wavesoffate

[wavesoffate]

The mess continues but is almost at an end:

Somehow they decided to keep being the district they were despite how hard the ceo has tried to sell it off. I got a joke of an offer with no salary discussed…. I’d still been interviewing though. 15 applications went out, 6 interviews were had… and once this next week is over, I don’t have to deal with that crap anymore. New district, new content, 1000000 new fears. Still.. maybe the change will be good. I’ll update once I start in the new district, we’ll see if I ever get enough mental capacity back to write again.

[wavesoffate]

SOO HAVE A FUCKIN UPDATE (that no one will read)

The other school district we were supposed to consolidate with… withdrew that application…. Is now considering just outright buying the buildings.. and maybe, just maybe they’ll give the elementary 1 more year even though they’ll own the building. Mind you.. I teach 5-7th grade, they’re considering putting 5th back into the elementary school but for just one year… and that doesn’t mean that they’d pull any of us down from the middle school to do 5th. Now… all that information comes from the other district’s board meeting, not a word from our district. Not a person has been offered their job back, most of us are still struggling and scrambling to try and find something else because we’re more than likely out of a job. But we can’t know for sure yet because our district hasn’t even told us this… and the other has to have a workshop meeting and decide. I’ve submitted about 10-12 applications now, had 2 interviews, gotten one no… 2 more interviews this week.. I’m just hoping for a job so I can get some semblance of my sanity back because I am completely falling apart.

[wavesoffate]

And what will probably be my last ooc pop up update for a while:

Our school board voted, is consolidating into another and all 80+ of us were put out of jobs. My friend is already getting offers and she’ll be totally fine. I’ve put in 4 or 5 applications so far and now I’m just waiting and hoping for anything. I don’t want to leave being a classroom teacher even with a special education endorsement so I’m slightly less marketable right now. So, yeah. Mental capacity to do anything but panic? Nonexistent.

[wavesoffate]

Another of my random pop-ins to update on my existence….

Yay for living in the south and being a part of the lovely four days of storms and tornados that have been going around. (I’m almost 30 but convinced I’m gonna have to live with my parents or find a man cause I cannot be left alone. I took had to be woken up for tornado sirens cause I was sleeping straight through them.) It’s still flooded here to the point that I don’t have work tomorrow and there was a guy on a jet ski on the highway.

In terms of other news, my yearly fear of not getting my job back have escalated because we can’t go a year without some kind of drastic change and this is the biggest change ever and we might all have to find new jobs (mind you, it’s April and none of us know. But hey, they have until halfway through May to tell us cause that gives us soooo much time to find something else.) so yeah, that makes me wanna throw up. Almost done with this endorsement program, been too preoccupied to check to see if the score for my test ever posted.. cause last I checked it still hadn’t. Basically, I’m a mess, things are not great but at least I can sleep in tomorrow. Annnndddddd… that’s all. I’ll pop back up when I know more about my job for my two supporters xD ✌🏻

[wavesoffate]

Really well and truly at the point where I don’t know when or if I’ll be back on here. I am barely keeping my irl existence afloat as it is and while the distraction is nice, I just don’t have the brain power. So, in case I don’t come back on here or people aren’t around for any comeback that could happen… it’s been great, thank you for helping me stay sane, yall have no idea what you’ve helped me through with your friendship and great writing. I will make it a goal to pop up in a couple months for anyone that cares to know if I’ll get a contract to keep teaching next year. I never feel like I’m going to but this year is extra xD after that, we’ll see but.. I do wanna be able to share that news whether good or bad since people have been around literally since I was still just a substitute (…and that was like 4 years ago… rip) anyway… for now, I’m just gonna be trying to preserve what’s left of my sanity. My discord will be open for anyone if they want it, I do still like talking to people sometimes. Stay warm and well in these nasty times, ✌🏻

[wavesoffate]

@mhaybank sent: "Let's go home." @ kie (post kitty hawk)

“can’t…” kie doesn’t bother looking up, the waves are the only soothing thing around her now. “and if i go with you, you know they’ll just try to send me back.” her parents are trying so hard to control her while they still can.

