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I was miserable. I thought it was because of the company, the people, the incentive system – all flawed. I was struggling. I wanted changes. I tried, in many ways. One day, I finally told my boss that I wanted to quit. After that, they changed my job title, content, salary. So I stayed. But still, I was unhappy. I went to career councils. I didn’t know what was wrong. I didn’t know what I was doing and why. I felt that I was wasting my life. I felt like a boiling frog. I was frustrated, desperate. I was lost.

I probably still am.

MBA is such a concept that I never really understand. Even until recently, I still believed that it’s purely bullshit, and I didn’t understand why people would spend so much money and time for that. I am surrounded by people graduated from the world’s finest B-schools: Wharton, Chicago, INSEAD, and Harvard. Seeing how unhappy I am and how little faith that I have in this company and this industry, I couldn’t understand a penny why these people come here. But here I am, writing my essay, polishing my CV, trying to apply to Harvard Business School. This would be something that could eventually get me out of this misery, and allow me to make a change. I believed so, until I talked to Paul.

If you have ever read or watched the famous speech that Steve Jobs gave at Stanford in 2005, the one that says “You’ve got to do something that you really love” – Now imagine this: right after his speech, you ask Steve Jobs to write a recommendation because you really want to be hired one day by a company like Apple. Right, my conversation with Paul was like that – it ended up with a big slap straight in my face.

That night, I couldn’t fall asleep.

But then, all of sudden, I seemed to realise something: what was really wrong; why I was so miserable, unhappy; why I was so much trapped by the noise, the buzz, or many other seemingly  important or non-important things. I thought the problem was the company, the people. But it’s not. It was me. It was because all these years, all what I have been doing, was trying to please others, and meet their expectations. Looking at my CV, the career path, the degrees, the certificates…even the idea of applying to Harvard – all what I wanted, in the end, was just to impress someone, to prove to someone, someone that I probably don’t even know or care, someone else but me. I was living in the expectations of others, and that’s the problem.

Ironically, while writing the essay, telling the story about how I transformed from my past failure into a new “free me” ten years ago, I was exactly making the same mistakes again.

Sometimes, you do need big slaps, or you will never wake up.

I still don’t have a clear idea what I really want to do in my life. But I know what I really don’t want – I don’t want to be told what I should or should not do. Life is too short. No more meeting expectations, no more building CV. I will be on my way again, looking for something that I really love. And then, do it on my own, and for myself.

After all these years, for the first time, I feel alive again. And I know, this is just the start.

Sylvie the Cancer

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I always had a desire to bring something positive to the world, to contribute beyond myself. I had it from very early on. I was always looking for how to do it. I think it was a bit buried when I was a teenager. Then I studied engineering out of practicality. After finishing that, I started working in that industry, but it just felt like something was missing. So I changed jobs. Eventually, I realised that I had to do something completely different because I felt so empty. So I left my job.

I decided to go to rural India to work for a fair trade company. It was very basic living condition. But the time there made me realise that this was not the way that I was going to help. I realised that people there didn’t need help. Of course they had their own challenges, difficulties, problems, but my help was not what they needed. They needed something else. But at the time, I was not sure what it was.

Meanwhile, I also started to experience something different. Before I went to India, my day was always packed and at the end of the day, I would feel that I’ve achieved a lot. But in India, it was not possible. People didn’t work as much as I did. They were not interested in achieving so much; they were very easy going about their lives. That made me really impatient. It was sunny. There was not much to do. There was no TV. As a woman alone, you can’t really go out much in the evenings. So I was just sitting around. But then, a thought process started. I realised how uncomfortable I was with myself. That started something. I started to search.

I struggled a lot with things like anxiety, self-criticism, fear of judgment, and also the feeling that I was not strong enough to follow my vision. I started to look into different methods to work with these issues, how to overcome them. I started doing some yoga, meditation. When I came back to Switzerland, I continued these practices, while exploring many more different types of healing meditations. I wanted to know myself better, to get more comfortable with myself. As such, one journey led to another. Not everything I tried was the right thing, but at the time, I felt comfortable with it or felt that it added something to my experience.

Since I also received an admission letter from INSEAD on the day I quit my corporate job, after my trip to India, I went to the business school. Later, I joined McKinsey. I continued doing meditation. However, it just didn’t feel right. At that point, I realised that I could not play the game anymore.

I then joined a program that allowed me to work very intensely during the nine months of the year; and during the rest three months, I would just go and train myself at different courses of therapy.

Initially I was trained as an inner child councillor, which is like a form of therapy. Then I went on getting training in somatic experience, which is a neuroscience-based methodology of dealing with trauma and PTSD. After training, I practiced with clients and I found both methods worked well. It was like a matrix within a matrix. A lot of energy would go into those processes and emotions would come out. It takes a lot of space and energy to manage it. So I was still looking, hoping to find something better.

I stumbled into the mystery school traditions. It turns out that there are seven main mystery schools on this planet. What these mystery schools taught is the ancient wisdom that is similar to Kabbalah, but it goes beyond. They have held the secret key – I call it “the key to success” – because it’s about success in all areas of our lives, and the success of our humanity. They’ve held the keys for humanity for thousands and thousands of years. All different major civilisations have had some form of mysticism that was part of them, not all of them are still alive, though. Those teachings, healing sessions and classes are able to change your consciousness completely, in a very effective way that is not draining of energy. It allows people to be really productive in their lives. I felt I was getting myself back because at one point, it was like it would take so much time and energy that there is nothing left for anything else. But here, I was a lot more focused, and I would see results much faster with my clients.

From a quantum physics perspective, we know that we are all connected. If one person is happy, then everyone else will be happy. For us as a human race to function, we need to evolve collectively. That’s what I feel like to support, to support those who are looking for that change. These tools are really for the leaders, the leaders who need that push to move on, because they all face a lot of resistance, especially people who are doing good work. This system allows us to push beyond the limitations, beyond what we thought was impossible, and to create a new reality.

We have to remember we all have free will. We might not be able to control everything but we have free will. That is part of the empowerment process, which is to remember that we have free will and let go those influences that stop us.

Eventually, I re-directed my work towards energy healing. I realised that in order to help people, all what we need to do is to activate their inner power. But I had to understand that myself before I was able to offer it to others.

For me, the meaning of life is to evolve spiritually, to progress as a being, to learn, to grow into something that is more complete, to remember who I really am. My purpose along the way is to serve others on their progression, to empower others. I found my answers to that in refining my senses, and tuning my senses to metaphysics. Now that I found this, it is just a lot of joy, to bring it out, to share. I have no doubt that this is the best way to contribute myself to the world. I have the sense inside, like part of me, my spirit or my soul, was pushing me to find it. Now I know for sure that I’ve found it, and that becomes my mission, which is to share it with whoever are ready to receive these tools.

