whatever-remains-is-the-truth

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

on loneliness

// ribs by lorde// mango-season on tumblr// little women (2019)// fiona apple// normal people sally rooney// john steinbeck// hexprax on twitter// pinterest// ocean vuong

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

Marina Tsvetaeva

I.B. Vyache, Conversations Over Sanguinaccio Dolce

Fiona Apple, The Guardian Interview,

Susan Abulhawa, Against the Loveless World: A Novel

Episode 7, I Am In Eskew

One Last Stop, Casey Mcquinston

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

At least I didn't lie and say something like "water under the bridge" or "I'm over it"

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

This is just like, categorically wrong btw. A former coworker sent me a link to a thing he thought I'd like (I did like it). My friends at least made the effort to hang out before being gone a while. I still have a partner who loves me. It's just like. My brain repeating the same thing over and over

Hormones suck you could have two perfectly normal back to back days of hanging out with your friends and be convinced that you're just totally unlovable for some reason

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

Hormones suck you could have two perfectly normal back to back days of hanging out with your friends and be convinced that you're just totally unlovable for some reason

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

I just need to fix whatever is wrong with me and then I'll meet new people who will love me in the way I want to be loved or better yet the friends already in my life will actually like me and then suddenly be the kind of people that do the hyper specific things I perceive as real love

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

I know not everyone is very socially adjusted, and I definitely am not, but I feel like you shouldn't call out that you hang out with other people in the friend group specifically without me and that's why you have a group chat I'm not in. It feels like you shouldn't anyway

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

"${location} trip making it out of the group chat" dawg I am pulling teeth trying to get 5ish couples to get lunch for a birthday

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

Maybe it's the way we were raised maybe it's something inside us but we want to be wanted, even as a tool. Maybe especially as a tool. We want to be helpful, we want to be used. A knight to many kings. A driver for many sockets I don't fucking know. It makes those moments of affection so jarring even if it's something other people call basic kindness to a good friend*. Appreciation for our efforts perhaps but you don't get anything for just being. An undriven car doesn't need fuel. An uninspiring book doesn't deserve lovingly flagged sections. Friendship isn't transactional but all I know how to do is give

And then this motherfucker doesn't even care if he's wanted

*I mean, I wouldn't know. This is where id put the love I've received if I had it**

**this is untrue, but its so sparse it feels foreign

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

I can't get any support because your stuff is the same in all of the dimensions but when can I ever get support

I don't expect like, a medal or anything but you could at least remember I was there trying to talk you through it at like 3AM

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

I don't expect like, a medal or anything but you could at least remember I was there trying to talk you through it at like 3AM

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

personally i’m a fan of when a story is like. the love was there. unfortunately. this all could have actually gone a lot easier for everyone if the love hadn’t been there but here we are

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

Ajdkdkfks "hey what if I got this person X" "wow this person got me Y" I have been bringing you a bunch of random things like I'm trying to curry favor from a crow the least you could do is think of me every now and then

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

Having a tight social circle is cool until you need advice and nobody has the life experience to help you figure out your first world problems

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

I legitimately had daydreams about this happening and me bursting into tears why am I so normal about this. Like I wanna dig in but also this is good I should not pick at that scab

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

It's crazy how normal I feel. Me from even a year or so ago would never. I literally thought about how I'd react to this and was worried for what I was going to feel but nah

[whatever-remains-is-the-truth]

wait did this fix me???