[wavesoffate]

@mhaybank sent: "Let's go home." @ sarah

the blonde isn’t sure she even remembers walking back out to her old family dock, at least what was left of it after the druthers explosion. its not even until jj speaks that she really processes where she is. “home?” sarah echos the word like she’s still in a daze before finally pulling her gaze away from the water and towards jj. “how’d you know where to go?”

[wavesoffate]

PROMPTS FOR CARRYING/BEING CARRIED *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

all right! up you get!

i'm going to carry you, of course.

stop squirming! i'm losing my grip on you!

you're safe in my arms.

can you walk on it?

maybe i need to carry you there.

i don't want to be carried.

no! i can walk just fine by myself!

you're a lot lighter than i expected.

falling asleep in my arms, are we?

how long was i out?

have you been carrying me this whole time?

i don't remember being picked up.

this was your master plan all along, wasn't it.

have i been sleeping this whole time?

no! put me down!

can you at least be a bit more gentle when you lift me?

i could get used to this.

if you need a break, you can set me down.

you pretended to twist your ankle just so i would carry you.

i didn't ask you to carry me.

you're quite handsome at this angle.

if i'm not careful, you'll ask to be carried everywhere.

are you comfortable like this? i can switch arms.

could you put me down?

ow! that hurts when you move like that!

you can put me down right here.

just lay me down over there.

please don't tell anybody you did this.

if they find out i let someone carry me, i'm dead.

well, this is a bit awkward.

you're very warm, you know.

you smell nice.

you can go to sleep if you'd like. it's okay.

let me get you somewhere safe.

oh no. i'm not climbing on your back.

just stay quiet. i've got you.

you look rather beautiful all curled up in my arms.

i don't think i can walk that far.

we will never speak of this arrangement again.

just tell them i hurt my leg.

stop smiling down at me!

apparently my shoulder makes for a good pillow.

would you do me a favor and pick me up?

i'm not sure i can walk all the way.

i appreciate you helping me out in this way.

stop smirking at me. i see you.

no, i don't like this! i'm humiliated!

i won't let anything happen to you here.

do you do this often? twist your ankle just to make someone else carry you?

how about a piggyback ride?

[wavesoffate]

Send "Let's go home." to find my muse out in the rain, alone and freezing

[wavesoffate]

the tortured poets department sentence starters.

i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

my husband is cheating. i wanna kill him.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be. 'cause we're crazy.

who else is gonna know me?

i should've known it was a matter of time.

we could've played for keeps this time.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

he told me i'm better off, but i'm not.

fuck it if i can't have him.

i might just die, it would make no difference.

fuck it if i can't have us.

'cause fuck it, i was in love.

i stopped trying to make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?

you swore you love me, but where were the clues?

i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.

i forget if this was ever fun.

no, i'm not coming to my sense.

i know he's crazy, but he's the one i want.

i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.

i'll tell you something about my good name - it's mine alone to disgrace.

you ain't gotta pray for me.

no, you can't come to the wedding.

it's gonna be alright, i did my time.

i will never lose my baby again.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake.

they said i was a cheat. i guess it must be true.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

tell me i'm dispicable, say it's unforgivable.

am i allowed to cry?

i keep recalling things we never did.

someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts.

if it's make-believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

they're gonna crucify me anyway.

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

you don't get to tell me about "sad."

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.

who's afraid of little old me?

at all costs, keep your good name.

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?

say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong.

you caged me, and then you called me crazy.

i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him. no really, i can.

come close, i'll show you heaven.

trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man.

you said i'm the love of your life.

well, you took me to hell, too.

what we thought was for all time was momentary.

are they second-hand embarrassed that i can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?

you're the loss of my life.

i can handle my shit.

he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short.

i can do it with a broken heart.

i'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.

i cry a lot, but i am so productive. it's an art.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i'm sure i can pass this test.

they said, "babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and i did.