Tanmaya George, founder of In.Centre

https://incentrelondon.com/

Instagram: @tanmayageorge

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Chapter I (00:00):

My name is Tony. I am 68. I am getting old, and that’s the problem. I used to work on a fishing boat, in deep sea. That was my job. I worked in -40 degree. It was very cold, and you can’t wear gloves, because the line will slip. You worked with ice on the line. It was very hard work, very hard. I had done that for 25 years, and then, my uncle got cancer, so I moved in to look after him. When he died, the council told me to move out, because my name was not on their book. They couldn’t do anything for me. I was too old to go back to the fishing industry. So I bought myself a book sack, a sleeping bag, a tent, and I walked around the coastline of the Britain, twice.

I studied to be a vet, but I didn’t carry on. When I left college, I came to London. Back in the 70s, when the hippies were around, London was a big party house. Everybody was happy and joyful, so I never went back. I should have. I could have been a very rich man by now. Well, I guess we all make mistakes.

But, I enjoy my life. It’s been hard. There were days where I’d been hungry, days where I’d been soaking wet. But I don’t feel it, not anymore. I am a happy person. Everybody knows me. They call me the Chess Master. I am very good at playing chess, although last week, I got beaten by some 11 year-old boy. They didn’t tell me that he was a head champion in school! When we were on the fishing trollers, we had about six-week spare time. What else could you do? You play chess, to kill time.

Chapter II (2:52):

It took me 3.5 years each time to walk around the Britain, but I enjoyed it. I was very happy. When you wake up in the morning, you see the nature. You’ve got the birds; you’ve got the butterflies; you’ve got the deer. In some places, you’ve got the little doll deer, and they are beautiful. They’ll come right talk to you, and take an apple straight from your hand. How beautiful it is! In different parts, there are different animals. On the east coast, you’ve got the seals. You see them swimming in the sea, and it is lovely to watch. Then, you’ve got the dolphins. When you go towards Scotland, you’ve got the otters. You see them building the den, in the middle of the river. And you feel the peace with the world, another world.

Because this world is crazy. Everybody is trying to kill each other. The World War III is gonna happen. I don’t want it to but it’s going to happen. No, no I am not worried. I am too old to worry about that now. I’ve lived my life. But I worry for the people.

Chapter III (4:19):

I’ve died six times, because of emphysema. When you sleep on the street, you are laying low, so you get all the dust, the fumes, all that goes down in your lung. When you wake up, it’s horrible. It takes about two hours every morning to cough. But there are people who look out for me. Last time I died, they reached out to the ambulance. They’ve got all my medical record, so they know who I am. It’s taken a long time but things are getting into place now. They are going to get me a pension, a bank account. They’ve got my birth certificate, medical record. The other day, the manager of the council told me that next Wednesday, they have two places for me to go and see, so I should have somewhere to live soon. It’s going to be difficult for me to adjust, after being homeless for 28 years.

I don’t resent the world. It is my own fault. I chose to be homeless, so I can’t blame anybody. I’ve never been unhappy, because I am a happy person. I put a smile on everybody’s face in the morning. People pass by and ask me: how come you are so happy? And I said: how come you are so sad! Everybody likes to come over to me. The bus driver stopped all the traffic. He came over and got me a cup of coffee. The dog walkers came to me. I studied vet so I could tell what’s wrong with their dogs. I’ve got good times.

There have been bad times obviously. I’ve gone without food for about a week, which was hard. But I know, I’ll get something. It might take a day or two, but I’ll get something. It will come. What kept me going? Well, stubbornness. I am a Taurus, stubborn as a bull. If I set my mind to do something, I won’t stop until I achieve it.

Interacting with people makes me feel happy. Most of the people that I met are nice. But I’ve met unkind people. I was about to hurt them. I was not proud of it, but I was in the army. You know Buckingham Palace? You see people standing outside with the bearskin? I was one of them, for 7.5 years.

Chapter IV (8:29):

I went to Northern Ireland, and I went to Berlin, before the war came down. We have to kill a few people. I was a sniper. I was very good, so they put me in the frontline. I’ve been shot three times. I like the army. It got me disciplined. But I didn’t like the war, because I didn’t want to kill people. But if somebody points their gun at me, sorry I’m gonna shoot them. But when you shoot them, it’s very emotional. This is what people don’t understand. If you shoot somebody, you think about their family. I just killed a man, and…what about his wife, his kids. You just take their husbands, their fathers away. It is…not nice. People don’t understand it. I’m going to the war, they say, but you don’t know what you are doing.

When you got to kill somebody, you’ve got two seconds to pull out the trigger. Once you did that and that’s it. Game over. What I used to do, if I saw somebody in the building and he pointed a gun, I tried to aim the gun, so that I could blow the gun away, and did not have to hit him. That’s a difficult shot to do, I tell ya, very difficult. But I’ve done many times.

Chapter V (10:44):

Life for me is just live and die. You live, and then you die. You can’t avoid that grave. You are gonna get there. So, be happy with your life. Even you are in a rubbish job, you can always progress. Work in that job for about a year until you’ve got some savings, and then go and look for another job, the one you are happy with. Don’t be content with being bored all day, because that is horrible. Do something you enjoy. A friend of mine, he just gave up on work. He is an artist. He paints, and that’s what he wants to do. He saved about ten thousand pounds, and now he’s got himself a little caravan. He uses that as his studio, where he can do all his arts there. Instead of being stuck in a job he didn’t like, he now sells his paintings. He makes a living by doing something he really enjoys doing, and he is happy. I’ve never seen him so happy. He used to come to me with his face pulling down: I’ve got a really bad day today. Now every time he comes down, he has a big smile on his face: I’ve just done a new painting today. He says to me. I normally sit on the bench there, and I will put his paintings around the chessboard. It’s amazing, just a little game of chess, can make so many people happy. That’s what I’d like to see, people with a smile.

I am a joyful person. I interact with people, so that they make me smile and I’ll make them smile. There are people just sitting on their own the whole day. I couldn’t do that. Go talk to people. Or at least, get a book. I love reading as well. I read a lot of books, a hell of a lot. I am a speed reader. I could read five books in one go. I can tell you everything in any page, without putting anything in the page. People can’t believe when I do that.

