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Leafy (wattpad-y bad rpf)

Hi my first name is Leafy, and I'm 25 and autistic. I still live with my mom in Georgia because I try to get a job but always fumble at the interview stage. I also love BFDI and have since 2010, because I was one of the original BFDI voters. I know I probably wasn't supposed to have a youtube account when I was 10 but shut up.

One day I was excited because it was Friday and I was going to go to Miller's Ale House. I put my hair up in a messy bun and added my BFDI hat and BEEP shirt from BFB. I like BEEP because it was Leafy's original team. I actually have all the BFB team shirts but I only wear the beep one because the others are too hard to explain.

I was dancing in front of the mirror, it was 9:39 AM. Then my mom called. "Leafy!" she said.

I scampered up to her. "What is it?"

"I have some awful news for you. You are going to have to leave the country. This administration has put me out of a job, and I can't risk having you around with what you say in your Discord."

I started crying. "But... how would he even know that?"

"He has ways. I saw them firsthand."

"I can't... I don't have a job either."

"Don't worry," Mom said. "I am sending you to Ireland to live with someone who can support you."

"Oh do I have family there?" We went to Ireland once, and my mom looked for our surname on the displays at the Cliffs of Moher.

"No, but you'll like her. She likes BFDI, too. And - she's one of the original haters of our president."

"Okay, I'm going to give her a chance," I said reluctantly.

Just then, a car pulled up to my driveway.

"She's here," said Mom. "Go outside and meet your new best friend." She giggled.

I walked outside. Whoever it was, her driver looked kind of angry. I wondered why Mom never mentioned this friend to me, and who the man was that was driving for her.

The back window rolled down, and a friendly face peeked out. I thought she looked familiar, but only when she said hello and it sounded just like that spool from BFDIA that I realized, it was Rosie O'Donnell that had come to get me.

My mind was full of questions. I had no idea how Mom was even able to send me to live with her, or why she would do it. Mom must have noticed my Evil Leafy stare because she said, "Just get in. You don't need to know anything."

I needed to know a lot of things, but I got in anyway. not wanting to run into any potential consequences of hesitating. I didn't want to say anything, so I just stared out the window, watching Georgia drift away behind me.

The driver missed a turn, and the navigation recalculated. Rosie shook her fist. "What? You missed a turn at THIS moment? Why should I have to wait?" The driver sighed, but I smiled. she just like me fr

When we got to the airport, Rosie handed me a small, T-Mobile magenta pill. I looked at it suspiciously and she said, "It's Benadryl. You don't want to have a meltdown in an airport, do you?" I smiled and took the pill.

I downloaded the airline app and pulled up my boarding pass so I'd have it ready. Rosie made it through security first (we had Clear) but I got pulled aside. I hate how they always make it sound like some kind of reward. "Randomly selected." Pff. I didn't do anything wrong. Unless they knew the contents of my Discord? Unlikely... or was it?

They took my lavender cross body bag and searched through it. There was a USB stick in it. I shivered but they didn't request I plug it into anything. I was lucky I didn't bring my laptop. Otherwise all they found was money, old receipts, etc. I suddenly remembered I had my fidget cube, and when the screening was over, I started playing with it as I walked out.

"Give Leafy back! If I lose Leafy, I'm going to be in big trou... oh, there you are."

I shook my head, knowing that yelling at people may actually slow things down in some cases, and we sat down at the gate. Rosie gave me a $10, and told me to go get some coffee or something. I stopped by a place that offered a lavender lemonade.

We boarded early because we were in first class, but I realized that I was in for a really long flight. This was going to be awful. I considered putting on my headphones and unleashing my massive playlist of Kevin MacLeod, Flash game OSTs, and Janelle Monae, but I noticed there was in-flight entertainment.

Before I could turn it on, the safety demonstration rung over the intercom, turning off my screen as well. I hate the mime that has to demonstrate it. I have been on a real airplane before, unlike Weird Al, so idgaf anyway. I also hate how the seat belt sign turning off isn't literal. Why is turbulence only an issue if you're NOT in the aisle?

Anyway the plane started taking off, and I looked for something to watch. I briefly considered A League of Their Own (the movie) because Rosie was in it but then I noticed Conclave. I was due for a rewatch anyway.

"Oh, I heard a lot about Conclave, but I haven't watched it yet," said Rosie.

"Then let's watch it together." I put on my headphones and hit play, and Rosie hit her play button at about the same time. Turns out Conclave was even better when watched after the real one happened. I still thought of Scott the Woz the first time "Archbishop Wozniak" was mentioned.

