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had a dream abt miss vanya last night and now all i wanna do is write her but i have actual things to do today. homophobic

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book meme :// white is for witching by helen oyeyemi ( lightly edited to fit structure; change pronouns as necessary. )

you’ve done too much now. i can’t trust you any more.

i conjure you.

what else is real about you?

why do people go to these places, these places that are not for them?

black wells yield only black water.

are you now resentful?

there is another shelter inside the house.

i don’t need you to be strong. i need you to crack a little now.

i suppose i am frightening.

so i have done you good, and now, some harm.

things appear as they really are. people appear as they really are.

this house is bigger than you know.

did you choose to be good, or were you so created?

i chose to be created.

i am only tangible when you don’t look.

easy to see the solution when you’re not in the story, isn’t it?

i know of witches who whistle at different pitches, calling things who don’t have names.

it’s like there’s an extra window, an extra room i haven’t seen before.

maybe “i don’t believe in you” is the cruelest way to kill a monster.

please tell me a story about someone who gets away.

i’m not sure what’s really meant by happy or good. i would like them to be free.

all monsters deserve to die.

how is consumption managed?

everything you have i will turn against you. i’ll turn sugar bitter for you.

it seems to me that the dead only return for love or revenge.

no one likes being sick.

i think i am a monster.

there is absolutely no one even a bit like you anywhere else.

there’s something wrong with this house, isn’t there?

i’m trying to think of next year and there is no place for me in it.

what happened that night?

madness is present when everything you see and hear takes on an equal significance.

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vanya      /      moi      /      jaylen @uncinerated

*      picrew !

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h...ello?

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moonexile​,      00.01.

@violnc​​    ╱   ❝  just tell me that you’re safe.   whatever you’re doing,  whatever you have to do  —-   ❞    whoever she has to hurt  .  .      ❝  you’re okay   —-  ?  ❞  

it isn’t funny,      really,      but there’s a twist to it that’s halfway there:      the way she took ages upon ages to tell luther what she was doing,      even with their respective apologies given ten times over,      out of a fear she now finds was misplaced.      (      the old logic,      now set to the side:      her wishes for the future used to be that she never hurt anyone else again;      breaking that promise had seemed like a death sentence,      a cold-locked-empty-silent room.      )      she finds now,      blinking up at luther,      that the worry was groundless.      

vanya is not immortal,      possesses no super-durability,      but in the ice-cold thrill of moments in which she is something more than herself,      she certainly feels that nothing can hurt her.      the first-aid kit under her kitchen sink has gotten its fair amount of use,      but the whirlwind of energy that surrounds her when her powers are at their peak protects her from most injuries.      so she nods,      letting the concern of her big brother slip over her shoulders like a warm quilt.            ‘      i’m as safe as i can be.      it’s,      um,      it’s harder to hurt me when i’m all      —      you know,      ’            and she gestures to her eyes,      makes a bursting motion with her hands to indicate them glowing.            ‘      so it’s      ...      i won’t say it isn’t dangerous,      but i’m okay.      it’s something i have to do anyways.      ’            she’s had this conversation with the rest of their siblings already.      it’s a rehearsed duet.

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begging tumblr to let me rb things

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“I can’t go back with you… can you hug me as I go?”

The Umbrella Academy season 2 episode 8 “743″ (2020) dir. Amanda Marsalis

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reminder! i’m also at @uncinerated now! she’s a sideblog to this blog, so if we’re mutuals here we’re mutuals there too! i wanna write her more v badly!

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vanya birthday

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i also think that (in my main, non-apocalyptic, post-s1 verse) their birthday is the first time the hargreeves all get together again after the events of season one. they’ve all hung out separately or in smaller groups in between then, but given vanya’s whole deal she was too overwhelmed and frankly a bit afraid to be around all of them again for a while, and none of them wanted to risk overwhelming her while their relationships were all so shaky.

but on their birthday everyone piles into her apartment. klaus gets there first and they have the bright idea to try and bake a cake themselves; everyone else shows up to vanya and klaus with flour all over them, desperately fanning cushions around the oven so the smoke alarm doesn’t go off and set off vanya’s powers, and she... forgets to be as nervous as she would have been. they go out and buy a cake, instead, in the end. they all sing happy birthday to each other, and allison has her voice almost all the way back, which almost makes vanya cry with relief. she gets overwhelmed halfway through, as she’s prone to when around a lot of people, and ends up sitting on the roof for a bit, but it’s still nice. eventually one or two of the others comes and sits with her, quietly, and that’s nice, too. it’s the first birthday she can remember enjoying in a really long time.

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generally speaking i don’t think the hargreeves kids did much of anything for their birthday — given that they shared it, and i doubt reggie was keen on introducing holidays or fun into their lives, it wouldn’t be something intensely celebrated. 

but i do think grace would make them something special, cookies or cupcakes or something of that sort, every year. and i think the kids always tried to sneak out to griddy’s the week of their birthday, to have some kind of celebration, however small. i think the birthday that grace gave them their names was the best day of vanya’s childhood, and she made a point to always use her siblings’ names rather than numbers, constantly, from then on. i think vanya always really wanted to get her siblings gifts, but didn’t have any money or access to things that would make good gifts — but once she picked up violin she taught herself how to play happy birthday on it and got very excited about playing it for all of them, regardless of whether or not they’d actually like it. 

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vanya birthday

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IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?      :      UNCINERATED,      BY ROSEMARY.

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IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?      :      UNCINERATED,      BY ROSEMARY.

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i’ve made a brand new mistake

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the hargreeves siblings according to the pilot script

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thinking abt vanya<3