I think it’s like playing chess. You are thinking four moves all the time. You are thinking your move, his move, your next move, and his next move. So your brain is really working. Talking to people, playing chess, listening to the radio, and reading books, that’s how I keep my brain active. A lot of people at my age, they let themselves get in the corner; they let themselves go; they give up. I don’t give up. I’ve died too many times to give up.

I am rich in the way I live, because I got to meet people, lots of people, and they are all different, different characters. I am rich emotionally.

Never let life get you. Tomorrow is a new day.

Story of Tony the Taurus

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“I’ve always been very stubborn about wanting to do things my way rather than following the crowds, and I think Loo Tours has given me the license to embrace the eccentric that I am." Read Rachel’s full story: https://weclustr.com/rachel-cole-wilkin/

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The idea of setting up a business has been sitting in the back of my mind for almost ten years, but I've always found excuses not to do anything. In late 2016, after a trip to Kenya, Diana and I finally decided to give it a go. We gave ourselves a deadline till December - going to startup events, exploring different ideas. Somehow, we were just gravitating towards creative activities. As we got too distracted to run any creative event at home, we started looking for places to do it. 

We’ve never taught a creative class before. We had some basic ideas, but to host a group of people and to teach them a craft that you just learned yourself a while ago - that is scary! 

We could have said to ourselves: let’s wait for a few more months; let’s practice more. But we didn’t. We believe that the magic of a creative process is what matters the most, and everyone should experience it! 

For the first session, we invited family and friends. We charged a symbolic price of 5 pounds so that their feedback could be more genuine. We then charged more appropriate prices as we felt what we were doing was worth paying for. We went from one night a week in April to over six nights a week in October, and we are now running more than 10 different creative classes! 

We still get nervous before the classes, which can be good as it keeps us on our toes. But, we must remember that we are partly in control of the atmosphere. If you are nervous, everybody will feel nervous. Contrarily, if you are open, admitting that you are still learning but you will do your best, everybody just becomes part of the experience and journey. 

I’ve always thought I’d pursue a career in something like accounting or finance. That’s what I’ve studied, what I’d been trained to do. But it just didn’t really feel like me. Not for the lack of intellectual challenges, as I did learn a lot. But, if I ask myself: do I really want to be doing this every day – that’s 75% of my week – and then, for the rest of my life? The answer is no. So, there is a gap between what you spend a lot of time doing and who you really are. Sometimes they can be totally aligned and that’s amazing; but sometimes they are not. As stressful as quitting was for me, I realised that, in the end, it all just came from my head. I learned that I can rely on my ability to learn, rather than what I already had or knew. After all, we are learning so much by doing. It’s worth trying out lots of different things and seeing what you really like. I think if we can live authentically and do what we feel is the best for the world, we are in a more natural state of being. So, why fight it? 

Funding is always a challenge, especially when the business is self-funded and is growing very rapidly like ours. Cash flow is king as they say. We are at the stage of needing external funding pretty soon, but we will figure it out. We try not to waste any energy on the things that have not yet happened, because it is just a distraction from what we are doing and achieving. If you believe that this is the thing you are meant to be doing - this will give you the energy to solve whatever problems you have. 

We set up goals and break them into three month cycles. We focus on executing what we agreed over the three months, then we re-assess them and go again for the next three months. Our dream is that one day we can have big creative studios in major cities around the world. Like an ‘art gym’ for your creative muscles, but with more. They will be spaces for creativity and well-being. You can be in the quiet room if you just want to be in the zone; or you can be in the social room if you want to mingle with people; or you can be in the mindfulness room to practice yoga. In the “art gym”, people can have access to all kinds of materials, and can disconnect from this hyperactive world simply by creating and making. 

Start small, but dream big! Break things down into small simple steps, and leverage the bounty of technology tools that can help you. Surely you need to evaluate and to minimise the risks, but if the downside of doing it isn’t that bad, then there’s more of a risk not doing it. Enjoy the ride and the learning process as much as you can. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you gave it a good go!

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My background is in chemistry. For many years, I had been working as a consultant, providing trainings on health and safety to companies and to their workers in Spain. Then I decided to move to Chicago. I didn’t have anything there, but I wanted to start a new life, to learn a new language, and to experience another culture.

I was lucky. Not long after I moved there, I stumbled into a university that happened to be looking for someone to teach a similar training program that I did in Spain for the Latino immigrant workers. I contacted the manager. After a three-months trial period, I was hired. I was happy because I was helping people who were vulnerable, whom nobody cared about. If they had an accident, they had nobody to count on. There is a very sad history behind all these immigrants.

Although I quite liked the American way of working, I felt something was missing. After all, life is not just about working. So, after having worked for six years, I moved back to London.

At first, I wanted to offer the same training programs for the immigrants here in London. But I found a lot of bureaucracy along the way, and the market was completely different. One of the things I learned, particularly when working with people in metropolitan cities, is that they don’t like to sit in a classroom and get a lecture. Imagine you just finished your work, you had a stressful long day, and now you have to go and take a safety class. What a torture!

As we moved to Worcester Park, a town outside of central London, we decided to live in a Spanish way, which is to integrate more into to the local community. One day, we decided to organize a dinner party. In the living room, we prepared appetizers, wine, for people to relax and to socialize before the dinner was ready. But when people arrived, instead of sitting down in the living room, they all came to my small kitchen. With a glass of wine in hand, they were so curious to see what I was cooking, and they started talking and asking questions. All of a sudden, an idea came to me: how about try teaching in a kitchen? Unlike a proper classroom, here, people feel more comfortable. They feel like being with a group of friends. They are willing to share, eager to learn, and they are not afraid of making mistakes! An environment like a kitchen can change people’s mindsets and behaviours completely!

At the time, because of the crisis, many shops in the town were closing down. We came up with the idea of teaching people Spanish while preparing tapas, and we applied to an entrepreneurship program initiated by the local council. We were offered a free space in the town centre to test out our idea. We decorated the shop like a kitchen, piloted for ten weeks, and we received very positive feedbacks. People told us that it was one of the best experiences they’ve had for learning a language, and that we must do it as a business. As such, Cooking Your Spanish was born.

As we began to see more and more people immerse themselves in the learning experiences through food, we started to experiment with other languages such as French and Italian. We also started to organise gastronomy trips to Spain. Later, I created one of my favourite classes – learn science through making molecular gastronomy, after getting inspired by a course on science and cooking organised by Harvard University. I realised that learning languages through cooking was now too limited, so I rebranded the business to Pencil & Fork. I wanted to apply the methodology of learning through food to any topic!

