whiteinked

[whiteinked]

my productivity peaks at 1am

right when nothing matters anymore.

got out of bed before noon today…

someone call the press. or a stretcher.

[whiteinked]

consciousness is a trial version

expires every 20 minutes.

got out of bed before noon today…

someone call the press. or a stretcher.

[whiteinked]

i don’t start my day.

it just kind of happens around me.

got out of bed before noon today…

someone call the press. or a stretcher.

[whiteinked]

got out of bed before noon today…

someone call the press. or a stretcher.

[whiteinked]

saw a broken streetlight and thought, “same” we’re both just trying to function in the dark.

everything is a sign if you're insane enough!

[whiteinked]

Me: “I’m fine.”

Also me: Googling “how to get adopted by the universe” while sobbing into a bowl of cereal at 2am.

I’m fine

[whiteinked]

No one talks about how exhausting it is to be a full-time human being.

Work. Study. Mental health. Social life.

And somewhere in between,

You’re supposed to find yourself?

Bro I barely find time to do laundry.

[whiteinked]

THIS!!!

No one talks about how hard it is when your mood is constantly switching between "Its okay, i don't care. i'm fine" and "I don't know how much more i can take."

[whiteinked]

oh that part of my life you can't find on Instagram?

yeah, I was busy disappearing.

not in the cool "went off-grid" kind of way —

in the "every day felt like static and I forgot how to exist" kind of way.

the silence wasn’t peace. it was survival.

[whiteinked]

Most days I try hard to act human, to breathe like a human and speak with the same flat language, but often

my kindness is clumsy -l stop a stranger to tie his shoe and

end up kissing his knees.

[whiteinked]

because my mind is like a group chat that never sleeps.

everyone’s yelling.

someone’s crying.

and anxiety keeps sending voice notes at 3am

“Why do you never relax?”

[whiteinked]

“Why do you never relax?”

[whiteinked]

“you’ve changed.”

yeah. i got tired of being on fire just to keep the room warm.

[whiteinked]

nobody talks about the weird grief of your twenties.

grieving the version of yourself you thought you'd be by now.

grieving the friendships that quietly dissolved.

grieving the energy you used to have before everything got so loud.

and you’re still here.

you still show up.

but a part of you is always quietly mourning something.

[whiteinked]

“ because unconsciousness is cheaper than therapy and slightly less judgmental. ”

“Why do you nap so much?”

[whiteinked]

i ask my mother to tell me who to blame

she is confused, and asks -

"What do you mean?"

i explain -

"I need to know who started this vicious cycle we are all stuck in. Which one of our ancestors ruined it for the rest? Whose parent hurt whose child, who continued the hurt?"

[whiteinked]

"As you get older, you really start to understand more about why people drink the night away, smoke their lungs black, or throw themselves off buildings."