'cause i'm miserable! and nobody even knows!

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

they just ghosted you. now you know what it feels like.

i don't even want you back.

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside.

i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.

i haven't come around in so long, but i'm making a comeback to where i belong.

this town is fake, but you're the real thing.

the crown is stained, but you're the real queen.

you're the new god we're worshipping.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

[wavesoffate]

they are obx. carried the whole show. And this damned season. my cameron siblings :(

[wavesoffate]

&. 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝, 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  you  know  that  dynamic  of  the  emotionally  closed  off  one  &  the  kind  one  they  have  a  soft  spot  for?  yeah,  that’s  the  vibe.  )

said from the lone wolf.

❛ you think you know me, but the truth is, you don’t. ❜

❛ going home isn’t an option anymore. ❜

❛ i’m fine. there’s nothing for you to worry about. ❜ 

❛ do you wish i was different? ❜ 

❛ i just, i don’t want anything bad to happen to you. ❜ 

❛ you deserve better than what you’ve got. ❜

❛ i guess we both lost something we were fond of. ❜ 

❛ i’m not leaving you out here alone. ❜ 

❛ you don’t have to keep me company, i’m fine by myself. ❜ 

❛ coming here to see you is the only place i could go. ❜

❛ i’m afraid of losing you, okay? ❜ 

❛ i know you probably hate me right now, and i get it. ❜

❛ what is with your weird fascination with me? ❜ 

❛ yeah, you keep on telling yourself that bullshit. ❜ 

❛ i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, i just have a lot on my plate. ❜ 

❛ you’re lucky you got away with only a scratch. ❜ 

❛ if i could be a different person, i promise you, i would be. ❜

❛ people like us don’t get to decide when we’re done. ❜

❛ i’ve never had anything good happen to me when i trusted others. ❜

❛ you won’t survive out there. they tear all good things apart. ❜

❛ i don’t know what’s the truth or what’s a lie anymore. ❜ 

❛ you got guts, i’ll give you that. ❜ 

❛ the more you know, the shorter your life will be. ❜ 

❛ for the first time in years, i felt something that i thought had been lost to me. ❜ 

❛ what you think you’re going through is nothing to what i have been through. ❜ 

said from the soft spot. 

❛ you’re not as bad as everyone says you are. ❜

❛ how is it that you’re never scared? ❜

❛ you think i’m weak because i’m not like you. ❜

❛ you wanted to be left alone, right? ❜ 

❛ how do you make the pain go away? ❜

❛ you shouldn’t smoke, you know. ❜

❛ destroy what is destroying you. ❜

❛ i hope you find the peace you’re searching for. ❜

❛ you know my door is always open to you. ❜

❛ i look at you and my heart breaks because all i see is loneliness. ❜

❛ you’re avoiding the subject and you know it. what are you hiding from me? ❜ 

❛ you’re not at war anymore, you can come home. ❜

❛ it feels like you’ve been avoiding me. ❜

❛ what are you so afraid of? ❜

❛ you shouldn’t be out here by yourself. ❜ 

❛ why do you care? you could have just walked away. ❜ 

❛ i know you. how else do you think i found you so easily? ❜

❛ if it was the other way around, would you have come back for me? ❜ 

❛ i just thought you’d like some company. ❜ 

❛ are you jealous? want me all to yourself, do you? ❜

❛ i knew you had a heart. ❜ 

❛ can you look at me? please? ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ if you won’t take care of yourself, then who will? ❜

❛ you have something beautiful inside of you. it’s hard for some people to tell, but it’s there. ❜

[wavesoffate]

@mhaybank sent: ❛ just breathe through it. it gets easier. ❜ @ jessie

“right..” it isn’t that panic attacks are new to her, it’s that she hasn’t had one in a while. not since she realized her dad wasn’t coming back to get her. “it’s not like it’s a big deal. long lost siblings are like a thing, it’s normal.” but why would john b accept that she was his sister? if he was raised like her, he would question and investigate everything.