I admire people who do things out of the box. They are not played by the rules. They are not afraid of saying goodbye to the existing systems. So every few years, they change. Chemistry is something that brings endless changes. Every time you mix one molecule with another, you get something new, something completely different. To some extent, chemistry is a reflection of my life. I want to do different things every day, to meet new people, to cook different recipes, and food offers me the best opportunity to be creative, to transform, and to reinvent myself constantly.

One secret to stay positive is to have a solid family foundation. My wife supports me a lot, so do my parents. Not economically, but emotionally. That made big differences. Started working when they were teens, my parents have never had much education. Despite that, they were open-minded. They’ve always encouraged me to pursue my ideas, no matter how crazy they seem to be. I think this is the lesson I’ve learned from them. Now, being a father myself, I would like to pass it on to my child, and I would like to say to my family: muchas gracias!

But I am also a bit worried. Every time I go to the train station to distribute flyers, I see the very last batch of people coming back from work from London. They are with their headphones, looking down at the floor, and they don’t care about anything that happens around. Oftentimes I am with my flyers and nobody looks at me. I am totally invisible! Even though it is a residential area, people are not curious about what is happening within the community where they live. They just want to go straight to their homes, sit down on the couch, and watch TV. Also, most of my customers are above 50. The younger generation, they prefer to stay with their tablets, their phones. They seem to be disinterested in anything around them in a social and physical environment offline.

I think life is more than that. I think all of us should try to create some impact in the world, if you can, or at least in your neighbourhood. If one day Pencil & Fork grows so big, I would like to set up a foundation to provide education through healthy food to people who otherwise couldn’t afford it.

At home, in our kitchen, on top of the fridge door, there is a piece of paper with a handwritten note. We saw it in a movie, and we wrote it down. It reminds us of how to live our life every day:

“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.”

David Sanchez, founder of Pencil & Fork

http://pencilandfork.co.uk

Instagram: @pencilandfork

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Two years ago, over Christmas, I was on a beach in the Philippines. It was a deserted beach, and this lady just decorated her beachfront with things made out of natural materials: silver stars wrapped with aluminum foil, straws made of bamboo, bowls made of coconut shell... People were crafty, resourceful. With no money, they were able to make something out of nothing. At the time, my partner was writing a blog. He asked me, if I’d write something, what would it be? I thought, it would be about crafts, and travel. That’s how we came up with the name Crafty Nomad. 

I worked as an Event Manager in a law firm for about 12 years. The company used to spend at least thirty thousand pounds a year on corporate giveaways, the stuff that people pick up at the conferences, but when they get home, they’d throw it away. 

One of my buyers used to buy Teddys imported from China. It had a ribbon with the company logo around its neck. I thought, instead of that, why don’t we buy these brightly colored animals made of waste plastic flip-flops? We can tag them with the company logo; plus, the clients can select different animals each year and make their own safari. So I convinced my buyer to take 650 units from Ocean Sole, a social and environmental enterprise based in Kenya. It turned out that the animals were such a success that the stand was emptied within the first few hours. 

I started the startup course six months before leaving the company, as I knew I needed to find something else. You work your career 10, 12 years down the road. You are good at what you do, you get promoted, but you reach a point where you start to wonder: is that all? Is project management all what I can do? But I am also interested in finance, sales, business development, and marketing. If you limit yourself to the only thing that you’ve done, then you tend to get comfortable in this one little box. We all have our creative sides. For me, to set up my own business is the opportunity to try everything. That’s it. A small business like mine, I price it, I deal with freight, which is very new to me; I make mistakes. But it’s all part of the process. Every time I buy something, it’s always a different quantity, or a different destination country. So it’s always kind of a new experience. Of course, it comes with the downsides, such as lack of stability that I was used to. But generally, I just feel so much more satisfied, free and happy, because I’m tapping into every different skill set, and I am learning something new all the time. 

Until you jump out of your comfort zone, and until you look fear straight in its face - that’s when things start to fall into place. By stepping out of the stability and the routine, by being spontaneous and open to new possibilities, by embracing the unknown, not having any backup plan - that’s when miracle happens. When I quit my job, I’ve got nothing lined up. One week before I ran out of money, I got a freelancer job working for the New York Times. It allowed me to sustain myself while setting up my own business. That would have never happened if I had planned it three months in advance. You just got to go for it. Jump, and something will catch you. It will probably lift you up even higher than where you were before. Trust that it’s going to work, because it will. That’s what I’ve found. Every time I have doubts about my sales, or start thinking my business is such a silly idea, then I get an email: "hi, I really like your product, can I order some?" 

I know I can always make more money, but I don’t need so much money. I’m actually at the poorest stage that I’ve ever been since university, but I have everything I need. When you work at a corporate job that you hate, you end up going into all sorts of therapies. Because the week has been stressful, you feel like you deserve loads of wine, an expensive massage, or you got to go shopping. It’s never enough. The more money you earn, the more problems you have. But when there’s less money, you think more about how you spend it. If it’s a salary, it comes in, it goes out. It doesn’t really matter. But when the money comes because of a sale you made, a client you got after having worked on it for months, that’s when you really earned it. You’d save every penny and you’d only buy what is really needed. 

If you could have your own business, something that brings you joy, makes you enough money to live the life you want, but something that is also doing good for the world - then you are lucky. But if you are still working in a corporate, thinking that you can’t make any impact - that is not true. If I were still working as an event manager, I would make my company consume more responsibly, and I would feel I’ve done my bit. I think we should all be giving back, whichever way is feasible. Start with yourself, that’s what I would say. 

Lucy Hall, founder of Crafty Nomad

http://www.crafty-nomad.com

Instagram: @craftynomad01

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I’m absolutely hyperactive. I hate routines. When I was working for someone, I had to repeat the same thing again and again, and I just couldn’t do it. So I started a few businesses. Some were successful; some were not. My life has been hectic, between routines and my small ventures. I was looking for something, something that can keep me awake and excited every morning.

After having spent a few years in Italy, France, and Hungary, I moved to London. I started to experience the British weather, which was quite tough for me. So I decided to leave again. I bought a ticket to Tanzania. One day, when I was walking around the local Maasai market, I found a pair of flip-flops made of car tires. The moment I saw it, I knew immediately that it is what I want to do. There are so many used tires in Europe, but no one does anything about them.

