vmyselfandi

[vmyselfandi]

Ok, and you are?

Lets talk I D E N T I T Y. 

I’m writing this blog shortly after Beyonce dropped “Black is King” and I just finished listening to a sermon from Dr. Matthew Stevenson over at All Nations Worship. The sermon didnt really tak much about identity but he did talk about how you cant run away from who God has called you to be... Now, there are more than a few people who are reading this post and you’re thinking: But Victoria, i know you from college, i remember when you did this, when you said that and dont you still do this and that. Yes you did, and yes, i might still do a little bit of what I use to do BUT first of all dont judge me (lol) and second of all, IF you really KNOW me. My character has ALWAYS been consistent.  I’m writing this blog because I’m doing my best not to run from who I trully. I’m more than excited to live in my truth and continue down the path that is personalized and created by Jah himself. The corona virus has done too much to all of our mental and emotional space and even more for me spiritually. I still have to fight agaisnt a lot of the things I use to do and say because I like some of the friends I made back when I was doing all the super wild stuff. And I can admit that I dont really want to lose some of those people. Yet evolution is what it is. So I’m prepared.

So I pray for courage to stay true to who I am created to be, I pray for wisdom to handle the haters that will come and I also ask God for grace so that I can better articulate who I’ve become in the spirit. 

So who have you become Victoria, are you a Jesus freak now? 

I’ve always been near the Lord but I just never really screamed it from the roof tops because I believe that I should live by example. Its also hard to claim Jesus and still have a super wordly life *shrungs* The people are judgey and ya’ll know it! 

Back to the question though; I am a work a progress who is slowly but surely finding the beauty in the process. I love gospel music, more than ever before and but I still love Meg,Gunna and Kaytranada too! I’m learning how to drink in moderation because baybeeee i’m so close to cutting it out lol. I’m still down for all the adventures, I’m a foodie who wants to be apart of the solution to food insecurity. I’m a cannabis kween, one of the best cat moms i know, I’m a pescatarian, i am woman, I am a black woman, I love and sometimes that love is tough but its just because i see the potential in those that I have love for. I’m an art lover, dancer, traveler and I’m Paul and Judy’s daughter and Melissa’s sister. I AM...because God allows me to be. So, who are you? 

[vmyselfandi]

Now, where were we...

Yes. This new beginning was activated by the pandemic but it was fore ordained by God.  I’ve written short stories and things of the sort in the past (some are on this page). I also started reading my bible a lot more around 2015 and started becoming more free in the spirit 2016. When I say free in the spirit i mean, I started to talk about the scriptures I was being lead to and kinda started interpretting them(because of the irony). A few of them seemed to see scripture a bit differently and was able to understans a little more. So this is all apart of me getting out of Gods way and allowing him to use me.  Nevertheless, I’m so excited to be writing and sharing my thoughts with you!! I am going to ask for grace and patience as we go along. This is me being more intential and while I have an idea of what this blog will be about (food, sprirituality, community and cute pics of me) knowing me is to know we must leave space for creation lol  I also really want us to converse, to know me is to also know that I loveeee chatting, I love perspective, well formulated responses and strong personal opinions. I want you to talk to me and one other so show lots of love to the comment section. If you have topics or scriptures you’d like my input on, shoot me a message and I can take a look. I’m so down for everything and beyond excited for my future.

So for those who are also wanting to move towards their purpose and my be a lil nervous, here’s a something that might jolt you foward:

https://youtu.be/fMHlT1pjqEc

[vmyselfandi]

I love those marriages where the men have enough confidence in themselves to step aside and give their wives the room to flourish… not just stand in his shadow…where they are confident enough in the mutual love they have for each other to allow her the space to be sexually and spiritually free publicly or privately.. where they are not intimidated by her education but intrigued by it… so many times, specifically growing up in the south, I have seen wives be compressed down to standards and views of what they think society and/or their husbands want them to be rather than being their true selves… it’s refreshing to see women who just don’t give a damn and the spouses that support their care free personas

[vmyselfandi]

.Virginia Is For Lovers

An Ode to my Grandparents by E.Glo

“Queen! Queen! You dropped something!” Flustered, I looked back to what just so happened to be a fine man in military uniform; holding my wallet. Running late per usual, it made sense that I would drop the accessory I need the most. “Queen? That’s an interesting approach” I say as I grab my wallet.