"Those Lawrence and Benitez guys need to get together already!" Rosie remarked.

"I'm pretty sure that's against a lot of Catholic rules." I giggled, being a Lawrenitez fan myself.

"Then they're stupid rules. I hope Benitez gets to be pope anyway. He deserves it."

Oh, he will. During the bombing scene, an attendant came up with the drink cart. "Are you ready to order? Remember, drinks are free on overseas flights."

"Let me get an Old Fashioned (fletcher reference), and Leafy, would you like anything to drink?"

"I want a Bloody Mary."

"Coming right up." We watched as Benitez called out Tedesco.

"Doesn't Tedesco remind you of anyone?" said Rosie.

"Scalia?"

"Close enough." She laughed heartily. The drinks came soon, and I sipped mine during the Benitez sweep. I knew he was somewhat different for a while, but I realized this may be Rosie's first time finding out.

"I just don't understand, even with the other one in 2024, I don't think someone should have to change their whole life and name and everything just because of something they didn't find out until later," Rosie remarked.

"Exactly." I smiled. "And then they call it a disorder, when it won't even disorder him in the most obvious way because cardinals don't even do that. Shows how much they really care about integrity."

We then turned on A League of Their Own. I decided to shut myself up about the Madonna yuri I thought about. In the middle of the film, the food cart came by and we asked for our meals. When mine arrived, I bit into the chicken, and I started gagging.

Rosie pat my back as I stared glassy-eyed over the tray. "There you go. It's okay to spit it out. You don't need to eat everything. I'm so sorry. We'll eat when we get there." I spat out the chicken bite and grabbed a handful of items from the snack mix bag, including the rye chips, my favorite.

After the movie finished and another drink cart came by, Rosie pinched my neck, and I turned to her. "You know, I'm not sure the election was legitimate in the first place," she wobbled. "Ever heard of Starlink?"

"I have, but... it can be trouble to believe those theories without evidence. You'll turn just as bad as they are."

"But then why would Elon keep saying he made him win?! I don't get it! They lie to us about a lot of things. Like-" Rosie hiccupped. "Do you really believe the official story about 9/11?!"

"Don't say that! We're on a plane."

An attendant rushed over. "What did you just say?"

Rosie grabbed her arm. "I'm-- You can't throw me out! We're over the ocean! And Leafy is with me. I can't let Leafy get hurt."

"Who is Leafy?!"

I decided to speak. "Please, she's not going to do anything serious, we were just discussing conspiracy theories about an event that happened. Also, she's drunk, and what you're seeing is called non-insane automatism. Like when Peter Buck said 'I am R.E.M.' on the plane. I'm so sorry about this."

Rosie released her hand. The attendant said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, but if we hear anything serious, we're coming back over, okay?"

I considered playing 101 Games in 1 on my phone, but Rosie had just passed out, so I decided to sleep as well. I didn't know why the benadryl didn't hit earlier, but I was out like a light (like a light) and hoping for no tired when I woke up at the Ireland airport.

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we have to stop moralizing the human condition and start jerking each other off while making out

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Joyce Lee Three Graces 2

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yeah i couldn’t be trusted with a penis id get hard from the way the sun shines through the leaves and everyone would hate me

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imagine making out with a robotgirl and her faceplate opens up to reveal dozens of thin wirelike tendrils that caress your face and explore your mouth, all the while sending microshocks into your brain that calm your nerves and trap you in an ecstatic trance for hours

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fucked up vampire who sucks COCKS instead of blood. ha ha. I Will Just Say Anything On This Website

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Rihanna receiving the CFDA Fashion Award (2014)

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THIS IS WHAT GOOD PUSSY SOUNDS LIKE: [GEIGER COUNTER GOES WILD]

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its honestly fucked up that i have to take a shower every day and also like, eat multiple times a day. i complain about this a lot actually. what the fuck is this reset curve that the human body is on. i want longer between intervals. this is disgusting. what do you mEAN i have to figure out dinner EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE and if its not good the meat gets SAD like jesus. christ.

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Zombie Tramp Halloween Special by Bill McKay

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La Naissance de Venus by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1879)

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Setting up two gofundmes at the same time one for top surgery and one for breast implants and im gonna get the surgery that gets its goal funded first. #teamflats vs #teambigunnaturals

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she may not be a lesbian in canon, but she is a lesbian in my heart