I started to contact companies about car tire cutting techniques. Before they came back to me, I also realized that I could already start experimenting with bicycle tires. So I bought the tools, and started to collect bicycle tires myself. I cleaned them in the bathroom of my mom, who got quite upset. A few weeks later, my first belt was born. I am not a professional belt maker, but I don’t stop just because I don’t know. Actually, the more I don’t know, the more I want to know. I invent new ideas, which work well for me. I don’t like to look for tire upcycling ideas. I like to create everything on my own. Slowly, I found my own techniques, and I used them to make other things such as jewelries, handbags, skirts etc. Now I am about to launch my first sandal collection. I have a good connection with tires. I think when you realize that you are talented in something, and in my case, I am talented in tires, then you just can’t stop.

It has been two and a half years now, but financially it is still really challenging. The hardest was the first year. I remember I was calculating how much rice I could eat so that I could pay my rent and survive the week. Whatever you earned, you had to invest it back. You had to buy machineries, go to the events. Sometimes you put a lot of money in, and you think now things will change, only to realize later that it is not the case. So you lose money again, which makes it even harder. But I never thought about giving up, because I believed that one day it would become a beautiful business. My long-term vision is to create a brand, partnering with small local manufactories to upcycle lots of tires, and to sell them locally. In this way, we can make a much bigger impact in this world. We have to be conscious about what materials we are using and what impact we are making on our planet. I believe that sustainable fashion is the future.

Whenever I see something that I’m interested, I always jump in, even when people tell me not to. I am quite stubborn in this aspect. I want to explore, to try. Because if you don’t, you would never know. I definitely don’t want to die one day, thinking that I could have done something but I never tried. If you really feel miserable in your job, then just spend one hour or two every day exploring something new. Try what you believe is the reason you are here for. If you do something that you really like, this is the real success, because this is what makes you happy.

I think life is about adventures, challenges, learning something new every day, and I am 100% sure that all my experiences and my failures have helped me find out who I am, what I really want to do, and how to do it. I had many failures in my life, but I don’t feel sorry about them. Maybe, after all these failures, I won’t fail again.

But I was not like this before. I grew up in a very rigid family. Until I was around 26, I was always super depressed. I liked to argue, and I had really bad relationships with people. When I woke up in the morning, I would start arguing in my mind with the person who upset me two weeks ago. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I was always afraid of people around me. I had too many expectations, and I was constantly questioning myself. I was treating myself very badly. I was upset with myself all the time.

Then I started to read. Every time I read something, I started to question more, and then I found another book, and so forth. It was a very slow process. For years and years, I still couldn’t feel any change in my life. But thanks to reading, I started to feel the light at the end of the tunnel. I just still didn’t know how to reach it.

It was probably after about five years, that I finally felt something different. I noticed that I started to become more balanced, more open-minded, and more connected to people around me. I stopped arguing as I used to. Now, I trust more my sixth sense. I trust the Universe. I love nature, and I love upcycling, which also gives me another kind of connection to life. I feel I’m part of a bigger picture.

I don't like the connotation of the word ‘God’. But I do believe that there is some sort of force or energy, something that is much more interesting than this material, physical world. To find the right balance in-between the two is important. It keeps you alive and gives you the ability to love. Love is so important. Love is everything. But we forgot how to love. Nowadays, we are too caught up with our own problems. We become isolated. After work, you go home, you close the door, you love your puppy, but you don’t care about anything else. Most people just live in a really small bubble. I think this is one of the biggest mistakes. It is hard to explain, but you know how that feels, when you have this warm feeling inside. This is the feeling we should keep every day, every hour, every minute. When you go out, you smile, it opens a door for new connections. Love is everything. Love nature, love the people around you, love what you do. I think we can all learn to love more. 

Laura Zabo, founder of Laura Zabo

https://laurazabo.com

Instagram: @laura_zabo

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I wouldn’t know how to explain it, particularly now. I know my parents care about me; they always care about me very much. But I couldn’t tell where this discontentment came from. From the very early age on, I was taught to be very rigid, to be contained in the boxes so that I’d be accepted and loved. But there was always so much wild energy moving through me. It was very difficult for me to conform. I’ve never felt I fit in, not at all. The word “I” was always externally located, alienated by identities that are constructed upon what people think of “me”. Maybe by doing all the “right” things, by fitting into the boxes, I’d be worthy of love. But it just felt false. I don’t know. It is difficult to know. It’s like going round in circles, how could you advance in circles?

It thus created a spring — as soon as it got the taste of freedom, it bounced off right away, to the farthest end possible. This is perhaps the origin of all those adventures. But now that I’ve been outside of the box for so long, I wonder, what if I drop myself back into the box? Putting myself in a very confined space like a kitchen, working as a chef, can I still find my soul? Can the spirit still find its own space? With all kinds of stimulus here, the senses are numbed. Can you still find the flow and hear the silence, with all the noisiness around? Can you still know yourself when you descend into this madness and chaos? To some extent, it is fulfilling, as it allows you to empathize with people. It is as if something that wants to move this framework of “me-ness” to here for this purpose. Why not let it pick you up, carry you somewhere, put you there and do this? That is way more intelligent. I don’t know what I’m doing; I don’t know why I’m doing it; but it feels meaningful. It is not about you anymore, but something bigger than you.

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Everything starts with the urge to escape. Happiness is elsewhere.

Amongst all things family is the hardest to detach yourself from, both physically and ideologically. My father is a quite authoritarian figure. There was not much space between what you wanted to do and what you were expected to do. I started painting at a very young age, but followed my family's path and became an architect. I then discovered that there was only the artistic side of architecture that appealed to me.

I used to paint landscape, but always got frustrated that I couldn’t create anything on my own. After I turned 19, one day, all of a sudden, hundreds of creations just came to my mind. I brought my paintings to my psychotherapist and we ended up studying Jung... I would wake up in the middle of the night and quickly sketched what was in my dream. It was as if you went to the abysm of craziness, picked up a piece of creation, and quickly run back to the reality. Careful not to remain too long where my subconscious could send me, as suffering and spirituality go hand in hand.

I decided not to limit myself to just painting, and expanded my mediums of expressions to sculpture, photography and jewellery making. In order to search for a new environment, I ended up leaving my family and my home land. Coming to London with my bare hands, I offered to wash cars, to work in Starbuck, in CASS... but no one wanted to take me. They thought that they didn’t need an architect to do this type of work. I finally found a polishing job for a jewellery casting company. There was not much to negotiate in terms of working conditions but I survived. Two years ago, I opened my own studio, where I work on my creations. I have since then built a portfolio of more than 20 clients to whom I offer my bespoken jewellery making services. It was like diving into an ocean of opportunities and skills, from casting to modern techniques. I absolutely fell in love with it, realising how my work could touch people in such a simplistic way.