I add a smile so he knows I was being sarcastic “Thank you, I would’ve been so upset if I would have boarded the flight without it” I politely walk off expeditiously knowing the boarding doors will be closing in 5 minutes. “You’re welcome Ms.?” the man in fatigue shouts out I look over my shoulder and prepare myself to shout back, but I heard my name over the intercom in the airport “Helen Carr to Gate G4 for flight 0903830 to Norfolk, Virginia”

Well damn, I didn’t know they put ALL your business over the intercom. I picked up my pace and chunked the deuce at the airport hottie.  I arrived to the gate just as the attendant readied herself to give me a second warning over the intercom. I board the plane and to my surprise, I was able to score a window seat. Sure it was in the emergency row but a view is a view.   As I get comfortable and prepare for my customary travel nap I look up to see that I wasn’t the only one running behind. After a family of three stumbles upon the plane, to my surprise, I catch the eye of the military hottie from the terminal earlier.

We smiled at one another. I raised my eyebrow. He politely ask the woman sitting on the aisle if he can grab the window seat. Smart man and he’s sitting in first class, must be the military clearance, lucky. The plane begins to settle so I fall back into nap formation. I woke up to quite a bit of turbulence and the flight attendant welcoming us to Norfolk, Virginia. “On behalf of Southwest Airlines we want to be the first to welcome you to Norfolk, Virginia the weather is warm at 80 degrees with clear skies. We know you have many other options to choose from, but we thank you for choosing Southwest airlines. Enjoy your stay” I’m in no rush to get off the plane. It always takes the baggage some time to make it to baggage carousel. Plus, I know my sister is probably a good 30 minutes away. Running behind, kind of runs in the bloodline.  I finally gathered myself and my tote, head down the aisle and off the plane. As I glance over the signs to find direction to baggage claim, guess who walks out of the men’s bathroom? The military hottie, yet again! This is so crazy, why does he keep falling into my viewpoint! Not to mention he’s standing in the pathway of the baggage claim. As I walk in his direction, he looks up and smiles pleasantly. As much as I don’t want to sell myself a dream, the man is fiiioone and this smile is contagious! He has to be about 6’2, face chiseled, and from the way his suit fits he has arms to match. He’s a high yella fella, with the charm of a bronzed brotha. So of course I smiled back. Did I mention the smile is contagious! Plus it is kind of cute that we keep running into each other randomly.  I head in his direction. After all, I do have to go to baggage claim.

“Thanks for grabbing and returning my wallet. I never got your name” I asked. “James, James Street. Helen right?” said the military hottie. I laughed “Yep that’s me. Time never seems to be on my side. The way this weekend is set up, I cannot afford to be without my wallet” “Sounds like you have plans to turn Virginia Beach upside down” James said. “Just a tad. My sister is getting married and it’s her bachelorette weekend so we have a few….exciting things planned. What brings you into town? Looks like you might be on your way to discuss war plans with the top officials” I asked jokingly as we reach the baggage carousel. He laughed “Funny, I’m actually in town visiting my brother (and nephew. They share the same birthday and my nephew is turning 1.  He and his wife are going all out this year, so I figured I couldn’t miss it” said James. Hmm family oriented and a man of valor. He should ask for my number. “That’s sweet. Does your brother live in Norfolk?” I asked curiously. I spot my bag and grab it. Oddly enough his bag was just a few bags behind mine.  “Nah he lives in Chesapeake” he says with a smirk.  “Cool, cool. Well -” my phone starts to vibrate and interrupts my conversation, I look down to see its Sue. She must be pulling up. “Well, have fun and enjoy the birthday festivities! My sister’s pulling up outside. It was nice meeting you James Street” I grab my luggage and head towards the sliding doors. He lets out a chuckle and says “Why do you keep walking away from me?” I freeze in my spot.

What did this man just ask me? Did he just-, who does he -? As I continue questioning what’s happening in this very moment. He stands in front of me and says “I have family and friends that live in the area. My brother might not be up for a night in Virginia Beach but my guys and cousins might be up for it. Maybe you’ll allow me to run into you sometime this weekend?” He hands me his phone. Whoa. The man is bold. I’m lost for words quite honestly. So I reached for his phone and enter in my number. As I save my digits my phone starts vibrating again. I pass him back his phone and gaze into his eyes, because, like, really who is this man that has me speechless. I answer my sister’s call, using my shoulder to hold the phone to my ear I reach for my luggage and chunk the deuce and add a smile.  “I’m coming outside now, where are you?” “Where am I! Where are you? I’ve been outside for the pass 10 mins” said Sue “Oh please bridezilla, you’re usual late so I took my sweet time” “Well hurry up Helen, before they make me loop around the airport, yet again” Sisters, always complaining. I look back at the sliding doors to see if James was still standing there, but he wasn’t. I wonder if he meant what he said about meeting up this weekend. *Beep. Beeppppppp* Clearly my sister is excited to see me. “Oh lord, Sue! My ears! They can only take but so much.” “I don’t careeee its MY weekend and I missed MY sister” said Sue We hug tightly, threw my luggage in the back seat and start discussing plans for the weekend. “I know this weekend is all about me but who knows maybe you’ll find a potential husband while we’re out” said Sue My phone vibrates. I look down and see a text from “Maybe: James Street” How ironic.

