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I fell in love with writing, quotes, poetry, stories and art at a very young age. I guess it was interesting to me that someone in me was able to unknowingly express my thoughts on a piece of paper when I'm at a loss for words; well it was love that made me write all of it. It had me wasting hours on the simple thought that included someone to fall in love with, roaming around, holding hands, give flowers, going on dates to quiet restaurant or cafes, waking up to them, cuddling in winters, cooking together and specially reading books together and somehow on the way, it also made me beleive that our minds must have soulmates too but it's been years, am I a fool to believe in a single thought for years and years?
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The beauty of staying in love.
I'll love it when I will be always curious about you, not assuming that I know everything about you whether I have known you for 8 months, 10 years, or 20 years. Each morning when I wake up next to you, I want to remind myself that I have fallen for this person over and over again, every damn day. I always want to be drawn closer to you and then tell myself that every next hug from you will be like the first or the last hug for me. I want us to make inside jokes, we'll talk about for years. Being honest about our feelings, knowing there are always two sides to every story, and more often we should listen to eachother so love thrives when it's cared for. Never stop flirting with eachother just even though, we've been together for years. Telling eachother what we love about one another, holding hands often, showing up for eachother. Remembering neither of us has to endure the hard things alone. Let's keep building our friendship and relationship, without treating it as a consolation. Also, Remembering that staying in love involves giving it every possible opportunity to grow.
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Yes, tell me about your favorite film or series and I'll fill our movie nights with them. Yes, also tell me what's your favorite songs, and I'll make a playlist out of them for us. Yes, tell me what random things happened today, I'd love to hear you yap about your day. Yes, you can send me photo without context, maybe I'll turn them into a birthday album for you. Yes, you can send me these random weird, cute, reels and yes, you've told me this story twice but I will listen again.
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Yearning;
Yearning, an intense feeling, like standing in the shadow of her memory that hasn’t yet been made. It’s also the weight of her absence in my life which is pressing against my chest eager to feel her presence. A phantom ache where her laughter echos in my mind, her tears flows through my heart and her love is felt deep in my soul. It's very glance at the empty chair beside me, every word spoken into silence, every dream where her face is vivid and real, only to dissolve at dawn. It is the bittersweet torment of wanting what your soul already recognizes as its missing piece, and the quiet, unshakable hope that the universe might one day bring them near and closer to me to cherish that love and give an end to this yearning.
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"My lips and fingers were pens on her flesh. I kissed and memorized her in every alphabet and all I ever ended up with was, I love you so damn much".
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What if I am just an entity? What if I am just an old soul wandering on earth to read about everyone's life and love? What if I am that entity who unexpected feel in love with you so damn much, even the eternity is convinced, I'll have you as mine, someday. But, being an entity gave me this one disadvantage, and that is, I can't touch or feel you on me, all I can do is sense my love for you in my heart and soul.
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If we date, I wish to take care of you, keep that smile and blush glowing over your face everytime. Take you out for dinners and walk around the city or town, cook delicious food for you, might make you do the dishes (I hate it to a certain level, but yea, if you are there, I am there with you), love you and make love to you in the nicest way ever, so that you wake up cuddling with me, every morning.
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Ahh, let's stop the small talk. How about you seduce me into listening to the playlist you made for us? How about you invite me over to your place and tell me everything about your book collection, letting me drown in your vast knowledge of the fictional world? And how about you take me to that wonderful, quiet place where you’ve always wanted to feel loved and adored?
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How miserable. You're innocent and wild? You're touch starved and touch repulsed? You're a beautiful piece of art and yet never been mesmerized by an artist? You are a free soul and yet trapped in your own cage of thoughts?
What are you, sweetheart? Written by Dostoevsky?
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Sometimes I think that, love always starts from a one sided perspective, hear me out, you might love someone someday but they can't love you back but actually it's they don't want to, they never saw you that way because they never wanted to but only you saw them that way.
When there's another guy/girl like some other than you, someone who is somehow more acceptable or maybe they have tried to think about them that way, they will accept that proposal and try to make it work, while they never even thought of you that way. To be precise they tried to love that some else, which they didn't in your case. I dont think, it's about 'if they haven't or not', it's about 'if they want to or not' coz they don't even want to try it with you even though you end up begging for them or somehow being with them maybe it will crumble. If you attach two things that are not meant to be together, there will be friction or any sort of disturbance maybe it's the same with us after all we all are atoms from the universe.
So, I think there is one person in the world who is destined to try their love for you, you just have to wait and don't lose hope. But, yes, if someone cis trying for you and you 'tried' for them, maybe it's them you are destined to be with.
I think this is the cycle of love.
Here, I remember the saying from ' the perks of being a wallflower', where the Mr. Anderson says, " We accept the love we think we deserve".
I can be wrong here but it's just my thoughts. A bond cannot be held from just one side.
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" You are my Mark 10:9 ".
9 " Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
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"I forgave the world for the way it treated me"
"Why?"
"Coz you are in it".
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when franz kafka wrote “i cannot make you understand. i cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me” and when sylvia plath wrote “can you understand? someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little?”
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I have been thinking a lot about "Anticipatory grief " lately.
" I love you so much that, I know one day losing you will be devastating for me. I haven't lost you yet but I already miss you, we still have time, but it won't be enough for me. I think about how much, I will miss the sweet and sarcastic talks with you. How much I will miss the days when we sit near the river and talk to each other about our hectic work life and and the days. How much, I will miss our petty quarrels and late night shenanigans. I think, I will miss listening to new soothing music with you, you always have had an excellently unique taste in music, my love. I think about what I would say at your funeral, and want say some of it to you now because I need you to know how much I loved you, before we drift away in the midst of lost souls across the universe or heaven. You will go where I cannot follow you, but I know you will never really leave me, you will be here to take me with you, one day when everything turns quiet, your voice will be only voice calling me. I won't be able to hate the world for the bad times we been through as you too are a part of the world. Also, I think the end won't hurt much as it is a part of healing somehow and I am sure you will be there to hold my hand or maybe I will be the one for you ".
Wrote the old man looking at his lover sleeping on the hospital bed peacefully by his side.
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"I hope you find someone who is brave enough to enter your storm, and respects you enough to love the size of your waves. I hope you find someone who will relish the calm you can have, and who is eager to set sail on the expanse of your mind. I hope you find someone that can't escape the love they have for you. because now they have you in their very blood. always reminding them that you are the only sea worth exploring."
- T.B. LaBerge
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What about the broken souls wandering with love in them?
You know the thing about the love that has been cherished, beautifully sculptured for years and years in a way that it stays in your heart forever while no one has ever corrupted it for you, is that, you have to let it go one day, from both the sides. Then, comes the eternal life, we all don't know about orr how it's felt, maybe the "wandering souls full of love" live their life's beautifully among the stars in the "undiscovered universes". The spiritual life is very vast and unknown and, love is a part of it. Yet, that spiritual love doesn't leave memories for the living, but scriptures are the most felt and purest form of memory. That's why mesmerized lovers tends to write more and more for their loved ones so that one day, someone will experience the love they had for their significant other, through the words that will never die.
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