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I was a good girl, but deep inside, I was quite a rebel. In front of my parents, I always behaved well. I went to the school they wanted me to go; did the courses they wanted me to do; worked hard to get the grades they expected me to get. But what I really wanted was just to draw. My strategy was that I’d meet all my parents’ requirements, so that I could do whatever I wanted the rest of my day. I’ve always loved drawing. I would start it myself, draw all day long, and could never stop. For me, drawing is a way to unleash my feelings.

In my last year of high school, I finally asked my parents to let me decide once, at least once, for my own life. They were shocked. At the time, I was in the middle of intensive preparations for the college entrance exams both in China and in the US. I did my SAT and had already received offers from a number of American universities, but I was ready to give them all up. I wanted to go to an art school instead.

This became the turning point in my life. I’ve never fought so badly against my parents, and ended up winning my battle. I went on to study illustration, even though I was not 100 percent sure about my decision. I had no idea about my future. I just felt that I should do it, or I would be sorry for myself.

I am now finishing my master’s degree in graphic design at UAL.Yet, I am getting perplexed. Sometimes, I can’t help but think what if I had done business or accounting instead, what would I be doing right now? Future is something you don’t dare think much about, partly because you witnessed the path of the talented peers – those who used to be ahead of you, the ones you used to look up to, coming here, full of curiosity, hopes and dreams, just like you. But then, they went back to China, struggled, fought, and finally, surrendered to the reality. They were doing small jobs here there just to sustain their lives, and the dreams were dead. Even for those who managed to stay in the art industry, every creation was made out of a desperate need for survival. I do not mean that I regret. There is no regret, and I will not stop moving forward. But I do get scared. Most of the time you are surrounded by nothing but loneliness. Even though you did achieve some level of recognition, so what?

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The idea behind Food At Heart had been bubbling up for a while. I’d always enjoyed my previous work. This included a few different industries:  music, market research, the public sector and then e-commerce. Things were going quite well, but it just wasn’t giving me the fulfilment I was looking for.

Then, I started to have really bad problems with my digestion. It was really difficult because I really love food! I’ve always cooked from scratch and eaten really well, but for a long time my stomach was upset by anything I ate, even very simple food. I knew it was my body telling me I was not going in the right direction and that I really had to pause. It was a blessing in disguise because it was all these problems that helped lay the foundation of my business. I realized that I had to rebuild my relationship with food, slowing down the way I was tasting, and rediscovering pleasures from simple ingredients. What amazed me was that, by slowing down, I was suddenly discovering all these extra layers of flavour that I’d never tasted before! 

One of my other real pleasures is seeing people getting connected to food and through food. And I love seeing people surprised by food and flavours. That’s why I enjoy chocolate so much because it is one of the most amazing ingredients to bring flavour to life. The fun is also seeing how it matches with other flavours. I love giving people the opportunity to taste chocolate in a way they might not expect. It is really rewarding when people have their own mini revelations with simple things like this!

For me, it is not about being perfect, or prescribing what people should or shouldn’t eat. It’s about enjoying the process of exploring. It’s also about enjoying eating real food being mindful in the way you are eating and choosing things that make you feel genuinely good. That’s why I call my programme “the joy of eating” because this is really at the heart of everything I do. Explore taste and be open about it. Everybody’s palette is different. What you enjoy is not necessarily what I enjoy. So, let’s just celebrate that!

One of the things I’ve learned with running my own business is the importance of patience. Things often take a little longer than you expect – and you can sometimes find yourself questioning what you’re doing. One of the big challenges in doing something creative is the risk of thinking that because you are doing something you are passionate about and enjoy that you shouldn’t be charging too much. You can end up doing lots of things for free when you’re starting out and it’s a bit uncomfortable while you’re working out what and when to charge.

Working for yourself also strips away lots of the layers you’ve built up when working in a corporate environment. Because you are with yourself  a lot, you have to face your weaknesses, your fears and your self-doubts outright. It’s really exposing and revealing! But it is also wonderful. I am probably more me than I ever was before. I can take the business in the direction that I want to; I can use it to explore things in the way that I couldn’t in the past. I have found a lot more meaning in what I am doing right now. I feel not only the freedom but also that I’m actually making a difference for people. Holding on to that, I think that’s really what keeps me going.

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I first picked up a brush at an arts school in Moscow when I was 10 and in a few months I won some competition. 17 years passed until the day I felt I must paint again. In the meantime I started working in the arts and moved from Russia to the UK to do my Masters. London filled my lungs with the air of opportunity, I felt elevated with the variety of cultures, its mind-blowing arts scene and possibilities. For over three years I organised cultural exchange projects, worked with leading writers, artists and amazing professionals. I was doing something I truly loved until one day the reality hit me.

My post-study work visa was about to expire and I had to switch to commercial industries for proper visa sponsorship. What followed was a tough period of adaptation to the world where I was no longer working for myself, where money came first, where art was considered a time-consuming luxury. After a year I was suffocated enough to think if I made the right life decision.

One day I felt a strong need for a creative escape. I bought brushes, paints, a canvas and just kept painting straight into the middle of the night. That evening my partner was quietly passing by me, sipping his tea with a highly concerned and intrigued look. I finished my first portrait late at night, it was imperfect, bright, but energetic and alive. After the first insecure brush stroke I was swept off my feet and could't stop until someone I had in mind looked back at me from the canvas. It was the purest joy. Since then painting became part of my life.

Painting is the medium that resonates with me a lot. It is a dialogue, someone is trying to tell you something. When you listen to it, if can affect you in so many different ways. I'm just fascinated by the conversation. It does not have to be loud speeches all the time, though. I am drawn to mid tones. A smile, a motion, sunshine on eyelashes, an iridescent nose of a dog, interlocked hands, my mum cutting apples... it is these seemingly small but profound moments in our day to day life that currently move and inspire me to paint the most.

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When I was young, I was not terribly joyful. I was always perplexed by my existence, and I had a strong spiritual longing ever since I could remember. I was very sensitive. Quite early on, I could feel energy in my body. I didn’t know what it was, but it was very alive. Later, I realized that it was sexual energy, which, I also realized, was not OK to talk about. Mine was a fairly conventional family and an Orthodox upbringing. I was trying to look for role models among religious figures: Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, various Saints… but I could not find any woman with whom I could identify. So I thought I must be the Christ – maybe that’s why I was suffering so much. Around me there was so much drama, deception, manipulation… I just couldn’t get it. Questions were not permitted. As I was growing up, I became quite introverted. Music was my way to express my innermost feelings and to escape from a discordant world. I was pretty good at school, so I had lots of time for myself. I spent most of the day reading, drawing, and doing my music. I looked for answers in books, exploring mythology, psychology, religious studies, biology, anthropology, history, archaeology, philosophy… I was very drawn to German Romanticism. I thought there must be answers somewhere, some system that makes sense of life, as we know it.

