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I wish I woke up tomorrow in a world where I don't have to see a single AI generated image ever again

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Find You There by XIXA has MAJOR The Man In Black vibes. The fact that it came on while I was still heavily recovering from today's episode??? well that's just luck baby (bad bad luck)

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No kings

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The very real panic in Sam's voice while telling the kid to not take the beer is cracking me up

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happy birthday to my best friend grey 🐇🩵🫂🛌

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this camera pan alone deserves an emmy

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shocked i havent seen someone else post this moment yet

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It’s a common misconception that there are no wizards in the midwest USA. The truth is there are plenty, they just use their powers exclusively for making new and fucked up kinds of salad

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Hang on, are you telling me THIS is the ship that came to pick up Suvi at Port Talon too??!????? And Suvi still managed to stand up to Steel?!

Suvi, my beloved, you’re so brave, I’m sorry for ever doubting you

Seriously, though, never have I EVER clenched my butt so hard at a lore dump.

Plus, the Citadel has me in a chokehold right now, so I’m only allowed to make propaganda art 😶😶

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It is November of 1893. You have just killed a vampire. Exhausted and worn, you close your eyes and rest.

You wake up. It is May of 1893. You are on a train en route to Transylvania. Your diary says you have had queer dreams lately.

You try to believe it.

(An old woman puts a rosary in your hands. You accept it without question.)

You are a guest in a castle you have never been in before (you recognize every hallway and know without trying that every door is locked). Your host is a man you have never met before (you killed him you killed him you killed him he had turned to dust and there was blood on the snow).

One morning you cut yourself while shaving.

There is nobody behind you in the pocket mirror’s reflection.

You turn fast, and the razor is like a Kukri knife in your hand.

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Pirate Terms and Phrases

-> Pirate Lingo

-> A Pirate's Glossary

Batten Down The Hatches - tie everything down and put stuff away for a coming storm.

Brig - a prison on a ship.

Bring a Spring Upon 'er - turn the ship in a different direction

Broadside - the most vulnerable angle of a ship that runs the length of the boat.

Cutlass - a thick, heavy and rather short sword blade.

Dance with Jack Ketch - to hang; death at the hands of the law (Jack Ketch was a famed English executioner).

Davy Jones's Locker - a mythical place at the bottom of the ocean where drowned sailors are said to go.

Dead Men Tell No Tales - the reason given for leaving no survivors.

Flogging - severe beating of a person.

Gangplank - removable ramp between the pier and ship.

Give No Quarter - show no mercy.

Jack - flag flown at the front of the ship to show nationality.

Jolly Roger - black pirate flag with a white skull and crossbones.

Keelhaul - a punishment where someone is dragged under the ship. They are cut by the planks and barnacles on the bottom of the ship.

Landlubber - an inexperienced or clumsy person who doesn't have any sailing skills.

Letters of Marque - government-issued letters allowing privateers the right to piracy of another ship during wartime.

Man-O-War - a pirate ship that is decked out and prepared for battle.

Maroon - to leave someone stranded on a. deserted island with no supplies, typically a punishment for any crew members who disrespected the captain.

Mutiny - a situation in which the crew chooses a new captain, sometimes by forcibly removing the old one.

No Prey, No Pay - a common pirate law that meant crew members were not paid, but rather received a share of whatever loot was taken.

Old Salt - experienced pirate or sailor.

Pillage - to steal/rob a place using violence.

Powder Monkeys - men that performed the most dangerous work on the ship. They were treated harshly, rarely paid, and were expendable.

Privateer - government-appointed pirates.

Run A Shot Across the Bow - fire a warning shot at another boat's Captain.

Scurvy - a disease caused by Vitamin C Deficiency.

Sea Legs - when a sailor adjusts his balance from riding on a boat for a long time.

Strike Colors - lower a ship's flag to indicate surrender.

Weigh Anchor and Hoist the Mizzen - an order to the crew to pull up the anchor and get the ship sailing.

If you like what I do and want to support me, please consider buying me a coffee! I also offer editing services and other writing advice on my Ko-fi! Become a member to receive exclusive content, early access, and prioritized writing prompt requests.

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Hello, would you be able to post tips on how to start a pirate au? This is my first time making one.

【 Hi! My tip for any au (or any story, really) is simply research. It’s important to understand the dynamics and realism. So I put together some pirate knowledge for you! I’ll probably make more posts on this soon. I’m thinking pirate terms, ship terms, common weapons, things like that. If you’d be interested, let me know. Hope this helps, and good luck on your story (: 】

The Pirate Life

warnings: violence

✶

↳ Drinks

⇝ portable drinking water was hard to come by so many ships carried an abundance of wine, beer, and rum

⇝ a famous mariner drink is grog (sugar-water, lime juice, and rum) which was known to prevent scurvy

⇝ another is bombo/bumboo (sugar-water, nutmeg, and rum) or rumfustian (water, raw eggs, sherry, gin, beer)

↳ Eye Patches

⇝ not only worn because someone lost an eye

⇝ worn to keep one eye adjusted to darkness

⇝ when fighting/raiding below deck they could switch the eye patch instead of waiting for vision to adjust

↳ Flags

⇝ not all pirate flags were black with a skull and crossbones

⇝ most pirate flags were plainly black or red (completely red flags were known as the most aggressive)

⇝ if there were designs, many adorned hourglasses to represent the inevitability of death

↳ Freetime

⇝ when not working, pirates often played cards or dice (although, gambling was against the rules on some ships), sang, danced, partied, etc.