  .

[vmyselfandi]

[vmyselfandi]

But where is the lie though??? Afropunk 2017

[vmyselfandi]

[vmyselfandi]

[vmyselfandi]

Kelly Rowland

[vmyselfandi]

Astonishing work, all the way through

[vmyselfandi]

Just for shits and giggles

[vmyselfandi]

Aint.it.funny

*JLo voice* But really though. I went through so many different dating phases. I've done the long distance thing, conquered my hoe phase, dabbed in the all girls pool, tried settling for the fwb position. Now im past all that and im just... .DATING. men, to specific. Annnndd it has been.....a...very...perplexing time. Once you make it out of the land of fuck boys, it seems that you/ I entered the world of clingy niggas....? idk. but maybe im ungrateful? maybe, im overthinking? mayyybbbbeeeeeeee I actually suck at dating...? I admittedly have this physical and mental list of characteristic I'd like to see in a man interested in dating me. And, yes, I leave hella room for imperfections and unexpected quirks. But life would be so much easier if these men were coming to me in the complete form that I asked for instead of in bits and pieces....idk its sounding like im ungrateful.....? idk idk idk! I'm just so use to having this almost instant connection with someone that when I don't feel that attraction its strange moving forward with someone who fits almost all your requirements but yet the attraction isn't there. Orrrrr maybe God is tryna be funny since I complained about all these f*k boys and how n*ggas aint sh*t and now he sends me good men and I don't know how to act. grrr. why am I so complex.

[vmyselfandi]

Why you mad son?

I'm thankful that I'm no longer attracting fuckboys, but now im attracting these almost perfect yet fake complicated men....? My type, on the surface level, is simple, tall (6'2+), passionate, honest, creative , brown, financially savvy, open minded, with hair(specifically locs but im willing to compromise ) and God fearing. To be honest this post isn't even about the men I've been meeting its more so about being so self aware that you find yourself in a melancholy mood. I'm impatient. But I'm also not trying to rush into anything.

Sometimes spending time with another human being trying to figure out if you like them enough to see them more than twice a week,or deciding if you want to overlook their annoyances  can be extremely draining. Especially when you feel and think the way I do.

Granted this process only last about 5-9 days before I, (usually) realize that I'm over-thinking and since things aren't flowing as organically as I like them too, than this is is clearly A WASTE OF TIME. However, on the occasion that I do decide that I like this person and the annoying things they do aren't that big of a deal. Something happens that rules out all the positive images in my head. Frustrating. There's this quote on Sense8 when Raja's dad tells her that becoming an adult is about enjoying the small gifts while you work your way to the biggest most important gift....something like that. Either way I'm trying to enjoy the small gifts, but I just cant. I end up feeling depleted. Not because I settled or didn't enjoy most of the time spent with these individuals. But because I'm so open, free and understanding. I'm so busy hoping that if  I continue to be my genius self that maybe that will inspire the other person to live in their truth. But that's not how it always works out...  Regardless, I'm able to appreciate those individuals. I always walk away learning more about what I have to offer, what I don't want and knowing that I'm close to meeting my future husband. Because these nigg...i mean MEN are literally almost, everything i want but they're always missing one or two ingredients.