By the time I got to university, I was interested in many subjects. But I realized I had to choose, because everything required passion and focus, if one were to become really good at it. Of all the things I was interested in and had a talent for, music was the one that I could not live without. So I was compelled to go into music. Luckily my parents were not against it. My father didn’t really understand music. He was never musical, but he supported me. My mother was musical and also ambitious. She thought I’d be a great pianist, a soloist, recognizing I had real talent. But she was conflicted inside; part of her wanted me to be an independent, self-sufficient woman, have a good education and not depend on a man; on the other hand, she wanted me to do the conventional thing, get married and have children.

When I got my music diploma in Greece, I was already at a pretty high level, but I knew there was more for me to learn. Then, I met this lady. She was a former professor at the Royal Academy of Music in London, visiting Athens for a masterclass series on how to apply the Alexander Technique specifically to piano performance. I was curious and eagerly signed up for her classes. She was working with advanced students, the competitive, self-critical, technique-obsessed, driven kind. Her approach was very different, though. She was very calm and soft-spoken, and I was struck by the way she moved—ever so gently and fluidly, like a dancer. She would talk about things like breathing and energy, make the subtlest adjustments and then, what the student could not get right after months and months of practice, was mysteriously perfected in just a few minutes. It was jaw-dropping. To me, this was pure magic! I thought to myself: “I want this; I want to know what this is all about”. So I left Athens and came to London to study with her. It was not an easy relationship. She was quite harsh. She got me right back to the basics of making a sound. It was very tough, but somehow I persisted. Not long after our first meeting, I discovered that she was a spiritual teacher—my esoteric studies had officially started.

I hadn’t planned to stay in London very long, but music and mysticism were very compelling. I also loved the international culture and arts scene. There was always so much going on, concerts, exhibitions… I didn’t have much money: every penny went there. Really, there was no reason to go back. Being away from my family, my country, I was finally able to discover my Self, my own identity and my soul. I was constantly deconditioning and reprogramming myself. It just went on.

As I became more ambitious in music, however, something felt off inside. But nothing really changed, until I was hit by another wave of existential shock when my younger brother passed away. He was only 39. I couldn’t help but question everything about me and my life again. I realized that the spiritual quest that I had embarked on from an early age had somehow been forgotten. Even though music was always one way of connecting with myself, my soul, God and all of humanity, I had become too caught up in career demands: publications, conferences, performances, competitions… music had become fraught with pressure and endless striving, damping down the joy of inspired creativity. There was this intense self-criticism all the time. I was pushing myself so hard taking on multiple jobs and creative projects, all very demanding, striving for career success, and my system started to break down. I realized something had to change. Becoming an international examiner was the opportunity I needed. I gave up most other things and travelled the world. I loved Singapore, Hong Kong, New Zealand and spent long stretches of time there. I wanted to be on my own, as much as possible, and to feel myself, feel life again.

I wanted to try new things and embraced danger, hoping I would come to some critical moment when all ideas about myself would be suspended and I might see the truth of my being, the real meaning of my existence. I wondered what would happen, if I honestly thought I would die. Would my whole life flash in front of my eyes? Would I discover some big truth about myself, about life? Would I see God? The afterlife? In New Zealand, I went bodyboarding on white water. It wasn’t long before I went under. There was the intense noise of the water, and I was pulled down, sinking deeper and deeper. I held my breath and kept going down. Time just expanded. I waited for something to happen, but nothing happened. I was running out of breath. Still nothing. Inside me, there was silence. Peace. Someone pulled me out. I went under again. Still nothing. In the end, I decided I had to go back to the spiritual searching—the journey continues.

That’s it really: following impulses, responding to life’s—sometimes extremely painful—nudges has changed everything for me. Along the journey, I’ve met so many soul sisters and brothers, people there to support the soul’s journey, to discover and to realize the Self. It’s like a big family. That’s what I’ve been discovering throughout my life. We have this illusion of being isolated and imagine we have to be ego-driven and competitive, but we are, in fact, all connected, loving in essence and destined to thrive through synergy and cooperation. The whole point of this life is to allow our spirit to advance, to express and to share. We do this through our work, relationships, families, through our creativity and little things—the way a meal was prepared, or the way we dressed one day… Those special gifts each one of us is blessed with are felt inside, but they become actualised when they are shared with others.

Your self-expression is your gift to the world. Your self-actualization comes as a happy coincidence. Through the process of giving, you are also realizing your Self. Today, many people spend most of their time working hard at a job they don’t enjoy much—or at all—as a means of making money, so that they can do things they enjoy when they’re on holiday. What if our economy was such that we can spend our time doing something we love, and this something is enough to sustain us? What if what you’re really good at, your talents, are actually worth something to others?

I see that young people today are very aware and creative, and I’m filled with hope. I believe that if we really want to make something happen, if we really make use of our creative gifts, it’s going to work out. Or we wouldn’t have been given those gifts in the first place! I think we are evolving, and the next step is a more conscious expression of humanity as a collective entity. It’s happening more and more. This is what my work is about: connecting you back with your Self, your soul, and with others on that same level. I help you to make co-creative partnerships based on acceptance and recognition of your individual uniqueness and purpose. You’re given permission to dream again and receive support to pursue these dreams. It is your dreams that will inspire you, light you up, give you meaning and move you forward in life with a smile on your face. Trust that it is OK to do that. It’s OK to enjoy yourself. It’s OK to express yourself. You don’t have to do what anybody else requires or expects of you. Be yourself, open your heart, find the aspiration, the creative impulse within and follow that. Inside you, you will discover immense love and joy, and remember your essential benevolence. We all share the same essence and a desire to do good and be happy. So, make that connection in your heart, connect with others, with soul mates, and see what happens. Maybe you’ll embark on a project together, maybe you’ll find a romantic partner, maybe you’ll connect deeply with someone and never see that person again, but isn’t a single, magical moment of soul connection something to treasure in this great city we live in?

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I grew up in a small village in the mountains and always felt it was too small for me. However, I remain extremely attached to my roots and can never really define my identity without them. I have always searched for more, more knowledge, more answers, more myself, more solutions to my existential interrogatives and more human connection. That’s probably why I choose to study Philosophy and achieved my bachelor degree in it, and then my master degree in Philosophy, Sustainability and Environmental Studies. I used to love spending time in the garden with my grandparents, watching chickens and the nature around, and getting inspired by them and my uncle building tools and craft with their hands.

