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Superman dir. James Gunn | 2025

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When i catch u DC....when i catch u

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Clark: Bruce, you need to have more.

Bruce: More what?

Clark: More kids.

Bruce: Why?

Clark, keeping very still as a criminally adorable 12 year old Dick Grayson, wearing his Superman pj's, snores softly in his arms after their monthly Star Wars marathon: Why, to help you fight more crime, of course.

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When you're so happy seeing your batboy you accidentally took him off ground.

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Okay, hear me out. Clark being a very expressive person and doing his best to control his face when in uniform, but occasionally getting caught on camera and people loving it.

Superman touches down in the center of a protest close to turning into a brawl. He only showed up because the shouting was so loud, but now that he’s on the ground he can see what the protest is for.

“Repent now! Free yourselves from the demons of homosexual sin!”

It’s a disgusting extremist group he’s had to save before because, for some reason, they keep sending 10 people to picket LGBT-friendly businesses knowing hundreds of counter protesters will show up. And Metropolis is no Gotham, but citizens here don’t play around—not about this, and certainly not about the ass whooping they give these fuckers whenever they show up. Superman keeps saving them to make sure nobody catches a charge for maiming or killing them.

He has to step in yet again, and he’s just had it. Had it.

He realizes he’s making a face and shifts to a blank expression before stepping in. He thinks superspeed will save him, but someone catches a video and posts it in slow motion. The top comment?

“Bro…Super side eye 😂 Super bombastic side eye. Super criminal offensive side eye!”

Superman’s participating in a Justice League press conference following an international incident. Well, more like an 11th hour save that prevented global nuclear war. As it turns out, LexCorp may have sold weapons to all three countries involved and then fed their leaders false intelligence in hopes that they would use the bombs. The goal? A test run. The League had stepped in and diverted a missile seconds away from leveling a city of millions. Now? The US government, the UN, and multiple news outlets have questions.

A reporter in the front row stands. “What can you tell us about the bomb?”

“I mean…it was a bomb,” Hal responds. “It was explosive.”

And Superman tries—I mean, he really tries—to keep a straight face. Batman taps his knee under the table to remind him to keep a straight face, and he’s doing his damnedest. It slips.

A Tweet goes viral the next day. Someone saw what looked like a glitch and slowed down the video. All of the commenters agree that Superman thinks Green Lantern is a fundamentally unserious person.

Kryptonite is fucking awful all the time, but it’s the worst when Clark is awake to feel it. First and foremost, it hurts like hell. He’d prefer that whatever meteor-laced weapon Luthor uses knocks him out. Secondly, he’s even less in control of his face after kryptonite exposure. His senses are dulled, his powers are dampened, and he lacks any semblance of chill.

Batman pulls the last shard of kryptonite out of Superman’s chest and tucks it into a lead-lined pouch on his belt, then holds his hand out to help his friend up. When the injured man doesn’t move, Batman grins.

“Need a minute?”

Clark is in pain and just had open-heart surgery on the ground in the middle of a pile of rubble, so pardon him for wanting damn a minute to regroup. He doesn’t say that, though. He tries to glare up at his friend, but it looks more like pouting.

Once again, some lucky photographer catches Superman’s expression. No slow-mo needed this time. The consensus on the internet is that he looked like an angry baby. Adorable, but so very, very upset.

Superman’s just having a bad day, okay? A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, damnit-Lex-stop-inventing-deadly-things day. He’s just finished putting out a metaphorical fire when an actual one starts at LexCorp’s downtown headquarters. The cause? A chemical explosion.

An onlooker who’s filming a TikTok just happens to catch him when he arrives on scene. He’s not even trying to fix his face this time.

#SuperOverIt trends for a week.

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Superman 2 Prediction

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

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Trinity platonic bedsharing can actually be SO personal—

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i’m going to bed, can y’all watch him for me ??

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Tim, sweating: maybe Bruce won’t notice if I just show up

Bruce: wait….Alfred, do I have five or six kids?

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does he know he can close his legs sometimes or

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #29

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based on this text post https://incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes.tumblr.com/post/173899669003/tony-i-have-been-building-caps-trust-for-years

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conversations overheard on the batkid com lines pt 12 (league days 3) masterpost here

Dick: ok do another one, do another one.

Damian: *grunt* *the sound of fists hitting faces* i just did one- *yelp* aren't you guys taking down a cartel tonight?!

