we have 2 making the decision. And well hello, when Ps Chris Long called for salvations man there were people streaming down to the front without any hesitation. Young and old alike. It was beautiful. Carriers laying hands and praying and supporting the decisions. I was someone who isn’t that professional in my instrument but there I was providing the atmosphere together with a great team - for people to encounter God. I was very, very happy to be serving in the Father’s house. And that, was heaven on earth. Right in the heart of Singapore.

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let’s do thissss

my procrastination level is high this holiday season.

still, I owe myself a lot of time for reflection and introspection. a little too much consumption. I could have written much more. I cannot and must not drown in the amount of information that I feed on every day. 

hello last day of 2018. It’s past 9pm. I’ve had (sort of) my favorite food downed and laundry is waiting for me in the machine. But I shall force myself to get thoughts penned down here. Feels like my thoughts are everywhere and they’re just shooting themselves out into thin air, leaving me little content for penning down.

So yes, I rather be alone with my favorite food and some down time to reflect (yes, hopefully I get this out) and hopefully squeeze in a TV show episode or some reading - than to be out partying. FOMO doesn’t apply to me here. People can be partying all night- I value comfort over over-stimulation the senses without loud music and big lights and all the chaos that is seemingly fun. HAHA. Dayumm I sound like a party pooper! Close friends aren’t meeting up, closest bestie these days/most of the year is out working and watching over the nation while they party on the rest of 2018 - yes I rather be resting after sadly, a full day’s work. Energy levels these days are, sadly, on the low side. 

Yes I haven’t been running. Cutting the gym bill has help me with savings - sort of caught up with the massive saving deficit of the first year. But I do need to be more active or else this is gonna cost me a long term health deficit... I need a kick in the butt to be disciplined! Sleeping and waking up when it’s time to. Doing things when it’s time to. I’ve definitely made more connections this year (yay PTL!) but that also means I should making meaningful conversations and not mindlessly scrolling thru the gram..

Much backlogging to be done. A lot of bible to be read. Journaling to be done. But I’ll take it step by step. Baby steps to a better self - good thing that certain backlogs aren’t really backlogs because they are timeless. I might have already lost out on health a bit because of the year or little exercise - but I pray God restores full health as I look to improve my activity levels.

Many things could have been done better, but much to be thankful for as well. Decluttering has been, well, running well - although I do need another decluttering sesh coming up 2019. I certainly gave more of my time for others - although I feel that my own faults have clogged up my life and made me feel tired from time to time - leaving little space to serve another. But pulling myself together and giving has paid off - people do the same for you. I guess that’s what friends are for. :) Definitely, Ben filled a big space - although I consciously need to make space because humans need space for one another. Space for faults and space for growth. Not to say, an infinite space, bottomless sea for happy moments. 

Well I guess things are simple.

Filling myself up with God’s goodness will bring me to an overflow. Easier said, but it’s the only fact and thing that is worth pursuing first. Now the flesh has to die and crucified before anything else. Not succumbing to distractions and the noises of the world. Eyes fixed. I speak God’s grace over my life and people around me. And Your hand to Lead me on the path that is leading to a good life. 

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storms

my being is at an unrest. 

all I want is peace of God to be with me right now. 

I cannot plan or see the week ahead, what’s it gonna be.

my whole person of thinking and idealizing the future is gonna have to control itself and face the reality of today.

I don’t know what will happen at sea, and if shit can happen, it usually happens. But not this time, please. 

Kingdom of God will prevail. Peace will be on earth. Have mercy on us, Father God. The troublemakers do not know what they are doing. Speak to the politicians. May they have a good sense. May this case rest. May there NOT be fires thrown around and both parties getting hurt. May you calm their beings. May you cause Your people to rise to the occasion in the areas of influence, and speak to the leaders who are making decisions. May Your Kingdom reign in this unrest. 

May you also keep Ben and the crew safe from harm. 

Thank You Jesus for everything that you are going to do in the next few days.

God I trust and love you, and that’s is all for now..

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thousand thoughts

and a conclusion (for now and the lack of certainty)

this is life. There is the world. And there are the unlucky ones who got tangled with the nasty, messy parts of it. The world is broken, and why don’t I put in some effort to walk along one soul and see it heal? It might cause pain, it might not be the ideal that I read in books, or the magically perfect lucky people I come across. It might be about learning to love your neighbour. And that this neighbour will pass it on and love his or her neighbour. It’s a long run, but wasn’t I chosen for this race?

Baby steps, and wisdom, and utmost patience.

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heartwork

And I’ve come to realised that you are work.

But it’s okay.

I think God will always keep loving me so I can keep loving another.

As long as one is opened to receive love, that’s being humble enough to need and want to be loved.

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deeper.

I want to go.

God you make everything worth doing. Its like my mind expanded. I never saw much purpose in life except to do everything people did. Get a degree Get a job pay bills and buy stuff makes some friends and have fun. Get married by signing some court papers when I’m older. And I am definitely older now and everyone’s fussing over getting a certificate of marriage. Well its definitely a legit want because nature says we have an expiry date. For kids, for beauty, for health and best years before we get tired old and wrinkly.

