personal life/rant bloglots of sad stuff here probably lmao
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genuinely incredible how hard it hits.
#no wonder i wanted to kms. this shit sucks!#been deeply and incredibly depressed the past week or two#first time in a couple years at least#doesn't help that i don't talk to many people where i'm living rn!!!! very alone with nothing to do
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made a realisation that if you have one awkward interaction no one actually cares and you don't have to like. kill yourself. do other people know about this
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Life doesn’t end at 23. 30 isn’t old. Fetishising youth as the ultimate desirable characteristic in a person is actively harmful to both young and old people. Some of us lost our teenage years to abuse and recovery, and can only begin living when we’re at a different life stage. Literally knock it off, the lot of you.
#literally in high school i thought i wouldn't live past 22#thought that pretty much until i turned 22#wacky days
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after a suicide attempt in 2016
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also i'm realizing we're almost at the 10 year anniversary of the first time i almost [redacted] so that's hitting kind of hard
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diversity win! mac sends 1am email to professor saying he's too depressed to do any work and needs an extension
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ever think about putting yourself in the hospital just so you can avoid doing the shit ton of work you have due
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yeah so this past couple months have been the worst in a while. new Symptoms have popped up. meaning like i just stopped kind of caring about everything for awhile????? literally the first couple weeks of school i just did absolutely nothing. didn't go to class or anything and just kinda like???? didn't care???? and i kept telling myself that It Wasn't Symptoms because i didn't feel like,,,,,,sad. but yeah now i feel like i'm crashing really fast and really bad and idk what to do
#past month has just kinda felt like a waking dream#head feels heavy#really wanna drop out but don't know what i would do#or where i would go
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yesterday ended up being okay, got to hang out with chauncy in the evening and we had a lot of fun
happy birthday
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happy birthday
#maybe today will be good#however i did wake up feeling mildly s**cidal for the first time in awhile
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no my friend, you don't have a crush. you have serious attachment issues and someone is giving you attention.
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ever think about putting yourself in the hospital just so you can avoid doing the shit ton of work you have due
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love you
#this is so fucking hard#everything is hard tonight#i want to love so badly#i want to be able to love correctly and without fear
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i can't do this i can't do this i can't do this i can't
#literally am spiraling tonight and i have no idea why#overthinking everything#not close enough to friends#don't talk to anyone#not gonna be able to love anyone correctly#so much work to do next week#don't want to do this
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