People around me couldn’t understand. They’d ask: what is your future plan? Are you going to just lie down under a tree, thinking to the useless problems of the universe and smoking pot? Initially, I wanted to become a teacher. I loved education, art and philosophy, but I was too rebelling against the status quo and the current school system. I believe there is too much too change in the public school system to make it a place where teachers can realize themselves.

When I chose my academic subjects, I was very aware of the dim job prospect. With years of high unemployment rate in Italy, unless you become a doctor, an engineer, a programmer…or you’d be financially screwed. So, people compromise. My brother, for example, studied economics just because it seemed practical, notwithstanding what he truly loved was history… But I decided to go for it anyway. I just love these “useless” humanities subjects. I also love nature and have always been worried and active about the future environmental challenges that we will have to face. After graduation, I spent months looking for something, but there was nothing out there for me defined as a job I could identify with. It was as if the labor market did not know what to do with me and all those minds that choose to express or understand the human being and his creativity, rather than conforming to the market and finance rules. We are so unprofitable! I realized that a precise job for me just didn’t exist, and that I couldn’t fit in the categories that society prepares for our future. My skills, my knowledge, my mind and my creativity had no place to be valued. Therefore there was no existing path for me, I had to carve it out on my own. I now understand that I can’t even fit in one-only-type-of job, because I have too many interests and skills to develop in different roles and sectors, and a boring full-time 9-to-5 job would probably dry out all my vitality.

At the moment I am doing several projects in parallel. My bulk income comes from providing training programs for organisations, delivering environmental education workshops in primary schools and waste minimisation programme at local events. To this busy and varied schedule I add my freelancing works. I started my workshops only a few months ago, although I’ve been doing it by and for myself for years. I just enjoy recycling waste in creative ways. The workshop allows me to combine my creativity with my passion for nature, education, as well as my belief that living in harmony with nature should be an essential condition for every living being.

The problem for me is that…I am ambitious: I expect the best out of me; I want to realize my potential as much as possible. But I am also very sensitive: I cannot spend time doing things that I do not feel in tune with.

I think we all have a seed inside of us when we are a child. If you manage to discover the one that is for you, you water it, take care of it, it will flourish; and the flower would be so unique that it wouldn’t look the same as everyone else’s. If you stay true to it, no matter how it turns out, no matter what mistakes you made along the way, at the end of the day, you could say, it was my life and I lived it. Now that I am building up my own path, I take whatever I can find along the way, simply considering whether it is something that allows me to develop further. Money is always secondary. This can be problematic especially when living in a city like London, but I’m happy to live with very little.

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10 years ago, we opened the door of our music studio to our first client. My wife and I used to live upstairs and there was no facility for toilet or kitchen down here. People had to come up to use the facilities. At the time, we just had our first boy. Our client was a Jamaican Rastafarian Band. There were lots of them and they were big guys. One of them came in and said to my wife: I need a knife, the sharpest one that you’ve got. She was terrified. And then he continued: I want to cut…my grandmother’s ginger cake! 

I used to teach music at high school and loved every minute of it. 10 years ago, on New Year’s Eve, my wife and I were driving down the road in the middle of the country. It was dark, rainy, stormy, and we didn’t realize that the river burst its banks. As we turned the corner, the next thing we knew was that our car was floating. The car got taken down in the river, slowly span, and we could feel that it started going down. Fortunately the electrics still worked, so I opened my window and was able to climb out on to the roof of the car. Lily Allen was still playing on the CD player in the car; the air vents were still blowing warm air… It all happened very quickly and everything seemed almost normal. After my wife managed to also climb up on top of the car, I dived into the river. All I remember was that I was trying to swim with one arm, holding my phone above my head. But what my wife saw was me struggle in the middle of the river and then disappear. She thought I was gone. The car eventually hit a tree leaning into the river and I was able to hold on to the tree and reached out to my wife. As she climbed up on the tree, we watched the car washed down and gradually sink into the murky water… 

That night made us re-evaluate everything in life. I remembered when I was 14, in an art class, I didn’t want to draw what the teacher told us to; instead, I drew a picture of a music studio that I’d run. It was a dream that had always been in the back of my head. So after that night, we did that. We have also tried lots of other things in parallel; most of them didn’t work. We’ve tried to start a music venue, that failed; we’ve tried to make a retreat for musicians, that failed; we’ve tried doing live shows, that failed; we’ve tried doing podcast, that failed; we’ve tried to start a record label, that worked for a little while but failed again. But we are happy that we have tried. We are grateful for the night that we survived, but we are even more grateful for the amount of people who have helped us along the way. I don’t know how many things I would have missed in life if this hadn’t happened to me, as I’d always think “one day I’ll do it”.

[weclustr-blog]

I was working in banking at the time. It was very stressful. I remember when I was studying in the university, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. But I was under pressure. There were lots of career fairs, services, deadlines, but hardly anything on unconventional paths. Everyone was heading towards banking or consultancy. Because it was so competitive, you felt like you should also be part of it. Later on, I spent nearly two years exploring different career options, jobs in non-financial sectors, online retail, entrepreneurship…but everything I pursued just faded away. The only thing left was creative projects. I started painting as a way of meditation. I bought the cheapest materials that I could find online, and then just followed the instructions from a book. I’ve never painted before and I had no plan, but the journey just went on and on - from a random sketch in my free time, to a two-months weekend course, then full year of a foundation program, and finally a full year postgraduate course at the Royal Drawing School. The transition did not seem hard as you stepped into a structured setting, and you were always encouraged. I had never been so excited! 

But now I finished all my art studies, the situation has become quite different. There is no longer a clear path in front of you. You are constantly fighting against your self-doubts. It feels strange when every morning you are heading towards a different direction from everyone else in Canary Wharf. Family members are also worried. They would ask: what if you don’t have money when you grow old… This is something you are already thinking about, and they are just pinching that painful spot. Oftentimes I have to tell myself, that you are not on your own, that many people have done this before and they faced similar struggles, and that you are part of a bigger thing. Doubts are and will be always there. Uncertainties and insecurities will be part of the journey and you just have to get used to them. Lots of these voices are not helping; they are just preventing you. If you start listening to them and trying to analyze them, it won’t get you anywhere. The only thing that is helpful for me is to just start doing the actual activity itself. When I start painting, all these doubts just go away. I guess I just have to trust my intuition. If it is something that makes you feel both excited about and scared of, this is probably the thing that is worth pursuing.