Tim: yeah but we're just waiting around for things to kick off right now, come on, give us another one.

Damian: god- fine, hold on. *the metal shlink of a katana being unsheathed*

Jason: *snorts*

Tim: he's so nice to us...

*distant screams*

Dick: you are so, so lucky that B's on bed rest tonight Robin. so lucky.

Damian, strained: yeah, well, tonight i'm not Batman's Robin, i'm Red Hood's, and Red Hood's Robin gets shit done faster.

Jason: atta-fuckin'-boy. i found the files in the back room by the way, just let me know if you need help.

*a scream* *a metal shlink*

Jason: although you sound to be doing fine.

Damian: *sigh* alright done. ok... it's loading a card.

Tim: i swear to god, i'm going to fucking ace this one.

Dick: yeah, well you said that last round.

Tim: I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

Jason: *snickers*

Damian: alright. ready?

Dick: bring it on, kiddo.

Damian: 'apart from my father, there is one other member of the bat-community that i am biologically related to. that person... is Duke Thomas.'

Jason: oh this is gonna be awesome

Dick: *sputters* S O R R Y?

Damian: *sigh* well i suppose that's one way for it to come out.

Tim: there is NO GODDAMN WAY- HE'S BLACK.

Damian: and you think i'm white? don't be racist, Red Robin.

Tim: I JUST MEAN- there is no goddamn way. absolutely not. this is a nay, it's a lie. we'd know.

Damian: fine. is that your final answer?

*silence*

Tim: ...for the sake of the game. explain.

Dick: *laughs* *deliriously* this is ridiculous...

Damian: ...so... as you all know... Duke's mother is Elaine Thomas and his step-father is Doug Thomas, while his biological father was the criminal known as Gnomon.

Tim, begrudging: mhm.

Damian: but what was kept hidden from you is that shortly before Duke was born, Gnomon was an associate of the league of assassins, and was a close associate of my grandfather.

Tim: ok there is no goddamn way- why would Ra's care about Gnomon?!

Damian: how small-minded are you, Drake? Gnomon is an immortal entity, hundreds, perhaps thousands of years old. are you stupid enough to believe that my immortality obsessed grandfather couldn't have met Gnomon at some point in his life and decided to keep in contact so he could combine their knowledge for his own gain at some point in the future?

Dick: ...alright shit he has a point.

Tim: NO HE FUCKING DOESN'T? HOW DOES GNOMON BEING FRIENDS WITH RA'S EXPLAIN HIM AND DUKE BEING RELATED?

Damian: well-, oh, shit. There are more men approaching the warehouse, Hood.

Jason, gleeful: nah nah, you stay inside and keep answering questions, i got this.

*gunshots* *distant yells and screams of pain*

Damian: eight o'clock, sniper.

Jason: got it, now focus on the game.

Dick: beautiful priorities. Robin, carry on.

Damian: *sigh* fine, what is the next question?

Dick: how does Ra's and Gnomon's friendship explain your relation to Signal?

Damian: ah. well, you are aware that i was originally created to be a potential new vessel for my grandfather?

Jason: *grunt* *snorts* yeah, until you started info-dumping about parrot species and he decided he wasn't gonna touch that brain with a ten foot pole.

Damian: shut up, i thought you weren't allowed to partake in the game? ANYWAY, you all know that i was originally just a vessel, and thus i was modified in the loa labs to enhance my abilities,

Tim: UHM-?

Dick: woah woah woah woah- NO? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE A LAB CHILD?

Damian: ....oh you didn't? that's not even a part of the game, i thought you knew that.

Tim and Dick, simultaneously: WHAT?!!??!

Jason: ??? yeah, guys, he got pit-dipped at one point and everything. i used to sit with him on the operating table after experiments and read him books. Ra's used me for some of those experiments too so it was kinda like sharing a room.

Dick: DOES BRUCE KNOW-

Damian: well i fucking thought he did but if you're all gonna be dramatic about it then i don't want to check...

Dick: DRAMATIC? DAMIAN, WE NEED TO-

Tim: Dick shut the fuck up a minute,

Dick: eh?!?

Tim: no- just, you know, it is a big deal and i'm happy to freak out about our little brother being experimented on later tonight, but for now... kinda trying to lock in on this fucking game.