I’m far from ready. But the space I made early this year allowed things to change and happen. And boy, the fun was just fun. Looking at the long run, it’s the scariest. I might not have met the most expressive person on earth but this one is quite a loyal one I should like to think. But the insecurity of one not saying and another not knowing is killing. Right there and then I have only God to run to. Face it, we’re a lonely nation. At this day and age. Most are busy trying to achieve career goals. Unless you have people that already love you like familly, you bother spend time with them. But it takes extra effort to meet acquaintances whom you don’t quite click at first but you know that deep down they have the potential to be a good and supportive friend because of the values one holds. That’s my new good friend Jo. As long as we’re running towards the same goals, the way we have been before doesn’t matter anymore. We have been support for each other nowadays. God has been good to send people this season to run alongside with you towards the same major life goals.

Deal breaker. If my partner isn’t gonna wanna make effort to run towards God, it’s not worth it. And I said that in a mess but, God was right there. He’s the closest. He loves my heart and I know I won’t go wrong wanting to put Him as ultimate family goals. I’ll be freaking out if my name gets stuck on a marriage cert and nothing is going right and I’m far from my first love Jesus. the horror.

But we’re gonna work on it somehow, all the differences aside. I hope this effort on running the spiritual race stays. Because my ultimate value is found not in men. Time will be wasted if we didn’t want to run towards the same goals but I hope my deal breaker will be always unchanging.

This is big. God is big. Everything is bigger than the everyday hustle. Seeing things from the top, and knowing that a little problem of self is worth letting go for bigger things. He’s the best. Been there yesterday today and then forever. There’s no more path worth taking except towards God.

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ah; learning to breathe like myself again :)

loving this.

Only good things to look forward to.

God help us.

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swim in the rain

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yes I was upset, I couldn’t let go the pain of those words. I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t sleep that well, I was stuck in a rut for 24 hours. 

And after knowing that text messages got taken out of context or can’t be read with the nuances of speech, spoken and reacted in the midst of a tired and stressful situation - one can only console oneself and hope for a proper conversation later on. 

Thank God for worship music. It changed the atmosphere and then my spirit. It just let me let go and practice a Christlike love. Turning to the source of everlasting love, receiving it and passing it on. Tears flow from knowing I am loved and looked after by a love that never fails. And then I feel better. I know I can never step down from the responsibility and goodness that comes out of seeking God’s presence and advice. I want to work with this. 

We need to have a conversation about these things. Very soon. Handling words and stress in a Christlike manner. We need to be accountable to each other for our personal relationship / responsibility and commitment with God. If he agrees to work it out this way, all is well. Life’s kicking in. Hard. God help us. 

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She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

- Proverbs 31:25

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Just thankful to have great parents. They might not be the richest or coolest but they are pretty responsible and caring. That they prayed for us before the best jam back to Singapore. I love what has been given. Thank you Lord so much. 

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幸せの日々

happy days.

blessed days. God give me love and wisdom so I can share it with people who might need it.

It’s funny. It’s apparent that these days I’ve been put to face my fears in the eye. And knowing I am fearless if I know who my Father is.

Being obedient pays well. And may I always remember that being disobedient doesn’t bring any favour. Honouring God’s values gives you value. And everything in Time with no striving. ❤️

Stuck in the jam on a dreadful Sunday night was extra comforting. 3 hours of worship karaoke and the best company x

Yes. I’ll let go. And I’ll get the best things.

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funny.

God you are.

Somehow I just know that it feels funny. Certain things you wait on God and persevere. Certain things doesn’t take much once you start chasing it. 

Of course two closed doors when I wanted to jump ship. When I wanted to run away from things I perceived as scary. I tried once. I had an uneasy feeling about it. And true enough the door wasn’t opened.

Then I had to face the clueless senior PD. Had to submit to authority but it all became easy when I surrendered.

(but then came a helper (:  ) (and I couldn’t do anything by resisting so hard.)

And I tried running away again. Only to be denied because yes, PR isn’t in yet. Can’t jump ship that easily with EP. I don’t know whether it was me stopping my own progression by not submitting an application earlier on? Or my plain resistance to staying here any longer than July 10? 

Then today I faced the Principal. HAHA. I get a promotion letter and then I have to work smart and hard to hold the fort of Godrej when dear er Jie is gone....... God help me (:  But its exciting! I’m courageously treading water in an open sea. 

One big closed door when I wanted to run away from this country. A country I once viewed as scary and unfriendly. But God says I can change culture. I can have a new perspective on the situation. Kingdom culture crosses oceans. It doesn’t just stay in countries where people are graceful. The culture goes to where people are lonely, broken, selfish, angry. I can see pass these temporal earthly brokenness and bring a fresh perspective.. through Christ that strengthens mee ! 

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“hygge”

— (noun) An untranslatable Danish word, hygge is recognized as the warm and fuzzy feeling that overcomes you while you are enjoying the company of your favorite friends and the beauty of life.

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&

I see you making changes to keep us happy kids

like good vibes even on a bad day at work (:

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what day is it, and in what month, this clock never seemed so alive?

told ourselves 9.15am. and we stopped there and did life for the rest of Sunday. Thank you God for this. 

the things you do and the things that you wait for the clock to tell you to.