[vmyselfandi]

#Poise

[vmyselfandi]

emotionally frustrated

[vmyselfandi]

.Brewed To Perfection

Funday By: Eveght Glo No one ever told Rose that the honeymoon phase would last for three years straight, but by no means was she complaining. Otis and Rose had been married for 3 years and things couldn’t get better, or could they? It seemed like their marriage was getting better with every moment. “Babe, bring me a towel please” calls out Otis. They had both just come in from a swim session. Swimming was their thing, Rose being an Olympic swimmer and Otis being the top swim coach at University of Texas - Austin, swimming came fluidly – pun intended. Rose pulled open the door to the double headed shower to peep in on her man and told him she placed the towel right outside the shower. He grabbed her wrist teasingly and pulled her into the shower. Rose giggled “How’d I know you’d pull me into the shower”. Otis smiled as he moved his hand up his wife’s scultped back and pulled her hair “Probably because you know I like you nice and wet.” Rose and Otis’ sex life was nothing short of boring or traditional. They were popular in the swingers community and they have even hosted a few Socials at their home in downtown Austin. The whole swinging thing was actually Rose’s idea. Otis just happened to be open-minded and just as experimental as Rose. They’re sex alone was out of this world, but Rose always like showing off what she had at home so they occasional brought guest into their bedrooms. After their shower play, the doorbell rang, Otis thought nothing of it. It was sunday and the couple usually stayed in, inviting friends over for an early dinner or smoke session. Rose went straight to the door, knowing exactly who’d be there waiting.  She had a surprise in store for Otis, he and his team just won the NCAA championship for the 5th year in a row. She felt like her husband deserved a treat.

She opened the door to see two beautifully brown Chaldean women, Tamara and Riley. They had met about a week ago at a watch party. Rose noticed that they happened to be fans of her husband - Rose saw an opportunity and couldn't help but to sieze the moment.

Without exchanging any words, Rose reached her hand out to welcome the two stunning women into her home. Tamara starred into Roses deep mahogany eyes and unraveled Roses' towel. Just as the towel fell to the floor, Otis called out to his wife and walked into the hallway to see his wife and two new faces. He raised a brow and said  "You're starting the fun without me?" Otis wasn't shocked by the company, after all, Sundays were meant for fun. However he was very happy to see that they managed to get his wife naked so quickly. Rose reached for her husband as he made his way down the stairs. She gave him a tantalizing kiss and looked back at the girls. " Actually I was just getting ready to show them the playroom. So you wait here until I come back." The playroom was filled with all sorts of adult fun. From karma sutra swings to penis rings. Along with a bar filled with water and libations, they'd need it before and after sessions with Rose and Otis. The playroom is where Otis and Rose brought their guest. A year into their marriage they realized they didnt want to share their personal bed with the "extras" so they flipped one of their guest rooms into a Playroom.