⇝ stopping at ports was a fairly regular occurrence so they could take a break from the harsh sea to sell goods, repair the ship, and of course find women

↳ Life of Crime

⇝ sure, some people became pirates for the life of crime, but the overwhelming majority were simply sailors who abandoned their jobs due to horrendous working conditions

⇝ pirates were treated far better by their captains than navy men

⇝ there were even periods of time where pirating wasn’t illegal — governments would enlist pirates during wartime to plunder enemy ships. these pirates were labeled ‘privateers’ and legally allowed to operate under ‘letters of marque’ which basically made them military contractors

↳ Longevity

⇝ pirate careers were a few years long tops (even the famous blackbeard only lasted two years)

⇝ many were killed or injured especially because medical facilities were practically nonexistent

↳ Positions

⇝ well-run ships had a clear division of labor

⇝ positions included captain, quartermaster, boatswain, carpenter, cooper, gunner, navigator, etc.

⇝ the captain had absolute command during battle and chose where/when to go somewhere

⇝ the quartermaster oversaw ship operations and divided the loot

⇝ pirates were not as chaotic as media portrays — they were actually quite democratic

⇝ but the illusion of being brutal would be beneficial for plundering as the possibility of surrender was increased

⇝ most pirates were illiterate, but there were quite a few who actually came from higher social classes

↳ Raids

⇝ looting gold/silver was much less common than looting supplies (food, drink, candles, navigational tools, repairing equipment, medicine, etc.)

⇝ most pirates didn’t want to kill people — they would steal the goods and leave the crew (or let the crew join them) especially because the bounties weren’t usually worth it

↳ Rules

⇝ most pirate ships took their rules very seriously, with punishments being severe

⇝ common rules were against lying, stealing amongst themselves, fighting on board, gambling, etc.

⇝ walking the plank was not a common punishment (it actually rarely ever happened) — punishments were usually flogging, dunking, tying to the mast, hanging, marooning, or keelhauling

✶

Famous Pirates to Check Out for Motivation: Stede Bonnet, Anne Bonny, Francis Drake, Calico Jack, William Kidd, Henry Morgan, Mary Read, Bartholomew Roberts, Edward Teach (Blackbeard)

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Muppets Treasure Island Sentence Starters

~Feel free to tweak as needed~

"There are hungers as strong as the wind and tides."

"Those buccaneers drowned their sins in rum. The devil himself would have to call them scum."

"Every man aboard would have killed his mate for a bag of guineas or a piece of eight."

"When there's money in the ground, there's murder in the air."

"There are secrets that sleep with old Davey Jones."

"When the mainsail's set and the anchor's weighed, there's no turning back from any course that's laid."

"Who has the map now, huh? Some black-hearted, squid-suckin' buccaneer?"

"If I had that treasure map, I'd be trading it for a decent meal."

"Oh, you're drunk again, are ya?"

"I should just run off to sea like my father did."

"I feel like the world is passing me by."

"If it's weird and wild, let's go find it. The crazier, the better is what I say!"

"I got the horrors! Give me rum! Rum 'til I float!"

"Ah, I'd know that scurvy mug of yours anywhere."

"You thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Just take it all for yourself... and leave your shipmates with nothing."

"I don't understand. What is the Black Spot?"

"It's my sea chest them lubbers want."

"It's mine! I'm going for that treasure myself!"

"Me own shipmates, they'll gully me for sure! And anybody else to get their mitts on that map!"

"Now we know that is definitely too much gunpowder."

"We need a ship for an ocean voyage."

"The ship is provisioned, the crew is in place, and the captain should be on board within the hour."

"I'm afraid we shish-kebab and barbeque stowaways on this ship."

"Oh, you needn't be callin' a lowly ship's cook 'sir'"

“A friend you can trust is worth his weight in gold."

"Move aside! Make way! Make ready for the captain! Lollygaggers will suffer his wrath!"

"Well, the wind seems to be freshening. The tide is with us."

"Let's not get sloppy just because we're singing."

"Every storm we ride is its own reward."

"Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains, and scoundrels I have ever seen!"

"'Tis a tradition for the officers to toast to the success of a voyage."

"You could sail to heaven and back with these men."

"Moonlight swim?"

"Tell us where the map is or we'll tear you limb from limb!"

"Cabin fever has ravaged all aboard."

"By rights, I should be locked up too for lettin' thieves like them aboard this ship."

"I'm not really sure I should be talking about this with you or with anyone."

"The caulking appears tight. No dampness under the gunwale. This one seems seaworthy."

"And so, my friends, the sea has claimed another loyal officer and friend."

"It makes me sick at heart to sail with the likes of you."

"Bring her up hard of starboard, helmsman. Prepare to lower the longboats."

"I want you to take the crew ashore at once. We need water and provisions. Take as long as you want."

"There's room in the boat for one more. Come along for an adventure."

"It's how you look at buccaneers that makes them bad or good, and I see us as members of a noble brotherhood.”

"You mewling little lily-livered, toffee-hearted, little wuss of a crustacean!"

"You tore a page from the Holy Scriptures... to make a pirate's death sentence?"

"Of all the backwater, no-class piles of sand in the ocean, you had to wash up on mine."

"Well, he was a pirate, I was a lady. You know the story."

"You know, I'm beginning to see a pattern in the men I date."

"No one maroons me and gets away with it!"

"I could never harm you. You're honest, brave, and true."

"Now take your oars and row away. I never want to see you again, ever."

"Your father would be proud."

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okay, i will ask you stuff then! i'll ask you anything if it means you will let me keep talking to you :)

always ask :) I love to answer

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Sam Reich licensing "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal in Earnest-est.