viperous-system

[viperous-system]

we have an amazing and gorgeous girlfriend now literally who cares about anything else

anyway hi guys

being upset and feeling neglected while being fixated on a movie goes crazy

-💕

[viperous-system]

I wish I didn’t still miss our ex

another girl lost i guess because i couldn’t escape prison (my room)

- 🎲

[viperous-system]

I feel slightly better about the amount of fictives we have after realize we struggle with emotional permanence unless its in the form of contained media since we learned it was the only “safe” outlet since no one would judge you for crying over a sad scene or something.

So therefore our only safe way of holding onto emotions both good and bad are through characters who experienced those emotions and therefore can hold onto memories by relating it back to their source memories, ie the one thing that grounds our feelings in the present.

- 🪭(?)

[viperous-system]

im soooooo close to crashing out

i say in tears

-🍤

[viperous-system]

i hate being a system oh my god i wanna be normal so bad

- 🔮

i hate constantly fighting for front and constantly trying to compromise because everyone wants to live THEIR life

i hate trying to be as structured as humanly possible just to be able to be cohesive enough to look like one entity

i hate that we have to “come out” as being a system and i hate that weve been so influenced by the media we consume that we have so many fictives that no one takes us seriously anyway

i hate that people who are most likely to take us as individuals will just see us as a fun character

i hate not knowing who i am some days

i hate too many people blending and mixing and fighting on others

i hate having to be scared of other alters actions

i hate that i cant even talk about it without sounding insane

i hate that i look insane

i hate that were always masking and i hate that the only people who get to talk are people social enough not to fuck up every encounter so if anyone else dares to be fronting we feel the need to cut ourselves off from everyone until it “passes”

i hate knowing

to the average person even if we express being someone different

it all blurs into one personality of “us” to them

so it doesn’t even matter anyway

and we just go back to masking

i hate that our ex took us from a relatively easy to manage system of under 10 to over 100

what the fuck

we look stupid

[viperous-system]

i thought it was funny and know no one follows my and namsu’s blog

-💽

ALSO QUESTION

WHY DID OUR EX TWEAK OUT SO MUCH WHEN WE JOKED ABOUT DOING EVERYTHING WHEN WE PLAYED MINECRAFT TOGETHER

we were just

chillin

and we were like “AS IM SLAVING AWAY MAKING OUR HOME, WORKING DAY AND NIGHT” as a JOKE

and they were like “im doing something though :(“

like genuinely distraught

first of all it was so incredibly clearly a joke

second of all all you were doing was collecting flowers and then going exploring with no plan, no tools, no nothing and id have to you and save you because you kept not setting spawn

do i care? no. but be so fr now

[viperous-system]

realizing now that our ex is blocked on everything we have the freedom to crash out and talk shit publicly as much as we want

[viperous-system]

“why did we split? nothing happened today!!”

i say like we didnt just have a panic attack over our ex texting us

UGGHH I CANT HANDLE THIS IM A TERRIBLE GATEKEEPER

-🪱

[viperous-system]

having bpd is so weird bc wdym yesterday i was having a breakdown thinking all i was good for was being used and abused and ill never amount to anything and now i think its literally impossible for me to fail in any of my goals and that im literally better than everyone else

- 👑

[viperous-system]

hate random midnight sadness

[viperous-system]

LEAVE ME ALONEEEE I DONT LIKE THAT YOU REMEMBERRRRR

- Jaibo

[viperous-system]

i think

being able to make my own blog too is only fair..

-🐛

[viperous-system]

should i hijack chuuyas or fyodors blog?

decisions DEcisions /ref

i think the aku siblings are gonna use chuuyas

i might use it too

maybe ill use both hehe

-🩹

[viperous-system]

me and chuu chuu last night (im sorry i was being a lil mean BUT IT WAS FUNNY) ((stop crying over dazai plz and thank u))

-📛

[viperous-system]

-📛

[viperous-system]

maybe this is a bit of a stretch but i thought it was funny <\3

-📛

[viperous-system]

maybe a red flag was our ex being against source separation..

like by no means do we see it as a requirement, it can be difficult

but being against working towards like?? being your own person rather than solely your source is?? strange

we have people who struggle to source separate, we have people who were source seperated from the beginning

but i feel like its only natural that the longer youre here and the more you experience things outside of what you remember that you source separate even if you stick with your name and looks, and indulge in your media

im not my source, im not JUST asuka i just haven’t been here long enough to truely source seperate, but even now im considering a new name

i still think its kinda strange they were weird about US source separating, its not about them and the dynamics of those alters

if they really loved eachother and it wasn’t just source, then source separation shouldnt matter as theyre the same person

its like being upset with someone for transitioning its weird, im still me just more authentically me without a pre established box that im no longer comfortable in

anyway i think i like the name Ava, it reminds me of Eva as in Evangelion

i don’t need to pilot an eva anymore to be special, im special as myself :]

-📛