Jason: *wheeze*

Tim: so you were experimented on, go on.

Damian: .........well... part of that experiment included mixing my DNA with that what grandfather believed might make me immortal, and he had asked Gnomon to kindly donate some DNA samples some decades back. so they were incorporated into my genetic make-up, meaning that some of my parental heritage technically belongs to Duke's father, making us biological half-siblings.

Dick, sarcastically: and you just decided never to mention it?

Tim: that's it, call Duke, i don't care if he's asleep-

Jason: ah-ah-ah-! no phone-a-friends!

Damian: -well Hood knew as he was aware of the experiments i went under, and of course i told Duke; apart from that it simply didn't seem relevant.

Tim: didn't seem relevant.

Dick: and Duke didn't think it was relevant either?!

Damian: ...to be honest, i don't think my brother wanted to start up another bout of batfamily drama. especially not one he was centric too. he found it funnier to keep it under wraps and watch from the side-lines.

*silence*

Tim: ...fuck that does sound like Duke.

Dick, amused: Tim-

Tim: NO. NO, DICK. BECAUSE THIS KEEPS FUCKING HAPPENING-

Jason: -you guys are on a stakeout, should you be saying his name so loud-?

Tim: AND THE CRAZIEST SHIT IS ALWAYS THE SHIT THAT'S TRUE! WE ALWAYS GET IT WRONG AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE.

Dick: ok but listen to him, there is no way that Dames and Duke are-

Tim: OK BUT WE SAID THAT ABOUT THE ALLIGATOR STORY, AND THE ONE IN PARIS, AND THE THING ABOUT THE LAVA-,

Damian: *snorts*

Tim: -AND HE'S FUCKING LAUGHING AT US-

Dick: BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE'S LYING,

Tim: -OR, OR BECAUSE HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH AND HE'S SMUG ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF CHAOS THIS PARTICULAR SECRET IS CAUSING.

Jason: holy fuck is that Black Mask-? uh, ok, wrap this up, me and my Robin for the night got business to attend to.

Damian: very well. final answers, you two. yay or nay?

*silence*

Tim: *screech of despair*

Dick: *cackle* ok, i'm saying nay, there's no way.

Damian: Red Robin?

Tim: .....um.

Tim: FUCK.

Dick, laughing: Tim,

Tim: LAST TIME I THOUGHT ONE OF THESE WAS RIDICULOUS IT WAS THE TRUTH! THE RIDICULOUS ONES ARE ALWAYS YAYS, IT'S RIDICULOUS.

Jason: that word has lost all meaning.

Damian: well?

Tim: fuck. ok i'm saying yay. yay, sure, whatever. it's the truth. give it to me. i'm fine. tell me now.

Jason: *snorts* Robin?

Damian: ...of course it's a nay, why on earth-

*the sound of something smashing against concrete*

Tim: OH- OH OF COURSE- WHY THE FUCK- OBVIOUSLY IT'S A FUCKING LIE, WHO THE FUCK WOULD HAVE BELIEVED THAT OBVIOUS BULLSHIT-

Jason: *wheezing*

Dick: Red, Red calm down- *wheeze*

Tim: HE SAID THAT HE AND FUCKING SIGNAL WERE RELATED, WHY THE FUCK WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN REAL? WHY WOULD ANYBODY- i'm going to fucking kill myself. i can't- i'm going to-

Dick: ok well you may not have to, because you totally gave away our position and i can see like three guns pointed in our- ok fuck DUCK-

*rapid gunshots*

Tim: I HATE THIS FUCKING GAME- FUCK-

Dick: RED SWITCH LINES WE GOTTA FOCUS HERE.

Damian: sucks to suck, Drake. see you two back at the cave.

*two pings*

*silence*

Jason: Black Mask is staring at me from across the street. he sees us, Robin.

*a beat*

Damian: Hood, what are you- are you having a fucking staring contest with him?

Jason: shut up, you're gonna distract me.

Damian: you're wearing a face-covering helmet-

Jason: I SAID SHUT UP I'M WINNING THIS THING.

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conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 14 (masterpost here)

Damian: -i just do not see the point in dressing up. Halloween is already so stressful in Gotham, why add a shitty costume?

Jason: are you kidding Day? costumes are the best part, you get to fuck with people so badly.

Dick: yeahhhhhh~ oh my god, Hood, do you remember that year when you were still Robin and we bowled over B?