[wavesoffate]

@mhaybank sent: ❛ don’t shut me out like this. ❜ @ sarah

“im not trying to..” maybe she is, sarah doesn’t even know anymore. everyone she cares about either dies or ends up hating her, there’s only so much of that she can take.. and she’s long past that threshold. “there’s just nothing you can do to help with this. rose is like rafe and doesn’t want to listen to me. talking isn’t going to fix it.”

[wavesoffate]

@mhaybank sent: ❛ are you going to leave me again? ❜ @ kie

“im not the one who walks away, jayj.” kie gets angry at him and storms off, yes, but she’s never been the one to walk away from their relationship. he was the one who said they’d never work to begin with. “what do you want me to do?”

[wavesoffate]

&. 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  we  love  angst  on  this  blog,  what  can  we  say.  here’s  some  more  dialogue  prompts  for  you.  a  warning  for  potentially  triggering  themes  below.  )

❛ everything you touch, you ruin. ❜

❛ the only one who gets to kill you, is me. ❜

❛ you can’t make me disappear. ❜

❛ memories are only there to make you bleed. ❜

❛ i don’t need your permission. ❜

❛ don’t shut me out like this. ❜

❛ the less you know, the better. ❜

❛ i won’t stop killing until you kill me. ❜

❛ why is it whenever we see each other, you’re covered in blood? ❜

❛ you think i felt something for you? you’ve forgotten what i am. ❜

❛ the last time we talked, didn’t you say you wanted to kill me? ❜

❛ i felt something loosen in me that shouldn’t have been loosened. ❜

❛ pull yourself together. we have work to do. ❜

❛ stay back, i have a demon inside of me. ❜

❛ let me get closer, i have a hell inside of me where your demon can live. ❜

❛ people like that don’t deserve to live. ❜

❛ just do what you’re told. like you always do. ❜

❛ why do you have to make everyone hate you? ❜

❛ it’s better that you don’t get involved. ❜

❛ i’d do anything to make you stay. ❜

❛ who cares if it bleeds. ❜

❛ is this what you think love is? ❜

❛ just breathe through it. it gets easier. ❜

❛ don’t pretend that you cared about me. ❜

❛ i’m starting to think you like wasting my time. ❜

❛ we wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for me. ❜

❛ i will never, ever, give you a moment’s peace. ❜

❛ the world doesn’t hate us. but it doesn’t love us either. ❜

❛ it hurts that you still can’t trust me after all this time. ❜

❛ a darkness with voices is better than a silent void. ❜

❛ it’s safer to be feared, than loved. ❜

❛ am i not good enough for you? ❜

❛ a burnt child loves the fire. ❜

❛ i’m tired of dying. ❜

❛ what if you hurt because it feels good? ❜

❛ don’t try to fix me, i’m not broken. ❜

❛ if you want me to die, you can just say so. ❜

❛ you don’t have to be afraid of who you are. ❜

❛ that line disappears once you cross it. ❜

❛ how can i believe you after all you’ve done? ❜

❛ i won’t let you forget about me. ❜

❛ the person you once knew me as, died. ❜

❛ are you going to leave me again? ❜

❛ i have nothing i could offer you. ❜

❛ no one is going to save you. no one can. ❜

❛ maybe you’re / i’m already dead. ❜ 

❛ you have blood on your hands. ❜

❛ what, can’t take a punch? ❜

❛ i’m your mind giving you someone to talk to. ❜

❛ you have to step out of this darkness and let them see you for who you are, like i have. ❜

[wavesoffate]

@mhaybank sent: ❛ i'm not drunk enough for this. ❜ @ kie

“you have to be drunk to have a real conversation with me?” this is one of the only things that still scares kie when it comes to jj, the refusal to be completely open with her. “im just asking what you want this to be… that’s all.”