"After your shower please use the rose oil to moisturize" as cliché as it is Otis loved rose oil, it smelled spectacular on his wife so she made sure whenever they brought in extra guest all his senses were peeked. "Feel free to help yourself to the bar, we'll be back shortly." Rose left the playroom to find her husband in the exact same spot she left him "I love it when you obey my orders" she said as she approached Otis who was leaning against the hallway frame. Rose stood opposite of Otis still naked with her back against the hallway frame. "What else would you like me to do?" asked Otis. " Well, I'd like it a lot if you dropped to your knees and kiss me from my feet up to my forehead" said Rose. Without hesitation that's exactly what Otis did, stopping only to caress Rose's pearl with his tongue." As Otis sucked on Roses clit she couldn't help but throw her head back and moan. She thought to herself, "this is what Sundays are about!" She loved that her husband was so nasty and down for anything. The sun was beaming on them as her husband kissed her stomach and fondled her nipples with his fingers. As he made his way to his feet he clutched her throat with his right hand and traveled south with his left hand, sliding it into her soaking wet walls. Rose was so close to climaxing, she managed to stuffle out a moan " I fucking love you." At that moment Otis landed his last kiss on her forehead and pulled his fingers from her sticky pussy and whispered in her ear, "I love you too baby" Otis sometimes wondered if his wife knew exactly how much he loved her. Yea the sex was exquisite and she introduced a whole new side of sex to him. But he often wondered how'd he get so lucky to have a woman that is so loyal, ambitious, and as kinky as Rose. There was nothing boring about her or the life they built with one another. He loved making her happy and he knew she enjoyed doing the same. Hence the two women that were sprawled across the plush king size bed. He didn't know they're names yet but it didn't matter, it never mattered. The only name he ever called out  and ever wanted to call out was his wife's. As Rose poured glasses of champagne for the crew. He walked over to the bed where the two nameless women were waiting. They smiled up at him and immediately began kissing his neck. The same woman who seemed to get Rose out of her towel wasted no time and dove head first into his lap. Rose walked over and handed a class to him and the woman who was kissing his neck "Otis, meet Riley" the other woman came up for air after hearing the introductions, Rose handed her a glass "and this, is Tamara" Rose leaned down to kiss Tamara on the lips. "This woman is so sexy" Otis thought to himself about his wife. "My gift to you baby, for your latest success. Cheers to you and your relentless efforts and winnings" They all clinked their glasses together and sipped in unity. Otis looked deep into his wife’s eyes and smiled as to thank her for the gift and kind words. Their connection was on a whole different level, at times you’d think they practiced telepathy. "Now ladies, this is MY man, but I like share at times. and since you're such big fans, you may have your way with him now and i'll join in later." Riley tossed back her drink and begin to kiss Tamara. But Tamara may have been a fan of Otis but she was way more interested in Rose. She pulled away from Riley and crawled over to Rose, who was rolling a blunt ever so casually.  Otis watched as Rose looked up in surprise to see one had broken away and was crawling towards her. Riley’s licked and swirled her tongue from the nape of Otis’ neck to his earlobe “lets see how long it takes for them to come join us” Otis perked up for the challange. He could tell this was going to be a long ride so he reached over to the side dresser to grab a gold vibrating penis ring. He had three women to statsfy and he wanted them all worked out and exhausted when he was done.      He pulled Riley over to him slapped her ass and kissed her “open wide for me baby girl” without hesistation she starred him in his eyes and opened up as wide as she could. Otis place the ring in her mouth and told Riley to slide it over his dick.   As Rose laid back in the love seat and lit her blunt Tamara rode her reverse cow girl making it easy for Rose to grab and manuever her ass just like she liked it. Tamara’s ass was juicy and full and Tamara enjoyed watching it jiggle as their wet pussies slipped and glided together. Rose pulled Tamara’s body back into her’s, passing her the blunt. Rose used one hand to play with Tamara’s pussy and the other to grop a tity. Tamara moaned in statifaction and continue to grind her hips against Rose. “You just couldnt wait for this pussy, could you?” Rose asked Tamara as she leaned in to lick her dark brown nipple. Tamara was curvy with a great rack, Rose knew exactly why she decided to invite the girls to bed with her and Otis. The couple had a type, Rose loved full women with curves and Otis likes them slim with a shape. Which made Tamara and Riley perfect. Tamara started grinding faster and harder on Rose’s pussy, Tamara’s pussy was so fat and gushy. Rose had to know what she taste like so she lick her two fingers that were submerged in Tamara’s clit.”Go head and cum for me sexy” Rose whispered in her ear, she heard Otis let out a deep moan. Riley had Otis’ dick deep down in her throat and Otis toes were gripping the carpeted floor. Rose and Otis caught each others eye. Otis raised Riley’s chin, with his eyes still locked with Rose. He pulled Riley on top of him and stuffed his dick inside of her. “mmmmm championship dick” said Riley. Rose smiled at Otis and watched Riley toss her head back and bounce on her husbands dick. Rose slapped Tamara’s pussy and told her to mount her husbands face. 

Rose played pulled out her vibrating finger ring and played with her pearl as she watched Tamara and Riley ride her huband into exactsy. Once she made herself cum she finally walked over to the bed where he now had tamara on all fours and she nibbling on Rileys pussy. She planted her pussy right on top of Riley’s yearning tongue and leaned forward to kiss Otis. The room grew steamy by the moment. Between the slurping, smacking, and moaning Rose was near her breaking point. Tamara lifted her head to suck on Roses’ nipples. This had to be one of their best sunday sessions. Riley smacked Roses’ ass sending a spark up her back and a tingle to her breast “Fuck! I’m bout to cum daddy”. Otis pulled out of Tamara, slipped out the penis ring and grabbed his wife with haste, picked her up and slammed her back againsnt the nearest wall. He pounded into his wifes pussy steadily and fast causing her to yell out his name over and over again. “ I love it when you beat this pussy up! Yes! Yes! Yes! Take this nut” As Rose legs begin to shake uncontrollaby and her breathe shorten. Otis could feel himself reaching a peak “Give it to me right now!”. Otis knees begin to weaken causing him to lower himself and Rose to the floor. Rose couldnt take any more dick “It’s yours! it’s yours!” Rose called out as she rode his dick back and forth. They both came together, Rose collapsing on top of Otis. It seemed to be a dominio affect as moments later she could hear Tamara and Riley moaning and climaxing together. Out of energy all Rose could do was smiled agaisnt her husbands chest with delight and think “Mission accomplished”.

[vmyselfandi]