Jason: holy shit i do-!

Damian: which occasion are you referring to? oh and Nightwing, hand me that birdarang...?

Dick: yeah here- so, back when Hood was still on his original life-

Jason: -incredible way of putting it, where are you guys by the way? i've wrapped up my case over here.

Dick: docks. anyway the year before he died there was this fancy Wayne Halloween party at the manor, and everybody who attended had to wear a costume, and it was also the first year that i was like, being nice to Jason,

Jason: he was only just starting to warm up to me,

Dick: yeah, so i said it would be funny to go as a joint costume,

Jason: -and i said we should both go as dogs,

Dick: -which sounded fucking stupid,

Jason: -OK BUT HOW FUNNY DID IT TURN OUT-?

Dick: I KNOW, I KNOW OK-

Damian: ok either one of you is telling the story or none of you are telling the story, take your pick.

*silence*

Dick: alright i'll tell it. so i thought the idea was ridiculous at first, because just dressing up as two dogs? stupid. but then he told me the whole plan and i got on board. what we ended up doing was convincing B to join in on the costume as some shitty attempt at family bonding,

Damian: you got father to dress up as a dog...?

Jason: *quiet laughter*

Dick, amused: ooooh no, no no, he didn't even really have to do anything, he was dressed up as our owner. what we had him do was hold the leashes that we were on as his 'pet doggies'.

Damian: ...Nightwing are you sure that Hood wasn't trying to fuck with you rather than father? it sounds like he just convinced you to put on a leash.

Jason: *still laughing*

Dick: nah nah nah kid, you don't understand, what we did was put on those child harness things? that parents get for rowdy toddlers? and we made him hold onto us the whole fucking night.

Jason: *laughter getting steadily louder* *through a wheeze* stop- stop stalling and get to the best part-!

Damian: ...what best part?

Dick: the uh- *snort* the reason that Jason got him to hold onto these harnesses all night was so that he'd let his guard down and forget that he was holding onto leads connecting to all my and Jason's body weight, and what ended up happening is we waited until he was like, slightly tipsy, in the middle of a conversation with about six different women he was flirting with,

Jason: *wheezing* AND- *cough* AND WE WERE JUST STOOD A COUPLE FEET AWAY AND HE ASSUMED WE WERE JUST HANGING OUT-

Dick: *wheeze* but we were fucking lying in wait, and he just- he had no idea, and Jason gave me the signal and we both just- *rattling cackle*

Damian: ...do you need an inhaler or something..?

Jason: we- holy fuck i need to stop swinging before i drop my grapple hold on- *cackle* i gave Dick the signal and we both jumped up and let ourselves- *wheeze*

Dick: *distant sound of a palm slapping against concrete*

Damian: y- you both just dropped to the ground?!

Dick: *through breathless wheezing* and the- and the leashes went taught and he just fucking got BUNGEE CORDED TO THE TILED FLOOR-

Jason: in front of all these women that wanted to fuck him, too, and his glass smashed everywhere and he chipped a tooth and it was fucking GLORIOUS-

Dick, still laughing: it was so funny- the thing was, was that he was definitely strong enough normally to hold both our weights, but we caught him so off guard he just fucking collapsed-,

Dick and Jason: *silent gasps of laughter*

*ping*

Tim: hey, guys, i'm all done over here so i'm heading over to you guys. anything interesting up tonight?

Jason, through high pitched giggles: just- *delirious* just talking about the Halloween party we have to attend next week,

Tim: ooooh~ yeah I'm still trying to figure out what to go as; Alfred said i can't go as Red Robin which is bullshit.

Damian, innocently: would you like to dress up together, Drake?

Tim: *slightly confused* oh-? i thought you didn't like costumes?

Damian: i have come up with one i would not mind trying out. what do you say? we could dress up as a group, me you and Jon.

Dick: *weeping*

Tim: sure, i guess i could- *voice dropping three octaves* why is Nightwing laughing.

Damian, without missing a beat: he saw two pigeons having sex. so, group costume?

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Kon: don’t worry I’m not homophobic, I’m an ally

Kon: that’s why I experience same sex attraction, so I can better understand gay struggle

Hero: because you’re an ally?

Kon: because I’m ally

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SUPERMAN (2025) dir. James Gunn

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outlining my fics for superbat week 😈😈😈